Dear Berry,
I don't even know why I'm writing this letter to you. It's not like you'll ever get it or anything. Mr. Schue said it would be good for us, so we're taking this meeting of Glee to all write to you. You wouldn't have liked it, would you? I mean, we're wasting our rehearsal time writing these letters. Well, not wasting it. Anything we do for you can't be wasted time.
Did I really just write that? Oh well, it doesn't really matter, it's not like anyone will ever read these or anything, considering. How could you do that to us Rachel? Honestly, we need, no, we needed you. Not that you ever noticed. You we're too busy with your dreams for the Oscars or the Emmy's or whatever other awards you wanted. You didn't travel here on Earth. Maybe that's why you did it. You came down and reality disappointed you so much that you couldn't stay any longer. Or maybe it was me. It was me, wasn't it? It's because I used you to get to Quinn, even though you used me to get to Finn. It was because I threw slushies in your face every day. It was because I couldn't stop Krownoski from leaving that damn party drunk. It was because my idea of an apology date was awful. It was because I couldn't convince you to stay at the game until the billboard said 'I'm sorry Rachel'. It was because I couldn't stop you from jumping in front of his car. It was because I'm not good enough, wasn't it.
And I'm rambling. Look at that Rach, you made Noah Puckerman ramble. I never thought I would do that, but you made me. You made me do a lot of things Rachel. You made me happy for once in my sorry life, that was a biggie. You made me realize that I had potential. You made me try. You let me be myself. You refused to call me by that stupid nickname and made me be me. You made me sing.
Rachel, you made me a better person. Not that that would have been hard (I can't give you too big an ego now can I?), but you're the only one who was willing to try. I was so awful before I joined Glee, before I started hanging out with you. I threw Kurt into the dumpster every day. I orchestrated many of the cruel pranks pulled on you and the rest of the Gleeks. I knocked up Quinn Fabray. Yes, I know, it's insane. Not so much the me having sex, let's be honest, but the Quinn part. It feels good to get that off my chest, even in a letter no one will ever read. I feel really lousy about it. I never wanted Quinn, she was just second best. Unfortunately I realized that approximately 10 seconds after you dumped me. Therefore it was too late on the Quinn front and I was too late to save you.
I wonder what you would say to me right now. Would it be something like, "Noah Puckerman, I cannot believe what you did to Quinn!!" before you started to hit me? Or would you just give me advice and talk like someone way older than they really are? That's what you are, were, Rachel. Wise beyond your years. I miss your advice Rachel. You tried your hardest not to judge people when you imparted life lessons, but you always did. And even though you wouldn't approve, you would never tell anyone if we didn't want you to, you would just sit there and listen. You let us be ourselves around you.
Everyone else is torn up too Rach. You really tore the school apart when you… I don't want to write it. That will make it final. You know what, everyone else is writing a letter. You can read theirs, if you can read, where ever you are. I just can't write this anymore. It's too painful. Like putting salt and lemon juice in a gaping hole in my heart. I can't do this right now.
Remember, to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. (Yes, I read Harry Potter. You said you wanted to talk about them, but we can't now.)
Love,
Noah