Author's Note: I am skipping Nurse Chapel Right now- because she appears in more than one episode I want to explore her later on in the story. But these will go in order (mostly) of the women's appearances in TOS. Also...it will eventually be S/U...But I love Spock's women- so each gets her own ode. Call it a road to discovery. Thanks to beta Aphrodite who edited...but if there are mistakes, they are mine as I have a tendacy to go back in and tweak!
A Bitter Goodbye- Leila
They had transported down to the surface of Omicron Ceti Three braced with the knowledge that the science crew was long deceased. That assumption seemed to be confirmed upon arriving to the surface of the planet and seeing structures- but no people. Until they appeared. And around him he felt his fellow officer's relief. Long ago he had learned to be surprised at nothing, and he approached each situation with a scientist's curiosity. To him this situation would seem to be no different than the many others he had encountered. Until they were escorted into a small home. And until she walked through the door and he was struck silent.
It had been six years since he'd seen her last…six years since they'd been together and in the time they had been parted he had not thought of her since- forcing her to the back of his mind…but now, once again so close to her he could smell the light scent of flowers she wore…the memories of what they had shared years ago came back with a force that temporarily struck him dumb…
He was on a sabbatical leave from the Enterprise and from Starfleet. Though he was an officer, he had found employment as a civilian, working in an agrarian biological research lab on Earth.
It had not been by his choice to take this leave. After an administration review of his service record for his annual evaluation Starfleet had determined that their best science officer had never taken leave in his entire five years of active service- and they had forced the sabbatical on him.
For a Vulcan mind, simple idleness would not suffice as "rest" and so he found "relaxation" in the peaceful array of the many different species of intergalactic plants and hybrids around him.
He enjoyed the calm, meditative state he entered as he worked. The labs were mostly silent, and the myriad of colors emanating from the planets surrounding him only enhanced his content.
In a sense, he could identify with the horticulture. Most of the species were far from their native habitats, and quite a many more where born of two worlds- much like the half-Vulcan who attended them daily.
It was among the calm serenity of the lab's green house, surrounded by rows and rows of different flora where he first met her. He had been working late in the lab, as was he wont to do, when he heard the smooth hiss of the paneled doors slide open. Light footsteps approached the station where he worked.
He could tell that the person who entered had no idea he was there.
He turned to acknowledge the visitor and was surprised by what he saw.
She was tall and willowy. Her hair was the color of wheat and the white pants jumper clung to a very ample and very feminine form.
The overhead lights hummed and flickered against the clear panes that separated the night above from the glowing brightness surrounding him.
She was walking towards him engrossed in the PADD in front of her. He did not know whether to alert her to his presence or move out of her way and so he decided upon the later.
He stepped out of the walkway and turned- right as she did and instantly they collided into each other.
She let out a surprised yelp as she tumbled- the PADD flying one way and her body moving towards the ground. She reached out for balance, grabbing the first thing in reach-him.
He did not know how it happened nor when in the process of falling they had switched positions but he wound up on the floor and she on top of him. And he found himself staring into very ample breasts.
She was more than startled as she scrambled up off of him, apologies coming forth from lush, full lips and he found himself rising off the floor as well.
She started to apologize again but he held up a hand to stop her.
"I am Spock." He replied, looking down at her. She looked up at him, a slight blush coloring her cheeks…
"Leila. Leila Kalomi."
It was their first meeting…but not their last…
He discovered that Leila was a botanist at the laboratory and that she had created most the hybrid plants he now saw before him. It was strange that they had never crossed paths before. Strange, but not unusual.
Through conversation he discovered that Leila usually worked nights, while he tended to work in the day.
And as time wore on, he found himself increasingly drawn to the botanist.
It started subtly enough- simple lunch meetings, a conversation between scientists. Though her beauty had been what had first taken him he quickly realized she was a most brilliant scientist. He became aware of a growing attraction towards the female and worked to tamp down the thoughts that lingered at the back of his mind when she was near.
But there came a point when he could no longer remain in denial of what he felt for her.
