Authors Note*
Here is chapter two! I tried to make it as humorous as possible so tell me if I got you to laugh or not! I also forgot to mention that this story might have the slightest OOC. I'm trying so hard to stay into character but, ahg, Illumi is so hard to do that with.
Enjoy!
Chapter 2: Love Is Something Even An Assassin Can't Avoid
"A wife?" Hisoka asks with a small snicker. Illumi to find a wife, as in, actually date someone? The assassin barely socialized with people outside his family. It took Hisoka so much pleading for Illumi to consider saving his number in Illumi's contacts. Illumi is a tough nut to crack. Hisoka is going to have to stay informed with how Illumi's dates go. The sadist is sure he will get a good laugh out of it.
"Refrain from laughing," Illumi warned with a bit of annoyance in his tone. The assassin was already fed up with having to find a suitable woman to wed; he doesn't want to deal with this Hisoka's taunting. "It's already troublesome enough, I didn't tell you my dilemma to make a joke out of it,"
"I'm sorry, I'll stop," Hisoka apologized. He took a deep breath to compose himself and let it all out in a sigh. "So," he stirs his drink around in his hand, "do you have a woman in mind?"
"I don't," Illumi answers. He rests his elbow on the table and rests his chin on his hand. Hisoka and Illumi were currently at a bar, Padokea's Exotic Flavors, not too far from Heavens Arena, a usual spot they would meet when discussing money related matters. "With all the clients I'm serving and my searching for Killua, I don't have any time to conquest a woman, not to mention the type of woman that fits my families expectations,"
"And what are those expectations?" Hisoka asks. He raises his drink up towards his lips. "Let me guess, she has to have some sort of knowledge in combat and have no mercy for those she kills?"
"You're close, she must follow three rules in order to hold the Zoldyck name," Illumi, with his free hand, makes a fist and extends his index finger. "One, she must be merciless, skilled in combat, and have already mastered her Nen. Once we're closely acquainted, not meaning marriage, I must train her the Zoldyck way. That means introducing her to all sorts of torture, training her till her body aches, all sorts of things I'm not going to get too into detail with,"
"I see," Hisoka takes a sip of his drink, "the thought alone is getting me excited~ How would you torture her? With a whip, poison, or your needles? I gotta say, Illumi, I never knew your family was into that type of kink~"
"-Two." Illumi interrupts, not paying any mind to Hisoka's teasing and continuing his explanation. He pulls out his thumb to join his index finger. "She must be willing to throw away her old life to start her new life as a Zoldyck. She will have to forget her other family and friends due to the reason that they will be in the way of her and her duties as a Zoldyck. She will have to give herself one hundred percent to her new family,"
Hisoka lets out a loud whistle, impressed with the second trait. "That might be a little hard, unless you luckily find someone who's antisocial,"
"Those types of people typically have an odd feature to them," Illumi adds.
"That's true… you do have a strange brother complex," Hisoka mocked. He smirked and averts his eyes away from Illumi's cold glare. It's always fun to tease the assassin like this, emotionless or not, Hisoka always manages to get under the man's skin.
"Three," Illumi then says, still glaring at the sadist magician. He brings out his middle finger to join his index and thumb. "When we have our children, she will be willing to allow us to train our future heirs into the assassin of tomorrow. No holding back or hesitation, or else she will be immediately terminated from our family," Illumi watched as Hisoka's brows scrunch together in thought. Hisoka then cups his own chin. Is Hisoka actually uncomfortable with the last rule? Illumi expected Hisoka to not really give a damn about how his family functions. The assassin straightens his back and rests both arms on the table. "As uncomfortable as you are with this new found knowledge on my family, that's how things are in order to bring up the perfect breed of assassins,"
"Huh?" Hisoka gives Illumi a confused look. He immediately smiles. "Oh no, I wasn't thinking much of it," he explains, "I was actually thinking about a bunch of little Illumi's running around and wreaking havoc, adorable ne~?"
Illumi rolls his eyes before averting his gaze elsewhere. To think he actually thought Hisoka was uncomfortable, no, the sadists was just thinking about his future children. Illumi sighs, wishing that he had someone other then Hisoka to assist him with his issue., what do they even call those types of people again?
