AN: Alright, same warnings as before. Hints of Spamano. Mainly FrUK. Hints of FraHun as a filler. Semi-graphic cutting scenes. This whole story is inspired by a list of songs and I will name them for each chapter below the author's note.
- Miserable at Best by Mayday Parade
Chapter Two: At best, Arthur Will be Miserable
Arthur could feel the heat settling into his room from the slowly setting sun which woke him from a dreamless sleep. He opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling to contemplate his current position. He was to act as someone's date to a gathering where his childhood sweetheart would be there with everyone else that adores him as if he were a god. The Brit made a small noise of amazement on how utterly screwed he was tonight, but without a second thought, he stood up on his feet and began planning his outfit for the night. He laid out a pair of red plaid jeans next to his one and only favorite pair of leather pants that he never got to wear, mostly because people would have a heart attack if they were to see the youngest son of the Kirkland family in such clothing.
Well, he did want to turn some heads tonight, so he made up his mind before taking off his trousers and pulling up the skin-tight material. He began unbuttoning his school shirt, folding it neatly and setting it at the bottom of his bed before going to look through the shirts he had brought to school with him. He felt the cool metal from the dog tags chilling his skin and he contemplated leaving them behind tonight. He was about to pull the chain off until Antonio bursted through the door with a look of worry. Arthur sighed as he turned to look at the other while folding his arms across his bare chest.
"Just because I say the door is open, doesn't mean you can come in here whenever you please." Arthur stated as he began tapping his foot slightly.
"I didn't see you at the mass hall for dinner, now that I think about it I didn't see you down there for lunch either. Why are you skipping out on meals again?" Antonio questioned after shutting the door and beginning to walk closer to the Brit which put Arthur on alert.
"I'm fine, I just haven't had much of an appetite lately." The blonde lied to the other smoothly as he shrugged it off, but as the tan skinned male started coming even closer to him, he backed away to a corner of the room while letting his arms fall from being crossed to wrap around his torso.
"Why do you do this to yourself? You know it won't do you any good, just look at yourself." Antonio spoke sadly as he lightly touched a dip in the other's ribs and Arthur batted away his hand.
"Tonio, I just haven't been really hungry lately. Don't worry, I eat breakfast every morning it's just that I don't want to be down there lately. It's hard...It's really hard to even be near him." The blonde looked up at the other before he was pulled into a tight hug and he rested his head on Antonio's shoulder.
"Will you eat if I were to bring food to you? You have to survive off something." The Spaniard spoke as he pulled away to look into the other's eyes.
"I-I guess, but you don't have to trouble yourself with all of that nonsense just for me." Arthur turned his head away as he spoke.
"No problem to me. I always end up here anyways," the Spaniard flashed his addictive smile as he sat down on the Brit's bed and looked at his attire. "You do know it's going to be cold out tonight, you should at least wear a jacket with that. Although, the pants look nice on you on their own."
"I was in the process of getting dressed before you came barging in here." The Brit scoffed quietly as he went back to rummaging through the small duffel bag that he had of his normal clothes before pulling out a plain white v-neck with a zip up black vest that had chains dangling across it. He dressed himself quickly before turning to the full length mirror to look at himself. He left the vest open so that he didn't have to think about how loose the vest was on him even though he had only got it a few months ago. He went to his bedside drawer to pull out his usual black leather, fingerless gloves before turning to present himself to Antonio.
"Looks like I will have the hottest date there." The Spaniard grinned and Arthur just rolled his eyes before turning on the lamp to light up the suddenly darkened room. Arthur sat on the bed after pulling his boots over to the side of the bed where he laced them up before leaning back on his elbows. He got a good look at the tan boy who was wearing a pair of tight black jeans with a fire red shirt that cuffed along his collarbone perfectly. Arthur thought about how Francis would look in this dim light, how would his fair skin look against the glow? Would his eyes reflect the light spilling into the room the way Antonio's was now?
