Yes, there are Ocs in this, and Izaya will be acting different in this fanfic. Sorry if you don't like that :3
But do not worry! This story isn't IzayaxOC, the Ocs are just there to help Izaya change and recover. I hope ya'll understand.
I'm sorry this took so long to update, and I'm sorry if you guys don't like how Izaya is portrayed, but this is how I write.
I feel like I may be being too hard on myself ;-;
– – – – – –
The first thing Izaya heard when he slowly floated back up to consciousness was a steady beeping near his right ear. It continued on, and Izaya couldn't seem to drift back down into the comforting plane of sleep. He wondered if he left his alarm clock on again. He pried open his eyelids, which felt like they had been glued together. However, his gaze was met with a glaring amount of white. White, white everywhere..
He made a grunting noise, which was muffled by whatever was over his mouth. Izaya tried to lift his hand to touch it, only to find he was barley able to curl his fingers. What..? His sluggish mind questioned. He moved his eyes away from the white above him, turning to look to his right. Next to him.. Was a heart monitor machine and an IV bag. He was in the hospital?
Izaya turned his eyes to the left, and found a tube and about two more IV bags. All of which were leading to him. Izaya's sluggish brain couldn't seem to come up with an answer for what happened to himself, and he once again tried to move his hands. His fingers twitched and curled, but that was all he could do.
He couldn't seem to find it in him to move, but his breath started to quicken as his mind grew confused and panicked. His chest barley went up and down, but it was going up and down too fast. His heart was pounding inside his ears. Suddenly, his breath caught in his chest and he began to violently cough again. He couldn't seem to take a breath, whenever he tried he would simply cough once more. Red began to stain the inside of his oxygen mask, and his vision grew fuzzy again and he began to fade away again.
However, before the world could darken once more, the door quickly slid open. A young man in a doctor's coat walked in, quickly pulling Izaya up and removing the oxygen mask that was on his face. "Sir, I know you feel like fainting right now, but please stay awake," He said, and there was a metal container in Izaya's lap. "Cough into the bucket, don't let it stay in your body, if you keep pulling it back, you may end up choking," He said.
Izaya made many guttural retching noises, mixed with coughs. His chest hitched once more, and Izaya quickly hunched forward, coughing into the bucket. Out came whatever food was left in his stomach, the yellow-green vomit mixed with red blood. The inside of Izaya's throat felt like someone had rubbed it with acid-covered sandpaper, his breathing incredibly labored now that the oxygen mask was off his face. It hurts.. He thought weakly. Why is it so hard to breathe..?
The doctor rubbed the informant broker's back comfortingly, making him feel like a small child needing their parent's assistance, weak and helpless. He took many more gasping breaths, some hitching and causing him to lean forward to cough again. After a while, his breathing calmed down enough to the point he could focus. His red eyes turned toward the doctor, seeing his navy blue eyes filled with concern. Izaya desperately wanted to release a snarky comment to see what the doctor's reaction would be, but he couldn't seem to gather enough energy to even move.
"Are you feeling a little better now sir?" The doctor asked, now using a wipe to clean the blood off Izaya's face. It made the 23 year old's body and mind fill with shame. He felt so weak and helpless, Gods were not supposed to feel like this. It was impossible for Gods to feel weak, yet here he was, not even able to gather enough energy to shrug at the doctor.
No, he wasn't feeling better at all. Even if he didn't have the urge to regurgitate all the contents of his stomach and some blood with it, the rest of his body still felt like hell. His head was throbbing so hard, and his limbs felt extremely weak. Why was this happening to him?
Izaya simply stared at the doctor, sending him a look. The young man chuckled awkwardly and said,"Ah.. I guess you probably wouldn't be feeling good after throwing up like that.. I would give you some water, but I'm not sure if your stomach could even handle that right now"
Whatever.. Izaya thought, growing slightly frustrated. Even his mind felt weak.. His thoughts came to him like a cement mixture down a slope, when they used to rush to him like a waterfall. It was frustrating, and tiring.
Izaya's eyes began to droop, the feeling of drowsiness returning at full force very suddenly. He slumped even farther in the doctor's hold, as the man lied him back down, an apprehensive look on his face. "Well, I shouldn't have expected you to remain awake for long, especially after all that purging.. We'll discuss the test results we took when you wake up again," He said simply.