It was late. He had decided upon further exploration of a new species of plant recently discovered on Omicron Ceti I- a long, tubular structure that instead of photosynthesizing…seemed to draw its nourishment from the emotional state of others.
Fascinaing.
He read the accompanying reports-depending on the emotional state of the creatures around it, the flower would bloom, or shrivel as if dehydrated.
Right now, in his presence- it did nothing.
He studied the plant in front of him, removing the glove from his hand to touch it- no reaction.
Strange, he thought, and read the report again.
He was made aware of another presence entering the lab by the subtle beep of the door and a hiss.
The sound of now-familiar footsteps approaching gave him pause, and he turned to greet her. She stopped when she saw him, a bright smile crossing over her lovely face.
"Mr. Spock! I didn't expect you to be here!" she said with enthusiasm. He felt a warmth flow through him at the sight of her.
Illogical. He thought, turning away to focus on the plant.
She came up to stand next to him, looking over at what had currently drawn his attention. He heard her let out an exclaimation.
"Oh! That's the new plant that just got here today from Omicron Ceti One! I read the report and I can't wait to study it! May I join you Mr. Spock?"
Again, that smile. And those eyes…
He turned to look at her and blue eyes met his own.
"You may Ms. Kalomi," he said, surprised at the depth in his voice as he addressed her. He had yet to tear his eyes from hers, and likewise.
And they remained there, for what seemed an eternity. She was close, and he could feel her temperature rising. Her heart-rate increase and he felt a sudden, overwhelming need to reach out and pull her close to him…to explore the smooth contours of her body and to learn what she tasted like….
He abruptly tore his gaze away and turned back to the plant. She did the same and when they both gazed at the flower they saw that it had turned a lush green color- a far cry from the almost pale- brown it had been.
"FASCINATING."
They whispered at once- at the same time. And raising their eyes once again from the plant, looked at each other in surprise.
On the table, their fingers touched.
Bolts of electricity shot between them and in those sparks he felt her emotions- trust, love, happiness…desire…
They radiated through him and before he could process what he received from her his human side took over wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close to his body, his mouth finding hers and soon, they were both falling down…down…down into the bottomless abyss of lust and desire.
And he took her there. On the floor. His own desires controlling him and soon he was drowning in her warmth, and bringing the both of them to completion...only the plants to bear witness to their passion and in the throws of extacsy neither one noticed that the flower on the table had began to glow a bright green…and blossom…releasing its own spores into the air as if to pollinate…as they two of them continued their own lessons in xeno-biology….
Leaving her had not been easy. It was time to go. He had not told her that he would be heading back to Starfleet and back to space. Their time together had been precious, and he did not want to disrupt her happiness. But his year was up. And he must return. He had obligations to fulfill..
He looked upon the sleeping form curled in his arms and gently brushed the soft hairs away so he could see her face.
She looked in perfect peace, and it was how he wanted to remember her- a hint of a smile playing at the corners of the mouth that he had kissed every night for the past seven months. He did not want to bear witness to the tears he knew would come, nor hear the sound of the cry that would surely follow. He wanted to hold this memory as his reminder of Leila in his mind. Peaceful. Happy. Beautiful…
And so it was, in the wee hours of morning, that he left her apartment and returned to the Enterprise. He had shipped his belongings off to the Enterprise days ago, and as the ship left space dock, to resume its mission, he could not help standing on the observation deck, hands laced behind his back in his usual stance, staring out across the blackness at the bold blue and white orb floating in the expanse beyond.
"Lieutenant Spock to the bridge"
He turned to exit, yet hesitated briefly, turning once again to stare out the windows- the blue captivated him…the same blue of the eyes belonging to the woman he had left behind on Earth…
And now those blue eyes bore into his again. Six years later. How could he have forgotten her? Why did he leave her? He could not remember the reasons, as the toxins flowed through his system bringing him a sense of freedom and euphoria he had never known.
