"What do you mean you don't know? You suggested it!"

"I don't know what I'm doing Chris. I'm trying to actually figure out myself again. You aren't the only

one suffering from this you know.", Darren whispered, his eyes wandering around to see if any of

the crewmembers were listening.

"But it was your decision! You said you couldn't do this anymore. You don't give a fuck about anyone

but yourself and I really don't recognize you anymore...it's like you're not the Darren I used to

know.", Chris muttered bitterly.

"That's because I'm not! I changed, you changed, we changed Chris! Why can't you accept that?"

"I'll stop you right there ok? I'm one word away from rushing out of the room...can we please just get

over with this and talk about this shit when it's only us?"

"Yes please.", the older man said.

They sat in silence, looking around uncomfortably.

Chris felt even worse than he felt the whole week anyway, the lump in his throat made it hard to

swallow and his chest felt tight, eyes stinging from holding back tears.

Darren didn't do any better.

He blinked frantically to keep himself from crying.

Ryan was back finally, sighing and looking at the men with one brow raised.

"So...I don't know what the fuck is going on but you have to keep it together okay? This is the

deadline for your scene and we'll wrap it tonight whether you did your best or not. You have to live

with that, I can't care about it right now ok?"

Chris and Darren nodded slowly, taking in a deep breath.

"I can't lock eyes with you.", Darren said barely audible.

"I can't even stand your face right now.", Chris whispered.

"Great."

"Ok guys. Ready? ACTION!", Ryan shouted.

"I'm so glad we finally figured it out.", Kurt whispered against Blaine's neck, closing his eyes softly, a

single tear rolling down his cheek when Blaine kissed his temple gently.

"After such a long time...I feel like I'm finally not alone anymore. I'm not afraid anymore.", Kurt

continued, slowly opening his eyes, looking down directly into Blaine's.

Chris felt his body tremble.

He couldn't do it.

He had to.

He swallowed hard, trying to stay in character, telling himself he wasn't Christopher Paul Colfer right

now but Kurt Hummel, happily in love with a beautiful boy that just looked a lot like Darren Everett

Criss.

His exboyfriend.

His ex-best friend.

The blue-eyed man tried to shake it off and focus.

"I love you.", Blaine whispered.

Darren tried so hard not to look away, tried to stay strong and look into 'Kurt's' eyes just a few

seconds longer.

He felt like choking when he had said those three words he used to whisper into Chris's ear

whenever they had made love, after talking on the phone and whenever Chris was being the

perfect boyfriend he was.

He was always nice, gentle and always tried so hard to be perfect for Darren even though he

believed that nothing about him was even close to perfect.

But to Darren he had always been.

Too perfect maybe.

And sometimes so flawed that it scared Darren.

Yeah, fear was probably the reason Darren broke up with him before it became too serious, if it

hadn't already.

"I love you too.", Kurt whispered under his breath, his lips moving against Blaine's softly, kissing him

so gently he felt like bursting.

The men held their breaths.

Tears flowing from 'Kurt's' eyes and 'Blaine's' too.

No one knew they were real.

No one would ever know.

Everyone would think it was just good acting but it really wasn't.

All the pain, all the anger Darren and Chris felt at that moment were put into their characters.

They felt like they were being ripped apart, a harsh stinging pain in their chests and knots in their

stomachs were telling them they weren't Kurt and Blaine, the perfect, lovely couple.

No, they were Chris and Darren.

Two broken men who didn't know what the fuck they were.

Friends or lovers?

Fiends or ex-boyfriends?

It had started when they first met on set and decided to get to know each other, to become friends

so their scenes wouldn't feel awkward.

They were getting along so well, being the nerds they were, geeking around and talking about all the

weird stuff no one would talk about with them.

It was all going accordingly to their plan until they kissed that night.

They were slightly drunk, not that kind of drunk when you can't remember anything the next day or

don't know what you're doing, they just had a good time.

They did know exactly what they were doing and they were sure they wanted it.

They had sex without even thinking about how it could screw things up.

The young men just knew it felt right and good, because they were sure it wouldn't be a sloppy one

night stand.

They were just two guys, two best friends making love, knowing that it mattered.