Izaya watched him go, wondering what the look on his face meant. He seemed like he wanted to tell the informant broker something, but decided not to suddenly. Was it because he wanted to let Izaya sleep? His sluggish mind couldn't seem to figure out a better reason, but he certainly wanted to know what worried the doctor so much.
Surely it wasn't anything too bad, right?
Izaya probably just got dehydrated or something.
He wasn't going to.. To die or anything..
Right?
….
Right?
– – – – – –
The next time Izaya woke up, it was better than before, but only by a little. The oxygen mask was back on his face, and the steady beeping from the heart monitor was much calmer this time. Now that he knew where he was, Izaya felt a little calmer.
However, there was something still weighing on his sluggish mind. The doctor's face last night left Izaya feeling worried, he seemed to have wanted to tell Izaya something important. Maybe relating to what ailed the 23 year old? Surely it wasn't anything too bad, Izaya had never gotten sick before. He wasn't worried or anything.. He just wished that he knew what was wrong. He didn't have time to remain in this hospital bed, he had things to do. Shiki was probably already angry at him.
As if answering his call, the door slid open once more, the doctor returning. He was staring down at a clipboard with a dark look on his face. As he walked closer to Izaya's bed, the informant broker was able to catch the name on his name tag. Dr. Nowaki Kusama. Strange name.. Then again Izaya couldn't really talk.
Dr. Kusama suddenly let out a squeak of surprise, realizing his patient was awake. "Oh..Um.. Hello Orihara-san. Sorry, didn't expect you to be awake," He said calmly.
Instead of trying to talk around the oxygen mask, Izaya let his eyes flick from the clipboard to the doctor with a questioning look, watching the doctor follow his eyes and look down at his clipboard. That dark look returned for a moment before he grew a false smile and a warm look in his eyes. "A-ah! Orihara-san, would you like something for your mouth before we discuss the results of the tests we took?" He asked.
Why do I feel like you're trying to steer this conversation away from what I want to know Izaya thought, but nodded all the same. His throat still felt pretty bad, so he wouldn't mind something to quench the feeling. However, he did knit his eyes together in worry. Despite the wanting feeling of water, didn't the doctor say when he was last awake that he didn't even know if his stomach could handle water?
Noticing his discomfort, the doctor quickly said,"Don't worry, we'll simply be giving you some ice chips, they'll help your mouth, and you won't throw up," He said happily.
He left again, then came back with the ice chips. Izaya knew what they were, after all, Shinra often used them for patients on drugs so they couldn't barf. But, he was very frustrated to find when he tried to reach up for them, his arms once again wouldn't move. He groaned in anger, and clenched his fists again, before looking at the doctor with an exasperated cast.
Once again, Kusama's face filled with something strange. It seemed to be a mix of worry and despair, but he quickly smiled once more and said,"I'll feed them to you, don't worry"
He seemed to be saying that a lot. Don't worry.. Don't worry.. It could be tied in to what he was saying in the sentences they were included in, but Izaya felt like there was some kind of deeper meaning to his words. But still, Izaya swallowed his pride and allowed his doctor to feed him the ice chips. They melted slowly in his mouth, the coldness sliding all around his parched mouth like the first rainfall in a desert after years.
Now that his throat didn't hurt, he shakily said,"T-thank you.."The doctor smiled and nodded in return, placing the empty cup down on a counter nearby, the clipboard taking it's place in his hand.
Izaya looked down at the clipboard again, and saw the doctor looked like he was about to leave once more. "What were the test results?" Izaya weakly called out, causing the doctor to freeze.
"I um.." Kusama stuttered,"I'm not sure you should hear them yet, Orihara-san.."
The informant broker's eyes narrowed in suspicious, his stomach churning. Obviously, what was ailing him wasn't simple. But that just made Izaya want to know what exactly was happening to him even more.
"You said last time that you would tell me my test results when I woke up," He said firmly, red eyes staring at the doctor accusingly,"And I'm awake"
Kusama looked down at the clipboard quickly. "I-I know that.." He stuttered out,"But.. We want to make sure you're physically and mentally stable before you hear it"
"I feel fine," Izaya said, pretty much lying. He felt like shit, but that wasn't the point. He was an informant broker, he knew everything. To find one of the few things he didn't know was about himself, it was frustrating.. and scary. It was also something he needed to know. What was happening to him, how it could be fixed, that he would be fine.
Finally, Izaya couldn't take the young doctor's tense silence anymore. He narrowed his eyes and frowned towards him, showing his determined face.
