So, here's chapter two. :D This is actually going in a little different direction than originally planned, meaning that this might be a few chapters longer than I'd originally planned...oh well, hope you guys like it :) The song in this chapter is 'I Never Told You" by Colbie Caillat. Thanks everyone who's reading/following/favoriting this, it means so much! Just as a little warning so you guys don't think I've quit, but I might not update this story, or my other one (Courage) until after Christmas. Anyways, enjoy and Happy Holidays you guys! Much love xoxo
It'd been two months. Two months since Kurt and him broke up. When he said it out loud, it sounded like such a short period of time, two months. But living it without Kurt felt more like two centuries. Over the past couple weeks he'd gotten into a habit of crying listening to any song he heard, always being able to hear something that reminded him of Kurt. One month ago, it wasn't this bad. Obviously it was terrible, but it wasn't like the hell he's living now. Just a few weeks ago, Kurt called him and told him that he didn't think a long-distance relationship would ever work, and he was too busy for Blaine to come up there every weekend. A week after hearing that from him, Blaine would lay in bed and listen to sad songs, and cry until he was numb. The day Kurt had told him he couldn't be with him at the moment, he'd started something else he'd later regret, but seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was now three months. They talked on the phone again, and Blaine was begging to come see Kurt. Kurt refused, and told him it would be best if they didn't see each other anymore for a while. Blaine had told him he loved him, but Kurt never responded. That's probably what hurt Blaine the most. Since that day, things had gotten worse. He couldn't handle being without Kurt, and there were bright red marks on his skin to prove it. He had started out cutting just his upper thighs, where nobody would see them. Just a few weeks ago he sat in the bathroom floor, cutting a few long marks across his hip. He never let it bleed too much; he'd cut and then clean what little blood came out. He was terrified of cutting himself, but he needed the some other kind of pain to take away the pain Kurt was leaving.
But today, was different. Blaine was starting to shut everyone out of his life. His parents were hardly ever home, so he was getting lonelier. Blaine sent Kurt a text every day, and recently Kurt had texted back only to say that he was busy and unable to talk. He was sitting alone in Glee club, staring at the message Kurt had sent him. He wanted to cry, but couldn't bring himself to do it in front of all of his friends. Sam sat down next to him, apparently trying to comfort him. "Blaine, you've got to get over it. We miss you, and you're not the same," he said.
Blaine lifted his head and looked Sam dead in the eyes, with little emotion on his face. "That's the point. I'm not the same without Kurt. Without him, I feel like the better half of me is gone. There's no point in pretending that I'm okay, because I'm obviously not."
Sam could hear the hurt in Blaine's voice, especially when it cracked. He knew it took every bit of strength in Blaine's body not to break down in tears right there. Not knowing what to say, he reached over and rubbed Blaine's back comfortingly. Without a word he gave Blaine a sad smile before getting up to leave. Glee was starting.
Blaine sat quietly, clutching his phone tightly in his hand, watching Finn convince everybody they should sing another foreign song for regionals. He rejected the idea in his head, while everyone else, especially Tina, voiced their opinions out loud. Blaine started to get a headache from all of the arguing as he felt his phone vibrate in his hand. He looked down and saw that it was Kurt. His heart flipped, just like it always did with every text he received from him. He read the text, and felt disappointed when he read only one little word.
From Kurt: Hey.
That's all that it said. Blaine read it about five more times while trying to figure out what he should say. He didn't tell Kurt that he missed him desperately, though he wanted to. He responded with a simple hello, and then returned his attention to Glee club. He needed to sing. He wanted to sing to Kurt, but knowing that he'd probably hang up if he were to have called him to try. He stood up, and everyone got instantly silent. They stared at him with wide eyes, as one person spoke up. Again, it was Sam.
"Blaine? What's up? Why are you just standing there?" He said, raising an eyebrow. Almost as if Finn could read minds, he walked over to Blaine and gently pushed him to the middle of the room, then went and sat down in Blaine's chair. Blaine just stood there, staring at everyone, opening his mouth to speak, but closing it when he was unable to find words.
