Book of Elaine the Firebird.
It was just after noon and we were camping in a forest, like we did for the good part of the last few weeks. The light was soft and green, filtered through the leaves of the trees. The camp, which consisted of couple dozens of tents, managed to look deserted. Some of the wolves and vampires were in town, searching for useful things in the shops there, and others were spending time in their tents. The only two people outside were Jacob and me.
I was sitting by a bonfire, poking the burning wood with my hand. I didn't feel a thing. No pain, not even itching. The fire was licking my skin like a faithful cat would if cat's weren't so distrustful of hybrids. It felt tingly and almost nice.
While I was sitting there, Jayden appeared out of his tent. He didn't say anything, just stood there and watched us. I decided not to start any conversation and let him stay silent or talk, whichever he preferred. In the meantime I picked up a long stick engulfed in flames and stared at it with unblinking eyes. Jacob was leaning against a tree this whole time and I could feel him watching me, too. I knew that if I look up, I'll see his dark eyes full of concern, warmth and affection.
I kept my eyes fixed on the flames.
Nothing new happened, so I dropped the stick with an exasperated sigh. I was trying to figure out what Sophia meant ever since she told me about the fire in my mind. I had whole days to do it, minus the moments when I was sleeping. There was nothing to do when the zombies weren't active.
"What are you people doing?," Jayden asked at last. "It looks like a serious fire hazard."
From the corner of my eye I could see Jacob shrug. He was still uneasy around vampires, though he seemed to have nothing against Jayden. I liked him, too, even if he was a bit rough around the edges.
"I prefer to call it training," I said.
Before Jayden had a chance to answer me, Alice stuck her head out of her tent and chided in in her sweet voice, "We are going to have visitors."
"Guests?," I asked, jumping to my feet. I was alarmed. Could it be today? Had Cornelia found me already?
Jayden was looking at something around my knees and I followed his gaze involuntarily. The flames were licking at my shoes now, reaching towards me. It still couldn't hurt me. It didn't even scorch my sneakers. I decided it will be best to ignore this.
"No, it's fine, Elle. They are our friends. I think they are curious about you."
Alice sneaked a quick look at the fire and then smiled brilliantly, apparently deciding to ignore it, too.
"And why is that?," I asked again. Jacob stepped closer to stand behind me and look in a threatening manner at anybody who may turn out to be a danger. I knew that hybrids were unimaginably rare, but it wasn't the best time to come over and satisfy curiosity.
Still smiling, Alice gestured to the fire and me and then the whole camp. I had no idea what she meant. We were worth seeing because of our tent-setting skills? Sometimes I had a nasty feeling that Sophia understood all of it better. Sometimes I pondered on letting her into my head once more, just to see what else she can figure out.
Others started gathering around, possibly after overhearing our conversation. Privacy was a luxury when one lived with vampires and werewolves. I didn't have any great secrets I wanted to keep, but still, sometimes I wanted to just chat with Alice or Rosalie about trivial matters and not worry that the whole camp will know that sometimes I miss wearing a well-fitting bra more than I miss sleeping in an actual bed.
Emmett, Jacob and me went ahead to greet our guests and, at least in my case, find out what do they want from me. As we were leaving, Sophia appeared at Jayden's side, chatting excitedly about the newcomers. Edward followed her, but declined my proposition to go with us.
We met the newcomers after less than ten minutes of running. Emmett knew them beforehand, too, so he made the introductions. They were five vampires – four females and one male – and called themselves the Denali Coven. It consisted of pale-haired Kate, strawberry blonde named Tanya, Irina, whose hair was almost the same silver tone as mine, black-haired Carmen and her mate, equally olive-skinned Eleazar.
Tanya, who was the leader of the group, greeted me and said, " We heard about you and we took off as soon as the news about your whereabouts have reached us."
We headed back to the camp, where everybody waited for us, even those people who were in town just half an hour ago. If I didn't know better, I would think that Edward wasn't the only telepathic one in our group. The speed with which information travelled was just unnatural.
"That's nice, I suppose," I said warily. "I don't wish to sound impolite, but I didn't mean it to be a circus show that people will want to come and see with their own eyes."
"No," Tanya agreed. "You want to take a stand and we want it, too. Let us help, Elle of the Duskborn, we can be of use to you."
"This is my war," I said, probably sounding like a stubborn child. I was aware that the wolves from the Black Pack were taking positions that allowed them to keep me in sight at all times. I was very well guarded and in turn I tried to take a position in front of Jayden and Sophia, just in case. I trusted the Cullens, but I wasn't so sure about their acquaintances.
"No, it's not," said Kate. "It's ours just as much as it's yours. We just needed someone to take that first step. Lead the way."
I gaped at her in the most ungraceful way possible. I didn't take that step for anybody else but myself. It wasn't supposed to affect others. If I knew I could do it alone, I would leave the Cullens and the wolves behind, too.
"I can't forbid you to tag along," I said at last, unhappy.
"Sure, the more, the merrier," Emmett agreed, grinning. It was impossible to kill his spirits. "Though less zombies for me to kill."
"It's agreed, then," Tanya smiled at me. "Oh, nice to see you, Edward."
She turned to look at him and he smiled at her, maybe just a bit more tentatively. I couldn't help but notice that she lost all interest in the conversation in favour of staring at him in awe. I supposed Edward was very handsome, with his perfect jaw and bronze hair, but I tended to forget about it. He was a friend, a brother almost. Plus, even without admiring Edward I got distracted too often.
"And who is your little friend?," Irina asked.
There was something a bit off about the way she accented the word 'little'. She looked straight at Sophie, but talked about her as if she wasn't there. I didn't like it. I narrowed my eyes at her.
"This is Sophia, my new-born," Edward said. "And this is Jayden."
"Your new-born," Irina said, ignoring Jayden completely. "She does look young."
"She was fifteen when Edward changed her," Jasper said. Ah, so that was what it was all about! The law. It was odd to know that there were people who still cared. When I was keeping out of humans' sight, it wasn't from fear of the Volturi, but from common sense. Plain and simple.
"I don't think the Volturi care anymore," Rosalie said, voicing my thoughts. "You don't see them doing anything with this whole mess, do you."
Jayden looked at us all quizzically. He couldn't possibly know who the Volturi were – the vampire who changed him, Joyce, didn't have much time to explain him all the laws of the vampire world before she got killed by zombies. Edward moved closer to him and whispered into his ear, literally reading Jayden's mind for the unspoken question, "The Volturi are like the rulers of the vampire society. They make the laws and make sure those who don't abide them get punished."
"So you don't know," Eleazar said. "The Queen of Death is in Volterra, she stands alongside with the Volturi. They formed a truce."
A chill went through me. Partially it was because my mother – and Cornelia was it, however I liked to deny it – had been dubbed Queen of Death, but mostly because Eleazar just gave me a vital piece of information. Everything clicked and started to make sense. Dark, terrible, macabre sense.
Suddenly our plan wasn't to blindly hike through forests and abandoned towns until someone will notice the pattern and think that maybe I am the one behind all of this. We weren't to wander – we were to march at them. And when you march, you need an army.
"Of course it's all leeches' fault," Leah snapped. "We could've expected that."
