Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Summary: He said it would be as if he never existed. He thought it would be a gift. He had no idea the curse he was giving her.
"And as the years have passed, the time has grown longer. The sad truth is that what I could recall in five seconds all too needed ten, then thirty, then a full minute - like shadows lengthening at dusk. Someday, I suppose, the shadows will be swallowed up in darkness."
― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
She sits in the park to breathe in fresh air, ignoring the ice-cream melting in her hands.
She doesn't remember buying ice-cream or coming to the park.
She looks at the children are playing around her, at the couples sitting on other benches holding hands, then at the birds by her feet.
Why…?
There are pamphlets sitting beside her, which she is guessing are the reason for her blackout. Apparently, someone wanted to put her in a care facility for people with memory loss.
"Bella," someone says and she stares at the boy confused.
"Do I know you?" she asks, and the boy takes the ice-cream from her hands, offering her napkins.
"Oh, Bells," the boy sits down beside her, "I don't know what we're going to do with you,"
He looks at the ground, eyes sad, and Bella frowns.
"It's okay," she says, "I don't even know where I am,"
The boy chuckles, and Bella pretends not to notice when he rips the pamphlets in half and lets them blow away in the wind.
It was a surprisingly warm for it to be September.
….
"I'm scared, dad," Bella admits, and Charlie sits down beside his daughter.
"It's going to be okay," Charlie promises, but she knows he's lying.
She burrows under the blankets and Charlie runs her fingers through her hair and whispering a story of when she was a little girl and she was afraid to start school.
"I love you, Bella,"
"I Lov-"
Bella blinks
She's in the bathroom brushing her teeth.
She spits in the sinks.
"Love you too, dad," she mutters.
…
She opens her eyes, and realizes that she's in bed. Her alarm clock is blaring. She reaches over, and turns it off, then gets out of bed.
She has to get ready for school.
She pauses at the door.
There's a calendar there with a posted note.
Today is March 30th. You don't have school today.
She frowns.
How can it be March?
It's September 16th.
She crumbles the posted note and goes on about her day, writing it off as a prank from Charlie
…
Jacob likes to stop by with calendars and stop watches.
He's trying to help her keep track of her memory loss and figure out the cause, but it's pointless.
She can't press the stop watch when she blacks out, because she doesn't know she's blacked out.
Most of the ideas don't make any sense, but she appreciates it.
Charlie has taken her out of school and they're doing home study.
Mike brings her work home for her at the end of every day and Charlie drops it off for her at the end of the week.
She thinks he hopes that without the stress of school she might zone out less.
She still wakes up every day, ready to go to school, and he has to remind her that she's not in school anymore.
She wonders if she used to drive herself to school on the weekends thinking she needed to go and then didn't tell anyone.
She doesn't remember.
…
She opens her eyes and she's in the living room watching a movie with Jacob.
She blinks and she's sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast with Charlie.
Blinks again and she's alone in the bathtub.
She sinks under the water with her eyes open.
She doesn't want to know where she'll end up next.
…
She's sitting in Jacob's garage, watching his back.
It looks like he's grown a lot, getting taller, and his hair is shorter.
The only one who isn't changing is her, she looks down at the wrench she clutching in her hand and feels something heavy in her stomach
"I think Charlie should put me in the hospital," she says, quietly.
Jacob tenses and he sets his screwdriver down hard, making her flinch.
"Why do you want to go to the hospital?" Jacob asks, without looking at her, "You're not hurting anyone and I think you're getting better,"
"I'm not though," Bella states, "I'm not getting any better!"
The words hang in the air between them and Bella buries her face in her hands.
"You don't need to go to the hospital! We…we can get through this," Jacob says desperately, "Whatever is going on with your memory... we'll figure it out, okay?"
"My friends graduated, Jake" Bella says, "Everyone's going to college now. I've lost ten months of my life and nothings changed. I can't even go to college!"
"We can-"
"There is no we, Jacob." Bella says, sadly, "There's nothing wrong with you. You're fine. Charlie's fine. This is my problem,"
"Bella, I'm not fine. I'm a freaking mess," Jacob admits, "Charlie's a mess. We just want you to get better,"
"That's exactly why I should leave. I'm not getting better and I can't keep making the two of you live this endless cycle of September with me." Bella sniffles, brushing a stray tear off her cheek, "This is no way to live,"
"Wait," Jacob chokes out. "Just give me some time to think! I'll come up with a way to fix this!"
"This isn't an Adam Sandler movie. You can't just make me a video tape about the stuff I missed. I'm on autopilot. Sometimes you guys don't even notice that I'm gone. What could possibly fix this?" Bella asks.
"Edward!" Jacob shouts, and Bella's ears start ringing.
The color drains from Jacob's face and he searches her eyes to make sure she's still with him.
"Who is…?" she swallows the bile that rises as she forms the question, "Who is Edward?"
"You keep thinking that every day is September 16th, right?" Jacob asks, and Bella nods, "Well that's the day that Edward and his family left! There's got to be a connection."
"You think this…Edward," she says his name slowly, "has something to do with my memory loss?"
"His dad's a doctor. Maybe they tested some experimental drug on you and left town to avoid a lawsuit," Jacob suggests.
Bella tries to follow the conversation, but the ringing is too loud. She just watches the boys mouth move and waits for him to stop talking.
"Bella?"
"Do I know you?"
…..
Time seems to blur.
The boy keeps talking to her but all she can hear is the ocean. He eventually gives up and takes her hand, pulling her out of the garage and into her truck.
He drives and she wonders if she's being kidnapped, but she can't find the strength to protest.
She blinks.
She's in her room and the boy is there throwing some of her stuff into a duffle bag.
She really should say something.
She opens her mouth and—.
She's on the couch with a duffle bag in her lap. She looks around and sees Jacob and Charlie in the kitchen.
Jacob is talking to Charlie in a low voice and Bella knows that they are talking about her.
"She's in no condition to travel!" Charlie finally says loudly.
"I'll be with her. I won't let anything happen to her!" Jacob promises.
"It's too dangerous."
"We're just going to California," Jacob says, "Once we get there, we'll find Edward and get him to fix this."
"We don't even know that he's responsible!" Charlie argues.
"We don't know that he's innocent either!" Jacob counters.
"I'm not letting you take my daugh-" Charlie's growl is cut off a soft velvety voice whispering in her ear.
"It will be as if I'd never existed."
Bella closes her eyes.
She doesn't want to listen anymore.
…
She's in her truck with Jacob.
A bag is in her lap. She opens it and sees her things.
She doesn't remember packing a bag.
"Where are we going?" she asks and Jacob looks at her, his face serious.
"We're driving to California," he states, "We're going to find Edward,"
Bella tilts her head confused.
"Who's Edward?"
"We are what we remember. If we lose our memory, we lose our identity and our identity is the accumulation of our experiences. When we walk down the memory lane, it can be unconsciously, willingly, selectively, impetuously or sometimes grudgingly. By following our stream of consciousness we look for lost time and things past. Some reminiscences become anchor points that can take another scope with the wisdom of hindsight. ("Walking down the memory lane" )"
― Erik Pevernagie
Author's note: I was going to end it with Bella asking to be admitted into the hospital, where she would spend the rest of her days thinking it is September 16th but I decided that Jacob wouldn't let that happen.
So then I thought Road trip.
So next chapter will be A determined Jacob and an amnesiac Bella driving to California to find Edward.