Finding What's Real

Chapter 2

Pairing: Jane/Maura
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles do not belong to me.

A/N: Normally I don't apologize for long delays between posting chapters because this is just for fun and life happens. But I am sorry that this second chapter took so long. I ran into a number of difficulties. I know where I'm going with the story but getting there is a challenge.

Jane sat in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Wait staff and other patrons moved around her but her focus was entirely on the man sitting across from her, almost as if she couldn't turn her gaze away.

She took a sip of the glass of champagne in front of her. Then made a face at the taste. Champaign wasn't something she would normally drink. A waiter appeared with food that she didn't remember ordering.

The restaurant was dimly lit with candles on each table. The light from the flame flickered across the face of the man sitting across from her. His scowl turned into the facsimile of a smile as he said, "Ah, your favorite dish from your favorite restaurant, Jane."

"I don't remember ever coming here before," Jane said.

The man struggled to maintain his smile as he said, "Don't be silly. You're such a joker, Jane. Always making jokes."

Jane shook her head. "I'm not joking." She looked down at her plate and struggled to figure out what the dish was supposed to be. A hand on her wrist made her look up again and across the table.

"I love you, Jane," Charles Hoyt said.

Jane stared at him. Her mind felt foggy. She couldn't put together all of the pieces of why she was in this restaurant with this man. She looked around the unfamiliar restaurant again and then said, "I don't even know you."

His grip tightened on her wrist. "Why do you have to be so difficult? This could be so much easier, Jane."

Jane awoke to feeling of someone's hand holding her shoulder against the bed and voice speaking softly and slowly saying, "Jane, you're okay. It's Maura. Just concentrate on the sound of my voice and taking long slow breaths, okay? Just breathe in slowly. And out slowly. You're still in the hospital. Nothing has changed. You're completely safe. Keep breathing nice and slow. You're doing great."

This continued for another minute, with Maura repeating her breathing instructions, until Jane's heart rate evened out. Maura stayed perched on the side of the bed, her hand on Jane's upper arm, calmly issuing instructions until Jane opened her eyes.

Jane raised her eyebrows and said, "You're here again."

"Yes, I am." Maura removed her hand from Jane's arm and stood. She smoothed out her skirt then moved to sit in the chair facing the bed.

"I started to wonder if I had imagined you. My memory is…" Jane waved a hand limply, "off."

"It's probably due to some of the medications you've received."

"You looked at my charts," Jane said, more a statement than a question as she vaguely recalled their last conversation.

Maura nodded. "There have been a few…episodes, while you've been in the hospital. I don't know what to call them but I believe they were probably similar to what I just witnessed."

Jane could see Maura's discomfort with the conversation but was more concerned about getting information. "What happened today?"

"I was here for maybe ten minutes while you were sleeping and then your heart rate and blood pressure started rising. I started talking to you because I didn't want the doctors to give you another dose of drugs to calm you down, which they've done several times. That's why the doctors haven't discharged you yet. The combination of drugs can cause you to have trouble remembering things that happen in the few hours after receiving them. I'm more concerned about the drugs on top of the recent LSD in your system than the panic attacks, nightmares- whatever is happening while you're sleeping."

"I need to get out of here," Jane said seriously.

Maura sighed and said, "I'm generally not in favor of patients acting against medical advice, but in this case I happen to agree with you, which is why I'm here today. I wanted to have this discussion with you. Is there someone who can help you at home? From what I saw in the notes, the doctors are happy with the progress with the wounds on your hands, but you are going to have to be careful to allow them to continue healing, and you'll need to be able to get to and from physical therapy and check-ups."

"Yeah, my Ma will help," Jane said. "Shit, she'll probably move right in with me and I'll never get rid of her."

Maura continued, "If it's alright with you, I'd like to go talk to the attending physician and, as you put it, get you out of here."

"You can do that?"

"It's not exactly standard procedure, but I'm going to go at least have a conversation."

"Yeah, um, please, thank you."

Maura left the room and waited at the nurses station until the attending physician was available to speak with her, at which point she voiced her opinion on Jane's care and next steps in no uncertain terms until the doctor agreed that Jane could be discharged that day and no additional sedatives would be administered.

When she went back into the room, Jane was sitting on the edge of the bed trying to pull on a pair of jeans. "Oh, what are you doing?" she exclaimed.

"Getting out of here, like we said."

"I didn't mean it was going to happen immediately. Things move slowly in hospitals. But please stop, you're going to hurt yourself. Let me help you." Before Jane could say anything in response, Maura knelt and had the legs of the jeans over her feet. "Stand up." Jane stood, resting a bandaged hand on Maura's shoulder for stability and Maura finished pulling the jeans over her waist and buttoning them." She stood and said, "You seem to already have forgotten to be careful."