Rosalie twirled around to glare at her and the newcomers went rigid.
"Language, Leah," Jacob said.
She couldn't argue with him when he used his Alpha Voice, so she went silent. Leah was a bitter, though very strong woman. Whether I wanted it or not, I knew her story and I strongly sympathised. She was getting better now that she didn't have to share her thoughts with the man that she loved and who left her for her cousin. I bet she wished for the privacy, too. We never talked much – she didn't chat with vampires, or leaches, as she called us, and we did get off to a rough start.
"Perfect," I said. "Seems like you will have your great battle after all, Emmett."
"You want to attack the Volterra?," Jasper asked.
"It is a well-guarded place," Edward said, in my opinion pointing out the obvious rather skilfully. "There is a reason why the Volturi haven't been overthrown."
"I bet we can do it," Seth said. "We can, right, Elle?"
It was the first time in a long time when he addressed me personally and even though it wasn't a good moment to gloat, I felt victorious.
"Maybe they haven't been overthrown because a firebird has never looked at them with its wrathful eye."
"A firebird?," Sophie echoed somewhere behind my back, fascinated. "A phoenix! That's what I saw!"
Everybody just stared and Eleazar smiled at her as if she was a good student who deserved to be praised. I was dumbstruck, unable to move or think straight.
Firebird.
I shall burn alive.
"You walk between minds, don't you, Sophia?," Eleazar asked. "My gift is to see what gifts do others have."
"That's cool," Sophie said. "How does mine look like?"
"Later," I interrupted her, though my voice was soft and it came from far away even to my won ears. "What do you mean, a phoenix?"
"So you don't now," Eleazar said again, teasing me. He looked happy about something and his mate, Carmen, shared his excitement. All the others showed different shades of confusion and some of the wolves openly discussed what the fuck a phoenix is in the first place.
I knew the legends, of course, about a bird reborn from flames, but this comment was so random I didn't know what to think.
"There were others like you before, Elle of the Duskborn. Others with the power to command the flames. You are carrying a seed inside you and it grows as you feed it with fire. One day it will break and it will give birth to a firebird. It is only up to you whether it will kill you or lend you its power."
"I shall burn alive," I said, this time out loud. The words were burned inside my mind, bright and vibrant.
Jacob put a hand on my shoulder, but I shook my head, not sure what am I denying in the first place. I just knew that I don't agree, that's all. He was far taller and looked as if he could break me with just one arm, encircle my waist with his fingers, but I was the one who was a ticking bomb. Seth was looking at me with his mouth opened wide, possibly remembering that he kissed me and now I turned out to be this, and Alice was staring at me in something like frustration. She couldn't see any hybrid's or werewolf's future, however desperately she wanted.
And I was sure she wanted to see that. Not me burning alive, hopefully, but that creature being born. I touched my chest, wondering if it's already inside me, growing like Eleazar said. I caught Edward eye and was grateful that he pretended not to hear my thoughts.
"Yes," Eleazar said simply.
I nodded at him absentmindedly. My head was spinning.
"We will need an army," Kate pointed out.
For some reason it felt good that she said 'we'. I didn't even know these people, but I was glad to have them here. They were allies. They were friends.
"We will have an army," Alice promised.
She was right.
The very next day vampires indeed started appearing. They were coming from different parts of America and sometimes not only from there. No distance seemed to be too big. They had heard about me – which was a scary, disturbing thought – and wanted to see if it's true. Wanted to find out if a child of mortal mother and immortal father really wields fire. Wanted to follow me, for some unimaginable reason.
Soon our camp was stretching for a great distance. I was afraid to the point of panic. It was way too much for one person. Most of those vampires were older than me, yet they were fine with discussing strategies with me and actually listening to my orders. I wasn't certain about the word 'orders' here, I was only fine with calling them 'suggestions'.
I was almost never alone, so I didn't have any time to dwell on all of it. It wasn't too good for me and it was plainly visible. Everybody wanted something from me, wanted me to lead them, to make the choice.
And who was I to make it for them? The fact that there was something very dangerous, something impossible inside me didn't make me a good leader. If anything, it made me a threat. I was afraid to ask Eleazar if others can also get hurt when the 'hatching' will take place.
One day I just couldn't take it all anymore and I got back to the old habit of running away from trouble. I wasn't proud of it, but I told Jacob to stay in the camp and went into the town giving everyone a false excuse that I wanted to pick up some clean clothes. This caused Alice to insist that she wants to go with me, but at last I managed to get away from all of them.
I sat on a bench by the main street. I looked up, at the grey sky. I thought easy, calming thoughts, like when was it going to start snowing or how were Effie and Heather doing.
I don't think I had more than three quarters of an hour to myself before Jayden appeared. I hadn't seen much of him since the Denali Coven joined us. I wasn't really craving any company, be it his or anybody else's, but I wasn't going to chase him away.
He sat next to me on the bench.
"So, what's up?," he asked with false cheer.
I straightened up and looked him in the eye. His dark hair was dishevelled and a bit wet.
"I can't believe all those vampires came here just to… I can't believe it," I blurted out.
And here I was, the old me with serious troubles when it came to proper articulation. How was I to lead the masses when I could hardly say one of my friends how I really feel?
"They need someone to follow, Elle. And I think you fit the role," Jayden said.
My heart have a leap. I sighed softly and looked ahead. There was a shop on the other side of the street and inside it I could see human corpses, rotting. I actually managed not to pay any attention to them. In the last three years I'd gotten used to decay and death. I hated it. I wanted to fix the world, wanted so badly to make it all better.
"I just wish I could actually do something, besides just being for the sake of symbolism. The thing is, I don't have enough courage to go to those people and tell them that I want them to come with me to the Volterra. How are we even supposed to get there? There are about sixty vampires and werewolves here."
"That's just logistics. I think you are postponing taking off on purpose."
Jayden looked straight through my excuses. I couldn't tell whether I liked him for that more or wanted to smack him.
"Possibly. Jay, I miss the times before all of this and I hope I can make them come back… For all of you."
"I don't know if you can."
I felt as if he slapped me. It was one thing for me to not believe in myself, but for him to express the same lack of trust so blatantly out loud? It hurt, but it was for the better. A cold shower. What was I thinking?
"We aren't the same people, and we can't go back to that, Elle," Jayden said silently. "We can build something new. And this you can do."
I almost sighed in relief. On one hand I didn't want to lead them and on the other I wanted them to trust in me. It was odd and once more I didn't understand myself.
"And what would you like to build? Just so you know, having a private island is already booked by Jacob and me."
Jayden grinned, but it quickly turned into something that looked like a lockjaw. I looked at him worriedly. That was bad. My head raced as I tried to guess what could possibly be so bad as to make him that angry.
Suddenly, he straightened up with a determined expression. He made up his mind.
"Elle, I'm gay."
I just stared at him. From all the things he could possibly say, this was the last I would ever think about. Jayden closed his eyes as if waiting for a blow and I wondered how to handle it.
I didn't mind him being gay, that was not the issue here, but I was pretty sure that I was the first person he had told it to. I wasn't good with handling this sort of things. When it came to romance-related business, I was the last person on Earth to give advice.
