Falling Constilations
I am Sachi Yomoko, fourteen years old, I am Sachi Yomoko fourteen years old, I am Sachi Yomoko, fourteen years old, I am Sachi Yomoko, fourteen years old.
This is what I do when I have nothing to do or when I need to calm myself. The Helper-Lady took my jounal-took my journal! She say's I've moved passed that... what did she call it? Training wheels! She say's I've moved passed the time for training wheels and my brain needs to learn to remember things without aid. But thats hard-maybe I should say difficult instead, 'strong vocabulary makes a strong mind', someone said that to me once... I can't remember who though.
I've improved a lot, I guess. I don't feel dizzy so much anymore so thats nice, but not writing is too difficult so I made up a mental journal which i'm constantly writing in, only because i'm not sure-uncertain of if you would prefer- what else to do. So I sit on my bed alone writing, writing, thinking, thinking.
I notice something on my desk, red, crimson, rosey, carmine. I lean forward and take it into my hand, twine, rolled up in a large ball. I've shown promise in the arts, at least thats what the Helper-Lady says, since I havent shown any signs of self-harm since I arrive here at the... The... School... oh-Academy is what I mean! Since I arrived here at the Academy, she's had me take up sewing.
A loud noise-a slam actually- echoes throughout my tiny room, Rei comes galloping in with a smile on his goofy face. He's holding something, a journal? Not a journal too big to be a journal. It's thickly layered note-pad he's holding.
"Sachi-chan~" He sings, "I have an important question for you!" I open my mouth to respond but Rei interupts me. "Whats your favorite color?"
"Carmine." I say immediatly.
"Huh?"
"... I meant red."
"Oh-ho! Sachi-chan is a seamstress?" He drops himself onto the bed while pointing at the twine in my hand.
"Seamstress?"
"You sew I mean."
"The Helper-Lady-"
"You mean the Counselor."
"-Told me i'm good at it, but complains because I use too much red."
"Oh? Sew something for me!"
Something in my head just snapped, causing me to jolt, my eyes to go wide, and my body to stiffen. My mind is screaming at me, its screaming with lots of- multiple is the better word- voices, they all sound exactly the same but none are mine. They talk too loud, too fast. Sew something. Sew something in carmine. Sew something. Stitch something. Stitch it together. Stitch someone. Stitch Rei.
"Sachi-chan!"
I'm looking down on Suzuya. 'Looking down on'? He's taller than I am. Why am I? I'm on top of him-pinning him on the floor, there is a mess all around-or surrounding- us. Things are broken, things are smashed, I see carmine. Rei is breathing heavily-panting actually- his arm is trembling. Carmine twine is lacing one side of his arm, and I've got the threaded needle in my hand. I blink once before I release the needle and remove myself from Suzuya, who stays put-or should I say remains motionless?
As i'm looking at him all I can see is the stitching, it's uneven and sortly jagged, some blood is running down the arm it's embedded in. Sew something. Not someone.
"I-I don't... Understand..." I say, Rei sits up right.
"That stung, Sachi-chan." He says, his head down, face covered by white locks, he's looking at-no he's inspecting his arm. "But it didn't feel anything like how Mama used to treat me."
"I can't comprehend... How? What? When?"
"You owe me one ya know?" Rei looks to me with something scary about him, his eyes... are... whats the word? Mischevious? No... Malecious! His carmine eyes are malecious, nearly primal.
"I don't know..." I'm still trying to process everything around me. Did I stitch Suzuya? I don't remember- don't recall- but thats not unusual for me is it? A hand clamps over my mouth, throws me to the ground, it's Rei.
"Let me return the favor." There's harsh stinging in my throat, my eyes water, my body stiffens, I grip Suzuya's wrist tightly. "Now it's your turn Sachi-chan~"
Mad, crazy, off his rocker, this boy isn't Rei anymore. This is the other boy, the one whose mean, the one who bites me and steals my snacks, the one who used to fight for his Mama. Rei is gone, Juuzou has come out-resurfaced I should say.
There are stitiches zig-zagging up my neck, they hurt, the skin around them is pink-irritated and tender. I want to take them out. They hurt too much.
"Eh? You don't like my stitching?" Juuzou questions, still holding the needle and thread. He released me as soon as he finished what I started, and is currently allowing me to inspect myself in the mirror.
"It's ugly. You don't know how to do it right-properly I should say."
"Yours is ugly too!" His grin is scary.
"I don't remember doing that!"
"Yes!" My brain tingles somewhat.
"Go away Juuzou!"
"Yes!"
"Stop it! I don't know what you're supposed-"
"Yes indeedy-do!" I let out a sharp cry of irritation.
"Go away! I want Rei back!" Juuzou laughs aloud.
"I am Rei! Silly Sachi-chan's got herself thinking I've got multiple personalities! When she's the one whose got it!"
"You're not Rei, you're too mean-hateful-cruel-EVIL!"
