The Great Canadian Identity Crisis

Chapter 2

Matthew had been in war before. Lots of war's in fact: World War One and Two, Desert Strom, The Cold War, Korean, Gulf, Afghanistan, Iraq and many Civil wars. Even before Canada was really a full fledged country like he was now there was even the war of 1812. He always tried to think that the war was necessary to 'keep the peace'. That's what he liked to think but there was no stopping the nightmares that always came after a great battle.

What Canada was about to do, was indeed something that he had not ever done before. He was going to initiate a war.

Well not a whole war, maybe just a 'battle for freedom'. But there was no beating around the bush anymore. If no one saw any of Matthew's vocal efforts to become heard, it was time he took a physical approach. The main problems with this was the fact that Matthew simply had never invaded a country for his own gain before. He didn't plan on hurting or killing anyone. Far from it. All he had to do was prove that his might and bravery was something to be noticed and acknowledged. Thus came another question.

Which country was Canada going to invade?

With his current geographical situation, all he could do was cross into America or open sea. And there was no way, no way in hell, he could invade his own brother. For one thing, he could blow his ass to Kingdom Come faster than Wang Yao could build a china town. If he trekked through Alaska, he could make it over to Russia, but the same metaphor applied to Ivan as well, and he wouldn't even hesitate because of brotherly love.

It had to be a country where there wouldn't be any powerful allies nearby that could kick his ass and really start another full-fledged war. Anywhere in North America was out of the question, and if he really wanted to make an impact, it would have to be somewhere in Europe, so news would quickly spread, but not a country that would be getting help from anyone dangerous. Italy was a weakling but he didn't want Germany on his ass. Latvia was pretty weak too but then again there was the threat of Ivan. He did have a lot of his people living there after all. However there was one place he might be able to manage invading.

Poland.

Feliks was turning into a sissy. He had military might at one point but now it just seemed like he was more concerned with his pony ranch and painting his house a variety of bright pastel colors. And if Poland needed help, Toris would be there in a flash, and Matthew was pretty sure he could take Toris on if needed. Poland had been invaded by so many other countries in the past, Matthew figured that there must be something he at least could do.

There was still much planning to be done, and when he woke up the next day, he paid a visit to the prime minister, telling him of his plan. The saddest part of this venture was that Matthew couldn't even see his PM. The country had to do something. Fast.

Ever since Matthew realized that sometimes his invisibility could be used in a good way, (like getting back his brother for all the trouble he caused him by embarrassing him at meetings), he spent many years training his troops to do the same. Now he had an elite force of invisible soldiers and it was time to put them to the test.

The trip over the Atlantic was quiet, many of the troops having trouble figuring out where everyone was sitting. Besides the fumbling around and shouts of 'get off me' and 'you stepped on my foot', Matthew, his skills allowing him to see them all, rearranged them and prepped them on the mission.

"Alright boys, we are not going to shoot or kill anyone. If you need to, hit with the butt of your gun but please try to remember that this is a mission so we can be noticed, not to inflict pain."

"I-I hear the voice but I don't know where it's coming from…"

"Dude your stepping on my foot again!"

"Shit I can't find my gun."

Matthew sighed. He guessed it was a good thing that this wasn't going to be a serious shoot-em-up mission.

Once the plane was over Feliks house, it was time to descend. "Alright guys, once you get down there, surround the perimeter. Remember we aren't here to hurt anyone. I'll head inside and start the negotiations, and if it gets ugly, you know what to do."

A resounding agreement rang out and the first of the men jumped out of the plane. It wasn't long before the invisible barrier was set up around Felik's bright pink house.

"Feliks, I've come to invade your vital regions!" Canada didn't take the time to politely knock, but simply burst into the door.

"Liet! FINALLY! I've like been totally waiting forever for you to say th…oh you're not Liet…well come on in Alfred, I'll show you the totally cute pony I bought the other day.

"I'M CANADA DAMMIT…wait you can see me?" Canada was puzzled; this was really not what was supposed to happen.

"Duh of course I can. Sorry I totally didn't mean to like call you by your bro's name. You'll forgive me won't you Matthew?" At this point, Feliks made his famous puppy dog face (usually reserved for Toris), and started whining in a high pitched voice. Matthew did not, in a million years, see this coming. Now what was he suppose to do?

"So like what's up Matt? You should have like called if you were gonna visit, I could have put on something nicer." Feliks lead him into his living room, the troops outside the house all but forgotten (not that Feliks could see them anyway). Matthew followed. Since now it seemed like he might be able to talk it out with Feliks, maybe he could come up with a different plan.