Now, all he could see was her. All he could feel was her…and she was his world. For the first time in his life, he felt…happy…
They made love that day. In the grass. Under the trees…he learned her body all over again, and each touch each sweet kiss threw him into a state of complete euphoria…and when the Captain had called- he found that he was able to express sentiments he'd long kept dormant. And he felt…freed…
Until…
"What makes you think you're a man? You're a jack-rabbit with an overactive thyroid!"
He had tried desperately to focus…to stay away…
"Your father was a computer, like his son. A traitor from a planet of traitors……disloyal to the core, rotten- like the rest of your sub-human race…"
He couldn't…he couldn't...he saw his happiness slowly fading…
"And you have the gall to make love to that woman."
It was over. His happiness had quickly faded out to something much more dangerous. Rage. Hateful, blinding rage that consumed him and he attacked- lunging for his captain's head , determined to silence the echoes of the taunts in his mind.
Until…
Until he was prepared to deliver the death blow and his haze finally cleared and he saw his Captain lying before them- prepared for the strike.
The events of the day came to him with a force and he felt an overwhelming sense of …shame.
But it was more than that…
And they worked. To restore order. To bring back the crew. To free the ship.
And he was able to hide his own emotional disorder until…
Until he heard her voice. And he knew then what he had to do…
As he stood facing her she could not help but think that this was the scene he had so desperately wanted to avoid six years before…
But this time her hurt cut through any semblance of control he had left. He presented a stoic face- yet inside…inside he hurt too…
And she cried…and threw her arms around him…and he untangled them gently…
He was forced to see her tears…forced to hear her cries and all he could bring himself to say was the one thought that rang through his mind…
"We all have self-made purgatories…"
Yes..Purgatory…and he learned quickly… it was a place worse than hell…
It was later that night. Now alone in his room with his own thoughts to accompany him, he was beginning to sort through his emotions. What he felt for Leila. He had just finished a sonic shower and was dressed only in meditation pants, his hair still wet when his door chimed- a visitor.
With a sinking feeling in his heart he knew who it was before he admitted her. He had not thought of her all day- other circumstances prevailing but now the full scope of what he had done came forth like thunder…
He tried to prepare himself.
"Enter"
The door opened revealing her. She walked towards him with purpose, her own countenance radiating a calm sadness that he found disquieting.
She was so beautiful. So elegant, short in stature but graceful and fluid in her movements and he knew that this was the end…
She was now directly in front of him and they were inches apart, brown eyes-not blue ones once again met his in a way they had so many times before…
"You loved her."
It was a statement. Not a question and he knew she was not expecting any such confirmation of the fact, but it burned in his soul that the words that had flowed so smoothly hours before refused to come forth at a time when he desperately wanted to bring them forth.
"She made you happy."
Rhetorical. She was speaking to him, but to herself and though he remained still, his face frozen in an emotionless mask he wanted to cry out to her to stay…he wanted to tell her it was not a true state of happiness…that she was what he desired…what he craved…but the words would not come…and so he remained silent…
"I can't do this anymore, Spock. You're not being fair to me."
He looked into the big brown eyes that had captivated his heart from the first day she set foot on the Enterprise. He felt a sense of dread wash over him, but refused to acknowledge it. He didn't want her to go…he needed her…
"Very well, Ms. Uhura. I have no choice but to comply with your wishes."
The words came forth from his lips but behind them his mind pleaded with her…Please don't leave, Nyota…
He watched as she breathed in a deep sigh, and then slowly exhaled. When she spoke again, her voice was soft.
"If it's worth having, Spock- it's worth fighting for. You never fought for us. I can't be the only person in this relationship any more. I hope you find someone who can give you what you need."
He watched as she exited his quarters. He started to go after her, but something held him still until the doors closed behind her.
Slowly, as if in a daze he walked towards them- to that place where she had been only moments before… Raising one hand to the door he rested his head on it and exhaled the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, an inhaling the scent she'd left behind…
Yes. He'd loved Leila. It was a love born of romantic passion and desire. But Nyota…the word love not enough. What he felt was deeper. Stronger. Harder…she was the embodiment of Shon-ha-lock. She engulfed him.
In the space of a day…he lost two loves- one from his past…the other- his present and possibly, his future.