"Sorry. I could have mostly done that myself though. Just not the buttons."

"Were these pants always this loose or have you lost weight?" Maura asked.

Jane shrugged. "Lost weight I guess."

Maura frowned as she grabbed the t-shirt Jane had out and passed it to her. "You're probably still feeling some effects of the sedatives so I'd feel better helping you right now. I've cleared your discharge with the attending, by the way. A nurse will be by with the paperwork soon. But sometimes 'soon' can turn into hours if they have to attend to other patients."

"Thanks," Jane said sheepishly while she turned around somewhat shyly to remove the hospital gown and slip the t-shirt over her head. Maura then helped her into a hoodie and zipped it up. "I called my Ma," Jane then said. "She's on her way."

Maura gave her a raised eyebrow. "I'm surprised you didn't break out of here already without my help."

"Yeah…I'm a little off my game."

"Well," Maura said, moving away from Jane. "I guess you're all set then." She picked up her purse and pulled out a business card and a pen. She wrote her cell phone number on the back of it before handing it to Jane. "Call me if you have any questions or if I can be of any help."

Jane nodded.

A few weeks later Maura walked into Boston police headquarters and almost collided with Jane at the elevators. "Jane! Hello, it's nice to see you. How are you?"

"Hey, Maura. Um, I'm good." She held up her hands, which only had light bandages over the healing stab wounds, and wiggled her fingers. "The physical therapy is going pretty well."

"That's wonderful," Maura said beaming.

"So, uh, I never properly thanked you for everything you did for me."

Maura shook her head. "There's no need."

"Yes," Jane interjected. "I think there is. I, um…" Jane trailed off, looking around her at the people passing through the lobby.

"I was just on my way to my office. Do you want to come downstairs with me so we can talk somewhere more privately."

Jane nodded and then followed Maura down to the morgue and through the lab to her office, which had been entirely redecorated since Jane had last been in it under the previous medical director. She took in the new decorations and furniture, then bypassed a horribly uncomfortable looking chair and took a seat on the couch.

Maura perched easily on the odd shaped chair and waited patiently for Jane to speak.

"I'm sorry I didn't contact you already. I honestly don't remember everything that happened in the hospital. I was kinda embarrassed that you saw me like that. And I wasn't really sure how to thank you."

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"How you'd know how to help me calm down by talking to me?" Jane asked.

Maura took a deep breath. "I worked for a year in a refugee camp in Ethiopia. It was common to have patients with post-traumatic stress disorder, or panic attacks, or just nightmares. We didn't have enough drugs to use unless it was a critical situation, so we had to do the best we could with what we did have, which was mostly just ourselves. "

"Wow, that's very impressive."

"I don't know about impressive. I was simply trying to do the best I could to help people. I've used the breathing technique myself when I've needed to and find it to be effective. But may I ask why you were here today? Are you coming back to work already?"

Jane shook her head. "Hopefully I'll get cleared for desk duty soon. I need to make a little more progress with physical therapy first, and I have a ways to go before I'll be able to shoot a gun and get back in the field. But, uh, today I was here to go over the Hoyt case files to prepare for the trial."

"He's going to trial?" Maura asked in surprise.

"Of course. He'll try to drag things out as long as possible and cause as much havoc as he can. And there's no deal to be made anyway. He needs to go to prison for life, nothing less. The District Attorney is trying to move the court dates along as quickly as possible. It gives me something to focus on while I can't work."

"Why don't you come over for dinner some time this week?" Maura said. "That's something you can do."

"I'm supposed to be trying to thank you for your help. You feeding me doesn't really seem like me thanking you."

"It absolutely is. I would enjoy your company."

Jane laughed lightly. "You may change your mind about that, but I can hold eating utensils all on my own now so you won't have to spoon feed me and I won't make a mess."

Maura's expression turned more serious. "You don't have to use humor to deflect from your injuries with me."

"I guess I don't. You've seen all of my medical files. I don't have any secrets from you right now."

"I meant that you don't have to hide anything because I'm not going to judge you. And there are plenty of things I don't know about you yet."

Jane took a moment to respond, holding Maura's gaze. "Are you always so direct and honest?"

"Yes."

"Good to know. But yes, I'll come over for dinner."

"Tomorrow? Seven o'clock?"

"Yeah, sure. I don't think I have a choice at this point," Jane joked. Jane left Maura with her cell phone number so she could text her the address and they said their goodbyes for the day.