"All right," I said at last. "It certainly is a very roundabout way of answering my question, but all right."
He opened his amber-coloured eyes and looked at me. I was actually grinning now, mostly despite myself. Jayden hugged me to himself and I threw my arms around his neck. He smelled sweetly, like all the vampires did, but I could also smell the forest in which we were camping. Jayden was cold to the touch and suddenly I was reminded of the fact that Jacob was just the opposite.
"Thank you for telling me," I murmured.
"Thanks for not calling me anything unprintable."
"Don't be silly, Jay. Why would I call you anything?"
"My high school 'friends' did," Jayden said and I winced. I'd never actually been to any school, it wasn't a possibility for Effie and me, but I could imagine how it felt to be ostracised for something. I was, in a way.
"You know you still have to tell me what you are hoping for, don't you?," I asked, trying to lighten the mood.
I decided I spend too much time with Rosalie. Her trademark stubbornness started to show in me, too.
"Fine. As you wish. Here goes. I hope that, by some miracle, Edward will fall for me. Fuck, I sound like a woman."
I managed not to stare. I straightened up, but he didn't let go of me, just loosened his grip. If anything, it was a great distraction from my own dark musings.
There was no need to point out that Edward was probably into Sophia. I didn't have much time to dwell on private lives of the people in my camp, but I noticed some things, like the way he said her name, always kept close to her, even changed her himself.
It must had felt terrible. Jayden basically brought Sophia to Edward and she was still his only friend from his hometown, the girl that he tried to save from the dead, including himself.
"Well, you two do have a kid together and all. It just has to work out."
Jayden glared at me. I had to admit I wasn't too supportive. It sounded more like I was channelling Effie than speaking for myself.
"Anyway," Jayden said. "I'd appreciate it if you let it go now. And also, nice way of changing the topic. You know you have to figure out how you want to do it, right? You've made the first step, Elle, and there is no going backwards, only forwards."
"I know that," I said. "Just… I'm a coward."
"I think the problem here is rather that you are all talk and not actual action. Sad truth, Elle. Do something about it. You have all the tools handed to you. Use them."
Maybe rough treatment was exactly what I needed, because suddenly it all clicked in my head. I looked up at the sky one more time and then jumped to my feet, pulling Jayden behind me. It was exactly the way our friendship started, with one of us always pulling the other one along, never leaving each other behind.
"Come on," I said.
"Where?," Jayden asked, a bit worried, probably thinking that I'd lost my mind at last.
I had actually just made up my mind.
"Back to the camp. I have something to tell everybody. Come on, before I change my mind again."
This worked like a charm. I actually had trouble with keeping up with Jayden, he ran so fast. We were back between our tents in a matter of minutes. I wasn't exactly gasping for air, but my heart was pounding faster than ever. Charlotte and Peter, friends of Jasper's, looked at us in confusion.
"Is everything all right?," Charlotte asked.
"Oh, certainly," I said.
And then I whistled on my fingers, for the old times' sake. The deafening sound hurt even my own ears, so I was sure it carried far and wide. Vampires and werewolves started coming out of the tents or from between the trees. They were all looking at me, as I was standing in the middle of the clearing considering whistling again if the need should be.
"Again?," Jared asked in disbelief. "Why do you keep doing this?"
"To get your attention. See, it worked."
I counted the people, making sure that everybody's here. I wasn't sure I could say the same thing twice. Jacob took his usual place behind me. It gave me comfort, though I knew it shouldn't. I shoved that though away, instead focusing on the now.
"I decided there is no point in waiting anymore. Everybody that was supposed to be here is here. We are leaving tomorrow at sunrise. Don't take anything that you don't need. The planes from Los Angeles were still flying three months ago, though for horrendous amounts of money."
"We can contact Carlisle and…," Edward began.
"That would take too long," I said. "We will steal a plane. The law forces are basically non-existent and anyway, I don't think it's so important now to be a good citizen."
"That's the spirit," Emmett grinned.
"That's great, but can you actually pilot a plane, Elle?," Sam asked.
It was a good point. I looked at the faces of the vampires. A few of them raised their hands. That was what I really enjoyed about vampires – they had unlimited free time at their hands and they used it to acquire the most random skills. I was pretty sure that if I asked about piloting a space ship, the outcome would be positive, too.
"We will land as close to Volterra as possible. I don't think we can count on surprising the Volturi, so there is no point in sneaking around."
"So what, we will run at the Volterra, screaming?," Rosalie asked.
"Not really. They will let me in. Cornelia wants me there."
"I doubt she's stupid enough to let us all in, though," Kate pointed out.
"No. I don't think you will like the plan."
I related it to them and they indeed didn't like it. I got called insane a few more times and Jacob looked as if I was aiming a gun at him. Well, they said from the very beginning that I was suicidal.
The firebird was to burn and even if I wasn't to survive it, I had to make sure that the flames will take Cornelia with me. I owed it to those people. They trusted in me even when I didn't trust in myself.
I shall burn alive.
I went back into the town soon after that and found some house that didn't have any corpses in it. Jacob went after me and I didn't stop him, though I did tell him not to talk about what we were going to do tomorrow after sunrise. I imagined myself that there in fact is no tomorrow, that the sun will never rise.
Jacob sat in an armchair and hid his face in his hands. "I could lock you away," he said in a dead voice. "Keep you in a tower, like those princesses in fairy tales."
I stayed silent. I knew that he wasn't to blame when it came to the whole the-'i'-word thing. He didn't choose me. And if he could, he certainly wouldn't. I put him through hell and I was going to do something even worse. I asked Sam about it – when the-'i'-word… No. When the imprint died, the wolf was worse than dead. Hollow, broken.
"I'm ok with you hating me, Elle. I can deal with it. But I need you alive. I need you. I'll take whatever you'll give me."
I couldn't give him anything. I had nothing anymore, just the fire inside me, and it was not a gift I wished upon anybody, so I just sat there, on the couch in front of a TV that will possibly never again work, with my legs crossed and my hair falling forward, hiding my face.
"I love you," Jacob said. "Not because you are my imprint. That was different, instant. I grew to love you, watching you and talking to you and seeing all your weaknesses, all your strengths… When you are reckless and when you stand up for others. When you can't cry and when you smile at me. I think I always knew you are somewhere out there and I just waited to meet you." He looked at me and his eyes seemed black in the near darkness of the room. The drapes were pulled shut and I was grateful for that. This way I could pretend I was somewhere else.
"And what about our private island?," Jacob asked and though he tried to smile, all he managed to produce was a painful grimace.
"You can still have it," I croaked out. My voice was leaving me and my throat was painfully clenched.
"Leave me orders and I will follow them, but that's all. I will go mad, Elle. I beg you. I'll do anything you ask of me, you don't even have to ask, just… Don't die. I love you."
I couldn't answer him with the same. There was no feeling left inside me, let alone love. The fire was slowly burning it all away. My wish was coming true. There were just ashes and I could almost feel them in my mouth.
All I could do for Jacob was to give him the last thing I had left. I rose from the couch and his eyes followed me. The hunger in them was making me tremble.