"Hey, don't ignore me," Hisoka sulks. "So why are you telling me this anyway? Could it be Illumi is actually coming to me for dating advice?" Hisoka asks, knowing that the answers is most likely something else, but still a sadist can dream.
"Yeah right," Illumi scorns. "I have a busy schedule for the next month and need of your assistance,"
"Oh?" Hisoka asks, grinning from ear to ear. "Who will I be targeting?"
"I'll send you the information through email with instructions, you pick out who you want to target," Illumi answers. He takes a sip of his own drink. "I'll pay you for your services, oh and please try to follow instructions, I don't want to lose money,"
"Kay!" Hisoka cheered, feeling somewhat excited. He's been feeling bored for the past few weeks. Playing assassin might actually be the excitement he's be looking for. Hisoka glances at Illumi and stares him up and down. He can't help but wonder who Illumi will marry. Not to mention, he can't help but wonder HOW Illumi will flirt. Illumi is very handsome and incredibly smart, but does he have the skills? Does the assassin even know how to seduce a woman? There's only one way to find out. "Say," Hisoka starts, making the other glace at him, "how do you plan on flirting with a woman?"
"Huh?" Illumi mouthed, not really sure how to answer Hisoka's question.
"Seducing, Illumi, how will you seduce your ideal woman?" he asks curiously.
"I'm not planning on finding one," Illumi answered while brushing his hair long over his shoulder.
"Really? Then what's the reason behind clearing your schedule?" Hisoka asks, assuming that Illumi needed a free schedule in order to date.
"I need to devote some of my time to my brothers," Illumi says, not wanting to go into further detail.
"Which ones? Kalluto is still serving the spiders and Killua disappeared, how many brothers do you have?"
"I have three, not including It," Illumi says, "refrain from asking anymore questions about my family, they will not be answered,"
"Alright, alright, but are you really not going to find a woman, will you go against your fathers wishes?" Hisoka ponders.
"I suppose I'll try to find someone, to humor my father," Illumi says with a sigh, taking another sip of his drink.
"How will you do it?" Hisoka continued to ask, unintentionally leaning in closer towards Illumi.
"Will you drop it?" Illumi asks, glaring at the dangerously close sadist.
"Come on, at least show me what you got!" Hisoka begs. He visibly grins toothily when Illumi sighs in defeat.
"Stay here then," Illumi says as he gets up from his seat and walks away.
"Where are you going?" Hisoka asks as his eyes follow Illumi. He leaves without a word, leaving Hisoka to wonder if the assassin would come back or just leave him. Illumi has done it before in the past so it wouldn't be a surprise.
Hisoka took a sip of his drink, only to be disappointed by the lack of liquid going down his throat. Since when had he finished his drink? Hisoka glances at Illumi's half full glass, the assassin wouldn't mind Hisoka taking a sip now would he? Hisoka took the glass without a second thought and took a small sip.
The sadist thought back on his time at Heavens Arena. Like usual, there were no worthy opponents for him to play with but Hisoka continued challenging people. He needs to earn money one way or another. The only person Hisoka was really looking forward to fighting with was Killua, and that was about a week or two ago. Hisoka was very curious to see how far Killua had advanced in his combat and nen so he approached the boy.
The boy had definitely changed Hisoka noted; he probably went through a growths spurt. The ex-assassin almost reached Hisoka's shoulder, his once skinny frame was slightly broader with well-defined muscles, his hair was still wild like it always has been except its now at shoulders length, and his blue eyes seem to have lost their glow. Hisoka could see the teen was exhausted, pained, and was on the verge of falling apart. Not that the sadist was worried, but if Killua's troubles is getting in the way of his training then Hisoka would be wasting his time waiting for his fruit to ripen.
