Disclaimer! I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Which is sad, because if I did, RIKU WOULDN'T BE SO FREAKING HARD TO BEAT IN CHAIN OF MEMORIES. ... That is all. 8D

Prompt Two;; Contradict

"W-wife??" The blonde sputtered, falling out of the bed. "But… but how?? Why?? Nyeh!" He whined, flailing his arms wildly (as if that was going to do anything).

"Well," Axel said sitting down on the bed, newspaper under arm and coffee mug in hand, "long story short, you and me got plastered, turns out we got a lot in common, next thing you know, bada-bing, bada-boom, you've got soup."

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE COMPARING MARRIAGE TO A WATER-BASED FOOD PRODUCT!!"

"Don't get your panties in a knot; it's just a saying," Axel scratched the back of his head. "No wonder you're the wife; you're just as hormonal and bitchy as any girl I've ever been with."

"Deep breaths, Roxas," the shorter blonde said, not listening to his companion. "It'll all be okay! You just gotta get this annulled and—Hey, wait a second!" He whipped around to face the redhead. "Gay marriage isn't even legal in Nevada!"

"Elvis must've thought one of us was a chick, then." Axel took a sip of his coffee and motioned the mug towards Roxas. "You want some? There's still some left in the pot."

"We're freaking married," he said, looking at Axel incredulously. "And you're asking me if I want coffee? And why am I girl?? You have the hips! I mean, just look at those things! You could kill a man with—"

"Fine then, if you're going to be whiny about everything. That just means more for me—"

"Two crèmes, no sugar, and if you even think about putting any milk in it, I'll castrate you."

"Keep talking like that, and you just might be in for a second honeymoon, wife."

"… On second thought, scratch the coffee, I'll just castrate you anyway."

"AHA! I KNEW IT!"

"You know, for a lightweight, you're pretty loud the morning of a hangover," Axel said, rubbing his temples. Roxas wasn't listening and instead chose to shove a piece of paper into the redhead's chartreuse eyes.

"Do you know what this is, Axel?" Roxas asked mischievously. "Because I know, and I think it'll rock your world once I tell you, but I'm not going to tell you. Do you know why Axel? Because I want you to suffer, that's right suffer! Bwahahahaha—!" Axel promptly slapped the blonde across the face with one hand and snatched the paper with the other hand.

"Let's see," he said, putting on his glasses to read the fine print. "This license will authorize any licensed clergymen within this state… Blah blah blah… Hold it, the groom's name is Roxas Hainsworth? That means…" Axel blinked, his mind not registering the black ink print in front of him. "… Oh, hell no. There's no way I'm the wife. Not with this pansy around." He seemed to be talking more to himself than to the twitching and unintelligibly sputtering Roxas who was coiled up on the floor. For the rest of the day (as it was Sunday, and Porno Hut, as Roxas affectionately called it, was closed), the smirk never left the blonde's face. He had just successfully one upped someone for the first time in his life, and it felt amazing. But of course, Axel, being Axel, wouldn't stand for that; he'd take things into his own hands.

"I'm the husband~ I'm the husband~" Roxas sang, skipping around Axel in circles just to piss him off.

"You getting tired yet, blondie?" He asked, rubbing his temples. "You've been at if for, what, four hours now?"

"Quiet, wife! I'm the husband here!"

"So, you accept our marriage?" Axel asked grabbing the blonde by the arm and pulling him into his chest. "I knew you'd come around." A long finger caressed the side of Roxas's boyish face (which was now a lovely shade of Oh-shit-oh-shit-he's-touching-meeeee! red)

"N-no!" Roxas stuttered, trying to regain the upper hand he'd just lost. "I hate it! I hate being your husband!"

"So you don't want to be the husband? You want to be the wife?"

"NO!"

Axel smirked. Victory was in sight. He bent down and let his breath tickle the blonde's now cherry red ear.

"You contradict yourself, darling."

Axel: 1. Roxas: K.O.

A/N: Fun fact about Roxie: She takes bribes.

So everyone who was waiting for this to update, please thank KagomeStar125 and my lack of morals for this quicky update. I will see you lovely people of … IN THE NEXT CHAPPIE! 8Db

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Oh, and anyone else think that I've made Roxas a total spazz? Yeah. Woo. 8D