October 31st 1992

Wolfsbane never made the October moon better. It had been almost three weeks since his transformation but despite madam Pomfrey's efforts and three square meals a day he was still stiff and aching. He had done his best to conceal it from his students, though if the concerned glances he had received from several of his third years were any indication, he had not been as convincing as he'd thought. He had opted not to attend the Halloween feast, the hubbub too much for his senses, and the happiness too much for his heart.

No, the dark office bathed in the moonlight he so despised was much more suited to his mood. Remus Lupin could not believe he had ever enjoyed Halloween. Not now when it was the day he lost everything. He tried so hard to repress the memories but on this day they overwhelmed him.

At Hogwarts it had been all pranks, feasts and ,on one memorable occasion ,a night of wrangling a very drunk deer and an even more plastered grim.

After Hogwarts he had been with the packs. He knew his work was needed or else Dumbledore would not have asked it of him but it meant allowing more of the wolf to show itself. He tried for several months to keep his humanity, carrying a wand, even indulging in a book or two but this only ostracized him from the other Lycanthropes. But he could only hold on so long. He hated himself for it but Moony afforded him an escape. Succumbing to his primal instincts, it was Moony's golden eyes allowed him to watching the war with unseeing. When he was the wolf, his other senses may have been heightened but he was not forced to feel. Whenever his eyes shifted back to their normal soft green they were filled with tears. The eyes of a broken man. The kind eyes of someone who had not deserved the suffering they had endured.

One of those years though, he had been allowed home. But only to attend his mother's funeral. Not that his father had allowed him to attend. Lily had later said it was because his eyes were too much like Hope's. He knew it was because Lyall was repulsed by him.

That was how came to find himself on the Potter's doorstep on October 31st 1980, tears streaming down his face.

It was Lily who had opened the door. She had seen him hours post transformation. She had been the one who had talked him down from the panic after the incident with Snape. Never had she seen him like this.

"Oh Remus" she breathed, her voice cracking.

She flung her arms around him latching tightly around his neck and pulling him tight to her. He stiffened, after months of any touch meaning pain, but she clung to him tighter and the deep pressure calmed him as she had known it would. As it always had. He fell into her arms began sobbing harder clinging desperately to the woman who was his sister in all but blood.

He heard the muffled thunking of hurried footsteps on carpet and the bespectacled face of James Potter peered around the doorframe.

"Lils are you….Moony oh Merlin what happened ,what can I do… oh my fucking Circe…"

"James SHUT IT"

Remus chuckled involuntarily into Lily's shoulder.

"Go make up the guest bed and grab a vial of calming draught and one of dreamless sleep from the potions cabinet"

Eyes still fixed on Remus's sobbing form Lily had to kick him covertly before he hurried off to do as he he'd been asked, panic rising in his chest. Moony had always been the strong one. He hated to think what had broken him like this.

Remus awoke several hours later from a blissfully dreamless sleep to the smells of hot chocolate and Lily's famous treacle tart. He temporarily forgot where he was, still enveloped in warmth like he had not experienced in months. He remembered as the door quietly creaked open and a pair of soft emerald eyes appeared.

"Remus?" Lily whispered. She strode over and perched herself delicately on the edge of his bed running her fingers gently through his hair. He sat up gingerly, ignoring the pulling of several recently healed scars and circled his arms around her, breathing in her comforting and familiar scent of vanilla and parchment.

"Thank you" he whispered quietly in her ear as she traced small circles on his back.

James found them still wrapped in each other's arms a quarter of an hour later tears streaming down both their cheeks. A small smile came to his lips: he and Lily may have been soul mates but she and Remus were kindred spirits.

Hearing the soft sound of crying from the next room Lily disentangled herself from Remus and went to check on Harry in the next room, discretely leaving the boys alone. James took her place, bedsprings creaking slightly as he settled himself beside the werewolf before taking his hand.

James had always been physically affectionate, a product of loving parents. Parents who had actually hugged him past the age of four.

They sat here for a while, Remus drawing comfort from the mere closeness of his friend until James, his voice rough, finally spoke.

"Moony? I'm not going to tell you it's all OK, because it's not. Life is utter shite sometimes and you've had some pretty rotten luck"

Remus looked up, biting back a smile. James knew he hated to be pitied. James know how to approach the situation with enough humor so as not to seem patronizing. James always knew.

"But Moony, you should know, I hope you already know that we're here for you. Me an' Pads and Wormy and Lils, we're here for you. Always."

Remus nodded, his gratitude for these wonderful people he scarcely felt he deserved overwhelming him as James squeezed his hand before pulling away to fish something out of his pocket and deposit it on Remus' lap.

"Muggle chocolate?"

"Yeah. We took Harry trick or treating about an hour before you showed up."

"Merlin Prongs, the kid is three months old!"

"I know, but Lils said it would be fun. Anyways, how else are we to feed your chocolate habit"

Remus smiled shakily.

"You should have seen the costumes the kids had on! Wizards don't dress like that! Well maybe Dumbledore does but that's beside the point.. and witches, don't even get me started ,they seem to think they're all hags like that crowd up north…"

Three hours later found Lily, Remus, and James on the floor of the guest bedroom eating Harry's Halloween candy and reminiscing about better times. October had become November before Lily went off to bed begging Remus to stay as long as he needed.

James got up to join her saying quietly

"I think you're going to make it Moony. I'm not going to tell you that it's all going to be alright because it's not. But we all heal. You taught me that. Your strength and your stubborn Gryffindor courage will get you through. You will heal. It's not alright now, but it will be. Eventually"

But the next year they were gone.

Those two wonderful people, those to loving hearts were gone and it was definitely not alright. Remus broke again without having fully mended.

A bright white light awoke Remus from his stupor drawing back to 1992, tears streaming down his face at the pain of the memory of that night. Of the following week when he had lost his other two best friends. Of losing everything.

The phoenix patronus before him opened its beak and spoke in the commanding voice of Albus Dumbledore. "He's broken in. He's in the castle. Come to the great hall immediately."

He rose stiffly, grimacing at the pain in his knees and his back, wiping his reddened eyes on the shabby sleeve of his robes and burying his pain, just as he always had ,before striding briskly out of his office.

Remus Lupin could hardly believe he had ever enjoyed Halloween.