As soon as Hisoka approached Killua the boy immediately took a defensive stance and stood protectively over his sister, much like he use to do with Gon. Hisoka merely chuckled and casually spoke with the teen. Of course it was difficult since Killua spoke with sneers and sassy remarks. Killua of course rejected Hisoka's offer to battle, reason being that Hisoka might be working with Illumi in trying to find him and Alluka. Another reason was because Killua wasn't going to stay long in Heaven's Arena, he was just there to make a quick buck. Disappointed, Hisoka waves the sibling's goodbye but not before asking about Gon. Hisoka noticed the teen tense up for a short second before answering in a cold, deadpan, voice, "Gon is fine… he's with his father now."
If Hisoka didn't know better, he'd say Killua and Gon are having trouble. Hisoka's going to have to pay Gon a visit one of these days. The boy is pretty open so maybe he'll get information on what's troubling Killua. If there isn't anything Hisoka likes more than battling, it's hearing good gossip. Besides, it's been a while since Hisoka saw his little Gon. Maybe he too has gone through a growths spurt. Of course Hisoka kept this information hidden from Illumi. Only the heavens know what the assassin would do if he found out his dear brother was hurt because of little Gon-
"-Excuse me?" Hisoka was brought out of his thoughts by Illumi's voice. It had an odd, silky, tone to it. Hisoka glances at the suppose assassin and froze on the spot. Illumi's long, black, hair is now dark brown and at ears length with choppy bangs brushed to its side, his wide lifeless eyes were more relaxed and had a small glow to them, and his buttoned up dark blue crop top was exposing Illumi's collarbone. The younger man looked, delectable. "Is this seat taken?"
The magician suppressed the laughter dying to come out of his body and answers, "by all means."
Illumi nods his head in appreciation before sitting, closely, beside Hisoka. He quickly took notice that Hisoka took his drink without permission. The assassin will have to make Hisoka pay for doing such a thing without his permission. For now Illumi will let it sly. "Are you alone?" Illumi asks in his best flirtatious tone.
"Actually, I'm waiting for a friend," Hisoka says, playing along with Illumi's little game. Hisoka smiles cutely and brushes a nonexistent strand of hair behind his ear. "Though I believe he died on his way to the restroom. Illumi is taking an awful long time in there, maybe he has stomach problems," Hisoka smiles wider at the slight of Illumi holding back a scowl. Instead there was an annoyed twitch of Illumi's left eyebrow. It's so easy to bother the assassin.
"He sounds like a charming man," Illumi says with slightly narrowed eyes. He lets his features relax before continuing. "Well, aside from your friend, let's talk about you," Illumi places his cool hand over Hisoka's equally cold one. He cups the sadists hand in his and brought it up to his lips, "from across the bar, you seemed like a unique creature," he says before pecking Hisoka's hand.
"Oh stop it," Hisoka chuckles as he covers his face with his free hand, feigning embarrassment. He was surprised by Illumi's actions. He didn't think Illumi even knew how to be polite.
"No need to be flustered," Illumi brings Hisoka's hand down, but doesn't let go. He begins to rub small circles over Hisoka's hand with his thumb. "I should be the flustered one since I'm in the presence of a divine person,"
"You flatter me, kind stranger," Hisoka says with a shy smile. He places his free hand over Illumi's soft one. "Funny, I didn't catch your name,"
"Call me Gittarackur," Illumi says, using his disguise name. "May I ask your name?"
"Hisoka," the sadists answers.
"Hisoka, what a lovely name," Illumi compliments, "so tell me about yourself."
"What would you like to know?" Hisoka asks with a tilt of his head. For the first time ever Hisoka is blown away by Illumi. He never knew the assassin was so smooth. Illumi will find a wife in no time. He doesn't see how Illumi could possibly screw up.
"Why don't you start by telling me about your day? How did you start your morning?" Hisoka was about ready to answer before Illumi adds, "did you take a regular daily shower today? Because you smell lovely,"
"Huh? Come again?" Hisoka asks, not sure if he heard Illumi quite right.
"You know, your eyes are dazzling," Illumi continues.
"Ah… are they really?" Hisoka brushes off Illumi's earlier statement. Did Illumi really question him on whether or not he bathed? That was odd. Maybe Hisoka didn't hear him right?
