October 29th
Kittens and Mountains

"Aren't Vallencourt's paws like enormous?" exclaims Ty Lee over the breakfast table, gesturing to the calico cat sitting on her lap. "Like look at them!"

Mai and Azula are not impressed. Mai continues sipping coffee with a vacant expression and Azula continues rummaging through the fridge and adding various sauces to a large glass.

"You have everything for a Bloody Mary except for celery. Literally everything. You people have celery salt. Who the Hell needs celery salt but don't have actual celery?"

"Just put lettuce in it," says Mai, waving her hand. "It's the same thing."

"It is not the same thing," Azula snaps, but she opens the fridge and shoves lettuce into her drink anyway. "But it will do."

"You sure you should mix that with Xanax?"

"You sure you should do cocaine? And probably other drugs."

"Fine, enjoy your potentially lethal medication interaction."

"I would rather have a lethal interaction with medications than have a polite interaction with Katara."

The doorbell rings and Mai mutters, "Speak of the Devil…"

"I'll protect you from her," Ty Lee says, hugging Azula from behind. Kissing her neck does little to stop Azula's anger. "I'm a great protector of my perfect wife. I'll guard you like a mama cat guards her kittens."

"Incesty analogy but…" Azula kisses Ty Lee and goes to answer the door.

Katara smiles at the terrible people she thinks she will always despise. Zuko holds her hand to try to keep her calm, while letting Kya hold onto him from the other side. Azula glares for a fleeting moment, then wordless turns and sits down with her Bloody Mary.

Bunny takes the initiative to greet her cousin, smiling as brightly as her mom and guiding Kya to the floor in front of the television. Her Barbies litter the area, and Kya chews on the head of one of them while Bunny tries to explain a complicated pretend game.

"They remind me of us," Ty Lee whispers, abandoning Vallencourt to sit on Azula's lap. Azula struggles to sip her drink around her wife's body. "Bunny is you and all smart and creative and I'm the one who just totally loves how smart the game is."

"Also an incesty analogy but…"

Ty Lee shrugs.

Azula spills her drink and howls from rage, shattering the glass against the table and cursing when one of the shards nicks her finger.

Mai sighs. It will be a long day.

[X]

The entire family sits near the bar, the television the only way to keep conversation civil. Mai is in Valerie's room putting her to sleep, and so at least Katara and Zuko are spared the sarcastic comments. Azula is half-zombie right in time for Halloween and Ty Lee cuddles against her on the sofa. Ozai watches it all and tries not to be so disappointed.

"I brought cookies," Katara reiterates to her boyfriend. "I make fantastic molasses cookies and you know it."

"I do know it, but I think getting my family to eat them might be challenging," says Zuko.

Katara turns to Azula, attempting to prove herself. "Do you want some of the cookies?" she asks in a sweet tone that Azula Shinohai does not deserve.

Azula glances up from her phone, irritated by the interruption. She smirks at Katara. "No, thanks, I am allergic to cat piss."

Katara glares and drops the cookies back onto the counter. Zuko cringes when they crash.

She pulls Zuko aside. "I am going to go upstairs, I'm going to put on some nice music, I'm going to fill up your bathtub, and I am going to drown her in it."

"When I'm in fits of rage, you always tell me to imagine my happy place in the mountains. Please imagine your happy place on the beach or… tundra… or wherever you want," Zuko says, rubbing Katara's shoulder.

She glowers at him and walks into the other room.

"Uh, Ozai, where's Zuko's room?" she asks, half-focused on keeping her teeth parted so she does not grind them into dust.

"Zuko doesn't have a room here."

"No, where did he sleep when he lived here?"

"In a perfect world, he would sleep on the couch or floor, but we have seven bedrooms so he just stayed in the ugliest guest room."

Katara is stunned into silence, but Zuko groans.

"You know," he says, "when I was little I used to pretend you weren't my father."

Ozai casually replies, "So did I."

Azula cackles and Ty Lee cannot fight her fit of laughter.

[X]

"And we're going to go live in the mountains, like the kid in that book who had the bird," Ty Lee says, making a literary reference that Azula does not understand. That is a first.

They sit and watch everyone else finishing the decorations for the huge party tomorrow. Azula feels remarkably safe resting in Ty Lee's arms, and also quite like royalty when Ty Lee gently strokes her face and ferries Azula's Monster from the coffee table to her mouth.

"I hate the wilderness, but that actually sounds good. I would rather die than go to this party." Azula sighs and sinks further into the arms of her wife. "We can build a cabin with our bare hands."

"I was thinking treehouse."

"We probably will just have a pathetic shanty because I doubt we could build either of those things. Maybe we could hollow out a tree."

"Caves," Ty Lee excitedly whispers. "Mountains have caves."

"Well, cave-people do not have to attend Halloween parties, so I am on board with your idea," Azula says. "It is so much better than the cupcake company or… any other idea you have ever had."

Ty Lee smiles. "Thank you, princess."

"She calls you princess?" asks Katara as she climbs up a ladder to hang new spiderwebs. "Your dad calls you princess."

"Maybe because I basically am a princess, you worthless hippie bitch." Azula closes her eyes and pretends to fall asleep.

Katara deliberately drops the spiderwebs onto Azula and Ty Lee.

How could she possibly resist?

[X]

"Azula," Ty Lee softly asks during a smoke-break she did not want to partake in, "can you promise me something?"

"I can, but I cannot promise that I will fulfill the promise," Azula says before coughing.

Ty Lee ignores her concerns about her wife's health and says, "I really want you to be nice to people and not jealous and not mean to Zuko and Katara and not cruel and not jealous—did I say not jealous—and also nice to people."

Azula takes a moment to decipher that slurry of words.

As soon as she comprehends it, she cavalierly replies, "Well, people in Hell want ice water."