Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Mashashi Kishimoto and this is a fanfiction and nothing more. A man can dream though...Also, any reference made to the real world is not intended to attack or bash said reference, it's just there for the fun of it...

Naruto for Dummies

Nagging Ninja Naruto: Since everyone hates him because of the nine-tails inside him, Naruto grows into a trouble making delinquent with a near impossible dream of becoming hokage so that everyone will love and respect him(heh heh, love and respect, not taking into account the numerous daily assasination attempts made on kages). But there's a problem, he's a complete dunce in the academy with his only working technique being an instant sex change jutsu. So, he's failed at first and manipulated by some other chunin(this is the only time that you'll see him except for flashbacks and filler, so his name isn't worth remembering) into stealing a scroll of forbidden jutsu(somehow sneaking past a dozen jonin and chunin...does anyone else see something wrong with this picture?) and give it to the chunin. Fortunately, Naruto's teacher, Iruka, happens on the scene just in time for dramatic revelation stuff(blah blah blah, Naruto is the nine-tailed fox blah blah) to happen that ends with Iruka taking an oversized shuriken to the back to protect Naruto.

The fact that someone gives a damn about him drives Naruto to use a jutsu that he skimmed from the scroll and summoned over a hundred clones of himself and beat the crap out of the guy who tricked him(this is one of the few times that this jutsu will actually do that). So Iruka makes Naruto a genin(cloning yourself x100 and beating chunin seems to warrent test score overlooking) and becomes the closest thing to a father that Naruto ever had(and will remain on Kishimoto's death note for a while).

So Naruto becomes an official genin and makes the third hokage's grandson, konohamaru, into his future mini-me(just read the manga and you'll know what I'm talking about). He reports in with the rest of the genin and everyone who matters(the rookie 9) get assigned to the following teams:

Team 7: The emotional drama group due to the fact that everyone(discounting Sakura) has had some emotionally scarring happen in their lives

Naruto: Bit of a dumbass, but has unlimited chakra(pros of having demon inside you), very perseverant(if he saw a stop sign going off a cliff, he'd probably keep walking and fall off the cliff) and can relate to the many outcasts that they encounter for obvious reasons(fox, no parents, everyone hates you, jumpsuit).

Sasuke: Prodigy of the rookie 9, last of the uchiha clan(wonder how he plans to fix that?), wants to kill brother, really anti-social and emo. He also has a never ceasing harem of fangirls and fanboys(?!) chasing after him for....partytime?

Sakura: Somehow I get the feeling that she's just along for the ride(kinda like Palin)...sure she's smart and has good control over chakra. But she never really does anything except drool over Sasuke, hit and belittle Naruto, and complain to Kakashi(how she got by without a slap across the face is beyond me).

Kakashi: He's the Heero Yuy of the group and pretty much the best jonin in Konoha(as time passes on, you'll know what I mean). Part of the reason is because his friend died awhile back and gave his sharingan eye to Kakashi, so he can now plagerize anyone else's technique and use it for himself(as long as it's not an inherited tech(kekkei genkai)).

Team 8: The BloodHound Squad

Hinata: The most respectible of the konoha 9 kunoichi and yet, the least appreciated. Everyone sees her as weak because of her hesistant nature and her daddy isnt helping this at all(he thinks that somehow her seven year old sister is better?). She also has a huge ultra mega crush on Naruto that he somehow fails to notice despite how obvious it is(Not to say that there isnt hope though).

Shino: Silent guy of the group who lets bugs carve out his body in exchange for utilization of horror and surprise techniques based around bugs(Can he also take out roaches? That would be really helpful in a lot of spots)

Kiba: really loud guy who acts and senses like a dog in combat. He also carries around a puppy named Akamaru who also helps sniff out stinky targets(couldn't he have found a golden shepard?(Last I checked, puppies arent very handy in combat except against Naruto))

Kurenai: The kind of woman who you wouldn't want as an enemy. She's a genjutsu master and I don't even want to think of what all she could fool her enemies into seeing. She's also Asuma's love interest, but Kishimoto insists on leaving a question mark over this well into Shippuden(He does to a lot of potential couples).

Team 10: The Ensnare and Trap Squad

Shikamaru: the lazy-ass genius(IQ: 200) of the rookie 9, usually likes to lay back and watch the clouds or play chess-related games. Did I fail to mention that he can paralyze/strangle people with his shadow?(If he were evil...Shikamaru would be a scary villian)

Ino: blond girl with no pupils and can transfer her mind to other people's bodies(What a brave soul she must be to walk into a mind without knowing what is within, Exp: Joker).

Choji: guy who's rarely seen without something in his mouth and is noticibly fat which is where his jutsu is based around(see, choji is an example of why a little meat on your bones won't hurt but help you)

Asuma: fights with knives that look like bear claws sometimes and smokes(a lot). He's also the third hokage's son, but this isnt revealed for awhile for some reason(guess he and the old man had a falling out at some point)

Moving on, Kakashi decides to test Team 7 by challenging them to take two bells from his belt and whoever fails doesn't get lunch(should've eaten a huge breakfast). Naruto misses the whole point of being a ninja(attack from the shadows with silent stealth) and tries to engage Kakashi directly, but gets anally penetrated(no red flag though) and has his clones turned against him. Sakura gets hit by a genjutsu and she's done in pretty fast(but should we suprised? really?). Sasuke touches a bell and tries to roast Kakashi like a ham, but gets pulled into the ground(yeah, the prodigies always have to be put into place).

So Kakashi gives them shit about not working as a team and makes them feel worse by telling them about the KIA memorial statue and how he'd seen comrades die and angsty stuff like that(this won't be the last time either...theres lots of angsty stuff in this series). Then coups out and passes them after a really anti-climatic second chance. Thus begins the amazing journey of four friends and their transformation from a team into a family(Yeah, a good ninja needs sentimental ties).

Author's notes: Decided to go ahead and write another installment, even though I wonder if I should skip the Zabuza arc altogther...What do you guys think?Thanks for reading!! :)

Reviews always help! Even one worded ones!

Thanks to Jessica for the review, your input was simple yet helpfully to the point