"Ooh! I know! I could be Invisible Woman! Cause of y'know, the forcefields!"
"Hayase! Please, just listen! I need to explain the powers of Pretty Cure to you! Fuu!"
"Hey! Fuupy, was it? Help me come up with a superhero name!"
As the clock on the wall slowly edged to 1am in the morning, Hayase showed no signs of stopping. The girl had been in her room all night, trying to come up with new superhero names and costumes to go along with her newfound powers, much to the chagrin of the diminutive little creature called Fuupy, who was pleading desperately for Hayase to just shut up and listen.
Just a few hours ago, Hayase and her classmate, Kaneda Kaede, had been attacked by a man called Emmerich Herman. Claiming to be from the Gestapo, Herman assaulted the two girls, seeking to capture the creatures that Hayase had essentially kidnapped.
It was then that the girls awakened to the power of Pretty Cure, allowing them to fight off the merciless Nazi. However, the defeat of Herman did not spell peace for the newly christened Cures, for in his retreat, Herman left a dread reminder of the evils of the Fourth Reich; the unholy Swastika, emblazoned upon the very face of the Moon!
The red glare of the moon had since returned to a serene pale blue glow, but evanescent as the Swastika may have been, its message was clear and lasting; the Nazi scourge was out there.
Watching.
Waiting.
The time for battle would come once again.
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OP: "Big Cure! PreCure!"by Badass Manly PreCure Idol Unite!
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At the same time, Kaneda Kaede, the other half of Pretty Cure, was less than impressed with what she was hearing, "So let me get this straight, Hitler, is looking for you. Adolf Hitler, is hunting for a talking plushie."
"Hey! I'm no plushie asshole! Buu!" protested Buupy, "but yes, Hitler is looking for us. Buu."
Rolling her eyes, Kaede continued, "And he's got a castle in the Moon from which he's conducting his whole operations."
Buupy nodded solemnly.
"And here's the kicker," Kaede sighed, "I've gotta stop him by dressing up like an idiot and punching Nazis in the face."
"Hey! I don't pick the dress lady! Anyway, the important thing is that Hitler doesn't get the Star Keys! Fuupy and I are guarding one each! Buu!" proclaimed Buupy, looking proud of himself.
"That's right, those stupid keys. Run me by them again," said Kaede, in as cold a monotone as she could muster.
"The Star Keys are some of the most powerful artifacts in the universe! Buu! They allow their wielder to control the power of the stars themselves! If Hitler gathers all of them, he would be unstoppable! He'd be like awesome times kickass to the power of superfly! Buu!"
Letting out a long, exaggerated sigh, Kaede moaned, "Seriously, why the hell did you guys have to drag me into this crap? Couldn't that idiot girl have done this on her own?"
"Nope! The power of Pretty Cure requires two hearts to work in unison! And you just happened to be the only other person in the area! Buu!" said Buupy, snickering, "What? Are you telling me you're too pussy for the job, pussy?"
And then Kaede punched Buupy in the face.
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Today's Episode: The Strongest Martial Art! Herr Mystico Enters the Ring!
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The morning sun was shining brightly over Kurihara . In class 3-B however, the mood of the homeroom teacher, Kurihara Kazuhiro was anything but sunny.
"Kaneda! Wake up!" he yelled, throwing his fifth chalk this morning at the napping Kaede, "You too, Hanamura! This is Social Sciences class! NOT naptime!" he continued, throwing chalk number six at the also sleeping Hayase.
"Gah! Miserable little hellspawns, it's no wonder Kyosuke's classes always do better than mine. He gets all the good students, while I'm stuck with these degenerates!" Kazuhiro muttered to himself, his self pity painfully evident.
"You know what? You girls might think its funny, but social sciences is a very important subject! It's just as important as the maths my brother teachers! We drive the same car! So what if his wife's younger and more attractive than mine!" Kazuhiro declared to his students, only to be met with much snickering.
Infuriated, Kazuhiro yelled, "Shut up! Shut up, you little monsters! Kaneda! Hanamura! You two are responsible for all this miscreancy! Go stand outside in the hall and let the rest of us get back to work!"
Too sleepy and tired to mount any form of protest, the girls shambled out of the classroom.
"Hey," said Kaede, as the two stood out in the halls, "You're that girl who dragged me into that steaming pile of stupid last night, right?"
Scratching her head and yawning, Hayase asked, "Which steaming pile of stupid? The Nazis, or that time I stole the neighbour's dog? Because I think the dog was last week."
"Nazis."
"Oh! Oh! Yup! That was me!" answered Hayase, seemingly reenergized, "How cool was that! They had a moon Swastika and everything!"