I crossed the room until I stood just in front of the armchair. I bent my knee and rested it on one side of Jacob's legs and then straddled his lap. He wasn't even blinking at this point and there was something sacred about this moment. If any of us said a word, something terrible would happen. The illusion would break.
I leaned in slowly and planted a single kiss on Jacob's lips. They were soft and burning hot, feverish, almost like the fire inside me. Jacob let out a strange sound, something between a sigh and a gasp. I joined our lips together again and this time there was nothing chaste about it.
Jacob kissed me roughly, his tongue demanding entrance. I couldn't – wouldn't – deny him and he pulled me close, clasping his fingers on my hips. His mouth moved to my jaw and then to my neck, sucking and biting and leaving marks.
I tugged at his t-shirt and he raised his hands obediently, letting me pull it over his head. For once I was actually happy to see his chest exposed in front of me. I started tracing the muscles with my fingers, memorising the hard lines. I pulled off my own sweatshirt and then unhooked my bra and threw it to the floor.
Jacob straightened up, looking first at my face, and then down, at my exposed breasts. He traced a line underneath one of them with his thumb, very gently. The admiration in his eyes was almost too much – he looked at me as if he'd never seen anything more…
"Perfect," he murmured and it wasn't just something boys tell girls. He really believed that.
I gasped, because he moved suddenly, bending his back and sucked my nipple into his mouth. His hand clasped on my other breast and I threw my head back in sudden surge of pleasure that ran through me. His mouth, his skin, his fingers – all of it was awaking something in me, something I forgot could even be there.
I shifted my hips involuntarily and suddenly I felt Jacob's hardness pressing against me. Jacob growled against my breast and there were just too many clothes in the way. Jacob must had realised that, too, because he stood up without any warning, picking me up with him. I reached down and started fumbling with the button of his jeans.
Jacob dropped me to my feet and I used this opportunity to kick off my shoes. He undressed swiftly and picked me up again. Maybe he was aiming for the couch, but there was no time for that. We fell to the floor, kissing and touching. I landed on my back and Jacob pulled off my jeans and panties in one movement. His patience was wearing thin.
Be bent down again, kissing a trail down my stomach. My back arched and I almost regretted that I wasn't able to look at him, but then he kissed the inside of my thigh and all logical thinking was forgotten. I closed my eyes and searched desperately for something to sink my nails, teeth into as Jacob's tongue made lazy circles around my core.
It was just too much to stand. I needed more of him, closer to me. I grasped at Jacob's short black hair with my fingers and pulled him upward until our faces were just an inch apart. I kissed him and he tasted like me.
Jacob looked me straight in the eye. The intensity, hunger and fire were all there and I was sure they were mirrored in my own eyes. Jacob entered me slowly, just memorising my face. I felt his length filling me and I gasped for air and the moaned loudly when he started to move.
He dropped his forehead to the place where my neck was meeting with my arm. I clawed at his back until I drew blood, locking my ankles behind his back.
There was just Jacob and pleasure and fire, until my body couldn't take it anymore. I cried out, raising my back from the floor. Jacob was gasping my name out in an unending prayer.
When the world and air came back, Jacob rolled onto his side, leaning on his elbow. I rested my head on his shoulder and he stroked my hip slowly, not ready to let go.
"I love you, Elle," Jacob said.
I looked around us. The room was growing colder now, though the carpet was burned in few places and the room smelled vaguely of burned wool. I was already almost regretting what I did. It was egoistic of me and though I tried to convince myself that I did it from Jacob, I wasn't sure if this memory was going to make coping with my loss easier or just the opposite.
I kissed Jacob for the last time, pressing our lips together, trying to leave my mark, a token, something that would protect him. When I pulled away, the light that shone in Jacob's eyes when we were making love was gone. I stood up, picking up my clothes and dressing hastily. It felt like sneaking out from a one-night stand's house.
Soon Jacob followed in my footsteps. "So it doesn't change anything?," he asked.
I didn't say anything, but he guessed the answer anyway. I wasn't looking at him, but I could hear his voice catching in his throat.
We'd cleared the town from zombies, so there wasn't much for me to do but to await sunrise. I headed towards the stairs, deciding to look for some room where I could do that and stay out of Jacob's way, but he stopped. He caught me in half and brushed my hair away from my neck.
"Wait," he whispered softly into my ear. "Let's find some bed. You need sleep and I could use some rest, too."
I sighed silently. It felt good to be in Jacob's arms and I couldn't believe I'd denied it to myself for so long. However selfish it was, it felt just too comforting. I turned around and encircled his neck with my arms. Jacob picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.
I laughed, not expecting this sudden change in the mood. Jacob turned his head to kiss the skin of my side that got exposed in the process. He carried me upstairs, opening one door after another, until he found the main bedroom. He threw me onto the bed with a little bit more force than was necessary, but the mattress was soft. Jacob threw himself next to me, with his hands behind his head.
I fell asleep with my cheek on Jacob's chest. I gave up. It was my last night and my last act of selfishness.
Another long night was coming to an end and the sun was slowly rising above the horizon. We watched it, our faces turned towards the brilliant colours of dawn. We were standing in the middle of the abandoned town of ghosts where only dead were rotting – all of them victims of my mother's madness.
We turned South and set off. We ran in silence. It turned out that when you had so little time to tell everything you wanted, you couldn't decide on anything and in the end didn't say anything. I was pondering what I had to do and all those unresolved matters we left behind.
I looked at the faces of the people that came to be my family and tried to guess how many of them will die because of me.
We reached Los Angeles the next day and soon it became clear that I was wrong. The military base around the International Airport that I remembered from my last visit still had all the heavy equipment in it, but no people.
No living people.
The fence no longer had electricity running through it and was torn apart. Our group went through it and I tried to stay calm. When was the last time I'd actually seen any humans apart from those in Forks? Sudden realisation of my own naivety dawned upon me and it made me dizzy.
"She led me here," I whispered to Jacob, looking unblinkingly ahead, at mangled corpses that would rise again come night-time. "She kept Forks untouched, she knew Father will send me there…" I tried to swallow the bile that was choking me. I raised my voice and said, "Rosalie, Emmett, Carmen, check the planes. I bet you will find one of them is ready for flight. Hurry up, though. I'd hate to keep my mother waiting."
"Are you ok?," Jacob asked gently.
"Of course I am."
"Of course she's not!," Sophia snapped.
I shook my head at her and followed Leah, who was heading towards the plate of the terminal where Rosalie, Emmett and Carmen went. Emmett was waving at us, standing on a wing of a white plane. Planes always looked like sea creatures to me.
I was busying myself with mundane details, like the fact that he found a captain's hat somewhere and was now using it to signal us. If I just didn't think about all of this, I would be fine. I wouldn't stray from my course. I couldn't afford the luxury of doubts, I had to be strong for all my people who watched me. If I wavered now…
The door of the plane was standing open and though there were no stairs or any other way to climb there, it wasn't much of a trouble. Vampires could easily jump that high and so did the werewolves. I couldn't, but Jayden helped me out.
Randall, a nomadic vampire that joined us very soon after the Denali Coven, was the one to pilot the plane. He had some sort of an army background and was a very honourable, dedicated man. In the cockpit he was accompanied by Mary whom he'd met in the camp. Mary looked ten years older than him and spoke about ten words a day.
