LOOKING UP

I've been home from the hospital for a week. Jay only has a one bedroom, so he has been sleeping on the couch. He has already started to look for a two bedroom, but he said it might take a while. It didn't bother me; I didn't have much anyways.

"Grace!" I heard Jay shout from the kitchen. I walked out of "my" room and into the more common area of the apartment. He had some toast lying on the counter for me.

"What's up?" I asked him, taking a bite. I hadn't been eating much, but I was finally starting to get my appetite back.

"You're going back to school soon, so I gotta tell you this. I don't know who your friends are or who you talk to, so it's really important you listen," Jay paused to make sure I was focused. I nodded. "I'm in the middle of an undercover operation right now. I'm working with some nasty dudes, Gracie."

"Eva's Dad goes undercover sometimes," I pointed out. I didn't understand why this was a big deal.

"Right," Jay pointed out. "Just, please don't go around advertising that I'm a cop and that you're living with me. If this guy finds out…" Jay trailed.

"Bad news," I nodded. Eva had told me some stories.

"Exactly," Jay ruffled my hair, smiling. "This doesn't change anything, though."

"I know," I smiled back up at him. "Just be careful."

"I always am," He smiled. "By the way…you came out here smirking. What did you think I was going to tell you about?"

"Your new girlfriend," I stuck out my tongue. Jay rolled his eyes.

"No way," He chuckled. I nodded.

"For an undercover cop, you're really bad at keeping secrets," I chided, laughing. "You smile when you read her text messages."

"I smile when I read other peoples' text messages," Jay defended.

"Not a chance," I argued, still laughing. "You must really like her. I'm sorry if I put a damper on that."

"Hey, don't be sorry," Jay nudged. "I told her a little about what was going on. She understands."

"Good. It's nice to see you with someone," I pointed out, taking a sip of my orange juice. "You're cute when you're in love."

"Alright, that's enough from you," Jay groaned, peaking at his phone. "I've got to go. If you need anything, just buzz me."

"Gotcha, stay safe!" I called as he left the room. I didn't like it when Jay was undercover, but it didn't seem much more dangerous than his regular job, anyways.

"Gracie, it's me, Dad. I need you to answer the phone. I am so sorry, baby, and I need you to come home. Will told me you were staying with Jay? He won't answer my calls either, that lowlife. Anyways, call me back. I love you."

I stared at my phone. This has been my life since my mom died. Moments of violence followed days later by moments of remorse. It was like he didn't even know what he was doing. Time after time I allowed myself to forgive him. Hell, I was the biggest enabler of them all, but I couldn't anymore. Jay was right, if he was going to keep thinking I was Mom, it was too dangerous.

My dad was never a kind man. He was generous and he was surely a family man, but I don't think I ever would have described him as "kind." He was always quick to anger, but never violent. My brothers actually had a good relationship with him at one point. Me, not so much. He was all about the boys. He never really wanted a daughter, and because of that, I was never really able to please him. Especially when I started dancing.

My mom was a dancer up until the day she died. Will used to tell me how excited she was that she was having a little girl, because while Dad could stop her from putting her boys in dance classes he couldn't stop her from putting me in them. I looked just like her, too. My grandma used to show me pictures of my mom in the dance studio when she was little, just to point that out.

That was what Dad and I were fighting about last week. I reminded him too much of her, especially when I was dancing. When she died, he made sure to put a stop to it. I didn't want to stop, though. While it hurt him, it connected me to her. It was the only way I could ever pretend she was still alive, so I started sneaking around. Jay helped me pay for lessons and it was our little secret. I was always extra careful about where I kept my gear, until last week. I was tired and Dad said he was going to a bar to watch the baseball game. I didn't expect him to be home so soon and he found my dance bag. The rest is self-explanatory.

I could hear the door start to open and I panicked. Dad mentioned Will told him I was staying at Jay's. He wouldn't come here, would he? Does he even know where Jay lives?

The door opened to reveal Jay walking in, his arm in a sling. I raced over to help him with his bag.

"What happened?" I asked, placing his bag on the table and quickly returning.

"My undercover op ended," Jay answered, but I knew he wasn't telling me everything.

"Wait, did they find out you were a cop?" I whispered, afraid of the answer.

"I guess you could say that," Jay shrugged while he rummaged through the refrigerator.

"Jay, I can get you a drink," I offered. He shook his head.

"I'm fine. Your concussion is worse than my injury. I just needed some stitches. It's all good. Take a seat and take a load off, you have enough to worry about," Jay placated. I sighed and went back to my spot on the couch. Jay followed shortly after.

"You know, if you want the living room as your bedroom, just say the word. I'd be happy to take my bed back," Jay teased, noticing my pile of pillows and blankets.

"I can barely do anything, leave me alone," I mumbled, getting back into my cocoon. Jay laughed and pulled one of the blankets up.

"What did you do all day, then?"

"Well, I got a call from Dad," I admitted. Jay's eyes shot to mine and he got all serious.

"Are you kidding? When? What did he say?"

"Easy, tiger. Just his usual 'I'm sorry and I want you to come home' ordeal," I explained.

"Grace, you can't," Jay acknowledged sadly. "I mean, you can if you really want to-"

"Jay, I don't want to go home," I promised him and I could see him relax. "I don't care what he says. It's been getting worse. This was the final straw on that."

"Good," Jay nodded, taking a sip of his water.

"Did you ever hear back from that social worker?" I questioned softly. Jay nodded.

"Yeah, I talked to her and some lawyer buddies. He can't take you back, not if you want to be here," Jay explained.

"It's not kidnapping or anything? You won't get in trouble, right?" I worried. The last thing I wanted was for this to turn into some sort of custody battle.

"If you stay here permanently, I will file for guardianship," Jay pulled the chair closer to me. "You're thirteen. You're too young to worry about who needs to sign your permission slips or where you're going to sleep at night. You need consistency. But no, I won't get in trouble. You're old enough that if someone questions it, you get a say in what you want. You are in control of this whole situation, Gracie," he patted my head. "Are you okay with that?"

"It's just a lot," I sighed. "I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"No one is going to get hurt," Jay promised. "Will and I are going to try and convince Dad to get into a program or something, and we will see what happens."

"Can you apply for guardianship sooner rather than later?" I asked after a moment. Jay nodded.

"Of course. I'll do whatever you want me to," he said as he squeezed my hand.

After that, we sat in silence for a little while. I could tell Jay was thinking about a lot of adult stuff and I felt bad for bringing him into this. He just got back on his feet after his own rock bottom. He didn't need to deal with this.

"I didn't even tell you the best part about today," Jay smiled, pulling me back. I looked up at him.

"What is that?"

"I made intelligence," he smiled. I gave him a weird look.

"What does that mean?" I questioned him.

"It means I'll still be working weird hours, but it's a smaller group and we handle some of the biggest cases in Chicago. I'll share an office, so you can come visit whenever you want. There's an apartment available right down the street that I can now afford because my pay grade is about to get much higher. We'll even have an extra bedroom," Jay beamed.

"So you get your bed back?" I chuckled. Jay joined in.

"Thank God," he rolled his eyes. "Things are looking up for both of us, kid," he held out his water.

"Cheers to that," I clinked his glass with mine. He looked shocked that I knew what to do with that, but laughed it off anyway. He was right. Things were looking up.