Not amused by Hayase's enthusiasm, Kaede sarcastically muttered, "Yeah. Thanks for that. Because fighting Nazis is totally how I want to spend my evenings."
"Really? Personally, I would have preferred riding dinosaurs," said Hayase, "Oh! By the way! I was thinking, Pretty Cure is a pretty lame name, so we should totally come up with a new superhero team name! I was thinking we should be Batman and Robin!"
Sighing, Kaede deftly ignored her compatriot's suggestion, "So, where's your talking plushie?"
"I brought her with me! See?" said Hayase, as she produced a very ruffled looking Fuupy to show Kaede before stuffing her back in her pocket, "How bout yours?"
"Eh. The stupid thing was annoying me last night; I was trying to get some sleep but he kept whining about how I punched him earlier. So I gagged him. I think he's festering somewhere in my bag," said Kaede, a smile etched on her face for the first time this day.
"By the way, do you know why we got attacked by Nazis last night? I think Fuupy may have said something about it, but I forget," asked Hayase.
"…wait. You dragged me into all this, and you don't even know what for?" uttered Kaede in disbelief, "Good god, I can't believe my luck…well, apparently Hitler's living on the moon now, and he wants these Star Keys. And it just so happens those two idiot plushies are holding on to a couple of keys. So now we've gotta guard their asses."
"Anyway, what do you reckon about calling ourselves Batman and Robin? You didn't answer earlier," asked Hayase, having apparently glazed over poor Kaede's exposition.
"You…I think I hate you," proclaimed Kaede.
"I guess you can be Batman if it'll make you feel any better," conceded Hayase, diplomatically.
But before Kaede could respond, the head of the dread Kurihara-sensei slowly revealed itself from the crevice of the classroom, "Goddammit you kids! Keep quiet out there! The rest of us are studying important material!" yelled Kurihara, veins now evident on his forehead. "Bah! Kyosuke wouldn't have gotten his big promotion if he had to teach this class! Actually, I should probably get him to take these little bastards for maths one of these days; that'll wipe that smug smile off his face," muttered Kurihara-sensei as his head rescinded back into the classroom.
"So…do you want to be Batman then?" asked Hayase.
And for what must have been the fiftieth time that day, Kaede died a little inside.
After what seemed an eternity, school was finally over. Its halls of learning had fast descended into chaos, the rapid footsteps of hundreds of students, happy to finally go home for another day.
Kaede however, was less than happy.
In matters past, she had been forcibly conscripted in an intergalactic battle between fluffy mascots and space Nazis, led by an apparently not dead Adolf Hitler.
In matters present, she had just found out that she and Hayase lived close by, which thus explained why they were walking back home together. And as if walking back with one idiot wasn't enough, Asano Akane, kendo teammate, president of the Kaneda Kaede fanclub and serial stalker in training was also present.
"Hey Kaede-sama! I totally had an awesome dream last night! Wanna hear about it?" exclaimed Akane, whilst gleefully invading Kaede's personal space.
"No," flatly replied Kaede.
"But it was so awesome! I-I dreamt you touched me! It was the best dream ever! And then, I got so excited, dream me literally flew off into space! And then I had a dream blackout because it was so overwhelming!" proclaimed Akane, "Though I'm not really sure why I woke up on the streets this morning…or why I've got this huge bump on my head. Guess I sleep walk."
Her eyes lighting up, Hayase interjected, "Oh! Oh! Nope! You weren't sleep walking! We really were attacked by Space Naz-" but before she could finish, Kaede's fist flew straight into her face.
"Umph!" Hayase yelped.
"What Hayase meant to say was that yes, you most definitely were sleep walking. And everything was a dream. Also, I hate you," said Kaede, exercising her editorial mandate over Hayase's speech.
"Huh? But why would Hayase hate me?" asked Akane, wide eyed.
Kaede was about to respond with another fist when suddenly, a muscular figure leapt from the sky! His imposing shadow looming menacingly over the girls, the predator homed in on Akane.
With a mighty yell of his battle cry, "FRANKENSTEINER!" the figure locked his legs around Akane's neck and shoulder, and using the momentum from his leap, backflipped, catapulting the girl onto her back with a mighty thud!
Standing victoriously over his fallen 'foe', the shirtless figure, clad only in tight pants, wrestling boots and a face concealing mask emblazoned with a Swastika, pointed triumphantly to the sky and yelled, "Mein Fuhrer! Herr Mystico, has vanquished your dread foe, Pretty Cure! Now! Watch Herr Mystico, as he clobbers this vermin into a pulp, as a tribute to your greatness!"
Making good on his promise, Herr Mystico began to stomp violently on the bruised, beaten and unconscious body of Akane.