The flight, Randall said, was to take roughly ten hours. It turned out that it won't be enough if I just sit there, looking out of the window. People asked me questions. Wanted to repeat the plan with me. Wanted to just hear a good word.
What I wanted was to fall to the floor and scream. I checked in the window to see if it was visible in my eyes. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, Edward took the seat next to mine. Originally it was Jacob's, but he was busy with his Pack.
"You look awfully pale," Edward said so softly I could barely hear him.
"It's my first time on a plane. And my last, judging by the look of things," I said.
"Do you have to be so fatalistic, Elle?"
"I consider myself an optimist. I believe I can take her down with me," I said. "You have to admit, that is quite optimistic."
I wished this flight would be over.
I wished this flight would never end.
"I don't think you are meant to burn down," Edward said after a long moment. "Just… to burn."
"I hope I'm not meant for anything. It never ends well, being meant for something."
"That's a new one. I thought everybody wants to be meant for great things. And what about being meant for somebody, or somebody being meant for you, whichever way you prefer?"
I could tell that Edward tried not to think about what we were about to do, too. I was grateful for the distraction.
My mind provided me with Jacob's name almost at once. He was meant for me, that was the whole problem, and I didn't want to take him. If only I could be sure that with me gone he will get his freedom back…
"That's a scary thought," I said.
"Is it? I think you are scared of getting attached to anything. I'm sorry, I know it's a bad moment to say something like that…"
"And aren't you scared?"
His eyes flickered to the rows of sits in front of us. It was just for a split second and he shaded his eyes with his eyelids, but I saw it nevertheless – because I was looking for it. Sophia was sitting there, her short hair sticking in all direction. She was reading a magazine that she must had found somewhere on the plane. On the seat next to her was Jayden. His head was resting against the window and he seemed to be asleep, though a vampire could not sleep.
"It's not her, is it?," I asked in a moment of sudden realisation.
Edward winced. I couldn't quite read the grimace on his handsome face, but I was sure there was some anger in it.
"There are some boundaries that you are overstepping here, Elle."
"You wouldn't say that if it was her," I insisted. "You'd want to talk about it. You'd be proud. But it's not, so you snap at me like that."
"Elle," Edward growled. "Can't you let it be?"
"Hardly. Do you remember Effie?"
"Of course. What is this about?"
"You do. Effie is my sister, though we don't have the same mother. Heather? Heather is my mother, though she wasn't the one to give birth to me. And Sophia there? My little sister. And Jayden? My brother in everything spare for blood. You know that feeling, do you not, Edward?"
"Yes, obviously yes, but what are you talking about?"
"We chose our family. You chose to follow me. These are things of great magnitude. Why can't you take another step and choose who you want to love?"
"Like you've chosen?," Edward asked.
"It's not my fault I don't love him…"
"It's your fault you are using him."
"Consider it my dying wish," I said and I could see he was as hurt as I was a moment ago, when he pointed out my latest sin.
We fell silent after that and I felt bad. I didn't want to leave any bad impressions behind. I wanted to be remembered as someone… Someone I wasn't, clearly. Maybe history will work as a bleach on all my dirty secrets.
Waiting was excruciating. Hours stretched unbearably and I tried to use all of it to feed the burning inside me. The fire was taking shape and the egg was close to hatching, I could feel it. It wasn't like something was inside my body, no, the presence was in my mind. Alien, but close.
About one lifetime later, the plane finally landed. Randall didn't make the landing too smooth and my teeth clashed violently together and Edward, who stayed in the seat next to mine, cursed under his breath.
I jumped to my feet almost at once and headed for the door, but Jayden caught my wrist.
"They are waiting outside," Alice explained.
"Of course they are," I agreed. "I shall go to them, then."
"Wait," Jayden said. He dropped a kiss on my forehead. "I'll see you soon?"
I just smiled at him sadly. I knew we wouldn't see each other again, but it was too much to say it out loud. I turned towards Alice instead and hugged her. I memorised all their faces, people I'd just met and some I'd known longer. My people.
Edward almost crushed my bones when he hugged me and whispered, "I trust in you, Elle. Sister."
Jacob didn't say his goodbyes. He just looked at me and said, "Don't do this to me." Just behind him I could see Sophia, touching her temple with her finger in a manner of conspirators. Whatever was that supposed to mean, I didn't get the message.
"Be safe," I said simply. I brushed Jacob's cheek with the back of my head and wished for the last time during this infernal flight.
Let him come in one piece out of this whole mess. Let him forget me as soon as I draw my last breath. Let him forgive me. Let him be happy.
I turned away, said my personal goodbye to my own life and opened the heavy airplane door.
"You took your time, Elaine," said a dark-haired, tall, lean vampire, looking up.
I jumped down, onto the ground, repeating in my head not to look back, not to turn around. There were two men here and a very young, very small girl, waiting for me. As soon as my feet touched the ground, the two men flanked me, clasping their hands on my shoulders in a light warning. They led me towards a car, which was entirely black, and more or less shoved me inside. The girl sat next to me then.
"I believe introductions are in order. This is Jane," said the lean man. "This is Felix, and I am Demetri. We are part of the Volturi Guard. We will take you to your mother now. You must be excited to see her after so many years."
My mother was in South America right now, hopefully as far away from here as possible without leaving planet Earth. I sneaked a glance at Jane. She must had been even younger than Sophia. I'd never met the Volturi myself, luckily, but I'd heard enough from Father. She was probably the girl who could cause pain just by wishing it upon others.
"Do you know why she wants me here?," I asked casually.
It didn't really matter anymore, but the silence was ringing in my ears. I rubbed my wrist subconsciously. Just beneath the skin, blue veins were clearly visible, thin lines, nothing worth mentioning if it wasn't for the fact that what was running through them was no longer blood. It was liquid fire, leaving nothing in its wake. There wasn't much of Elle in me at this point and whatever was to take my place told me to keep going.
"Don't you?," Jana asked. "Well, you don't seem too bright…"
Bright. She will see more brightness than any vampire should, though maybe not in the way she meant. I tried to breath evenly and calm myself down. I had to contain the firebird just long enough to get to Cornelia.
"Humour me," I said.
My voice must had been as strained as my nerves, because it caught Demetri's attention. He turned in his seat, putting his arm around the headrest. His eyes – and Jane's and Felix's, too – were red. I couldn't remember when was the last time I'd seen a vampire who fed on human blood. It was just too rare, too precious, everybody realised that.
"You don't happen to have… motion sickness?," Demetri asked carefully.
"No," I said curtly.
"I've never seen a hybrid, you see. I believe Cornelia said there is something inside you that seeks its way out… And if she can bleed you out beforehand, she will gain immeasurable powers."
"She will butcher you," Jane said with dark satisfaction.
"I understood it the first time, yes. Are we far from Volterra?"
"Running towards your death, aren't you," Felix said suddenly. "You are all insane."
"Perhaps," I said and then fell silent.
Talking was too much at this point. I choked on that last word and it took all my self-control not to double over in sudden pain. Where the fire hadn't burned everything in its wake, spikes of ice were piercing through me. My teeth began to chatter. Even burning inside, I was still cold. I needed more flames.
