Falling, Chapter Two (NC-17 for sexual content, language, etc.)

A/N Goddess Foxfeather gets beta-cookies for being the uberbeta and Busiest Woman Alive (tm). Just sayin'.

Hatter wondered if it was possible to die from embarrassment. He could feel it still burning on his skin over two hours later, the ghost-feel of Alice against him enough to bring back the flood of awkward panic, the fight or flight response lurching into flight before he even had the chance to give it a go with confronting his fear. Ducking his head under the shower spray, he closed his eyes and tried to imagine the water sluicing away all of the anxiety that lingered like a film over his skin. i It's not like you're completely inexperienced, /i he scolded himself. i You've had plenty of quasi-sexual experiences in Wonderland. Carlotta! Carlotta let you kiss her. And touch her jubblies, thank you very much. And Yvette! You got quite a bit farther with her! Until her brother came home. That wrist never did heal right... /i He shook his hair back from his eyes and sighed, staring at the blue and white tile wall before him as if it held some mystical answers instead of the faint start of mildew. "You're just going to have to tell her. Right after you stop talking to yourself in third person. Why do I have to stop? It's perfectly normal, innit?" He shut off the water and stepped out into the cold bathroom. "I mean, I'm sure everyone here talks to themselves, right?" He paused as he passed the mirror and gave himself a critical once over. "Not too bad, eh? I mean... I'm no whoever passes for sex on legs in this side of the divide but I'm not horrible. Am I?" He poked at the jut of his hipbone and frowned. "Maybe she likes guys built like a flamingo croquet player. No, Jack's skinny as a whip tree and she was into him for a good while." Sighing, he turned away, but not before taking a backwards glance at the mirror and smirking. "Yeah, I'm not all bad, am I?"

Hair still damp, shirt on but unbuttoned over clean trousers and his feet bare, Hatter flung himself down on the red velvet sofa Jack had left behind in the bequeathed apartment. He could still smell Alice's perfume, taste the mint tea and honey of her kiss. He closed his eyes and exhaled as if that could push the heated need out of his body. i And you ran off why, Hatter? Because she was willing and all but wearing a sign that said 'Come and get it, big boy?' Or maybe it was because you're turning blue in places that should never be that color and you thought maybe a cold shower would be far more enjoyable than doing it with Alice. /i It wasn't, he reflected, that he didn't iwant/i to do it with her. He just didn't want to do it ibadly/i. "What a laugh that would be," he muttered, turning on the television before listlessly shutting it off a moment later. "Hatter underperforming compared to Jack Heart. That would be my luck." He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the niggling image he had of Alice and Jack. "Oi, stop that, brain. Not nice." It wasn't that he didn't know what to do, he thought, rolling onto his side and punching a throw pillow into a more comfortable shape, it was just that...well, he admitted inwardly, he was nervous. Very, very nervous. "Right," he muttered, sitting up, swinging his feet to the floor. "Stop being ridiculous, Hatter. Just...wait. When the time is right, seize the moment. If the moment wants to be seized. Er, the moment being Alice in this case. Damn it, you're still talking to yourself! Stop it!" He raked his fingers through his still-damp hair and took a deep breath. "Hatter, stop being afraid of Alice. She will not laugh at you. Just because you're a virgin and you're older than she is... Wait, am I? Oh, Hell. Bloody stupid time line incongruencies." Buttoning his shirt, he felt the beginnings of a smile tug the corners of his lips. i Who says that she even has to know? It's not like she can tell... Maybe, if she says something, I can tell her that's just the way we do it in Wonderland and Jack was just doing it the Oyster way to keep his origins hidden. Eh, it'll do. /i He made it as far as finding his door keys before the phone rang. "Bloody gwormmies!" he gasped, the shrill rattle of the phone startling him as it did every time. "Hello?"

"Hatter, it's just me."

He grinned then, even though she couldn't see him. "Hey, Alice, I was just about to come back over and...talk. I think we should talk." iThere. That's like 'would you like a cuppa?' isn't it?/i There was a long pause and Hatter felt a pang of nervousness. "Alice?"

"Hatter...are you a virgin?"

"No!" The word left his lips before he could stop it. All of his anxieties and worries of the past two hours coalesced into a single word lie. "Of course not! I mean, I'm way too old for that, yeah?" He laughed, shrill and mad.

Alice made a noncommittal noise. "What do you need to talk to me about?"

iShit. /i "Um..."

"Tell you what... I'll come over there. Tomorrow. I'm a bit confused right now and frankly, I need some space."

Hatter listened to the click and hum of an empty line. "Damn it damn it damn it!"

"Put your foot in it, didn't you?"

He glared at the covered mirror, a chunk of the original gateway from Wonderland, a piece from the Old Mirror, the one before Queen of Hearts. Alice had not noticed it yet, secreted as it was in the hallway to the kitchen, covered by an ornate throw that was not very warm at all. "Go away, Cheshire."

"I just thought I'd come by and check..." Hatter could ihear/i the cat's smile. "Friendly word of advice?"

"Bugger off."

The loud smile again, then, "You know where to find me. Just make sure you don't do too good a job of rejecting her, Hatter old man. Don't want her to think there's something the matter."

"I'm fine!"

"Not with you, you daft old twat. With her."