The doctor looked even more conflicted, as he looked down at the clipboard again. "I.. I want to tell you, Orihara-san, I truly do. But I don't know if you can handle it," He told the raven, and looked down once more. "Cases like this usually never react well.. I can't even imagine how you'll-"
"Cases like this?" Izaya questioned.
The doctor's eyes became clouded again, before he sighed. "Izaya.." He began, now using the young man's full name. "We.. We don't know what's wrong with you.."
Izaya's eyes filled with confusion. "W-what do you mean? How can you not know what's wrong with me?!" He asked, tone raising a little in panic.
"It's that simple, we don't," The doctor explained,"All the tests showed nothing, the blood work showed nothing. You have many symptoms that can be linked to many illnesses, yet they seem to be combined somehow.. In a way I haven't seen before.. It may be something completely new, and if we don't have the technology to fix it.. Or if we can't find the problem.."
"Izaya, there is a huge chance that.. You're going to die"
Izaya's wide, red eyes stared at the doctor in disbelief. Death.. A concept that Izaya never feared, because there was no way that death could catch him, a god. But now that the facts were staring him straight in the face, he felt emotions he never knew existed before.
Fear, total and complete unbridled fear.
And a realization..
About just how human he really was.
Gods could not succumb to illnesses, they didn't die. Gods were immortal. Yet.. Here he was, being told he was probably going to die. He felt so scared, so confused.. So human.
"W-what?" Izaya asked, his eyes suddenly blurring, and the wetness of tears sliding down his cheeks. "What do you- I'm going to die?"
The doctor solemnly nodded,"Unless we can find a way to slow it down, or find a cure.. You will. Your body already seems to be deteriorating, slowly but surely. It is the reason you are not able to move, your body is weakening"
"T-then.. C-can't you try and do something about it?" Izaya shakily asked, the heart monitor beginning to beep faster, matching Izaya's panic.
Kusama's eyes softened. "Of course we will, Izaya. It's a new illness, we want to cure it. We will do whatever we can to save your life, we promise. Please don't lose hope," He said gently, placing his hand on the railing of Izaya's bed. Izaya looked at him and shakily nodded, still crying. He didn't know how to handle the sudden emotions, other than to let them out.
The doctor nodded, turning and walking to the door. "I'm going to go get some of the paperwork for you to agree to, so you can consent to the tests, I'll be right back," He explained calmly, seeming to try and remain calm for Izaya as well. It wasn't working.
"Okay.." Izaya whispered fearfully, his hands shaking. He watched the doctor leave, and a moment later a nurse walked in, checking his vitals, before walking out as well, leaving Izaya alone with his thoughts. His dark thoughts…
Everything he knew, everything he believed about himself, was ripped out from under him like a rug, forcing him to collide painfully with the reality underneath it. To some people, hearing it may not be as terrifying. Izaya had watched many people die, but he was never the one to be in their place..Until now. And now that it was his turn.. He felt so terrified.
He felt so human.. More human than he ever felt before. No, being a god was just an illusion he had created himself in his fear of death. Now, there was no hiding what was going to happen. He was just as human as everyone else, and he could die like everyone else. In fact, he just might.
If Izaya could have brought up his arms to hug himself, he would have. His mind was going into overdrive, wondering several things. Maybe there was a God out there, maybe this was their way of punishing him for all the things he had done to people. Ha.. He wanted to laugh at his joke, but the more he thought about it, the more truthful it sounded..
Izaya signed the consent forums, but he didn't believe that any of the tests would help. As far as the raven's darkened vision could see, there was no light at the end of this path.
– – – – – –
Three Months Later
– – – – – –
Namie sighed in frustration, punching in the code to get to Izaya's apartment. She wanted to let him have a piece of her mind. She needed her paycheck, from him as much as she hated to admit. But when Izaya suddenly stopped messaging her to come in, didn't pester her with stupid tasks, and then didn't pay her for three straight months without a word?!
Though the tasks were often stupid, like putting his files in alphabetical order and then numeric order so he could see which one he preferred, they were paid stupid tasks, so she didn't complain. She didn't know why he stopped texting her.. Wait a minute..
Was this his stupid way of firing her?! Or was this his way to get her crawling back to him? Either way, she was back, and she wanted her motherfucking paycheck. She didn't even care if this was the last one he would be giving her.
Opening the door, she shut it behind her quickly. It had become a habit of hers after that freak with the gas mask held her hostage with a fake gun. She didn't want anything like that to happen again.
