The Skipper admired the Professor. There was certainly no one else on the island who had so much of his respect. But book-smart though the Professor was, he didn't seem to know diddly-squat about men and women. Look at how he missed all of Ginger's far from subtle hints that she was crazy about him! If the Skipper had a gorgeous dame like Ginger coming on to him all the time, he certainly would've done something about it. And it wouldn't have taken eight years!
As they left Gilligan on the shore, the Skipper whispered, "Professor, you're going to send Gilligan and Mary Ann off in a canoe together?"
"I know what you're thinking."
"You do?" Maybe he wasn't as hopeless as the Skipper thought.
"Yes, after Gilligan has bungled so many of our rescues, he may foul up this one. But I think with someone as level-headed as Mary Ann to restrain him, it'll be all right."
The Skipper considered himself at least as level-headed as Mary Ann, and he had never been able to knock any sense into Gilligan's thick skull. But that was beside the point. "No, I mean, a man and a woman. All alone in a little boat."
"Come now, Skipper, it's not as if I'm sending you and Ginger."
The Skipper almost blushed. He had a yen for Ginger, but he knew he wasn't her type. Still, he might become her type if they were alone in the canoe. He tried not to let his mind wander too far in that direction.
"And, although they're both nearly thirty, neither Mary Ann nor particularly Gilligan has ever struck me as libidinous."
It took the Skipper a moment to silently translate that. No, Gilligan wasn't exactly girl-crazy, not like the Skipper had been at his age. And Mary Ann was a sweet young thing, even after all these years. She probably knew the facts of life, having grown up on a farm, but he doubted she had any urges. Still, the sea could change people, as the Skipper well knew.
"Not to mention that a canoe is not exactly conducive to a seduction. Not a comfortable one anyway."
The Skipper didn't know how the Professor managed to make everything sound so reasonable, even when he was talking nonsense.
"Look, there's no harm in asking Mary Ann if she'll do it, is there?"
The Skipper thought that there was a chance that Mary Ann might slap both their faces, but he couldn't help being curious. "Well, I suppose we can ask. But if she says no, then how about I man the canoe by myself?"
"I think it's better to send two people, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
So they continued on to the girls' hut. The Skipper hoped that Ginger wouldn't be there. That would just add to the embarrassment.
Luckily, they found Mary Ann alone, sewing by hand rather than the pedal-powered machine.
"Hi, Skipper. Hi, Professor."
"Hello, Mary Ann. May we ask you a question?"
"Of course, Professor. What is it?"
The Skipper braced himself for her shock.
"Well, we were just wondering. If you had a chance to save all of us by paddling a canoe into the shipping lanes, would you do it?"
"Of course I would!"
"Great! I'll go tell Gilligan." The Professor dashed out.
"Gilligan?" Mary Ann asked, looking at the Skipper. "Is this some sort of a bet?"
"No, not exactly." Thanks to the Professor's ineptitude with women, the Skipper would have to tell her himself. And he wasn't sure how to do this delicately. "You see, Gilligan found a canoe in the lagoon."
"He did? Oh, that's wonderful!"
"Yeah, it is."
"But why would I be paddling it? I don't know much about boats. I mean, I grew up in Kansas."
"Well, I could teach you I guess." This was getting too complicated.
"But why wouldn't you just paddle it yourself?"
"Well, the Professor thinks it should be someone smaller than me."
"Then why not Gilligan?"
He coughed. "Um, well, he thinks you and Gilligan should go."
"Me and Gilligan?! Ouch!" She'd just jabbed herself with the needle.
"He thinks it should be two people. Two small people."
"Why not me and Mrs. Howell then?"
"Because she wouldn't have the strength or interest to paddle a canoe."
"Well, that's true, but—Me and Gilligan!"
"I know, I know, it's crazy."
"Oh, so you don't think I could do it?"
"No, you could probably do it, but that's not the point. You and Gilligan alone, out on the ocean."
She blushed.
"I'm sorry to put it so bluntly." Well, it wasn't bluntly for a sailing man, but it was bluntly to say it to a girl like her.
"No, I know. It would be very—But if it could lead to us all getting rescued!"
"Look, don't do anything you're not comfortable with. I'll try to knock some sense into the Professor."
"What does Gilligan think about this?"
"I think he feels funny about it."
"Funny about it?"
"Well, you know how shy he is with girls."
"That's true."
"Of course, I don't know how shy he'd feel all alone with you."
She blushed again.
"Look, I'll go talk to the Professor. And Gilligan. We'll come up with some other plan. You don't need to worry your pretty little head about it."
"Thanks, Skipper," she said quietly.
But before he could encounter either man, he ran into Mrs. Howell, who said, "Captain, I have an urgent matter to discuss with you."
He really hoped it wasn't that she wanted herself and Mr. Howell to paddle the canoe. If so, their rescue would be even more doomed than if they sent Gilligan. A suddenly libidinous Gilligan if they were really unlucky. OK, maybe the Howells would be a better choice.