"You're a stunning man, Tonio, do you know that?" Arthur gave the other one of his rare smiles and he could see a tint of color rising to his cheeks. The Spaniard rubbed the back of his neck bashfully for a moment before giving the blonde boy one of his bright smiles.
"Do you really mean that? Truthfully?" He asked with widened eyes and Arthur laughed at him with a hint of a affection in his touch as he reached out and patted the top of his head gently.
"I mean every word," Arthur spoke softly before standing up and looking out the window. It was time to get moving, if they were to get out without getting caught they should go early. Luckily for them it was Tuesday which meant that the staff wouldn't be coming around to make sure everyone was in bed, that only happened on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Antonio grabbed the blonde's wrist and dragged him out of the room on light feet. They ran down the hallways together, making as little noise as possible as they made their way to the clock tower. People had already begun gathering around the clock tower and Antonio dragged Arthur around to socialize with everyone there.
The Brit didn't talk much, he just smiled and let everyone gawk at him. He never came out to these social gatherings because he was much happier alone in his dorm, but tonight he knew things were going to turn out for the worse because he was here. If Francis were to have his way, this would be possibly the worst night of his entire life.
Even more people showed up and of the groups, Francis and his darling girlfriend named Elizaveta came through the crowds arm in arm. Arthur watched them with a heavy sigh from the Spaniards side who was currently chatting up a young Italian boy. It actually hurt a little for Arthur to watch the French boy occasionally lean over to kiss the girl's cheek or slink his arm around her waist as they talked their way through the crowd. Lucky for the Brit, Francis hadn't spotted him yet, but he knew it wouldn't be too long with Antonio talking like he was. He turned his attention to the boy that Tonio would call Lovi and studied his body language. For a freshman he seemed to have a lot more of an arrogant air to him, that usually didn't come until about a student's third year at the school and he generally just seemed irritated with anything that crossed his path.
Arthur considered if that was what he looked like to other people who looked at him too long. The blonde just shook his head and let his mind wander a bit, letting himself get lost in Antonio's non-stop chatter. He looked around the crowds of laughing people and he felt something that made him smile. It was an almost foreign feeling, but it was something that he recognized as happiness. For the first time in a very long time, Arthur felt happy. The energy coming off of the other students around him had given him a bit of that energy for himself. It was perfect and the British boy had a bit of hope that this night wouldn't end as badly as he had assumed. Before he could have another thought about anything else, a familiarly gruff voice was heard behind him and he almost jumped.
"Mon ami, I did not think that you would come." A thick, French accent sounded behind him and Antonio turned to hug the other boy while Arthur started moving closer to Lovino.
"Of course I came, it would damage my reputation if I didn't come to the pre-finals sneak out." The Spaniard did not have to be visible for the Brit to know that they both were smiling at each other and he could feel eyes on him.
"It looks as if you brought yourself two very pretty dates, I could almost say I'm jealous. Who is the blonde there?" Francis eyes lit up as he expected to see a new face, instead the Brit turned around and faced the other.
"Interesting choice of words, Mister Bonnefoy." Arthur replied coldly with a fake smile on his face even though he saw Lovino have a look of hurt and betrayal. To give the other boy a sign that he was lying he put one arm behind his back and crossed his fingers which was noticed by the Italian.
"I never thought I would see you down here, let alone with another man." Francis said as he tried to recover from the initial shock of seeing the other blonde while Elizaveta just watched the scene unfold in confusion.
"I was sure you made it pretty clear that I had an interest in men, have you forgotten that little gift you gave to me when I first came to this school?" Arthur asked with an innocent curiosity to his voice as he looked up at him with clear eyes while biting his bottom lip.
"Non, I remember. You better watch yourself Monsieur Kirkland, I don't want any trouble from you tonight." Francis sneered at the boy which caused Arthur's look of innocence to turn into a smirk. It wasn't hard for either of them to get under the other's skin and tonight just seemed to get much more interesting. Before anymore words can be said between the two Antonio stepped in and attempted to ease the tension that was rising quickly.
