A/N: This chapter continues directly from where the last one left off.
She took a deep breath before answering.
"Well, the war for starters and everything that happened during and after it. It was just a really difficult and emotional time for all the boys and I. We were fighting for our lives as well as the lives of most of the wizarding world. Crazy stuff for three teenagers but we knew we had to do it so we just kept on going until the end and then it was over just like that. I was so happy and relived that we had won and that everything was finally over. It wasn't until a few days later when the loss of all those people sunk in because after the euphoria wore off we still had to come to terms that we had lost Fred,Remus,Tonks and many were the hardest losses because they were the closest to us. The Weasleys lost a son and a brother and Teddy lost his parents. It was really hard for the first few months because you would look across the table and see Fred's empty seat and the pain on everyone's faces. The grief just wash over you again and again." she stopped speaking for a moment to collect herself. Talking about it wasn't easy.
Malfoy nodded in encouragement and she continued.
"Then there's Teddy. He's just a baby now but one day he will grow up and want to know where his parents are. When we tell him that they were god people who died honorable deaths it won't ease the pain of losing them because he will wonder why it had to happen to him, why did he have to lose his parents before he even got the chance to really know them? There are countless families who will be going through similar situations and I just feel so bad about it all. I ask myself why I got off so easily? I'm alive, my parents are alive. Harry, Ron, Ginny, the other Weasleys, Luna, Neville, almost everyone I care about survived. When I went to Australia and collected my parents and lifted the memory charm, they weren't even mad at me even though they had every right to be. I took matters into my own hands and decided their lives for then without even asking first. They told me it was the right thing to do and that they understood. So just like that I was forgive and everything was perfect right? I was a hero, my parents were wonderful about everything, I had great friends, I was going to back to Hogwarts and finish my education and then get some great job. I would help make a difference in the world and all the while, have a lovely relationship with Ron. I was so very wrong though because even though almost everything happened that I wanted to, I'm not happy at all and I haven't been truly happy in a long time." she finished sadly.
He looked at her with a mixture pity and surprise on his face.
"Why aren't you happy?" he asked softly.
"Because everywhere I look, I see reminders of everything we lost in the war. I can see it in the absence of everyone we lost, I saw it in Hogwarts when I went back, in the teachers faces and in the caste itself. I see it in auror training because it reminds me so much of Tonks and Mad-eye but mostly I see it in myself. In my face, in my broken heart and in the weak, hopeless person I've become. I look at Harry and Ron and they're happy—not fully healed—but still in a better place than I am. Harry has Ginny and I know that it helps him—it helps both of them and it makes me feel good because he deserves happiness so much. Ron's a different story. He lost his brother and then I broke up with him three months later. Our relationship ended before it even had a chance to go anywhere. I couldn't lead him on, you know? We always wanted different things in life but I loved him and he loved me and we thought we could make it work. I should have known that it would never last though. We were just too different and I had already stared to lose myself and my feelings began to change. While I still loved him, I wasn't in love with him anymore. I don't think I ever really was to be honest. It took the war to make me realize it. Ron is a funny, happy person who does and says whatever he wants, he never cared much about his education and he's quite tactless and impulsive bt still he's a great person and any girl would be lucky to have him. Just not me." She said with a wry smile.
Malfoy looked at her a little nonplussed and she rushed to explain.
"The thing is that I couldn't bring him down with me because war or no war, I'm never going to be this happy, fun loving person. I'll always be worried about something, thinking about work or something else and that's not what he needs in his life. He's healing though and I see him spending a lot o time with Luna which is good because he needs someone like her in his life."
"I see." Malfoy said.
"So yeah, I've pretty much covered everything that's made me into the mess I am today." Hermione said with a sigh.
Next chapter deals with Draco's feelings.