"Izaya?" She called sternly, walking inside and looking around. She gained no answer in return. Strange.. She thought.
She looked around, climbed up the stairs, checked the rooms, but there was no informant broker in the house. Strange.. She thought once more. He only leaves the door unlocked for me.. Why was it still open? She went back down to his computer, going to check and see if he had left her a note. That's when she saw it. No, it wasn't anything that would alert her that her 'boss' was in danger, but it was strange all the same.
His entire desk, the keyboard, the computer, the chair, and even the mouse was covered in a sheet of dust.
Namie tilted her head in confusion, walking forward and examining the desk closer. There was never any dust on Izaya's desk. It was the one place he spent most his time, it was always spotless. To see it like this was.. Unnerving.. To say the least. She was kind of tempted to check his computer, maybe get a hint of where he was last, but she wasn't dumb enough to believe that he didn't keep any of his computers password protected. Not with his job. Still, none of this made any sense to her, where could he have gone? And in such a hurry that he left everything behind-
"Ah, we're not the only people who have noticed," A familiar voice rang out.
Namie gasped and swung around, her long black hair flowing gracefully as she clutched to the back of the desk in surprise. Standing behind her, in his usual white suit and unlit cigarette in his mouth, with two bodyguards behind him. The wrinkles on his face were pronounced with his tense scowl. Wait a minute.. If he was looking for Izaya too, then that meant..
"You didn't send him somewhere?" She asked, tilting her head. Shiki made a noise, whether it was a noise of confirmation or amusement she wouldn't know.
Shiki then shook his head, pulling out a fancy lighter and using it on his cigarette. "No I didn't," He said simply,"I would not be here if I knew where he was, Yagiri-san"
"It is a little discomforting when the most trusted and skilled informant broker in all of Tokyo vanishes," He continued, puffing out cigarette smoke,"At first I thought it may be my enemies, but as I haven't gotten any gloating messages or taunts, I do not believe that to be the case"
Namie crossed her arms, looking back at the dusty computer before saying,"Well.. I don't know where he is either.."
"I was hoping you did, since you were his assistant. But it seems we are in the same situation here, so I am back to square one," Shiki said, running a calloused hand through his short, black hair,"The best I can do now is question the people I know he speaks to, see when they saw him last.."
She was about to walk out, until he turned and looked back at Namie. "If you need, I can give you a job at my gallery until we locate Izaya, and see what exactly happened," He offered. Namie merely nodded, deciding she could work there until she got a better offer.
There was no reason for Namie to stay, so she walked out of the apartment with the Awakusu-kai executive.
For some reason, there was a feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her should would never be setting foot in that apartment again..
– – – – – –
It seemed hopeless..
Absolutely hopeless..
Six months had passes since Izaya learned of his unknown illness. The doctors had been doing everything they could to try and find a cure, or at least a hint to what was slowly killing the 23 year old, but they were finding nothing, and Izaya was getting worse day by day.
Being in the ICU left Izaya with no exposure to sunlight, plus the doctors were unsure if being outside would cause his body to get worse, causinf the informant broker to grow pale, and lose his complexion. Thanks to his illness, his body was growing weaker, sometime he couldn't even move, he always felt exhausted. His stomach grew very unstable, and he often threw up everything he ate. The doctors now could only tube feed him, or give him nutrients through an IV. He had lost a lot of weight because of it.
The tests weren't helping, and they were making Izaya feel worse. The tests and procedures left him with many side effects. His hair was beginning to grow dingy and then fall out. At first it scared him, as he had one day reached up to run his fingers through his hair when he had the strength of his arms and pulled out chunks of black strands with it.
The worst thing though is that with every day that passed, Izaya realized just how close to death he really was. In fact, there was one day where he did actually almost die. His heart and lungs were growing weak, and in the middle of the night his body just gave out. Luckily, they were able to revive him, but it was a very close call.
The whole situation sent Izaya farther and farther into himself. There was no one who would miss him, he wasn't exactly a good person. There was really no reason for him to keep living, maybe the afterlife would be merciful..
Unknown to Izaya, the doctors noticed it. The darkened look in his eyes, him not trying to get up even though for the first month he had actually tried to get up or sit up, but ended up growing too exhausted. Now that he wasn't even trying, they were worried. Izaya had total and complete control over if they continued to try and find a cure or not. If the male wanted, he could ask for active euthanasia, there was truly nothing stopping him.
But Nowaki didn't want that to happen.