"It looks like everybody is here, we should get going if we don't want to get caught." Antonio offered and everyone nodded. Nobody had noticed the small crowd of attention the had gathered around the small outbreak between the boys, but everyone started heading out to the spot where they would meet an Alumni classmate that would provide the liquor for these meetings. It wasn't long before everyone was in the woods for a small trip outside of the school grounds with drinks going all around. Arthur sat next to Antonio on the trunk of a car and he found himself unable to tear his eyes away from Francis who was socializing from group to group. Surprisingly, Elizaveta wasn't at his side, but he knew that she wasn't too far away from him now.
"You miss him, don't you?" The Spaniard ask after a few minutes of watching his friend gaze at the other blonde. Arthur sighed deeply and took a drink from the bottle he was handed, not really caring what it was.
"So what if I do? It's not like it will change anything. I just want this night to be over." He spoke quietly and pulled his knees to his chest. Antonio scooted closer to the small Brit and wrapped his arms around his small shoulders. There was a silence between them as the sounds of the night surrounded them along with the laughter of the other students. Music began playing from one of the cars and the two watched the other's dance and they laughed at their ridiculous attempts. It wasn't long before the high of the night went down and slower songs started playing and Arthur was forced to watch Liz dance with his boy.
The Brit rested his head on the darker male's shoulder, with a deep sigh. He kept telling himself to fight the tears that were stinging his deep green eyes, but he could feel his chest and throat clench up with every passing second. It should be him dancing with Francis. It should be him with his head on Francis' chest. It should be him with Francis. The thought of being held so tightly by the French boy made his heart thud loudly in his ears. Just to be given some affection from the other might even save him from keeping himself from plummeting into the shadows that made him so cold.
It wasn't long before the night finally ended and Arthur was quick on his feet to be one of the first ones out of the scene with Antonio and Lovi holding hands behind him. He nearly ran up to his room and locked himself in to distance himself from everyone despite Antonio's attempts to keep him at least around someone instead of being alone again. He slumped onto his bed and sobbed silently into the pillows. The Brit found it hard to breath between his soft cries that he didn't expect to come. He was used to feeling angry, remorseful, vengeful, but never was he accustomed to expressing his emotions through tears running down his reddened cheeks. He clung tightly to the pillows on his lonely bed and cried out until his tears ran dry.
Arthur swore that he wouldn't do this again, but his heart held too many emotions and he reached for the blade that he kept hidden in his bedside drawer. He didn't feel the need to do this in moderation and with every cut against his wrist helped him forget about the ache in his chest. The blood dripping down his arm was releasing every feeling he didn't want to keep held in anymore. Every cut was an escape and every escape was his serenity. He knew that Francis wouldn't be alone tonight. He could probably get away with murder because of his social standing and that is why Arthur damned this school. He damned everyone here that worshipped those who are not the ones who should be held up so high. Arthur's feeble attempts on releasing his pain were growing weaker and weaker as his whole arm became a mess and he couldn't tell where the blood was coming from anymore.
The Brit felt his exhaustion finally sink in and he stopped moving the sharpened edge against his already scarred and bloodied wrist. The loss of blood made his head began to pound as he curled up on his bed and stared at the wall. The hardest part of seeing Francis was letting go of every memory that they had together. Every kiss, every star, every song and every dream that they once had was crushed. His blue eyes could drown Arthur with the memories and hatred that they now held and it was tearing the Brit apart.
Arthur felt as if he lost his home and couldn't get that boy back even if he tried. Francis seemed like he was millions of miles away from the past that they shared while the Brit was still clinging onto it for dear life. Those were his only good memories and they were what kept him alive through the physical and mental pain he suffered through in the Kirkland Household. It was hard just to breathe and force himself to be alive, despite how many times he tried to finally end it. Arthur knew he could live without him, but without him he would be miserable at best.