"Ummm…really? You can really see me?" Matthew still didn't believe it. Why now, of all times, did his invisibility have to fade just when he was trying to invade another country?

"Like how many times do I have to tell you Matt? I can totally see you right now." Feliks looked him up and down to emphasise his point.

"B-but how? No one ever…" Matthew was almost beside himself. It was rare for him to have other nations remember his name and continue a conversation with him for longer than a second.

"I always noticed you. There were times when you like totally looked exactly like your brother but I knew it was you cause you always had such better fashion sense. Now, what's up?" Feliks sat down on his lime green sofa, motioning for Matthew to sit across from him.

"Well…lately I've been getting a little stressed from the general lack of attention. I know it usually didn't bother me before, but if you remember my stunt from that last meeting…well now you can see that it does. I know that it's pathetic to whine for attention but my case has always been different and it's beginning to make me really pissed off." Matthew spewed his heart out for Feliks, somehow trusting him immediately upon knowing that he was with someone who could see him and actually wanted to talk to him.

"Ugh I totally know what you mean. I've been like hinting to Liet forever and the boy just doesn't get it. I mean, he went on a date with Natasha the other day and came back with both his arms broken. Like totally shattered. He said it was the best 10 minutes of his life. Like seriously? What the hell?" Feliks was fuming. Matthew could guess there was some unrequited love issues' going on between Toris and Feliks, but now was not the time to butt into Feliks' love life.

"Yes, well I was trying to think of some way to gain a little ground, maybe doing something bold and out of character so people would have no choice but to take notice. The plan was to…well...umm…"Matthew was interrupted before he could finish.

"Say no more Matt I totally know what to do." Feliks look proud all of a sudden, like he had created some master plan out of thin air.

"Y-you do?"

"Yup. I totally know what were gonna do. We're gonna tell everyone that you like, invaded and totally took over my place, but you know not really. You can like totally stay here; it will be like a sleepover." Feliks was starting to get excited. It had been a while since Toris had come to stay over and with Matthew here, maybe he could braid his hair or they could give each other manicures.

"That…actually sounds like a really good idea. But won't Toris try to help you if he thinks you're being taken over?"

"Naah I'll make sure Liet is in on it. He is like totally clueless with love but he's a super nice guy. Hey, maybe you could even 'invade his vital regions' too!"

"Ahahaha…" It was a nervous laugh. "N-no that's okay, one should be enough to start." Toris was independent from Russia now, but there wasn't anything stopping Ivan's strange obsession with the Baltic State. Even in the present day, Matthew wanted to stay as far away from any chance to encounter Ivan's military strength.

"Ok so it's like totally set, you'll sleep over at my place for the next little bit and I'll totally spread the rumour that you invaded my house and stuff. I'll give Liet a call so he like doesn't freak out, and then I'll totally do your hair."

"Thank you Feliks, this is more than anything I could have ever imagined." There was a short pause. "What about my hair now?"

"Well if it's a sleepover we like totally have to do sleepover stuff. Don't worry, I'll show you later." Feliks was already reaching for the phone. Matthew took this time to run outside again, telling his troops that the mission was 'sort of successful' and that they could return home. When the perimeter was cleared and the group making their way home, Matthew returned inside to walk in on Feliks telephone conversation.

"No No for the third time, I'm totally okay. Just be cool and pretend like it's really happening ok? I'm trying to do a good deed here and your totally not gonna ruin it. What do you mean, who's Matthew? You know? Canada? Like Alfred's totally cute brother? Geez Liet…" It wasn't nice to eavesdrop, so Matthew went out the back door, remembering something about Feliks mentioning ponies.

Not long after he noticed the stable in the back yard and the strangest neighing sound he had ever heard. He caught sight of the ponies and even though they sounded utterly creepy, Matthew couldn't help but think they were adorable.

Feliks, after reassuring Toris that everything was going to be fine, and that he trusted Matthew not to do anything 'weird', found Matthew in his backyard, his collection of ponies surrounding him as he pet each one and cooed.

"This is gonna be so totally fun."

The next day, Matthew woke up in an unfamiliar bed. He tried to piece together what happened the night before and scratched his head in thought. His usual wavy locks however weren't as wavy as they should have been. He looked to the side, facing the mirror on the wall.

Braids.

This was going to be interesting.

This started as a serious like world war 3 fic with Canada totally owning everyone but I got a better idea. I'm better writing humour anyway. And no I don't plan on pairing Canada with Poland. Poland can only ever be with Liet in my mind. - Author