I had not seen this coming. I thought we were happy. I tried to think of a time when Jacob had been unhappy. Nothing, just smiles and laughter.
How can he think that I knew this was coming? I am unable to get my head around this. Two hours ago my life was perfect, flawless. Now he's gone and I have nothing.
Jacob had text me to say he was coming home early. He had been putting in lots of hours at work, but he was trying to make partner. You don't make partner without putting in all the extra work, that's just how it works.
I had put Billy Junior to bed and opened a bottle of Shiraz. I was excited about seeing him. Lately I was already asleep by the time he came in and the mornings were spent getting Billy up and off to school.
I heard the car pull up on the drive and the familiar sound of his key in the lock. As soon as he appeared in the doorway I saw something was wrong. He wasn't smiling, and made no effort to come over to give me my usual hug.
As he started reeling of his obviously pre planned speech I froze. My body unable to process the situation just shut down on me.
The things he was saying just weren't true. My body was nodding but my head was screaming "What do you mean we're not happy? I'm really happy!"
"I didn't know this was coming you bastard, you've not mentioned anything"
"You have an apartment already! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"
My head was screaming back at him, but my body just couldn't communicate.
The main thing I wanted to scream was "Please don't do this, don't leave me, please don't go"
I just sat there and let him go, listened to him walk away from me and Billy. He just got up and walked away from our life, our perfect life.
All I can think is that he's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He's gone. My body finally unfreezes and I'm left in the dark, crying tear after tear, my whole body left gasping for air as I sob until I find it hard to breathe.
Jacobs gone.