There was more than one reason. Obviously, the first being the fact that Izaya's illness was new. Learning to cure it was important, since Izaya may not be the only one to catch it one day. However, at the moment he was the only person who had it. The news of the new illness, however, would remain under wraps until they found a cure, as to not panic the citizens.
The second reason was a little more Nowaki's perspective. But he thought he could see through Izaya, and what he saw was simple. A young man whom had lost himself in his own facade, and now that it had broken, he didn't know what to do. It seemed obvious to him that Izaya had nowhere to go, no one to depend on. He probably never knew weakness until now, and was so lost and depressed. There was also the fact that he and Izaya were the same age, Nowaki being only a year older. They were both still so young, they had so much to live for, so much more to see, Izaya shouldn't die yet.
So, he called in one of his friends.
Well, not exactly friend, but an old patient. He was also Izaya's age, and survived a very difficult chemotherapy. The young man had also been in a very dark place, even before the news of his illness came to them. But, he survived, and he had found something to keep him going in life. He was just the person to talk to Izaya, just as he had for other patients.
Now he had to hope that Ayase could help him.
– – – – – –
Izaya looked up as he heard the door open, his dull red eyes looking at the young doctor. His warm smile was always a little comforting for the raven, even if it meant he was going to a test. However, today he felt even more exhausted than before, since they just completed another test today, which bore no fruit. He had a really bad headache now.
"Hello Izaya-kun!" Nowaki said kindly. Their time together let them get to know each other, and they now referred to each other by their first names. "How are you feeling today?"
Izaya shrugged, his head throbbing worse, as he stared at the doctor. He usually would play along, but he wanted to know what the doctor wanted. Nowaki figured this out pretty quickly, and smiled awkwardly, taking off the male's oxygen mask.
"Would you like to go outside today Izaya?" He asked, as if he was talking to a child. A few months ago, Izaya may have been bothered by the way he sounded, but now he didn't really care anymore. But he was a little confused about one thing..
Tilting his head, Izaya asked,"I thought it wasn't safe for me to go outside.."
Nowaki smiled solemnly at him, and easily replied,"Well, after six months, and you haven't shown any signs of picking up any other illnesses, and as construction on the garden in the heart of the hospital if finished, we believe it's safe for you!"
Not really caring, Izaya shrugged and said,"Alright.." Nowaki frowned a bit, but helped Izaya get up. Once the male was in the wheelchair, he led Izaya to the garden.
"You know, the sun might make you feel better!" Nowaki said,"I've read some studies that say being outside in the sun can increase serotonin levels and can make you happier!"
"Ah.." Izaya said, staring at his lap, instead of the people around them. Nowaki wondered if he was even listening, he probably wasn't. Nowaki bet he was off in his own little world.
Oh well, they got to the garden just fine. Since they had just finished it not many people knew about it, so the only patients out there were a few children.
Izaya looked around the garden, examining it curiously. There were winding paths, beautiful sakura trees and grass. There were benches, and a koi pond. He saw some children by it, pointing at the koi fish and excitedly chattering to the nurses that accompanied them.
Looking up, Izaya saw the sun for the first time in six months, though it was slightly blocked by clouds. Surprisingly, the fresh air and the sun on his pale complexion made him feel a little more relaxed.
The doctor rolled him away from the entrance, waving to the children who waved back excitedly. Izaya noticed someone on the bench they were heading to. The person noticed them and stood up, waving happily. "Hello~!" They said in a loud, excited voice that hurt Izaya's head.
The person was.. A girl.. A boy? Izaya couldn't exactly tell. They had long, curly blue hair with a white beanie with a ball on the top, and purple eyes. Their eye shadow was blue, and the lipstick was red. Their clothing consisted of a purple turtleneck dress that had a black heart in the middle. Their graceful legs had on leggings with black and white horizontal stripes. Finally, they had brown high heel ankle boots. They were dressed very beautifully, but loudly.
"Hello Ayase-chan!" Nowaki replied in his gentle voice,"It's wonderful to see you again!" Ayase, as Nowaki called them, giggled happily, then turned to look at Izaya.
"Is this who you wanted me to talk to?" They asked in a broad and loving voice, placing one gentle finger on their mouth and tilting their head.
Nowaki nodded and said,"Why yes, this is Orihara Izaya, and Izaya, this is my friend Koibuchi Ayase! He's here to talk with you about things" Izaya turned and sent Nowaki a weak, but suspicious glare.