The car stopped and Demetri had to drag me out of my seat, because I could hardly walk. I was weak and cold sweat was running down my back, but my throat was parchment-dry. Through the haze of my fever I could see the town of Volterra and magnificent castle towering over it. We took some very round-about route, but I could still sense humans. Humans, going about with their lives. The sounds were so unlikely that I was half-convinced it was my mind, playing tricks.
We went through underground, dark canals. I was trembling visibly at this point, but my guards decided it's because of fear. Jane even made a few dry remarks about it. The only thing I was afraid of was that I may not manage to reach my destiny in time. I dragger my feet through sarcastically well-lit lobby and then suddenly we were in a round, great chamber with ceiling so high it was bathed in shadows.
Felix, who was holding me by the elbow, shoved me forward and I fell to my knees. I leaned heavily on my hands and found out I couldn't straighten up. I raised my head and looked in the eyes of the woman who made my life a slow, painful fall.
Maybe I was like Cornelia in her insane determination, or maybe not, but we certainly could be mistaken for sisters more easily than Effie and I could. Cornelia was slender and alabaster-pale, with silver hair falling on her arms, down her back, past her waist, to her knees. She was dressed in a red dress the colour of her eyes and was half-smiling, half-staring in childish amazement. There were dead accompanying her, animated even though it was daytime. She could do that only in her immediate proximity.
Cornelia was the first person I looked at, but it was clear she wasn't the most import one. No, this role fell to the three kings of the vampire world, our leaders. Two of them were black-haired, shorter Aro and taller, perfectly indifferent Marco. The third one had hair almost as pale as his skin and his mouth twisted into a cruel grimace when he looked at me.
There were other vampires here, too, members of the guard. I counted seven, including the three that brought me in. It didn't matter much.
"So this is your daughter, Cornelia? I must say, she looks rather… sickly," Aro said with a leer that made me even sicker than I already was. "Introduce yourself, child."
"I'm Elaine Middleton," I croaked out. "Elle."
"Elle the Duskborn," Cornelia said dreamily. "Elle the Firebird. My little miracle. Life born out of death, far more complete than my other children." She gestured to the zombies and I almost gagged.
She was completely and utterly insane and Aro saw that, too, it was evident in the way he looked at her. Cornelia was useful, but a nuisance nevertheless. I could feel the fire extinguishing and I gasped in panic. Now that I wanted the firebird to consume me, it was gone.
I rose shakily to my feet and straightened up. Fine then. If I was to die, I would at least die standing. At the hands of my own mother.
"You were searching for me," I said. "Demetri said you want my blood."
"Blood of the firebird, yes," she agreed cheerfully. "Blood of a child born of life and death. Aren't you happy, my sweet? That's what you were born for. To make your mother stronger. To help me prevent people from dying. You will die for utopia."
"Utopia?," I echoed. "These creatures, they aren't humans they once were…"
"And are we?," Aro asked.
I shook my head in disbelief. It was ridiculous. A house of madmen.
"Why did you kill Father?," I asked.
Cornelia looked taken aback. Her smile faltered for a moment, almost as if she regretted it.
"Cian… Ah, my sweet Cian. He shouldn't have kept you away from me. I miss him, you see, but a vampire can't be brought back as one of my children."
"Enough talking," Caius drawled.
I actually agreed with him. This wasn't taking us anywhere. There was no point in trying to talk some sense into Cornelia. She was too far gone.
"Just kill the child."
Something, a flicker of emotion went through Marcus's eyes and I hoped this was what I thought it was. I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my chin. I could hear Jane snort, but I ignored her. I was beyond caring about humiliation.
"Just don't spill too much blood," Cornelia said.
All air escaped my lungs as Demetri kicked me in the kidney, making me fall to the ground again. I turned around and jumped at him, baring my teeth, but he just laughed and kicked me in the ribs. Something snapped and I wailed like an animal. Another vampire, a big and terrifyingly strong one, Santiago, picked me up by the neck. I moved my lips, trying to speak despite the pain, and he slapped me across the face.
"Wait," Cornelia said. "Let her speak."
"One more thing," I mumbled around the blood in my mouth. "I need to hear just one more thing."
"Her dying wish," Aro said.
I got an awful lot of those, but I nodded. Santiago dropped me and my leg gave way under me.
"It could be anybody standing here, couldn't it? Anybody else, if only they were like me."
"I… believe so," Cornelia agreed slowly.
I nodded again. This was all I wanted to know, all I needed to make sure that this woman was a stranger to me. She had no esteem for life and, however paradoxical it sounded, I was fine with dying for it. Throwing it all away so that others would get a chance. I had more than my fair share anyway.
I closed my eyes and looked inside me, found every missing piece. There were voices around me, but all I could hear was roar of fire in my ears. When I opened my eyes, the world was aflame. The fire was all around me and I was in its heart, free at last, finished. I raised my arms and the firebird spread its wings.
"Ah," Cornelia sighed. "Pretty, pretty, pretty girl is on fire."
And I did burn alive, but as Edward foretold, I didn't burn away. I was forged in the flames of my own decision, white-hot, a new blade.
"Do something!," Aro yelled.
Jane snarled, ready to do his bidding. All she had to do was look at me and unimaginable pain went through my body. I was being torn to shreds, exploded from the inside. I shrieked and the firebird screamed, too. I was the firebird.
I reached towards Jane. My feathers just brushed her face, softly like a kiss, but she screamed even louder than me and suddenly her hair, her clothes, all of her was aflame. I watched her run towards the door, fall to the floor, her brother jumping to her aid, Demetri restraining him.
I turned towards Cornelia now. She was smiling like a fascinated child with a new toy. Aro tried to pull her towards the door. Caius was running, too, and Marcus was already gone. I stretched my arms towards Cornelia.
"Last embrace," I said and my voice was just crackling of fire.
Though Aro yelled at her and yanked her wrist, Cornelia raised her arms, trustful. The fire reached its blazing fingers toward her and the last thing I saw were her red eyes, soft despite their colour.
Then the whole world exploded in flames. High above my head windows shattered and rained down on me in a shower of glittering shards and everything that was left were flames, flames, flames.
I felt a sharp pain in my cheek and then dull ache all over. My mind was a haze and I couldn't tell who I was, where I was or what were these voices I heard.
"Elle… Elle…"
"She's not waking up. This isn't good. Slap her again."
My eyes fluttered open in self-preservation. There were people leaning over me, looking at me worriedly. I identified the one who voted for slapping me as Jayden. I wanted to snap at him, but then I saw that Rosalie's hand was already raised. Of course.
Relief flooded me so suddenly I nearly cried. They were alive and apparently I was alive, too, because I strongly doubted in any form of afterlife that included being eternally slapped by Rosalie Hale. I sat up and felt something odd beneath my hands. I looked down. The stone floor was solid, but one could tell it melted before.
"Are you all right, Elle?," Alice asked softly.
"I… That's a hard question. What happened?"
"Give me your hand," Edwards said and when I did, he pulled me to my feet. I hissed silently, feeling my ribs. The world was spinning and I was rather hungry, but apart from that, I seemed to be perfectly fine. Physically, that is. "Here you go. Now come, I'll explain you everything on the way."