At that moment, as she watched the masked Nazi brutally assault a defenseless girl, what was long dormant in Kaede finally awoke; a heroic spirit! A fire in her that would burn evermore till the day injustice and evil was vanquished! Before her was a villain, and the power was in her hands to fight on behalf of the weak and the downtrodden!
But then she remembered it was only Akane.
Unfortunately for Kaede, just as she was about to walk back home to a peaceful afternoon, her unwanted partner in heroism yelled out, "Fiend! How dare you shatter the peace of this city! We, Batman and Robin, will tolerate your evil no more!"
"We're not Batman and Robin…" interjected Kaede, desperate to salvage whatever dignity she had left.
Pouting, Hayase conceded, "Fine. We, Batman and Batman, will tolerate your evil no more!"
Tired of Hayase's antics, Kaede informed the now likely confused Herr Mystico, "Look, you're attacking the wrong girl. We're Pretty Cure. Now can we just get this fight over with so that I can go home?"
"Huh? Really? Who is Herr Mystico killing then?" asked Herr Mystico, still stomping on Akane.
"I dunno," Kaede lied nonchalantly, as she grabbed a gagged Buupy from out of her school bag, preparing herself to transform.
Finally stopping his assault on poor Akane, Herr Mystico faced his new opponents and declared, "Pretty Cure! I commend you for revealing yourselves to Herr Mystico! However! He will spare you no mercy! Have at you!"
"Ha! You are the one who will not be spared mercy!" countered Hayase as she clasped hands with a sighing Kaede, "Dual Souls Ignite!"
Enveloped in a brilliant flash of light, the girls felt a great surge of energy as their magic clothes weaved themselves around them.
"The Glorious Sun that banishes the night! Cure Solar!" declared Kaede, clad in a dress of brilliant yellow, highlighted by deep red, gold and white.
"The Shimmering Moon that ushers in the light! Cure Luna!" added Hayase, clothed in her flowing white, silver and blue dress.
Pointing dramatically towards Herr Mystico, Kaede said, "Servants of Evil, harbingers of the Night!"
"You stand before the Brightest Light!" finished Hayase.
"Hmm, so this is the Pretty Cure that defeated Herman? Herr Mystico is not impressed," taunted the Nazi luchador.
"Yeah, well screw you!" shouted Cure Solar as she threw a punch straight towards her foe.
"Fool! Herr Mystico sees through your moves!" yelled Herr Mystico. Blocking Cure Solar's punch, he wrapped his right arm around Solar's head, tucking it under his armpit. Hooking Cure Solar's right leg with his left arm, Herr Mystico lifted the girl high into the air, "Behold! The power of Herr Mystico's Fisherman DDT!" Falling backwards onto his back, Herr Mystico drove Solar's head straight into the pavement, stunning her.
Before Cure Luna could even call out to her wounded compatriot, Herr Mystico dashed straight towards her. "Be careful! Fuu!" yelled out Fuupy just in time for Luna to enact a forcefield around herself seconds before Herr Mystico's fist connected.
Surveying the forcefield that was blocking his attacks, Herr Mystico smirked, "Hmph! A puny shield is no match for the might of Nazi Lucha!" Grasping the field with both his hands, Herr Mystico lifted the forcefield, with Luna in it, high above his head, like one would a rodent in a hamster ball.
"FLY!" Herr Mystico bellowed as he flung the encased Cure Luna high above his head, sending Luna tumbling through the air before crashing back down on earth.
Stopping to admire his handiwork for a moment, Herr Mystico muttered to himself, "Herman told Herr Mystico that the yellow one was the more powerful of the two. Therefore, it would be most prudent that Herr Mystico eliminates her first!"
Battered and dazed, Cure Solar's slowly struggled back to her feet, her body still sore from Herr Mystico's DDT. Her vision blurry from the pain, she managed to make out the outline of a muscular body walking towards her. "Oh crap," she muttered just before a strong right fist connected hard across her jaw, knocking her off her feet.
"Behold, Mein Fuhrer! Herr Mystico lays waste to your enemies!" Herr Mystico yelled towards the sky before continuing a brutal barrage of punches on Cure Solar.
Unable to fight back, Solar had no choice but to endure the assault until Cure Luna could come to her aid. It was then, when Solar noticed something horrifying; Cure Luna was no where to be found. "T-that idiot! DAMMIT!" thought Solar as she continued suffering abuse at the hands of Herr Mystico.
"And now! THE FINISHER!" screamed Herr Mystico, as he grabbed the nearly broken body of Cure Solar and lifted her high above his head, "POWERBOMB!" he yelled as he drove Solar hard onto the pavement with a sickening thud.
Posing dramatically, Herr Mystico declared, "Bwahaha! Behold the awesome glory of Herr Mystico! Nazi Lucha Libre is invinc-"
"PRETTY CURE! SWORD OF JUSTICE!" yelled a voice from behind Herr Mystico.