Laughing awkwardly, Nowaki moved Izaya so he was next to the bench and said,"I'll be over there, if you need anything, I'll be by the Koi pond!" He took off before Izaya could call him back, leaving the ill man alone with the crossdresser.
Gracefully, Ayase sat on the bench next to Izaya, crossing his arms behind his head and leaning back, releasing a happy sigh. Izaya turned to look at him curiously, red eyes looking him up and down. Why did Nowaki bring him to talk to me? The raven wondered suspiciously. Is this supposed to make me feel better?
Suddenly, Ayase leaned forward and was in Izaya's face. The sick male gasped in surprise and jerked back weakly, not able to really go anywhere when he was in a wheelchair. "Hmm.." Ayase muttered, rubbing his stubble-free chin.
"Black, white, dark and light blue.." He began listing. Izaya blinked in confusion and tilted his head. "W-what-?"
But Ayase continued,"Never with yellow, purpleor pink, and it depends on the tone with brown. Beige is not a very good option, at least in Spain. For a classy glowing look, red is usually paired with blackwhich gives the color a glowing effect.."
"What are you doing?" Izaya croaked incredulously.
"I'm just deciding what colors would match your eyes, Izaya-kun!" He said happily,"We're gonna have to get you a whole new wardrobe! After all, you're not gonna stay in that hospital gown forever"
Izaya frowned quite quickly after the sentence was finished, and looked down at the blue hospital gown he now donned, the only thing he had worn for six months. "Yes I will be.." Izaya said sadly,"There's no hope for me.."
Ayase's red lips lost their smile for a moment, before he sighed and asked,"And how do you know that?"
"There's no cure for my disease," Izaya said simply,"I'll die eventually-"
Ayase scoffed loudly, stopping the raven in his self-depreciating speech. Izaya looked at him, a frown gracing his lips.
"How do you know it isn't going to be cured, Izaya-kun?" Ayase questioned,"This is the 21st century, technology is really good now, I'm sure you'll live!"
Izaya frowned even more and looked down at his pale, shaking hands. "Even if I do.. There's no one who cares about me, Ayase. I don't have anything to go back to except a dangerous life and people who want me dead.." He said simply,"I wasn't a good person, technically I'm still not.. This is.. Punishment.."
"Oh it is?" Ayase said worriedly,"So.. If you say this is a punishment, and you live.. What would that be? Wouldn't it be a second chance?"
Izaya looked up at him in curiosity. "I.. I never thought of it that way.." He said sheepishly, but then frowned again. "But.. But even if that were the case, I have nowhere to go after this, the doctor said my lungs and heart are never going to recover from this, I can't go back to my old job, or maybe even Tokyo, since I have a lot of enemies.."
"Ah!"Ayase suddenly yelled,"Stop all this depressing stuff! I understand why you feel this way, but stop thinking this way!" He stood up, and grabbed Izaya by his shoulders. Izaya flinched slightly in surprise before looking up at the determined purple eyes.
Ayase continued,"Don't think that way, Izaya! There's so many happy things in life, so many things you haven't seen yet! You thinking like that is stopping you from seeing the beauty of the world! If you really have nowhere to go, you can stay with me, and I'll help you!"
"W-what?" Izaya questioned, tilting his head again, wondering where the warm feeling in his chest was coming from. Was he.. Happy that someone was caring for him? Quickly, he frowned and looked away from Ayase's eyes, asking,"Why do you even care, Koibuchi? We have nothing in common"
Ayase didn't say anything for a moment, but then let go of Izaya's shoulders and reached up. He took the beanie off his head, and then yanked off his blue wig. Underneath it was nothing, Ayase was completely bald.
"I had cancer, a rare form of Leukemia, I had less than a 3% chance of survival, and as if to add insult to injury.. My parents had disowned me earlier that day, the whole situation was finished just before I found out. They didn't support me through any of it," He explained in a dull tone,"But guess what?"
When Izaya didn't reply, he continued,"When I was just starting to give up hope, someone gave me a reason to live. It was a little kid. She was a girl who was sick too. She saw how upset I was, and how my hair was falling out" He brought a hand to his mouth, giggling in amusement.