"I want to sing…for Kurt. Even though he won't hear it, maybe he'll feel it," Blaine said firmly, looking only at Finn. He slowly directed his gaze to Sam, almost as if asking permission to do so.
"Then sing. Go ahead, we'd love to hear," Tine encouraged, nudging Sam in the arm with her elbow. For some reason, Sam stood up and excused himself from the room as Blaine collected himself in order to sing without bursting into tears.
Sam stood outside of the classroom, and dialed Kurt's number, bouncing impatiently as he waited for Kurt to answer.
"Hello?" Kurt answered, obviously confused as to why Sam was calling him during school.
"Hey, Kurt. I know this is really weird, and you'll probably refuse my next request, but Blaine's all but dying in here. He stood up and said something for the first time in almost a month. He said he wanted to sing for you. He said he knew you wouldn't hear, but he said maybe you'd feel it. So I called you. Can you just please listen to him sing?" Sam whispered into the phone.
He could tell Kurt was thinking hard about the request, because he didn't hear anything for a good ten seconds. He finally let out a long sigh, "Sure. I-I'll listen" he said quietly.
"You're not busy at work or something?" Sam said, sounding successful.
"No, I'm on break," he responded.
"Just one question, Kurt…Do you miss Blaine? Are you guys really over?"
"I miss him like crazy. But I can't tell him that. I don't know what the future holds for us, but until my work load dies down a little, or until he graduates, I don't know if this will work." Kurt said, sounding as if he were about to cry.
"Maybe you should just try. Because Blaine's lost without you, man," Sam said sadly.
"You don't understand. Now, am I going to hear him, or is this a waste of my time?" Kurt snapped. Sam made a face at the phone, offended by Kurt's sassyness.
"Okay, just listen," Sam said, walking back into the classroom, and discreetly putting his phone on speakerphone.
"I apologize if I'm unable to finish the song without crying. It's been hard to even listen to a song without breaking down…I just need this to be heard by someone, since Kurt won't listen," Blaine explained, moving a stool to the front of the class. He took a deep breath, staring at wall in front of him as he started to sing.
"I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night, I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile, I miss the way we breathe
But I never told you, what I should have said, no, I never told you, I just held it in
And now I miss everything about you, can't believe that I still want you, after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you, without you"
Blaine closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to blink back tears. He tried to avoid eye contact with everyone in the room, embarrassed of how he was acting. He had to be strong, because it's what everyone expected.
Meanwhile, Kurt was covering his mouth with his hand, listening to Blaine sing the first verse and chorus through the phone. He was trying not to cry as well, hearing Blaine's beautiful voice singing this song just for him.
" I see your blue eyes every time I close mine, you make it hard to see where I belong to,
When I'm not around you, it's like I'm not with me
But I never told you, what I should have said, no, I never told you, I just held it in
And now I miss everything about you, can't believe that I still want you, after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you, without you"
Blaine stopped singing, and let the tears fall freely down his cheeks, looking at Finn, then at Sam. He was silently crying as he stood up from the stool and walked out of the room as calmly as possible. Finn got up and walked out after him, trying to talk to him. Sam took this opportunity to hear Kurt's reaction. He took the phone off of speaker and put it to his ear.
"So, Kurt…what did you think?" he asked quietly, everyone in the room staring at him with confused faces. They were oblivious to what Sam was doing.
"It was…really good. Beautiful," Kurt said, obviously crying.
"So why did you guys break up again?" Sam asked, becoming impatient with the two, who were obviously so in love.
As Blaine was walking down the hallway, his vision started to become blurred by the tears, and he started breathing heavier. He didn't know what was going on, but he needed Kurt, and Kurt wasn't there. As far as he knew, he might not ever be there. Blaine couldn't take the pounding in his head as Kurt's words replayed over and over again. Just as Finn turned to corner to see Blaine walking hastily, Blaine fell. No, Blaine collapsed to the floor, curling in on himself. He held his knees to his chest, sobbing for all he was worth. Finn ran up to him, kneeling beside him.
"Blaine, oh my god, are you okay?" Finn asked, worried but quiet.
"I just want it to end…" Blaine whispered through sobs.
"Want what to end?" Finn asked, tilting his head.
"Everything," Blaine breathed, closing his eyes.