June 18th 2018

5:01pm

Time had seemed to stand still for a moment. As if the world refused to keep turning, waiting for some kind of signal.

I'd no longer felt my knees holding me up straight. I could no longer see the palm trees swaying slightly in the background. I'd no longer heard the ocean waves crashing behind me. And I could no longer feel my heart beating inside of me. My breathe was no longer steady.

It's an odd thing, seeing someone you never expected to see for the rest of your life. It's like a sudden shock at first, then once you've had a second to collect your thoughts, you realize that deep down you're truly scared to see them again. And then once that occurs it takes all but 2 seconds to realize that even though you're scared to see them, you couldn't be more happier.

She looked frightened as she stood in front of me, sunglasses pulled back onto the top of her head, effortlessly resting there. Car keys in hand as she held her wallet under her arm. She looked just the same but even more beautiful than before. I wasn't sure if that was even possible but there wasn't a better sight to see right now as my eyes were fixated on her. It took me a brief second to look at anything else than her face. She looked speechless just as I do probably. Her chocolate brown eyes wide in disbelief as the man from her past came back into her life in an instant.

Then suddenly, time began to tick…

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was quivery and she talked with hesitance that scared the shit out of me. She looked directly at me, her coffee creamed eyes piercing straight into my royal blue ones. 4 years of pain suddenly reached me like a rocket ready to take off.

"I didn't know you'd be here. I thought some other family lived here." I tried to avoid the question, simply inferring that I had no intention of ever seeing her again. I didn't want her thinking I had come looking for her. But now that I finally knew where she was, I knew I'm not leaving this god for Saken Island without her.

"You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here?" her voice spoke many levels that I could sense. Fear, remorse, guilt, pain, shock… But most of all, anger.

"I wanted to come back… I needed to come back." I knew the moment the words left my mouth, that they hadn't made any sense. And I knew that it was not the answer she was looking for. She took a step back, both of us having never moved for last 2 minutes. Both afraid of lightening to strike us. Then her eyes shot red.

"Why would you possibly need to come back here for, when you clearly have everything you need. What could you possibly need here that you don't already have back in your super luxurious life back home?" Her voice was full of power and an emotion that I had never heard from her. She was Gabriella, the quiet, sweet, lovable girl I had fallen in love with. This girl standing right in front of me seemed far from the person I had planned to spend the rest of my life with. I realized that it must have taken a great deal of pain to have her conflicted. This must have been somebody's fault. And a knife pierced right through my body as I realize that that somebody was me. I silently cursed my stupid mistake again. Something I've never stopped doing for the last four years ago.

"This used to be my home too you know." I looked down at my feet, swaying them back and fourth making the only noise hearable for the both of us. A creaky floorboard. I looked back up at her and then to the left, viewing our house. Our house that was still standing. Just like us.

"Yea used too be until you turned into a bastard and left." My heart broke. It was as simple as that.

"I think it was you that left actually…" I stopped before I could finish. I knew this conversation was going everywhere but pleasant and civilized. But I guess I kind of saw that coming. "Look I want to apol..."

"What apologize? Apologize for what? Turning your back on everything that we've been through? Apologizing for what you've done to your family, to me? Apologize for breaking my heart? Yea you may have already done that, but you know what I don't give a damn about how sorry you are. Nothing you say or do is going to change how much I hate you at this very moment. Nothing."

I stared at her, my heart seeming to break all over again; something that I was sure would cause my death pretty soon. I could only take so much pain. But this pain was different. It was excruciating. It was more unbearable than before. It was like witnessing some kind of murder or something. Or fearing that your worse nightmares were coming true. This time however, my worst nightmare had already happened. Hearing her agony in her voice made me want to kill myself this very moment. I knew that she would hate me for the rest of her life but to hear the words coming from her very mouth, I couldn't think of a much more worse feeling.

She walked directly pass me- never looking into my eyes again- towards the steps that led down to the sandy land. I stood there, hands in my pockets, thinking of what I should do next. I knew she didn't want to talk to me anymore but I also knew that we were hardly finished. There were things that we needed to straighten out. At least there were things I needed to straighten out. She had never done anything wrong and I wanted her to know that. That my utterly stupid mistake was my fault and never hers.

Shoving my pride somewhere else, I began to follow her down the steps to the beach. I stood a foot behind her, staring out into the ocean just like her. Watching the different sizes of waves crashing and reaching the edge of the sandy beach, just a few feet away from us. The weather was perfect today, nothing but sun and clear blue skies. But that was minutes ago. Now it seemed to be overcastting, sun no longer shiny and dark clouds rose above us.

Her voice still as sweet as ever.