"The kid felt so upset, she said my hair made me look like a prince.. she actually made me a wig out of construction paper and yarn," He explained, his eyes filling with a melancholy look. "A lot of people would think it was stupid, but when you have nothing else to keep you going.. Sometimes the smallest thing can make you feel better.. That kid is the reason I got into dressing up like I do, I still have that wig today"
Izaya stared at him in surprise, as the crossdresser faced him again. "And that's why I'm here! I know we don't know anything about each other, and we just met, but when Nowaki-kun explained the situation, you reminded me of myself, so I wanted to help you!" He was getting louder as he spoke.
"And if you really don't have anywhere to go, come with me! I know these doctors will work so hard, and they'll find a cure, and when they do, you can come with me!" He said loudly,"And I'll show you all the things you've been missing"
Izaya felt that hopeful feeling return to his chest, and for the first time in so long, Izaya smiled. Looking down sheepishly at his hands and said,"I think.. I would like that.."
Ayase smiled widely and then put his wig back on, covering the blue top with his beanie. "Good," He said kindly, then reaching into his purse. Out of the fancy handbag, Ayase pulled a manga book. It was the first volume of The Kan and Shougeki no Sama.
"Here, I know that they barely have any good channels in the hospital, thought you might like sometime to read," He said kindly,"I have to go, but I'll come back every other day, okay?"
Ayase reached out, patting Izaya's head like an older brother would to a younger brother, before going to the Koi pond to tell Nowaki he was leaving.
That night, Izaya fell asleep with the book on his chest, holding it close like it was his only sliver of hope, which is truly what it represented in his mind.
The consent forms for active euthanasia were in a trash can outside his hospital room.
– – – – – –
Though physically, Izaya didn't get much better, his mental state grew much better thanks to Ayase's visits. Having someone whom he could relate to, someone who didn't hate him for his past choices, and cared for him deeply, was amazing. It was like the older sibling he never had.
Every other day, as long as Izaya was feeling it, they would talk, and Ayase would bring books. It was nice, to actually talk to someone without them being suspicious of him, and Ayase was actually very intelligent. It was also pretty fun to see what kind of outfit he would be wearing each and every day.
But there was one day Izaya remembered in particular, when they were walking toward the garden, when another person was introduced to their little group.
Today, Ayase was wearing a large pink wig, with his usual blue eye shadow and lipstick. His outfit consisted of a white turtle neck sweater, with a pink bow belt, a pair of fuzzy black and white spotted shorts, with purple leggings and dark brown boots outlined with cream white.
He had given Izaya a black wig to compensate for his hair loss, as by the end of the month Izaya's hair was all gone, it was a little longer than his natural hair had been, because Ayase said he looked adorable with longer hair.
They had been walking through the garden. Well.. Not really walking, but Ayase was pushing Izaya and Izaya was sitting in the wheelchair. That's when they saw her.
She was sitting alone on a bench, a wheelchair next to her. She had long black hair that was in a braid which reached her waist, and black eyes that were obscured by red glasses. She had a sketchbook in her lap, but was staring down at an empty page without drawing anything, her eyes empty of any emotion but frustration.
Ayase made a noise, before making their way over to her. The girl looked up at them curiously, and Ayase smirked. He knew how to make her laugh. He got up, and then went in front of Izaya, scooping the skinny male up simply.
"Ah!" Izaya squealed in surprise, squirming slightly. "A-ayase! Put me down!" He exclaimed, not bothering the surprisingly strong crossdresser one bit as he placed the raven down on the other side of the bench.
The girl's lips raised in a smile, but it quickly went away as she looked away quickly when Ayase plopped in between them.
"Hello!" He said happily,"My name is Koibuchi Ayase, and this sick lil' guy next to me is Orihara Izaya!" Izaya raised an eyebrow at the comparison.
Ayase leaned towards her and asked,"Well, what's your name?"
The girl blushed and looked down, before stuttering,"T-Tsukimi.." She ran a shaky finger along the side of her sketchbook, the pencil now in her lap.
Ayase smiled again, pushing a few of the pink strands from his face. "And what are you doing out here all by yourself?" He asked.
"I was.. I was trying to draw again.. But I can't think of anything.." She whispered, placing her pencil against the paper before pulling it away again. "Ever since the accident, I can't find any inspiration.."
Ayase frowned now, going into a motherly mode again. "What happened? Maybe we can help?" He asked, pulling Izaya into the conversation again.
She shrugged, saying,"I'm not sure you would understand.."