Darren had always identified with being straight but Chris just did something to him that he will

never be able to explain.

He made his heart jump and his head spin.

And he did the same to Chris.

Chris, the delicate young man who had never been or had loved before.

They taught each other everything they knew.

What it meant being in a real relationship with all the up and downs.

What it meant living with another person and it just felt so right.

They didn't let anyone know though.

Mostly because Darren said he wasn't ready to come out and Chris would tell him he understood

when he really didn't.

He didn't understand why it was such a big deal.

They were in love.

"It's all that matters!", he would tell Darren, scream it at him but the older man would just shake his

head.

"It's not! I can't come out yet Chris! Why don't you get it?"

"Because you're supposed to be proud of being with me. It's been nearly a year Darren. It's

not like I'm your fuckbuddy! We're in a relationship and I'm tired of not being able to act on

it!"

"And I'm tired of you pushing me!", Darren yelled.

Chris shuddered, suddenly feeling bad.

"I-I'm not pushing you. I just don't want to hide it anymore. I want to kiss you whenever I want. I want

to hold your hand. I want to hug you without it being all over the news. Don't you love me

enough to tell people? At least your family Darren, they wouldn't even care!"

"You're right.", Darren said coldly.

"About what? About coming out to your family?", Chris asked, he was confused.

"No."

Chris felt a tight pain in his chest, he was trembling, his heart racing.

"W-what do you mean?", he asked carefully.

"Maybe I don't love you enough.", the older man stated, looking away.

Chris's heart broke right there and then.

Shuttered into a million pieces.

"Don't do this please.", he begged.

"No, I have to. This is no good. I mean...you're great Chris."

"Oh don't give me that!", Chris yelled.

"Let me finish!"

"I don't think you have to say any more.", the blue-eyed man whispered into the air.

"Fine...just...I'm moving out tomorrow. I can't deal with this."

"With what! You don't have to deal with anything! I'm the one who was dumped. You know

exactly what you mean to me! And I can't believe you used me all this months.", he

whispered, broken and cold.

"I really thought you were perfect Chris...but I never thought you'd be the first one to judge me."

"But I'm right! I was right! I didn't ask for much."

"You asked me to come out to the world. You know this would ruin everything. I said I was

straight so many times...how do you think people would react if they knew I was a liar?"

"They wouldn't care Darren! It's 20-fucking-11! People would love to see us together!"

"It's better that way.", Darren whispered.

"It isn't...grow up already! You can't even give me a proper reason why you don't love me anymore.

There has to be more if you're breaking this beautiful thing we had just because we had a

little argument."

"I'm leaving...I can't deal with you right now.", Darren muttered.

"Fuck you Darren!"

"No, you know what? Fuck you Chris! Fuck you for being such a damn girl about this!"

"..."

"Shit I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that!", Darren tried to apologize.

"Save it Darren...", Chris was looking so shocked, overwhelmed and so fucking hurt.

"I-I...I'm angry Chris and hurt...you know I didn't mean it like that."

"You hurt me enough for now Darren...just get out.", Chris tried to sound calm.

Darren knew exactly what he went through when he was in highschool.

Being a boy with soft features and a high voice wasn't easy and Chris knew that from first hand.

"You know what hurts the most?", Chris asked him, when Darren was packing random stuff into a

bag.

"Knowing that you know everything about me. Every little thing. Every flaw and every weak spot...and

now that I know you'd use it against me...I don't know what was real all the time and what

wasn't...just...fuck...just leave already!", he screamed at the older man.

And with that Darren left, not even looking back once.

Chris was the one to break the kiss.

He didn't dare opening his eyes but he knew they were done.

Darren's breath felt hot and familiar against his lips and he felt like dying.

"CUT! That was great boys! Very emotional and good job with those tears!"

Chris and Darren forced a smile before getting up from the couch.

"Chris?"

"What?"

"Can we please talk?...In private I mean.", the older man asked carefully.

Chris nodded numbly.

"I guess...but please not today. I can't stand it right now...I need to be alone."

"Ok...I'll...I'll give you a call or send you a mail or something."

"Sure...", Chris whispered. "Goodbye Darren."

"Bye Chris."