"I'm sorry about earlier. It's not fair to be mad at you; it's just that I'm shocked to see you here, that's all." She said confessed surprisingly. It's not fair for her to be mad at me? Is she kidding me? I'm the whole reason why were up this shit creek.

"Brie you have every right to hate me," I noticed her flinch at the use of her old name." I don't blame you if you do." I said still standing behind her, not wanting to suddenly jump into a conversation we both knew would happen sooner or later.

"I don't hate you Troy. I could never hate you. No matter how hard I wish I could." There goes that knife again.

I didn't know what else to say at this moment. She still sat, looking out beyond her, and for a second I realized that I couldn't breathe. There was nothing more worse in this world than realizing you let the one you love slip away. How could I ever let her slip away? The one person that I knew I could never live without.

"I thought you were some where in New York studying medicine. That was always your dream wasn't it?" She never once looked to me; instead she looked right out into the ocean, her eyes pouring just looking for some kind of an answer. She struggled for a little while, and I couldn't help but just stare at her in awe. I didn't think it was possible for her to be more beautiful, but I'm not always right. She looked painstakingly gorgeous as she sat right beside me, the wind from the ocean waves slightly brushing her long brunette curls just past her shoulders. I honestly couldn't imagine a more breath-taking sight. And the thing is that she had no idea the effect she had on me this very second. Her voice alone sent shivers down my spine.

"I was in New York, for a little while. I had interned at a hospital but after a couple of months, I realized that I couldn't do it. Not there at least. I just couldn't stand being there all alone." She sounded ashamed as she confessed to me. Like she had made a mistake, and it took me a couple of seconds to realize that her one mistake was that she was alone, and that she missed me. She would never admit that she missed me, given everything that I put her through. She was stronger than she thought she was. But from the very look in her eyes I knew that she had. Missed me that is.

"How long have you been here?" curiosity filled my voice.

"About 3 years. After New York didn't work out for me, I decided to move back home with my mom so I could get situated a little more. I blew most of my savings on living and tuition expenses, so I had to get caught up a little." It was hard to make out her words from the crashing sound of the waves but I could still hear her perfectly but also partly due to the fact that her voice was almost a whisper. As if she never wanted to tell me the real reason. But she was the only thing I heard.

"You know what was mine was yours too you know?" I said very slowly. I knew that any reference to our relationship might send her over the edge. I was referring to our bank accounts that we both shared. As soon as my paychecks started getting bigger and I had more endorsements from playing, I figured that since we were going to get married sometime in the future everything might as well be hers as well. I never complained, this way she got to go shopping for whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. I got to spoil her more than she liked too.

"Yea I know, but we were over and I wasn't going to take what wasn't mine anymore." I tried to avoid the pain I felt at her words. We were over.

"So how did you end up here? In Hawaii? What made you come back?"

"After realizing that New York just wasn't for me, I knew I had to get my priorities straight again. I still had a passion for medicine, so when I moved back home I took some classes, went to community college and just started saving and saving up whatever I possibly could. I had worked two part time jobs and then I don't know I finally just decided that I couldn't really be happy without you. Then I figured out what place made me feel most complete and secure and this place came to mind. I haven't slept in the house for a single night since I got here. I've never even stepped foot inside since you and I were last here together."

"I figured you would have sold the place. My agent called me and told me you decided to sell it and keep the expenses. I didn't question it because I figured you didn't still want it"

"I thought about it. I really did, I had called the real estate agent and everything. I had papers drawn up and anything else that was necessary. But as I drove down to the office to make it official, I stopped. I drove back down here and sat in this exact same spot looking out into the ocean. Watching the waves crash and rumble like it was trying to send me some kind of a message. And then I realized that I couldn't get rid off this place. It's a place to come back to and think about my life. Our life together. It's a good place for memory lane."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why haven't you been inside all these years?"

"Cause it'll probably break my heart."

"That's what happens every morning when I wake up and realize you're not lying next to me."

She turned to look at me and took a deep breath.

"Look, why don't you go and look for whatever you're looking for. As far as I'm concerned you have a life to get back to." She looked desperate for a departure from me, but she never got one. She looked back into the ocean and for a few seconds it felt like we were actually together again. None of the bad shit happened four years ago. I never screwed up and she never left. I wasn't a jackass and she didn't have anything to forgive me for. And then the moment was over. She got up and gracefully walked back up the pathway that led to our house. I stared out into the ocean again, realizing that I wasn't about ready to give her up yet, although she isn't mine anymore.

So I know that its been forever since I've updated this story. Truthfully I kinda forgot about this story. But I was inspired today and felt like continuing. Leaving reviews always makes my day!!! Thanks for reading!!