"I was going to wait until the end of the night to kiss you but…" Illumi moves even closer to the sadist and places his hand on Hisoka's cheek. Hisoka's eyes widen in surprise, liking very much where this is going. Illumi never allowed Hisoka to touch him without consent before, nor did he let Hisoka sit this physically close. "…But your eyes are so mesmerizing, they're drawing me to you," Illumi says in a small whisper, not breaking eye contact with Hisoka.
"They are…?" Hisoka asks, finding himself speechless but not because he's swoon away by Illumi's words, but because he can't believe the person before him is Illumi. Such a lifeless, serious guy can actually turn a full 180 and be like this, seductive and charming? Hisoka was going to lean in to kiss Illumi, of course to bother the assassin, until-
"-They are," Illumi nods, "they're beautiful and soft… they certainly don't show bloodlust, that's something a child, specifically an heir, should be able to look at and feel comfort with."
"What…? Illumi!" Hisoka groans. He pulls away from the confused assassin and face palms himself. "What was that?"
"What?" Illumi asks, not quite sure what Hisoka means. He moves away from his close proximity with Hisoka.
"They don't show bloodlust? That's something a child should feel comfortable with?"Hisoka questions, repeating Illumi's earlier words, "are you trying to freak me out? Let me tell you, it takes a lot more than that to freak me out." Hisoka shook his head in disapproval, "you were doing so well up until now."
"I'm just stating what I see and making clear of what I'm after," Illumi answers. He rests his elbow on the table and rests his chin on his hand. "I don't see anything wrong with that,"
"You're being too blunt," Hisoka crosses his arms and rests them on the table. "You can't just come up to a woman and tell her right away your looking for a wife to have your kids; it will result in her walking away completely creeped out,"
"How else will I find a wife with the same intentions as me?" Illumi asks. He reaches his free hand up towards his temple and pulls out a long needle hidden by his hair. Illumi's hair immediately began to grow back to its natural length and change back to its natural color. Illumi reaches for another needle he had hidden in his other temple and pulls out, his eyes going back to their natural wide, lifeless, selves. "I don't plan on wasting my time if the women I date don't have the same intentions,"
"You know that a relationship takes time, right?" Hisoka sighs. He can't believe he's teaching Illumi the morals of a successful relationship. He knew the assassin's young life was based on training and such, but didn't his dear parents teach him a thing or two about love? Does Illumi even know about… the birds and the bees? "Hadn't your parents explained to you how relationships work? How do you think your parents were able to establish their marriage?"
"Well..." Illumi thought back on the conversation he had with his Grandfather, Zeno.
Illumi was about eight years old at the time and his Grandfather decided to share with him the story about his parents. Of course Illumi would have rather continued training his Nen, but his Grandfather thought his grandson needed a small break since Illumi spent most of his time self-training.
"The story about your parents isn't like those romantic fairy tales you'd see in movies… though I doubt you've seen many movies, Illumi," Zeno chuckles before continuing his story. "Long ago, when your father was about fourteen, a family of manipulators were targeted by a number of men. This family was known for their unique Nen abilities and were suspected of many crimes I won't get too into detail with. Of course we Zoldyck's were acquaintances with them and would occasionally cooperate with each other. We offered our help and even lowered the amount of pay to exterminate their attackers, but being the prideful family they were, they refused our offer-
"Do to their negligence; almost the whole family was wiped out, all accept for a father and his little girl, Kikyo. Kikyo at the time was ten years old or so and had already mastered her Nen. When her father approached us with her one stormy night, the two were badly injured; Kikyo was unconscious in his arms with her eyes bloody and wounded. Her father more than pleaded for us to take her in and even offered a large sum of money he had hidden away. As you can see, I accepted his offer and took the little girl in. He disappeared soon after, never to be heard of again. When Kikyo finally awoke, we told her of her family's misfortune and she understandably went into a depressive state, refusing to speak with anyone…
"Then one night, when I was going to check on Kikyo, I heard the sound of laughing coming from her room. To my surprise, Silva, your father, was the one making her laugh. Maybe it was because he longed for another child's company or because he felt sympathy for Kikyo, I will never know what had drawn Silva to her. Soon after, something blossomed between them and that's how the two came to be, and I'm sure you're wondering why I'm telling you this story. Well, Illumi, the saying goes, sometimes love may come to you in the most unexpected places; you don't always have to seek it out. Someday you'll find a lovely lady to make you happy like your mother does to your father. I doubt very much that your parents will tell you about their love story, but I'm just telling you what I know so you can be prepared. Expect the unexpected when it comes to love, Illumi, because love is something even an assassin can't avoid."