"All right." I looked around the chamber. It looked, well, just like after a fire. There was some white, glittering powder on the floor and I knew this is all that remains when a vampire is killed. Edward led me through the corridors of Volterra.
There was a human in the lobby, cowering in fear behind her desk. It was a young woman with tea-coloured skin and dark, shiny hair. Jacob was trying to calm her down, but once he saw me he crossed the room in a few long strides and stood before me. He took me in, his eyes dark and flooded with relief, and then fell to his knees. He encircled my knees with his arms and sighed, resting his head on my stomach.
"You are alive…"
"We aren't done yet," Edward said. "We still have work."
Jacob let go of me tentatively and I stepped away from him. I wasn't sure what to do now, with Jacob and everything else, too, for that matter. I wasn't really betting on surviving, so I never made plans beyond what happened in that chamber. I still wasn't ready to name that.
"Come, Elle," Edward said. "We modified your plan a bit as we went, but the general idea remained. Sophie changed bodies. Apparently, she jumped into Marcus, who doesn't care to the point that he hadn't alarmed anybody, even though he had enough discipline to push her away, or at least that's what she thinks. She took off as soon as the whole disruption started and ordered the guards to let us in. Before they had a chance to wonder about it, you turned the throne room into a blazing hell. You took Caius down, and Jane, Felix, Renata, Chelsea and Santiago. And Cornelia, of course. We killed a few more and the rest we imprisoned. We waited for you to come about and make a decision."
"Make a decision," I said softly.
"Yes. What to do with them."
"And… Our people?," I asked a bit vaguely, but he understood.
"We have been sparred, mostly, but I'm afraid not entirely. Boris didn't make it, and neither did Randall and Charlotte. We also lost Collin."
I nodded in silence. There was nothing I could tell in this situation. Their blood was on my hands, but at least it wasn't a meaningless death.
Edward led me to some underground rooms, most likely dungeons. Almost all of my army was here, guarding what seemed to be the remaining vampires of Volterra. When I walked in, some sort of commotion started and Sophia appeared at my side.
"It's not my fault," she said quickly, which was the best proof that it in fact was.
I looked at the cause of the tumult. Four wolves were trying to contain Marcus and they had some serious trouble with that. Aro in turn looked to be shell-shocked. When I walked in he turned his head towards me and stared ahead in an unblinking, empty manner.
"What's going on?," I asked.
Marcus went still and Leah stumbled forward a bit.
"This is the new order," Marcus said. "And you are the new queen. It is of no importance to me. You may kill me if you wish to, but I pledge my loyalty nevertheless."
He fell to one knee and I just stared down at him. For some reason I could feel a blush in my cheeks.
"I ask for just one more thing, my queen. Let me kill Aro."
"What," I gasped. I was certain I didn't look like a queen right now. Queen. That was beyond my grasp. I wished to free the world, but never to rule it. The fact that I didn't in fact die was proving to be more and more problematic with every minute.
"I jumped bodies a bit during the fight," Sophia said. "And the memories just sort of surface, so I've seen a bit. I was in Aro for a moment – ugh, that never sounds right – and I saw the beginning of the Volturi, because Aro was thinking about it. And he remembered how he killed Didyme, his sister and Marcus's mate. He didn't want anything to distract Marcus and she used Chelsea ever since to make him loyal."
"That's just fucked up," Jayden said, walking in behind me. "But still, we can't exactly let him run around."
"For so long I didn't know who killed my mate. Now I wish for vengeance so that I may rest in peace," Marcus said. He was a totally different person now that anger animated his face. No longer a statue. "It is your choice, my queen."
"Don't call me that," I said weakly.
"You are just that," Edward said with a small smile. "You've overthrown the past kings and the Queen of Death."
"That's… Let's leave the nomenclature for a moment, we have more important things to do and discuss. Let him go."
"But…," Jason began.
"Let him go."
Marcus rose in one fluid, graceful motion and turned towards Aro. He at last woke up from his daze and he screamed in a piercing voice. He tried to back away and people gave him space, dragging all the rest of the prisoners towards the far wall. I stared in daze while Marcus tore Aro to shreds with a sickening sound that I knew only too well. Aro didn't even put up much of a fight. I turned my head away only when Edward tossed Marcus a zippo lighter and he fiddled with it for a moment, trying to figure out how to work it.
"Whoever wants to join us, will be granted that chance," I said over the sound of crackling flames. "Edward will read your minds to see if you are being honest. I believe now that Chelsea's influence is gone, you may experience some new… ideas. The remaining Volturi…" I nodded at Sam and he nodded back.
I turned around and left the dungeon. I came back to the lobby and sat on the desk. The woman behind it was a bit less frightened now and was listening attentively to Jacob, who was explaining her the situation.
"Help them in the dungeon," I said to him.
"What will happen with me now?," the woman asked me in a heavily accented voice.
"And what would you like to happen?," I asked back. "Things are changing here… I don't know your name, I'm afraid."
"I'm Gianna… Miss. I just hoped to one day be a vampire. You aren't one, are you? You are Elle the Firebird, that's how the Queen called you. Jacob says you killed them… But how is that possible? They are immortal."
"Immortality is an overused word, Gianna. Later on, a vampire will come here and he will question you. If you answer truthfully, you will become a vampire. For now though, I have some work for you. Are you good to work?"
I just realised that it would only be natural to be deeply shaken by the latest events. On the other hand, Gianna was probably a witness to far worse things in the last years. She probably had some extremely high stress resistance.
"Sure," Gianna said unexpectedly brightly. "What is it that you want me to do, miss Elle?"
"Your telephones and computers still work, right?," I asked, peering at her desk. "Very well. I need you to call every vampire you to contact every vampire you can get a hang on. Find out what is happening and let them know what happened here. Call Carlisle Cullen in Forks and tell him to get here as soon as he can. Last but not least, ask around about Effie Middleton and her mother, Heather. Can you do all that?"
"Easily. Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"No. Or, actually, yes. Are there other humans working here? Get them to clean up the throne room. The dust…" I trailed off. It was impossible to tell one vampire from the other in that state and what did it matter, anyway? "Collect it and burry outside of town. Do humans of Volterra actually realise…?"
"About the dead walking? Yes. They were kept in the dark for years, but after the Queen came here…"
"Fine then. Tell them the issue has been dealt with."
It was only then that I realised I was tired beyond words. I was glad that Sophia probably already told everyone what happened, so that now I didn't have to go through all of this again. I sighed heavily and wondered what to do now.
There was absolutely nothing. I closed my life and now that I suddenly had it in my hands again I was at a loss. It was ridiculous and I realised that. Now that I let myself think about it, I could feel every blow Demetri and Santiago had dealt to me.
"Is there anywhere I could lie down?," I asked, standing up and wincing at the same time.
"The vampires mostly don't have beds… You can try my room." Gianna explained to me exactly how to get to her room and I made my way – slowly and hissing the whole way – towards the elevator. The remaining fire was leaving me now and I could feel my body all too well again. I knew that my bones will eventually mend themselves, but it took some more time than for the wolves.
