Chapter two: ribbons fall away

Well dumb little book of mine here I am again,

I have spent the better part of three hours crying. I bet you want to know why Mr. Huffman, even though you say I am not obligated to tell you anything you ask ten thousand questions, you know the ones to get me to unclamp. Well Mister it won't work on me! I can keep a secret for years! Danny first discovered his affiliation with ghost when he was 14, I write this in my senior year, a part of my parent's last feeble attempt to hold onto me before I head out to college. I am not like many diluted teenagers that say that they are free adults once they leave their homes. I know I am biting the hand that feeds me since junior high and I wore my first punk bracelets. So that tells you I've stayed clamped up in my mind for three and a half years.

But I guess I will tell you dumb nosey book reader of mine 'cause I've already explained so much. There is no excuse that I am still madly, hopelessly and utterly in love with my best friend. Danny "phantom" Fenton! Yes you must have saw the tabloids you onlooker of my book. But that blissful relationship that we desperately hung onto could have never lasted. I never expected it to, but I diluted myself in every indulged moment.

It was entertaining how we would take time to go on dates, he was always so romantic and shy about acting when it came to kissing he always hesitated. He never wanted to upset me and my hair thin trigger temper, but that would just set me off. I found myself more forceful and him more timid. He loved every moment of when I would push him down upon his bed and take the very breath that gave him life. He would always know where to touch to get me going further and more intense. I would be lying if I didn't admit that our relationship had not been sexual with in the year and a half that we were together. But it seemed that the tighter we clung to one another the harder the world would try and tear us apart.

Well it seems I just told you about history but not why I am leaving tear blotches over this smeared ink on this page, but it is the only way you can understand. Well after our break up we managed to be friends. I still was kidnap choice and slowly the glamour of saving the world had drifted into the background and people didn't seem to cheer every time Danny saved them. Some dumb blond daddy's credit card holding bitches devised a plan to make me seem unappealing to Danny. They showed him the skanky side of town and that led me to our first sexual encounter, it was a desperate attempt to make Danny stay with me, even though I didn't see it then he wasn't going to leave me. But my insecurity got in the way, just like today.

I haven't gone out with anybody in the past year. To give you a better time line Danny was Phantom for a year before everyone found out at the battle of Phantom Planet and he became a world renounced symbol. It was then we hooked up for a year and a half we were together for a year. And on our one and a half year anniversary I broke it off. We had been "sexually active" for six months, our first cliquey sexual act that went below the belt was on our one year. It is the spring of senior year and we have been apart for the better part of a year. I hate that I can just lay this out like some history report but that is what this is.

I am crying here for what no good reason is until now that Tucker told me that Danny wanted to ask me to prom and that he has been way down in the past year especially since June when I told him that I could no longer be his best friend. It is true I do hang out with Danny and Tucker like we used to before we hook up but I told him that I couldn't be alone with Danny, I can't trust myself. They didn't understand that I still love him, even if our last conversation as a couple we had admitted that our relationship was too much work between school, ghost and the crazed fans that were making death threats on my life. I think he felt guilty that I was getting in a lot of fights, but I was able to handle myself even if it had gotten to the point of hospitalization.

I wanted with all my heart to say "FUCK YES!" but that guilty face and hollowed out eyed image of Danny one year ago as I lay pumped with thousands of mg of drugs and tubes all over told me that I shouldn't.

So that's it I am crying over Danny. Again. Like a petty teen movie of girl loves best friend but wants to protect him and then doesn't do anything about it cause she fears the hot popular girls that stalk him, and make sure I don't act out towards him. Truth is told the reason why I am never alone with Danny since that "accident" was because I had gotten jumped by all the cheerleaders and soccer players. I was helpless. And for once in my life I followed orders when they told me back the fuck off cause I saw how much me getting hurt, hurt him worse. He still doesn't know who did it.

The fucked up protector of friends

Sam