"Gin-san, I need you to help me. Please."

Gintoki gave the fidgeting black haired boy in front of him a fish-eyed stare, blinking once.

"..."

Kirito winced at the stare but stood his ground.

"I know you may not understand the complete situation at hand, but you're the only one who I can trust at this point! I can't have Asuna know of this!"

Kirito really had no idea if Gintoki was actually listening, the dull stare the samurai usually wore on his face didn't betray any of his thoughts or emotions at all.

For all he knew, Gintoki was probably internally laughing at him.

Regardless, even though these circumstances were against him he would hold against whatever words came from the destructive weapon known as Sakata Gintoki.

He would hold against the [Shiroyasha], and come out victorious. They didn't call him the [Black Swordsman] for nothing!

No words would make him stray from this, no verbal assault would make him lose heart!

Yes, he would persevere!

"...who are you?"

...and like that, the fortress's well-prepared defenses were crumpled almost instantaneously.

"O-oi! Gin-san, it's me! You can't remember?" Gintoki's expression didn't even budge.

"...no. I have no idea who you are. Not unless you're one of the ladies who I met in the past...come to think of it, I never met any ladies with a voice deep as yours..."

Gintoki seemed to have a revelation, as he popped his fist into his hand.

"Ah! You're one of those cosplayers that have been popping up around town! But this game is literally a cosplay simulator; what is this, "Dress-Up"? Ah, what the hell are you thinking Kayaba! Literally every girl I've met has some skimpy outfit of some kind! It's like this entire thing is some dumb harem anime where the main protagonist gets thrown in all sorts of ecchi situations! Wait... it's happening to me right now! A bunny-eared girl in a maid uniform coming up to me and probably going to ask me to do all sorts of ero-ero things...wait, am I the ero protagonist of a harem anime-?"

Kirito had enough, smacking the silver samurai with the flat of his Annealed Blade with a blush on his face. The silver-haired samurai flew off to one side comically, the same fish eyed look still on his face as he crashed into a wall. Of course, he didn't take any damage from that. They were in the middle of town right now, and with everybody looking at them, it would be so embarrasing for them to start going at it then and there-.

Wait! What the hell was he thinking of?!

And for that matter, why the hell was this making him blush!? He's a man goddammit! Something like this handsome man shouldn't make him all hot-.

Nooooo! Bad thoughts, go away! Stay away from that dark path his parents would never approve! He liked girls! Think of Asuna, think of Suguha's Sugus'- wait, why the hell was he thinking of her in that context?! Curse this stupid status affliction!

Thank kami he wasn't relieved of his weapon when he took this quest. Argo had specifically stated that he himself should take the quest, even offering the location of it for free.

Unfortunately, he made the mistake of not carefully reading the small font, only knowing that the reward was a rather rare item which had the ability to give the player a free skill slot. Which was why when he accepted the quest, he was knocked out almost immediately, and woke up feeling perfectly fine.

Except for the maid uniform. And the lack of a certain organ which defines all men. Not to mention, the two budding lumps growing from his chest. And the distinct curves that lined his body, along with the waist-length hair which now shined in the simulated sunlight of Aincrad.

It was the dream of all men to experience this, the forbidden territory which defied God's will. It was the everdistant dream that all otakus could only wish for. The Avalon which men could never reach, no matter how much they tried. The one wish the Devil himself could not ever grant.

To put is simply, Kirito had transformed into a girl.

Well...not exactly.

His avatar had been genderbent, but his registered gender last time he had checked was still considered as [Male]. His gear had been forcefully been put back into his inventory, and he was incapable of re-equipping it, due to the current loadout he was forced into, as well as the status affliction it bestowed.

Ah yes.

The status affliction.

Kirito was currently exerting all of his willpower to not rub his(her?) thighs together, a feeling he definitely wouldn't have felt had he not been stuck in this damn uniform! His cheeks flushed momentarily, before he forced the feeling down.

What hell type of status affliction was [Rabbit in Heat]?!

Apparently, it was triggered by anyone wearing the [Bunny Maid] set of armor which was given at the start of the quest, and somehow caused the user to enter a heightened state of emotional arousal for as long the armor was worn.

In addition to this, it somehow rewrote the player's avatar to a more feminine version of themselves, giving them...physical features that no man should have, as well as a personality change to go with it.

How in the world Kayaba Akihiko managed to do something like this, he honestly had no idea. However, being able to change how a person could think was a power no human should have, especially in the hands of any other person who might have a less than humane sense of morality.

The amount of damage which this could cause was a rather terrifying prospect. Something which he would have gladly liked to know, especially if he didn't have to undertake this damn quest.

Ah, yes.

Why did he even take this damn torture session? Why did this free information that Argo offered even entice him to do such a thing?!

Well... that probably was his fault. Giving away free information was very...un-Argo-like for Argo to do.