Izaya decided to interject. "Hey, Um.. I think if anyone could understand, it would be us," He said simply,"I mean, Ayase is a cancer survivor, and I'm dying slowly from a new and incurable disease, so I think we can take whatever you want to throw at us"
The girl looked surprised, before looking down again, this time clutching at the waist area of her hospital gown. "I.. I lost the use of my legs.. I'll never walk again.." She whispered,"And I was a gymnast.."
Izaya could understand pretty well her situation. Like how he used to be a strong person, he now knew he couldn't even run for a certain amount of time, lest his lungs give out and collapse. He couldn't do parkour again, sadly. Of course, he could only imagine how it must feel for her, to lose what was her career.
"Oh honey.." Ayase said, hugging her and allowing Tsukimi to shake and sob.
"I-I can't go back.. I can't be a gymnast, I lost my job, my apartment, all my money has gone towards the hospital bills.. What can I do?" She seemed to be asking both her and the two males in front of her.
Izaya, seven months ago, would have laughed at the poor girl's predicament, finding the reactions of the humans amazing to losing all they had worked so hard for. But now that he had seen the other side of things, he felt no amusement, only understanding and empathy. She was a human, just like him and Ayase, they all lost so much. He felt the need to help.
"Well, what about your drawings?" The raven suggested, holding out a weak hand. Tsukimi handed him the sketchbook and he looked through the drawings curiously. They were actually.. Amazing!
"You know, these are really good! You could make a career out of this!" Ayase suggested,"Like a mangaka!"
Tsukimi's face lit up excitedly for a split second, before she grew worried again. "But.. I can't find inspiration anywhere.. And I have nowhere to stay while I'm getting a new career going.."
"Don't worry!" Ayase yelled excitedly,"You can stay with me and Izaya when he gets better! And we can be your inspiration!" Izaya no longer had the heart to tell Ayase that he probably wouldn't survive.
Suddenly, Izaya was scooped up again and raised high into the air. "HARK!" Ayase exclaimed,"The beautiful princess has saved the cute little Iza-kitty from the clutches of evil!"
"A-ayase!" Izaya exclaimed in terror, afraid of falling. "Put me down you idiot You're gonna drop me!"
Tsukimi finally let out a really happy laugh, and caused Ayase to stop his yelling in surprise, and weaken his strength in his arms. Soon, he lost all his strength and cried out as he dropped Izaya onto himself, falling to the grass.
As the dazed males groaned, Tsukimi laughed even more. Soon, Izaya released a few giggles as Ayase released full boisterous laughter.
They all felt so happy and blessed to be together, though they had all or were experiencing a struggle, their spirits were raised.
However, what goes up must come down, and it would happen the very next week..
– – – – – –
When Izaya woke up, everything was silent.
The raven couldn't really remember what had happened for a moment, but he remembered after a little while. The day after they met Tsukimi, Izaya's body began to weaken rapidly, and still the doctors couldn't explain it.
Yesterday they had been about to do some more tests, but his body gave out, and he fainted while in extreme pain drilling through his head, the last thing he remembered was Ayase's panicked yell.
Though he should be happy to be awake.. He felt like something was wrong..
Everything was just too quiet.
Izaya looked around for a moment, noticing the clip on his finger. The clip was connecting him to the heart monitor, but he shouldn't e surprised, they usually always had him connected to one. So why couldn't he hear it?
He turned and saw the heart monitor, he saw his heartbeat speeding up, as he tried to figure out what was going on.
Izaya pulled his shaking hand from the blankets, but did not hear the usual rustle of the thin fabric. There was nothing.
He was growing more scared, and suspicious. He needed something to test his theory. Noticing a metal lunch tray, Izaya weakly reached forward to it. His fingers tapped on the surface until he managed to find the tray.
Then, he flung it to the ground.
The sick male watched the tray slam against the ground by a corner, before flipping forward and sending all the food into the air before going flat on it's front. Yet, he heard nothing. No clatter, no crash, no bang.
Absolutely nothing..
Izaya felt his breath catch in his throat, his lungs crying in protest from even that smallest quick breath. Tears fell down his cheeks, as Izaya's fingers went into his ears.
There was nothing in his ears..
So he should be just fine
He should be able to hear JUST FINE!
Hyperventilating, Izaya started to cry. He tried to deny it, but he knew what was going on. As he continued to sob, the nurses rushed in, their lips moved, they tried to calm the male down
The sickness was finally beginning to destroy him. He could not hear their cries, their orders to the doctor, the frantic beeping of the heart monitor, or even his own panicked breaths, and he never would again..
The once great Orihara Izaya had gone deaf..