Disclaimer: I have no true ownership in any/ all characters featured. I rent. After all, only a looney like myself has the nerve to pit sister and brother against one another, for the favor of a Kaiser. I say, did I just rhyme?

First, I'd like to thank DancingKirby for giving me the real name of the Zane/ Atticus shipping. Blizzardshipping is lovely...but both names can work, correct?

Yes, Kaiseress...I am that crazy. And you and I would probably chase Zane up a tree ourselves, if we had the chance. Doesn't everyone?

Overall, I thank all who have reviewed for the patronage! Now, on with the show!

PART II

In the days that followed all that contemplation, the lovelorn Prince began plotting. Plotting what, you ask? Why, he was plotting a way to woo his old friend.

And no one was to know but himself. After all, when it came to claiming the Kaiser, it was every guy, and girl, for themselves.

Anyways...the first thing to do was examine what he already knew about Kaiser and the Queen. With that, Atticus was now sitting up in a tree, a purple glitter pen in hand, and on his lap, a notebook with a turquoise cover. A picture of himself and his infatuation was taped to the front.

He scratched his scalp with the pen. "Okay, Att: what do you already know about those two? Hmm...

"Well, for one thing, they both seem to enjoy spending their free time at the lighthouse by the seaside! Yeah, I like watching the water thrash against the dock! Ooh, and sunsets! They like sunsets! Hell, I love sunsets! Like when Zane and I would be over there, not saying a word...God, did he look beautiful in the evening..."

You have to forgive the boy: he always somehow became derailed from the subject on which he tried to focus, especially when it was about his heart's desire. While he was supposed to find what he lacked, now he was fantasizing about how radiant Truesdale appeared at dusk; how he imagined that he was glowing...like some sort of angel.

As a matter of fact, Rhodes had four other S-words to describe him: serene, savvy, soothing...and, inevitably, sexy. Sometimes, just looking at Zane, or even thinking about him, made Atticus feel like touching himself!

So, it wasn't long before Atticus had to deliver a slap to his own forehead. "Hey, hey! Fantasizing about the guy's not going to get you any closer to him than you are now! Now think! What else..? Hey, I got it: they're both Obelisks! Obelisk royalty!

"Ohh...wait...so am I, though more minor. Gaahhh, c'mon, think, Rhodes! What could Lex have that Zane likes, and yet you don't have it??"

Silence. Because Rhodes was never much of a thinker, he spent at least fifteen minutes up there on that limb, give or take, scratching every last inch of his scalp with that glittery purple pen until it was sore. One leg was dangling down uselessly.

"Errr...errr..." Fists clenched, he tried to strain his brain for an idea. Nothing, except perhaps a red and purple-tinted face from the pressure.

"Errrrr, DOH! This isn't working! Damn, I have no idea how Misawa does this thinking junk!" Frustrated, he ripped out two clean sheets and crumpled them into two balls, just to channel it out.

Stopping to stare at the two paper balls, one in each hand, he paused. You know what was odd? Somehow those two balls...reminded him of, oh, say...breasts. You've heard me right, plain old breasts, small, but round.

Wait a minute, he thought, gradually bringing them both close to his chest. Then drawing them away. And bringing them close again.

Suddenly, the Prince felt as though a lamp was being switched on in his mind. "Hold on! This has to be it! The difference between me and Lex...is her breasts! She's got the biggest, roundest bosom this side of the Academy! No guy is immune to that, not even Zane! 'Cause if he was, then...he wouldn't be human! It's, like, the only feature guys like to focus on in a girl!

"All I need to do is find me breasts twice as nice as my sister's, and I've got it made! Ohh, but wait: where am I going to get that? I don't even have breasts..."

Again, Atticus felt himself fall back into that terribly dismal mood. The only thing standing between him and an eternity with Zane was the mere fact that he had no breasts. Where on Earth could he obtain such? Let's see, perhaps hormonal treatments could help? Maybe implants? Or how about both? Surely then, he could much more appetizing than Alexis!

But nowadays, you'd have to possess a considerably deep wallet to undergo either of those procedures. At the moment, Atticus was broke. And unfortunately, the idea to phone his mother for the money had to be ruled out, for obvious reasons.

