A/N: Here's chapter 1. There is smut, FYI. Also, if you like this, please tell me. Or tell me if you don't like it. I like feedback. =)
Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS and I'm making no money for this story.
"Things fall apart."
She shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be standing in the doorway to Willow's room, not when they were just starting to put things back together again. They weren't ready for this, she certainly wasn't ready and Willow probably wasn't either. They had barely spoken in the last few months; sure, things were starting to come back together, but it was too soon. It was too soon and she was too damn scared.
But, scared or not, she was there. She had been trying to study in her dorm room that night when she couldn't take it anymore. After her coffee date with Willow, she couldn't think of anything else. She missed her with a fierce, real physical pain that pulled at her chest – pulled always in one direction, towards Willow, even stronger now that her once-lover was so close to her. She was sick of playing shy and pretending to be just friends. She was the one who had left; now she would be the instigator. It was wrong and too soon and she wasn't ready, but she was here.
"They fall apart so hard."
Willow sat up, startled. Buffy had left and not come back, and Dawn was in bed. She thought she was alone in the house. "Tara?"
"You can't ever…" she hesitated slightly. Her eyes were trained on the ground, and when she lifted them mid-sentence, meeting Willow's for the first time, they were filled with tears. With a shaky sigh, she continued, "Put them back the way they were."
"Are you okay?" She didn't know what else to say. This wasn't the happy reunion she had longed for; it felt more like a goodbye.
"I'm sorry, it's just…" she seemed to search for words, then squared her shoulders and stepped into the room. "You know, it takes time. You can't just… have coffee and expect" -
"I know," Willow assured her. She suddenly worried that she had made Tara feel pressured, that she had screwed everything up.
"There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides."
Her eyes seemed to be pleading, or apologizing, but Willow didn't know for what. "You have to learn if – if we're even the same people we were. If you can fit in each other's lives."
Willow nodded, trying to hide how crushed she felt. Tara didn't want her. Tara didn't think their problems could be fixed.
"It's a long, important process," the blonde continued, and Willow could barely believe what she heard next. "Can we just skip it? Can – can you just be kissing me now?"
Seated on the bed, she hesitated for a moment, waiting for Tara to take it back. But Tara only stood there, still begging with her eyes to be held, and Willow, shaking, crossed the room to kiss her without any more uncertainty.
In the first instant of the kiss they both stiffened at the intensity of the feeling. Then their hands quickly hurried to memorize each other again, moving from backs to hips to shoulders to cheeks, trying to feel everything at once.
After months of not touching Tara, Willow was overwhelmed and wanted to start undressing her immediately. But she wasn't sure if Tara would be okay with that, after what she had done, so she tried to restrain herself. She didn't have to worry about it before long, though, as Tara began to pull off her own coat.
The leather jacket hit the floor and Willow felt a tug on her shirt. She pulled back to let it off over her head and then reached around to let Tara's hair down. Running her fingers through it, she yelped in surprise when she felt her lover's fingers teasing around the waist of her skirt.
She tried to complain about the clothes she still felt between their bodies, but all she could manage was a desperate whimper as she slid her hands up Tara's sides under her shirt and pulled it off.
Tara's smile was more beautiful than Willow had ever seen it when they paused, hands gently exploring each other's faces. "I missed you," she bit her lip with the statement, and Willow gently took it between her own. Gently she sucked on the skin for a few moments before trailing her tongue over it and pressing it into Tara's mouth.
Wrenching her lips away, Tara panted, "T-take me to bed." Willow obeyed.
By the time they had made it the few steps to the bed, the redhead had somehow already lost her tights and skirt, leaving her only in a bra and underwear as she knelt next to the bed and pushed Tara down to sit on the edge. She pulled the other girl's skirt down and flung it across the room, then pressed her lips to her knees and calves as she unlaced her boots. Wait, she thought, take it slower, but she couldn't seem to resist kissing up the inside of Tara's thighs and pressing her nose into the damp fabric of her panties.
"Willow," Tara gasped as the suddenly ripped fabric fell from her body.
"Is this okay?" she tried to check from between Tara's legs, one final precaution before leaping off the edge.
"Please."
"I aim to," Willow promised with a sly grin, and lowered her mouth once again to Tara's skin.
She was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of hot liquid already waiting for her as she drew a tongue up her slit, collecting the plentiful juices on her tongue and humming in pleasure. "You," she paused, drawing back a little to tease at Tara's inner thighs, "taste… so… good," she finished between kisses. "So good," she added a final time before ducking her head back down.
If she teased Tara for too long, she knew, then she would be in for equal teasing when their roles reversed. Besides, it had been too long. If Tara was in a state even close to the incredible arousal Willow was feeling, she would need release fast. So she immediately began to suck on Tara's clit, wrapping her hands around the back of her thighs to keep her close.
Tara cried out in surprise and one of her hands flew to Willow's head, caressing and twining into her hair. "Yes," she panted, "Please. Do that."
"This?" Willow questioned innocently. She began to use her teeth, nibbling on Tara's flesh gently.
The other witch groaned in reply, and her hips raised slightly off the bed.
"More," Tara moaned. "F-fingers. Come up here."
Willow looked up, confused. "Do you not… is this not good?" She glanced back down. From the sound and feel of things, she thought she had been doing just fine.
Willow and her insecurities, Tara smiled fondly. "Come up here where I can hold you."
"Oh. Okay," the smaller girl nodded. "Up here is good. You know what's up here?"
"What?" Tara laughed, stroking her hair.
"Tara-lips," Willow answered, kissing said body part. "Tara-neck." Another kiss on the soft, easily marked skin. "Tara-boobs," she sighed, with a much longer and more thorough kiss on each full breast, teasing for a while before taking the nipple between her lips to give Tara more direct contact.
"N-now, please," the blonde moaned as her fingers teased at Willow's entrance. Willow gasped and parted her legs.
"Now is good. Now is sooo good! Tara!" she cried at the feeling of three fingers slipping inside her.
With a kiss to her lover's lips, Tara pleaded, "With me, Willow." Willow understood and cupped between her lover's legs with one hand, wrapping the other underneath her and around her back to hold her close. She pressed inside with one finger to let her adjust, then quickly added a second and a third. Tara was tight; she could feel every ridge and bump inside her clenching around her fingers, and she eagerly began to push her fingers in deeper with every slow thrust.
Their hips met each other in a perfect rhythm, and their breasts slid together, growing slicker with sweat every second. After the months apart, neither woman needed long.
"I love you," Tara gasped, rolling her hips forward against Willow's fingers. "I missed you so much, love, I" –
Willow cut her off with a kiss. "Shhh. I love you too. We're okay."
A tremor ran through Tara's inner muscles, strong enough for Willow to feel against her hand and shiver in pleasure. "W-Willow, I need… are you close?"
Tara's thumb pressed down harder on her clit with the question. Willow moaned. "I'm there, babe. Come with me, please!"
"Mmmmf," the blonde moaned something between their connected lips, then cried out her release into Willow's mouth. Willow followed immediately, tightening her hold around Tara to keep her as near as possible. They were pressed so closely together as they shook and thrust uncontrollably that it seemed as if they would merge completely into one. Finally they left off, trembling, and Willow rolled sideways to hold Tara face-to-face.
"Tara, I'm so sorry. I missed you so much. And I'm better, I promise. I" –
Mirroring Willow's earlier comment, Tara replied, "Shh. We're okay. I love you, Willow."
She snuggled silently against Tara's breast for a few minutes before the blonde spoke. "You tired, sweetie?"
Willow grinned impishly. "Not yet."