"Well… they had a complicating beginning, never mind them," Illumi said, waving his hand to dismiss the topic. "So, Hisoka, how do you know all this information about relationships?"
"Believe it or not, I go on plenty of dates, Illumi," Hisoka stated, as a matter of fact. "I also read a lot of books and watch a few movies on romance,"
"Really?" Illumi's brows rise in surprise, "I never imagined you to be into books or movies, let alone be into the genre romance."
"Just things I do on my spare time, also I'm not into romance, I just like to critic them but that's beside the point," Hisoka turns his being towards Illumi, giving him his full attention. "You need to improve on your flirting skills, let's start over,"
Illumi nods his head and was about ready to place his needles back on the sides of his head until Hisoka stops him, telling him that it wasn't necessary to change appearance. Illumi shrugs and sticks his two needles through his crop top. "So tell me, where did I make my mistake?"
"For starters," Hisoka says, "you were doing well until you asked if I took a regular daily shower,"
"What's wrong with asking that? It's a necessity for one to shower regularly,"
"I'm aware of that, but people would like to keep their personal hygiene private, especially woman,"
"How will I know if they take care of themselves properly or not? I will not waste my time with a person who's hygienically incompetent," Illumi scoffs. He isn't a neat freak or anything, but he would like to have a decent woman who knows how to keep herself clean.
Hisoka squints his eyes at Illumi and frowns; the assassin seriously needs to relax one of these days. "Just don't ask such personal questions, instead ask about her! Get her to talk about herself! If there's one thing woman love is talking about their likes and dislikes,"
Illumi cups his own chin for a moment in thought. "...So tell me about yourself," Illumi says, putting on a show again for the sadist, "what do you enjoy? What do you dislike?"
"Good, good," Hisoka nods his head and smiles in triumph, thinking that he's gotten through to Illumi.
"Where are you from? What's your family like? Does your family have a history of genetic disorders that may be passed on to your children? Tell me everything!"
Hisoka's eye twitches, teaching Illumi will be harder then he thought. "You're lucky you're attractive, oh, and it wouldn't kill you to smile now would it?"
Illumi shrugs before reaching for his drink. He cringes at the fact that he almost forgot that Hisoka drank from his glass. "You're paying for my drink," Illumi sneers before getting up. "Well I'm off, keep me updated on the missions you carry out and if they're successful or not,"
"Wait a moment," Hisoka stands up from his seat, "I'm just curios to know how you learned to flirt this way."
"Sometimes my job calls for it, my clients are specific on how they want me to carry out my missions," Illumi crosses his arms, "though I don't do much since my looks alone manage to win my victims over,"
"Well aren't we cocky," Hisoka chuckles. He leans closer to Illumi. "Don't be afraid to message me if you need help on your dates, I'm looking forward to your messages," Hisoka whispers before leaving a feather like kiss on Illumi's cheek.
Illumi's eyes slightly widen in surprise and subconsciously strikes his claw like nails towards Hisoka's middle. The Sadist dodged the attack and leaps a few feet away from Illumi. The assassin stares at the smiling man.
"Until then," Hisoka waves goodbye before making his way to the bartender and paying for his drinks.
"Hisoka," Illumi sighs, "I hope someone pays me to assassinate you one day." Shaking his head in disapproval, Illumi makes his way out the bar.
Authors Note*
So what did you think of the small Headcanon I wrote for Silva and Kikyo? It was my friends Idea and I thought It was too cute not to include! Also, you know what they say, grandparents are wise when it comes to advice :3 Leave your thoughts on what you think will happen next! The next chapter will be Killugon!
ALSO NOTE that I broke my laptop finally so I have no idea when the nest update will be. Until then!