I looked up as footsteps approached.
"Close it!" I whispered to Tony, barely containing laughter. Myself, Stark, Clint and Bruce had been observing an interesting news article.
"Alright there soldier?" Tony asked.
"I'm good." Steve replied, confused. I didn't miss the death glare he gave me.
He turned on the tv, wanting to catch the news, as usual.
The news anchor was just starting off. And of course, the very same article I had just been reading was their top story.
"Natasha." Steve said in a low, deadly voice once it was over, turning off the tv.
"Yes?" I asked innocently, forcing a straight face.
"I swear to god, if you sent those pictures of me into a news station I will..."
"I didn't send them into a news station. Oh no, it's far, far worse. I posted them everywhere on the internet."
"What?" Steve yelled, turning. He was blushing bright red.
"Yep. Facebook, twitter, instagram, pinterest, bebo, MySpace, YouTube... everywhere."
"You do realize what this means." Steve said, quickly walking over and looming over me.
"What?"
"I'm doing the same to you." Steve said. It only made him blush more.
"Oh, sweetie. There's already numerous websites dedicated to just that."
"I even own shares in one." Tony interjected.
"Exactly. You can go ahead and take pictures. I'll even pose if you want. But you'll only be helping my personal mission to give guys boners worldwide."
"Boners?" Steve asked confused.
My eyes flickered down to his crotch. A wide smile spread across my face. "Like what you have right now! Men, we should leave Steve with his... excitement. He's going to need to do something about that."
I smiled sweetly at the humiliated Steve and walked out. A guffawing group of men followed me.
"That... was... legendary!" Tony said in between laughs.
"Did he even have a boner?" Clint asked from the floor.
"Of course. Not five seconds ago we were talking about him being near me when I was naked."
"True. You know, I've been thinking about taking up photography Nat. Think you could pose for me? Be an inspiration?"
"I'm honored Tony. But I have Captain America stalkers to encourage."
"Naturally." Bruce said.
I high fived the three of them and left.
Later that day, I googled dating sites. Smiling, I created a new profile on all of them. One Captain America. Interests: Punching Hitler, sleeping for 70 years. Looking for: an uninhibited, open woman. I put up the nude pictures as a profile.
I smiled and closed it as Tony walked in.
"What have you done now?" He asked, grinning mischievously.
"You'll find out." I replied, smirking.
"So what has the dear captain done to make you so mad?"
"I'm not mad. I'm just trying to get him on a date."
"Of course. The bet. This is going to be good."
"Oh you have no-"
Just then both our phones buzzed.
"Fury? Calling for a meeting?" Tony asked.
I nodded and stood. We went down to the garage and I jumped into the back seat of a random sports car. He sat in the drivers seat and we left.
"I really need to get me one of these." I said, looking at the leather seats.
"They are pretty damn well awesome." Tony replied.
We drove to the airport and he double parked beside a quinjet.
I jumped back out and boarded the jet.
Thor, Clint and Bruce were already there.
"Lady Natasha! I have been meaning to ask why you would mislead me so much. Steve made it quite clear he did not need a hug."
"What?" Tony asked. I shushed him.
"It almost seems cruel of you to tell me to go in and hug the good captain when he is not wearing undergarments, especially when he is so modest."
Tony, Clint and Bruce burst out laughing.
"Oh. I do believe that was something the captain told me not to mention to anyone."
This only made them laugh harder.
I smiled as we started landing on the helicarrier.
A tight lipped Hill was waiting. I couldn't tell if she was pissed off or trying not to laugh. She led us into the briefing room.
A Fury that was definitely trying not to laugh was waiting with a definitely pissed off Steve.
"Has Capsicle told on us?" Tony sarcastically joked.
"Yes actually." Hill said. She was definitely trying not to laugh.
"We're legally required to investigate all complaints made against personnel. No matter how hilarious or ridiculous it is."
"So what complaint was made?" I asked innocently, leaning back on my chair.
"Captain Can't Fight His Own Battles said you posted embarrassing pictures of him all over the internet."
Tony laughed.
I smirked sweetly. "I deny such actions."
"Natasha!" Steve roared.
"What? I didn't post any... embarrassing pictures. I posted pictures that merely... show him in a new light. They're hardly embarrassing. And as the only one here with a vagina-" I looked at Hill. "That has any input here, I can quite definitely say that I amn't complaining."
Tony fell off his chair he was laughing so hard.
"They really aren't embarrassing at all. If I were Steve I would be proud."
"Proud? Why would I be proud?"
"Because your profile on eHarmony has already gotten..." I checked my phone. "Five thousand hits."
"E- what?"
"Eharmony. It's an online dating site."
"And you signed me up for it?" Steve yelled.
"Of course I did. And five thousand women want to meet you."
"That has to breaking some kind of rule!" Steve yelled at Fury.
"Not that I can tell."
"But she went into the men's changing room!"
"That was at Stark Tower. You're going to have to take that up with Tony."
Steve looked helplessly at Tony. Tony pushed himself back onto the chair and tried to stop laughing.
"I can't help you. Personally, I'm good with Natasha sneaking into the men's changing room. Professionally, I amn't professional."
"You're an asshole."
"Oh well. Pepper still loves me."
"Well, whatever this was, dismissed." Fury said. He left the room laughing.
Steve walked straight over to me.
"Why the hell did you even do it?"
"It was a joke Captain."
"I didn't find it very funny."
"Everyone else did." I gestured around. Our teammates were in various states of laughing fits. Thor was just starting to roar with laughter. Bruce was just falling off his chair. Clint was rolling on the floor. Tony was just starting to stand up.
"Let's settle this." Steve said angrily.
"And how would you suggest dear knight?"
He blushed slightly. "A fight." He said uncertainly.
"Really? And would this duel be to the death?"
Steve's brow furrowed. "Isn't that still illegal?"
"Yes."
"So obviously not to the death then."
"Are you saying you would hit a woman?" I asked, eyes wide.
"I... I didn't mean... I didn't mean that." Steve stammered nervously.
"You're on. TPE."
"TPE?"
"Time place equipment."
"Right. Tomorrow at noon, Stark gym, no weapons or anything."
"So just our bodies?"
"Now that I want to see!" Stark said.
"Yes. J- Just our bodies."
I looked up into his eyes, standing closer. My chest was pressed against his. I looked straight into his eyes for a moment. "See you then."
"Man, you're going to regret that." Tony said.
"She's tiny. She can't be that dangerous." Steve reasoned.
Tony shook his head and fell to the floor with laughter again.
"Toodles!" I said cheerfully, walking out.