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Chapter 2

The light from the candles hurt her eyes. Sigyn rubbed them wearily and sat up. Her head was pounding, everything ached and her throat felt like fire. Her hair was knotted and messy, her skin pale and tear streaked. Her nails were caked in blood and she felt the dried remains on her skin. Her limbs felt heavy and her stomach seized in discomfort. Had she fallen ill?

What's happened? It's so late. Narvi and Val-

She sank back onto the bed, breaths coming in heavy gasps pounding in her chest as her eyes flooded with fresh tears. Sigyn moaned in sorrow and turned her face into the pillows on her bed. She clawed at them desperately while the tears slipped from her dark eyes.

A hand pressed a cup in front of her face. It took her a moment to recognise Eir behind the cup.

"Here, drink this".

By the Norns, let it be poison…

Eir watched as her friend's breath finally evened out. Sigyn slipped back into a deep sleep. She would have to wake her eventually, but not just now. She stood and walked around the bedchamber. Despite being married to Loki for centuries, Sigyn and her sons were given their own apartments. Sigyn's room was simple. Filled with books on the healing arts and other ornaments, her room was a cross between that of a princess and a palace healer. She never did need luxuries and Eir had always admired her for that. Yet the room still held signs of the status she was entitled to.

Outside was the family chamber and across from that the now empty rooms of the twins. Anything that was theirs had been removed to the bedrooms. Sigyn had woken several times screaming in agony. The first time it was because they had draped a blanket that belonged to Vali over her. After that, all of their belongings had been swiftly removed. Eir opened the balcony doors hoping that the fresh air would help. The storm Thor had caused had died down by now and there was a cool snap in the air. Sigyn would have a headache when she awoke, and Eir was tired. It had been a long night. No one had slept. Outside, Muninn sat on the balcony looking inside, his posture stiff and unyielding. Yet he was looking to her but not at her. Almost as if he was looking at everything she was and everything she had done. That was what the children used to joke about. Muninn would look at you and he could see what you had for breakfast last year. At least she thought this one was Muninn. He was supposed to be more insightful than his companion. Eir almost laughed at herself. Thinking a raven was more focused than another, foolish. She needed sleep and a hot meal herself. Muninn still regarded her with large eyes.

"You may as well look", Eir sighed. "You didn't come here to see me".

Muninn stretched his wings and glided over to the end of the bed. He settled and watched the dark haired goddess of fidelity tremble in her sleep. Eir sank down into a chair by the window. She watched as the clouds moved slowly revealing bright stars. In the distance the newly formed Bifrost hummed and shimmered in the light. Everything looked fresh after a thunderstorm, but it looked dark and she knew it would stay that way even after the dawn broke.

Sigyn whimpered and tossed.

"Loki, don't please"-

There was no cure for a nightmare. It didn't matter how deeply you slept or how much you were drugged. Nightmares are made of our worst fears and our darkest memories. This memory would not fade. There was no way. Perhaps one day there would be a way to cope with it. But somewhere in her heart, Eir knew that it wouldn't be that easy. Sigyn had lost her children. There was no coming back from that.

"Sigyn. Wake up little lamb. I have a surprise for you".

No, no this was wrong. This was all wrong. Sigyn stood within the arches of the throne room. This was the same day, the same minute almost. Odin sat proudly atop his throne, ready to pass judgement. Frigga stood at his side, Thor next to her and she- where was she? Yes, the bottom of the steps with her children.

Narvi, Vali, oh gods no. Not again, have to save them somehow. I can save them.

Sigyn opened her mouth to shout, to scream at them to run. Nothing, it was like she was underwater. She couldn't call to them, they didn't even see her. She was too far.

Have to get to them, have to-

But she couldn't move. Then she heard it. Laughter. The only thing she could hear. She looked over at the people in the room. She had stood with her sons. Each of them solemn and quiet, a miracle in itself. She stood patiently. If this had to be done, if it had to be endured, she would endure it as she had every other moment in their marriage, with dignity. With fidelity.

I was such a naïve fool.

Loki was surrounded by guards in chains. It wouldn't help. His weapon was never physica; his weapon was his mind, his magic. Someone realise that! Put a sword through his heart, please! She couldn't watch this again. Sigyn willed herself, her shadow to recognise the danger. To kill him as quickly and as painfully as she could.

"Now, now. That's not very loyal is it".

Those words made her freeze in terror.

"You're not here", whispers, all she could manage. "You're not real, it's a dream. Just a dream, I can wake up".

"Oh no. No you can't. You will watch this. You will watch this to Ragnarok if I so choose". A cold hand encircled her throat and pulled her body flush against his. "You will watch this, my wife".

She couldn't remember what Loki had said to her before those steps. He fixed his gaze upon his sons and laughed. The younger, the one who wished for his father's approval met his stare and his fate was sealed. A simple word that was all it took. In a language so old and dead that barely any recalled its existence. All she could do was scream as Vali changed. She begged and pleaded for him to stop this. Loki just laughed as their youngest son tore apart the eldest. Fangs dripping with blood and flesh, she saw it. She saw what the guards had seen when they pierced his body with spears. The wolf Fenrir. The demon of their stories come to life before them. It took eighteen men with swords and spears to put him down. Sigyn had fallen next to Narvi, her dress stained with his blood which flowed freely around the throne. She called his name and cupped his face, willing him to wake up. To open his beautiful eyes again.

"Mother"-

Raising her eyes, she met Vali's gaze. He stared at her with confusion. He was held up only by the seven spears sticking into his body. She screamed as the light left his eyes. The guards retracted quickly and the child fell to the stone beside his brother.

Hidden in the arches, Sigyn heard and saw things she wasn't aware of. The warriors three and Sif held back Thor from Loki as he raged and promised vengence. Frigga fled from Odin to comfort the grieving shadow of Sigyn. Odin remained impassive staring down at the monster he had called son. Loki met his stare defiantly. He said something, but she couldn't make it out.

The scene vanished and the hall returned to an empty void. A sudden snap brought her back. Loki continued to pull her against him. She started to struggle horrified when she felt his obvious arousal. He moaned and pressed his lips to her neck and jaw. She wanted to cut his lying tongue out, anger replacing grief. Revenge instead of compliance.

"Get off of me now", she shouted struggling against him. Loki growled and spun her around against a pillar.

"Do you want to see again"? he hissed. "I can make it so you never leave here, you will be trapped in your worst reality forever. You will beg for your death".

"Yours first", she bit back. "You are a monster. They were your sons, your sons"!

"Half-breeds, raised on weakness. No use to me, but you still can be". He let his fingers trace her face and fall down over her breast to her waist. He nuzzled her neck and nipped at the skin, licking a trace of dried blood. "My beautiful, loyal wife. You will give me more children, stronger and deadly".

"You are mad. I will never come to you willingly".

Loki pushed down the neckline of her dress and traced his fingers across the runes on her heart.

"Willing or not, you are mine. You will never be free of me".

The realisation of this struck her silently and forcefully. He was right, she couldn't. Loki smirked and planted a soft kiss over the runes.

"You always did look so beautiful wrapped up in sorrow. Soon my love".

She was shaking when she woke up. Eir immediately approached her and stopped. Those bruises weren't there before. Wordlessly, she handed Sigyn a mirror and the terrified goddess stroked the bruises on her neck and arms. She wasn't sure what hurt worse.

In the throne room, Muninn watched as the last of the blood was cleaned off the floor. If walls could talk, that was what the humans said. It wasn't getting them to talk. It was getting them to shut up. The raven shook out his feathers. Huginn was nearby and the Allfather was waiting.