"You just named part of my personality! Why not talk to Achlys? Thats what your other personality calls herself by the way."
I am Sachi Yomoko, fourteen years old, I am Sachi Yomoko fourteen years old, I am Sachi Yomoko, fourteen years old, I am Sachi Yomoko, I am Sachi Yomoko, I am Sachi Yomoko.
"Achlys is really different than you, ya know? She's stronger! I would've liked to have fought with her had I been given the chance when I was with Mama!"
I am Sachi Yomoko, I am Sachi Yomoko , I am Sachi Yomoko, I am Sachi Yomoko, I am Sachi Yomoko. Not Achlys.
"She's insane but her minds not all over the place like yours is! She actually remembers what happened when-"
I let out a scream, there are other people shouting, and running, Juuzou is laughing.
We got in big trouble that day, my sessions with the Helper-Lady have been increased I told her everything that happened was her fault for taking my journal, she scolded me... Rei-or should I call him Juuzou? Was punished more severly, confined to his room, increased psychiatric attention, no pudding.
I blamed everything on the Helper-Lady, but I know that it's really my fault, I don't remember it but I'm sure-no- I know that I attacked Rei. Three days have passed since the incident, it's night time now, and i'm laying in bed, my room would be totally-completely dark if it weren't for that stupid thing in the sky... The big round thing... What was it again? Oh... Right... It's the moon.
There are no stars in the sky, reminds me of a dream I just had. The world was coming to an end, I could only tell when the very final day was coming by the stars, every night enitre constilations would fall from the sky, which resembled golden fireworks plumetting to earth, the last constilation fell the world went dark and everyone died. It was beautiful.
"Sachi-chan." Rei enters my room carefully, I sit up and smile to him. Rei sits close to me and gently touches his cold fingers to my still tender-no- sensitive neck, the stitches have long since been removed. "It was fun wasn't it?"
"No. I don't like that Juuzou." Rei sighs.
"Juuzou's my scrapper name dumby, we've been over this. Juuzou is part of my singular personality."
"I don't care, I don't like it."
"You're such a hypocrite."
"Hypocrite?" Rei ignores me this time.
"I want you to do it again. I want you to stitch me again." He says with determination.
"No! No no no no-"
"It doesn't hurt me like it does you, Sachi-chan. I want you to stitch me again."
"Why? Why why why-"
"-Because it was ugly before! The Counselor said you were good at it I want to see what you can do, not what Achlys can." He thrusts his hand, holding the needle and twine, toward me. I look at him for a long while, then to the carmine thread, I take the needle and get to work.
There's red spiraling up Rei's pale arm only ending at the tip of his middle finger, it's pretty. As he inspects my work with amazement I lock-no I fixate my eyes on his throat.
"It's so cool!" He exclaims happily, I move toward him and he snaps his head to me. "Sachi-chan? Are you still you?" I move until i'm sitting on his lap.
"Lift your chin, Suzuya-kun." He doesn't need to be told twice. I leave a matching pattern on his neck, he's overjoyed as he inspects himself in the mirror. A stange boy this...
I'm just now realizing that I feel weird, have felt weird is more accurate. My head doesn't feel so messy, I feel more clear of mind than i'm used to. It scares me, I like it but I don't like it. Something strokes my hair, it's Rei, he towers over me when i'm seated, though in my minds new found clarity I realize how tiny the boy really is. He takes a seat next to me on the matress.
"You're different right now Sachi-chan, you're not Achlys I know that much. Are you still upset?" He takes my hand into his newly stitched one, intertwining our fingers.
"Not at all, not even a bit. But I do feel quite strange at the moment, at this very moment right here and now my mind is... transparent."
Rei places his free hand on my knee, he's always the one who starts this, he's alway's the one who yerns for it the most.
"Oh? Does it make you feel bad?" I only shake my head, as I look on him with a dizzy-ing feeling coming on.
"Yes-but no."
"I'll make you feel better!" He exclaims happily.
He's quick to brush his lips against mine, but slow in the act of initiating the kiss fully. Gentle, sweet, passionate, is how I describe the kiss, it's also how I describe Rei Suzuya whose kisses are so much better than the rough, icey, lustful, kisses Juuzou Suzuya forces. He say's Juuzou is a part of his only personality, but I'll never be able to connect the two to a single individual.
Rei and I are friends, nothing more than that... At least thats what he say's and he's usually right about these things, he say's that kissing is just a bonus. Do all friends do this I wonder? I can't recall having any sort of relationship with anyone other than Rei... My clear mind is fogging again, I can feel it as Rei traps me between his arms all the while continuing the kiss. My bottom lip stings now, Rei bit me-no- Juuzou bit me, that side of him is coming out again, but there's really nothing I can do about it now. My mind continues to fog as the kiss turns painful and cold. Something in my head snaps like before, we're a constilation falling out of the sky, and everything goes black.