In the elevator, I leaned heavily against the door and more or less fell out when they opened. The door to Gianna's room was open, thankfully. I didn't think I had enough strength to even break the lock. I stumbled inside and fell to the bed. It wasn't the smartest decision and I swore under my breath.
I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling in the darkness of the room. The night was falling and the dead weren't rising. I would feel pride if I wasn't so tired.
I drifted in and out consciousness for a long time. Once or twice I could hear some voices outside the door and someone saying sharply that the queen is asleep. Finally hunger woke me up for good and I sat down carefully. There was no pain, so I straightened up with more enthusiasm and then stretched like a cat.
Now that I paid attention, I was sure there was someone outside my door. I could hear soft breathing, which made me certain that it wasn't a vampire.
"Hello?," I called out and the door opened at once.
I expected to see Jacob walking in, and I wasn't disappointed. I was glad to see him, but at the same I feared the conversation that had to happen now. Gianna walked in after Jacob. She was carrying a small package that she dropped onto the bed next to me. She made something of a curtsey and left quickly and I almost smiled. It was good to know I wasn't the only one who just didn't know how to act in these new circumstances.
"You have been here for four days now," Jacob said, sitting next to me. "I waited outside your door. Carlisle said not to wake you up, because you need the rest, so I kept everybody away from here."
"Um… What have I missed?," I asked awkwardly.
"Chaos, mostly. Marcus says, and I quote, that he can't recall the last time Volterra was so lively."
"I suppose he will have to get used to it," I said. "Wait. I just said that, didn't I? I never thought… I will stay here for now. World has to be set straight again."
"I guess," Jacob said. "They are waiting to see you, you know. Gianna brought you some clothes."
"They know how I look," I said grudgingly.
"Maybe they think you've changed somehow."
"Have I?"
"I don't know, have you?"
There was another question underneath this one and I read it from Jacob's eyes. He wanted to know if what I said during our only night together was still true. It was and it made me feel sick with guilt.
"Not in that aspect, no. I'm sorry, Jake, I really am. I wish I could control how I feel, but it just doesn't work like that. I can't be with you."
"But you can use me, this is fine? When I first saw you… You were so pretty and innocent. If I only knew how cruel you are, I would gouge my own eyes out, just to never look at you."
I tried to say something, but Jacob shook his head.
"Shut up, seriously. This is all I wanted to tell you. If you have something you want from my Pack, give me orders through somebody. I don't care. If you are able to do just one good thing for me, stop talking to me. Pretend I don't exist. There are things even imprinting can't make me do, so leave me. Let me be."
Let him be save. My own words echoed inside my head, mingled with Jacob's as I watched him leave. He turned in the last moment and I hoped against all hope, but all he said was, "Someone will get you to the throne room… Your Majesty."
His voice wasn't cold or angry. It was perfectly indifferent and the way he said the last two words made me flinch uncontrollably. It would be better if he'd hit me. I preferred physical pain to that dull ache I felt now, impossible to place, impossible to fight with any medicament.
There was no logical reason to watch me so closely now that Cornelia was gone, but I had no strength to ponder on that. I stood up and spoon around, hitting the wall with my fist. It felt better for a moment when my knuckles burned with the impact, but the relief was only momentarily. I took the package with me to the adjoining bathroom and closed the door behind me. My hair smelled of smoke and it was the least of my troubles. I scrubbed myself clean of all the dirt that accumulated since we left America. I showered in scalding hot water, wishing it could burn away this terrible memory inside of me just like the fire burned away all my doubts back in the throne room.
The package contained, most notably, a dress. A gown, really, made of softest silk. Whoever chose it didn't have comfort in mind. I guessed Alice. I struggled for a long moment to get into it and then I stepped in front of a mirror, wondering briefly when as the last time I had seen my own reflection.
It didn't matter much, because I certainly never looked like this. Even in the rather anticlimactic interior of the bathroom, the gown was impressive. It was golden, with glistering top covered in what I presumed to be crystals or maybe even diamonds. The skirt fell to the floor in folds of heavy silk that whispered softly when I moved. My hair did seem silver against it, cascading down my back. I allowed myself a small smile that made my blue eyes sparkle and wondered in amazement at the way in which underneath it all I was still a woman, able to forget about the worst things when confronted with trinkets. I stepped into the shoes, the first high heels I'd worn in years.
I walked through the room to the door, where Marcus was waiting patiently. He took a quick look at me, though he didn't comment, just led the way. We went back to the throne room and for a moment I felt a surge of irrational panic, remembering the last time I was here. The doors were closed and there were guards in front of them – Leah and Seth, both in black cloaks thrown rather haphazardly over their shoulders. The insides of the cloaks were lined with some material that made them look aflame – sometimes they were golden, sometimes red.
"Alice made us wear it, she says…," Leah began, but Seth shushed her.
"Your Majesty," he said, almost without a giggle. I pulled a face at him, but then he and Leah pushed the door open and my face fell.
I was gone just for four days, but apart from the melted floor, the chamber changed beyond recognition. The main change was that, as Marcus said, there was quite a crowd here. Most of the people I knew, but some of them were new faces. Others, on the contrary – I knew by heart.
Effie nearly knocked me off my feet when she threw her arms around me, almost deafening me with her steam of chatter. She wasn't angry with me for once, which was good, and she was fine, which was brilliant.
"Can she do that?," Seth asked, following me.
"I'm the queen's sister, I can do whatever I damn please," Effie said, but she let go of me.
Heather was just behind her, smiling and looking as if she was about to cry, repeating proudly, "That's my daughter, my daughter!". Next to her was Esme, and then Carlisle, all their children, Jayden and Sophia, and the Denali, Jacob's Pack, Sam and his wolves… It felt like a dream, and a very good one at that. They all hugged me and someone picked me up, someone whispered something into my ear, something that sounded like "I knew you can do it, Elle!", someone started clapping for some reason or another.
Dazed, near tears from happiness, I walked towards a throne, there was no better way to describe the high-backed chair that was placed by the wall opposite the door. As I was passing my family, my friends and some total strangers, they were inclining their heads. Carlisle smiled at me brilliantly, proud of me, and I smiled back, suddenly feeling better.
I took my seat and wondered if I should say something. Whatever happened, I was still as hopeless with words as I ever was, especially under pressure. I clenched my hands on the armrests and waited for the awkwardness of the situation to settle in. To my relief, Carlisle stepped out of the crowd and approached the throne.
"How do I address you again?," was his very first question.
I snorted with laughter and raised my hand before Gianna, who just opened her mouth, said something very embarrassing.
"I was meaning to address this. My name is still Elle and I feel best being called just that. All of this is just… A bit overboard. Now, to the more important matters?"
There was a lot of things we had to discuss. Jayden was right, there was no coming back to who we once were and how the world once was. We had to build it from scratch, begin anew. It was a momentous task and I was willing to undertake it.
It was just like they said. It was easier to conquer the world than to rule it. It was easier to burn down than to burn and fuel something great with the flames.
I decided to take that challenge, or maybe it was decided for me, I didn't know. All I was certain of that day, sitting on the throne in Volterra, my new home after years of wandering and fighting, all I knew for sure was that I was someone else entirely from the Elle that I was at the beginning of my journey.
Elle the Firebird. The girl who burned alive.