Before he could even turn around, Herr Mystico was brought down as he felt a hard metal object clash violently against his knee. "ARGH! W-what was that!" he screamed as he looked at his leg, only to see it bent in sickening fashion, the bone clearly broken, "H-Herr Mystico's leg! YOU HAVE BROKEN HERR MYSTICO'S LEG!"
Watching her adversary writhe in pain on the floor, Cure Luna lifted a crowbar high above her head, a big smile plastered across her face, "Woo hoo! Sword of Justice!"
"H…hey…" moaned Cure Solar weakly, still lying inert on the ground.
"Solar! Oh no, are you ok?" asked Luna, apparently having only just noticed her wounded companion.
"What…what does…it l-look like…you moron…" moaned Solar. Sighing, she forced herself to continue, "Just…just give me…a second…then, I…I want you to give me…that crowbar…gonna break his face…"
Gritting her teeth, Cure Solar slowly forced herself back up, revenge very much on her mind. With help from Cure Luna, Solar finally got herself back on her feet. Taking the crowbar from Luna, Solar quizzed, "Hey…where'd you get this from anyway?"
"Oh! While we were fighting, that guy threw me really high up," Cure Luna said, pointing up towards the sky, "Anyway, while I was up there, I saw that there was a hardware store nearby. So after I recovered, I quickly ran off to buy us a weapon!"
Looking genuinely impressed, Cure Solar conceded, "Heh, looks like you're good for something after all."
"As for you…" said Solar, her sights turning towards the still writhing Herr Mystico, "I believe we have some unfinished business." Raising the crowbar high above her head, Cure Solar approached her fallen enemy, a psychopathic smile plastered across her face.
However, before Solar could make good on her promise of revenge, the sky suddenly darkened, looking like night despite only being 4.30 in the afternoon.
High above, the moon once again glowed a sickly red as a giant Swastika once more etched itself across its surface.
With a violent roar, a great bolt of lightning struck mere meters away from the girls!
When the dust cleared, the two Cures looked in amazement and horror, as half the town had disappeared, having been replaced by a giant, menacing mountain! Atop its highest peak, stood a figure, garbed in brown military garb and a red Swastika armband, his unmistakable moustache bristling in the storming gale.
"MORTALS!" bellowed the figure, his booming voice almost physically pushing Solar and Luna back, "BEFORE YOU STANDS THE ETERNAL LORD OF DARKNESS! THE KING OF 100 DEVILS! I AM THE ENDLESS! I AM THE INFINITE! I AM!"
"ADOLF HITLER!"
The gravity of this declaration hung in the air, as Cure Solar and Cure Luna looked silently upon the face of the most evil tyrant the universe has ever known.
"PUNY, PITIFUL VERMIN! PROSTRATE YOURSELVES BEFORE ME!"
Gathering her nerve and mustering her courage, Cure Solar yelled back at the tyrant, "Oi! Adolf! Screw you!"
"Fool…" muttered Hitler, his voice implausibly booming, despite being muted in volume, "SO BE IT! KNOW THAT YOU DOOM YOURSELF TO DEATH UNENDING! WHEN NEXT WE MEET, DESPAIR AND DARKNESS AWAIT YOU!"
And thus, with a lightning strike that came as suddenly as the first, the figure vanished, along with the mountain he stood on, and Herr Mystico as well.
Slowly, the Swastika on the moon vanished, and the sky began to brighten once more. The town too, looked normal once again, free of any signs of the gruesome battle that took place moments ago.
"Hey, Hayase," Kaede said.
"Hmm? What's up?"
"Look, I'm not keen on this Pretty Cure business, but I still owe that dumbass a crowbar to the face. So until then, I guess I'm in for the ride," said Kaede.
Grinning, Hayase replied, "Awesome!"
"Oh, by the way," continued Hayase, "What are we going to do with your friend over there?" pointing to the still unconscious and inert Akane.
Kaede shrugged and answered, "Eh, leave her."
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Ending: "Tsuyoki Mono Yo!"by True PreCure Impact! BttW Chapter!
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Next Episode Preview
KAEDE: Damn, this has been a tiring week.
HAYASE: But Kaede! The weekends coming up!
KAEDE: Thank god, I can finally get a break.
HAYASE: That's why I reckon we should go shopping! And I'll bring Akane too!
KAEDE: W-what! NO! Stay the hell away from me!
HAYASE: Whoa! Kaede! Did you see that! A Nazi monster!
KAEDE: Please eat Akane, please eat Akane, please eat Akane…
HAYASE & KAEDE: Next episode! "A Weekend of Endless Strife! The Monstrous Nazaina! "