Humans do not have control. I have to be in control for them. I love humanity for its weaknesses and faults, strengths and triumphs. I'm cocky, but rightfully so. I can love everyone even when they can't love themselves.
I took one look at the bartender who was busy putting bottles of liquor away. What was his reason for living? Obviously he loathed himself and everything he touched – that much was apparent in his mannerisms. Perhaps that's another reason why I despise Shizuo. He throws off my game – I love to hate him.
During the hour that his shift went on, the blonde supplied me with drinks. I honestly thought of declining at one point but a feeling of compulsion overtook me. As shallow of me as it was, I honestly wanted to blame Shizuo for my misfortune. Perhaps he'd laced my drink with something. The feeling was slow, it took time to creep through my senses and shut them down one by one. I felt light headed first before it became increasingly difficult to keep my eyes open. Why did people do this? Where was the thrill in wanting to crawl in a hole for an eternity and sleep? Perhaps being intoxicated affected me differently than others. Part of me almost expected it to be different. I wasn't like other humans – humans in general. They were weak-minded and easy to manipulate – I was nothing of the sort.
Alcohol has a way of breaking a person down until there's nothing left to expose. It makes us confess our inner demons, rattle the skeletons in our closets; I embraced it. Being vulnerable could have its perks. Being with Shizu-chan; however, might prove problematic.
The man returned to my table, collecting the three drinks that I had downed in his absence. I smiled coyly at the blonde, licking the sugar on the rim of the glass. He watched me curiously, our eyes met and I gave him a wink. He broke eye contact first – I was still in control.
"Shizu-chan, you'll take me home now?" The blonde grunted, making some non-committal noises as he helped me up. I assumed he was more than thrilled to help me. Movement in my legs was more or less restricted and I had to literally hold onto him in order to extract myself from the seat.
"How are you feeling?"Shizu-chan was asking out of the barest courtesy because even he wasn't that ruthless. He didn't want to take me home, it was simply that he had to. I had to think about his previous question as the man half-dragged me to the door. At one point or another I simply gave up using my legs altogether and collapsed beneath my own weight. I would have been more than happy to stay in the bar and sleep it off.
"Mm, not so good, Shizu-chan. I really would rather choke a duck than walk all the way home." For the life of me I couldn't understand why the blonde raised a brow at me and tugged me up. Childishly, I pulled him down with me. "Let's stay down here. It's too high up there and bright."
"Izaya, you need to let go of me so I can take you home."
"Mm, make me." I didn't think that he would relent so easily and was thrilled when he pulled me up by the collar and propped me against the table. "Oooh, Shizu-chan? Can I have a piggyback ride? I'm stuck." Ah, and this is the part where the alcohol begins to deteriorate my speech, lovely. It was funny that my thoughts were still intact, but my mouth was not in sync with my brain.
"You're an idiot." He complied, however, and bent down low enough that I could scramble unceremoniously onto his back. I latched my arms around the man's neck, burrowing my face into his hair. If I was going to get the most out of this experience, I better start now. It might have been my main goal to piss Shizuo off now that I was inebriated. How much of a peaceful man could he be when his enemy was taking advantage of him?
We wandered around the city for the better part of an hour. I kept slipping off of Shizuo's back and he patiently waited until I was righted before we were off once more. His patience didn't last.
I've determined that people get inebriated for one purpose only, to do whatever the hell they want. Alcohol gives you the excuse to hang all over the one person you hate the most.
"Shizu-chan, I feel funny." Shizuo grunted, attempting to find my key. I placed my hands on his cheeks, jerking his head up to look at me. "I feel funny."
"You're hilarious, Izaya. Now, let me go so I can find your god damn keys." The blonde gaped when I had the audacity to laugh, nearly toppling over as I shook with mirth. "Where are they?"
"That's not fun at all, try guessing. Don't you like a challenge?" I murmured, sliding off his back to lean against the door.
"Listen, flea – I'm doing you a huge favor by bringing you home and now you're being a pain in the ass. Granted you're piss drunk, but still. Man UP, show a little decency and help me the fuck out."
THIS was the Shizu-chan that I had been waiting for all night. I took his verbal assault in stride, opening my arms in response.
"You're not special, Shizuo. You have to work for what you want." The bartender was quick to retort.
"Or I can leave your ass on the curb. Which do you want?" I could see his resolve crumbling and decided to help him out by placing his hand on my chest. The strong man of Ikebukuro pulled back in disgust, snarling. "I don't bite." I chuckled at the blonde's doubtful look, once again guiding his hand to my chest. Shizuo clutched my shirt, and used his other hand to rifle through the pockets of my coat. When he didn't find the silver key, he moved to the pockets of my jeans. This proved to be unsuccessful and he glanced down at me with a scowl, tugging me closer until I was against his chest.
I had protection. I was drunk and since he was the one who had gotten me drunk in the first place, touching me roughly was off-limits. In my current state I was fragile and he knew that I had the upper hand. Shizuo's hand searched my back pocket, grabbing the key before he shoved me into the nearest wall. My head spun violently from the contact, and I hissed.
"Oooh, Shizu-chan. Getting grabby aren't we?" The bartender snorted, jamming the key into the lock with such force that it crumpled. Useless, I wouldn't be getting into my apartment tonight. I paused in the nursing of my head to look at him, critically gauging his reaction. Shizuo's face flushed from what I assumed could only embarrassment and frustration. He couldn't blame me for this one – his temper had been his own downfall.
"Fuck. Just what the hell am I supposed to do with you now?" My eyes lit up as I pushed off from the wall and draped an arm around his shoulders. The man was pissed and I wanted to keep him that way.
"Mm, you could take me home and do naughty things to me." I blinked when he blinked and for the first time since this whole ordeal began we were on the same page. What the hell had I just said? I tried to talk my way out of the unintentional blunder to no avail. I was beginning to understand the damaging effects of liquor.
"I'm completely defenseless, Shizu-chan. You could take out all that anger and frustration on me – punish me." I was appalled by the fact that I sounded like a cheap whore and one glance at Shizuo told me that he was equally as disgusted as he roughly pushed me away.
"Listen to yourself, flea! You sound ridiculous, what are you saying?" I didn't know. I didn't know and try as I might, I couldn't stop. I hated not being in control – this feeling was foreign and disgusting but I had done it to myself. I had wanted to feel helpless and exposed – now, I did not. I'd made a mistake by going to the bar tonight – a fatal one. The things I was saying to Shizuo could not be taken back. I had set myself back in my plan…or had I? Perhaps I could use this to my advantage. It would take cunning and careful manipulation, but I could use all of this. In the end, I would not let him win.