He should have noticed the warning signs earlier, but a combination of fatigue from monster farming and what Argo had called "cliche harem protagonist" gloominess had made him run into a metaphorical mousetrap. In fact, Argo's appearance had been rather convenient, in that she just happened to be at the town he was staying in with Gin.

...could it be...?

Nah, Argo couldn't have planned this all out. There was being cautious, and there was also being paranoid. There was NO way that she could have planned all of this out without having knowledge of this beforehand...

Meanwhile, Argo was struggling to breathe amidst her laughter as she watched the shenanigans two of her most favorite people.

She ultimately failed at keeping her composure and started to cackle wildly at the "torment" that the formerly male gamer was going through. A few pedestrians gave her a strange look which was completely ignored by her in her throes of laughter.

"Ah-Ah Ki-bou~. How does it feel to be in the shoes of one of the many girls who you've wooed? Why, I remember helping poor Lisbeth find the courage to ask you out, only for you to make her plan completely fall apart with one of your dastardly smiles! Now that ends today, mister harem protagonist! This is for all of the girls pining for you to notice them!" She cackled some more, before focusing her attention to the dazed Gintoki.

She did not miss the slight wink he gave to her direction, to which she gave him a thumbs up.

"Now then Gin-chan... time for you to play your part..."

Gintoki groaned as he got back up, a gesture which meant absolutely nothing as the [Area] effect of the town prevented him from losing health.

"Ouch... brat, what the hell?" He gave a glare to his black-haired genderbent companion.

Kirito gave him a glare, before stomping up to his face with his sword still in his hand. He smacked him once again, this time with the edge of the blade. The silver samurai yelped as the sword sent him flying in front of the stall of a random NPC, who proceeded to offer him a suspicious looking wobbly fruit that stiffened when you stroked it's base...

It looked remarkably familiar. Almost as if he has seen it befo-

...wait.

That was a-!

Kirito decided to drag Gin away from the phallic-shaped fruit vendor in a panic, blood rushing into his face because of [Rabbit in Heat]. He was totally not thinking of dirty thoughts as he did this. Absolutely not! Not thinking of the protruding...thick...

Gaaaaaahh!

Once he had managed to get Gintoki away from making another dirty joke, Kirito grabbed Gin's collar before practically screaming in his face.

"Gin-san! You recognized me from the start?! Are you telling me that I threw a tantrum all for nothing?! Making everyone think I was a kinky girlfriend?! Y-You're so mean!" Kirito started to blush once again, before rubbing his knees together. Hi-her navel was starting to become uncomfortably hot as he(?) continued. "I-It's because of you I-I-I feel like this-!"

Nonononono!

Before he could even finish his sentence, Kirito walked to the nearest building before smashing his face into the wall. And again. And again.

The [Immortal Object] status kept on flashing again and again with each consecutive hit the sexually frustrated girl/boy dealt to the poor wall. A few players started to gather around the scene, obviously wondering what was the deal with the (psychotic?) pretty lady trying to give herself a poor man's plastic surgery.

Meanwhile, Gintoki gave an uneasy look at the Black Swordsme-(ahem) Black Swordsmaid as she tried to smash all of the dirty thoughts away from his/her mind. Even though he tried to get him to stop, the bunny maid would not listen and kept on going at it.

A few players gave him dirty looks as they passed by, their reasons varying from person to person. People whispered to each other while pointing at him, muttering words which he could still distinctly hear.

None of them painted good ol'Gin-san in a good light.

"What a predator. Making his girlfriend do that?"

"He's an enemy of all women! Just look at that perverted bastard! Making his wife do kinky things in public!"

"Do you think he might be a sex offender? Should I call the city guard?"

"He's hot."

"Lucky asshole! I want my Yamato Nadeshiko!"

Gintoki, having enough of this entire debacle, decided to forcibly drag Kirito from his furious make-out session with the wall in an attempt to prevent anymore rumors from going out. The whispers only grew louder, much to his chagrin.

"Look at him! He's beating his wife!"

"How disgusting. I'm reporting him."

"Lucky bastard! Why does he get the cute girl?!"

"Beat me senpai!"

Gintoki only felt a chill roll up his spine at that last phrase, only hurrying his pace even more. No point in staying here any longer...

Plus he was pretty sure that last voice was male.

A notification rang on his HUD, the sender's name being revealed to be Argo. Quickly checking to see if Kirito was aware of what he was doing, Gin proceeded to follow the directions that Argo had given him for the next step.

Usually, he wouldn't have even considered going out of his way to torment Kirito like this...but when Argo had given him secret information about a certain quest, he had been more than willing to help her.

A quest which required him to escort a player wearing a peculiar set of equipment to a specific location, all while allowing him to have a good laugh about it? Perfect.

Not to mention the amazing treasure which awaited him at the quest's end. Something which was a priceless jewel in Aincrad, and a delicacy that he had been craving ever since had been stuck here.

The [Pudding] that was their quest's reward would be totally worth it.

Hi. I'm not dead. In fact, I'm still thriving!

The official story is in the works, so that's a plus?