He stared down at the crumpled paper balls once again, just to see if they could give him any more inspiration. As a matter of fact, after ten more minutes...they did.

Rhodes felt a smirk stretching across his lips. "Okay then. Guess I've got no other option, except to make my own rack from scratch..."

Meanwhile, on the other half of the island, Zane Truesdale was standing (where else?) on the dock, by (of course) the lighthouse. For the moment, he was alone, arms folded across his chest, and eyes glued to the horizon. Not a fangirl in sight...what a relief!

I think I understand now why he'd always retreat to that lighthouse. Life outside those boundaries was as if everyone was after him...for things. You didn't think bearing the title "Kaiser" was a picnic, did you?

He inhaled the sea breeze through his nostrils, without a sound. He was originally anticipating for Alexis to come around, as she always did. But he was really about to be paid a visit by someone completely different...

Eventually, he heard the patter of advancing footsteps. At first he didn't peel his gaze off the water, guessing that it was Alexis. Until:

"Ohhhh, Zaaa-aane," called a sing-song type of voice, a guy's voice, may I add.

That wasn't Alexis! This time, he turned his head, only to regret so afterwards. His eyes widened to the size of golfballs.

"Atticus??"

It was indeed Atticus, with a new twist: his chest seemed puffed out in some round, lumpy, distorted shape, with a flap of something pink and fleshy sticking from this blazer collar. And the way he walked...well, it was more like swaggering, or cat-walking, his hips swinging out at preposterous degrees.

"Hiya, Zane!" he waved with his fingers, flashing a suggestive smile. "Nice day to be, erm, gazing at the sea, huh?" He made sure to add a bit of bounce in his step to make his "breasts" jiggle.

You could say that Zane was speechless. What on Earth...??

"Atticus?? What'd you do to yourself this time??" Even someone as collected as himself would find this at least remotely disturbing.

"Like 'em? Aww, stop, you're making me blush!" Rhodes advanced even further.

"Are you...feeling okay, Atticus?" Zane raised an eyebrow amd scooted an inch backwards.

"Never better, Zane! And I see I got here before Lexi did..."

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing! Nothing..." When he got close enough, he stopped, captivated by his friend's virile beauty. His suggestive smirk grew broader.

"Att, I feel a little violated right now..."

Gasp! Did he just address him by his nickname? This had to be a sign that his plan was working! Excited, Rhodes positioned himself snugly at the side of a slightly shaken Truesdale.

"Sooo...since Lex isn't present, how's about the two of us watch the sunset, together? You know? The two of us, all alone, here on the dock, nothing but the crashing of the waves, and-"

SPLAT!

The two boys looked down. A slimy slice of boloney lay limp on the concrete at Atticus's feet, bits of tissue clinging to it.

"What is that?" the Kaiser gestured to the lunch meat. "Did that just fall out of your-"

The Prince felt himself break out into a cold, nervous sweat. "Wh-why, Zane! I-I don't know where that came from! That couldn't have possibly-"

Splat, splat, splat, splat, SPLAT!

He had no time to react: just one measly blink of an eye, and the whole load of bologna came tumbling out of his blazer (some down his pants), and collapsed into a pile at his feet. Thin, torn sheets of tissue paper kept it all sticking together. Good grief, how much could he have possibly needed?

The two stared at the stinky pile of meat for about two and a half minutes, more or less. Then, they slowly lifted their heads and locked eyes.

Atticus could've sworn his face was burning away off of his head, just from that twisted expression of Zane's. Gritting his teeth, he stammered, "Uhh...gee...th-this is...this is, erm, a-awkward..."

Just when he thought that it couldn't get any worse:

"Guys?" a feminine tone called out from around the corner. Much to Atticus's horror and dismay, up came his dear sister, curious about the whole scene.

"Hey, guys! What's going on over-"

Freeze.

"Oh my God..."

TO BE CONTINUED...

I told you it'd get stupid...was I right? I can't help it that I'm messed up, though. I was born that way.

...Sometimes I think Atticus might be AC/DC.