A/N: I'm back bitch! Lol sorry just super duper excited. So I didn't get my laptop fixed, but I just bought a new one. It's bigger and better! The keyboard is a little weird so I'll have to get used to it. Anyway, you guys don't care anything about that so let's get to the story! As before, I would strongly recommend reading the other fics I've written before reading this one. Then again, they're both long so if you want to PM me, I'll give you summaries of what's going on. Also I will try to update every Saturday and any other days I can. Thanks for reading and let's go! Long chapters to come. xD
In times of distress I would talk to Thomas about such things. Unfortunately and painfully, he's dead now. I would also speak to Peeta in my dreams, but I haven't seen him in so long I doubt he would come to me now. I could talk to my family, but last time that happened President Snow put my mother in a coma that no one was sure she would come out of. No matter what I was now stuck on my own.
I look out my window in Victor's Village and see Henry talking to his wife about the events that just took place. Tears start streaming down her face and she runs inside the house after yelling at him. I know she must be taking this hard, since the last time he came back from the Capitol all he had was his best friend in a casket. But she has to realize that these aren't our choices anymore. He has to go to the Capitol and do whatever outrageous plans Snow has for him and if not, then he and everyone he loves will be dead.
I don't know if I'm allowed too, but I open up the pink suitcases that Snow and Driver left for me. The first one has clothes like the ones I did for my missions before. Sticky gloves, rough pants, tight sweaters and jackets. However, the second suitcase has nice Capitol clothes, like dresses, and skirt sets. Make-up products I couldn't even begin to explain how to use or apply and perfumes that smell like a mix of flowers and fruits we don't even have in District 12. He said that these were going to help prepare us for how to torture people. All I see are outfits. No knives or chains or liquid metal balls? Just clothes. It makes no sense to me but neither does any of this. I wonder what's in Henry's suitcase. I dare not ask now, however.
(break)
48 hours is how long I was given to spend time with my family and friends but all I've done is stay in my room and contemplate my next trials in life. I was told from when I was a young child that winning the Hunger Games was the best thing that could happen to you. Made you like royalty in your district and a favorite to the Capitol for years. All it's brought me so far is despair. I can look in my bank account and see more zeroes than I even imagined was possible, but I still feel emptiness inside. The part of me that knows that I no matter how much money I have, I will never be happy under the clutches of President Snow. It's times like these I also think what is the worse that can happen if I decide not to work with him anymore. He kills me? I've been close to death so many times, I can't count them on my hands. He kills my family? Prim would've died in the Games, if I hadn't volunteered. She would've died in our home, if I never remembered how to hunt. She's been close to death more than once as well. And my mother? Well there was a point in time where she wanted to die, and probably the only reason she didn't is because she had us.
So what if I decided to let my family die? Snow wouldn't be able to use me as a puppet anymore. And whatever is on the other side, well it's going to be there for me whether I die today, tomorrow, or twenty years from now right?
I can't be selfish like that, I tell myself. I couldn't do that to my family. I couldn't even do that to myself. Despite the constant self loathing that goes through my mind, I don't deserve a willingful death. Everything I've ever done, everyone I've ever killed was to ensure MY survival. And that's what I must do now. I go downstairs to spend my last dinner with my mother and sister in who knows how long when I'm met with a surprise.
(break)
Prim is downstairs with a boy named Willy she's been "dating" for some time now. She doesn't call him her boyfriend but the way his eyes light up when she smiles and laughs or the way his eyes follow her body every time she moves to change the projector or grab them a snack, I can tell their feelings go deeper than some fifteen year old crush. I'm glad she's happy and she's found someone even if it's temporary. I know I refuse to try to find love again, it's all ended in sadness or death. My mother feels the same way, but she says because she's already had the love and marriage of her life. She'll never find someone she will love as much as she loved my father and she said it would be unfair to another man to try. So she's happy and content seeing her daughter fall for someone even though she never will again.
Willy however is not the surprise, since he's over here almost everyday. Henry however is. He stands in the corner, but not with his wife or his son, Henry Jr. I give him a questioning look and he says, "Katniss, may I speak with you in the other room?" I nod but thoroughly confused. Why couldn't this conversation wait until we get on the train tomorrow? Or he couldn't pick up the phone? As much as I enjoy his company, I figured I could spend these last few hours with my family. I signal for him to come upstairs to my room and after a quick nod and hello to my mother, he follows me.
He closes the door behind me and says, "I know you don't know a thing about torture. But we just have to figure it out, I cannot go back to the Capitol, Katniss." I begin to ask why but he says in a low whisper, "They had me do things, while I was there. Unimaginable. Worse… worse than the Games. And don't ask me what, because I'll never tell you. But I just can't. I'd rather just figure it out and get on with this mission and come back home." I'm startled by what he's told me and hopefully he can't tell it on my face. I wonder what they did to him but like he said, he'll never tell me. He continues, "Torture is not an easy thing Katniss, on both sides. You feel mercy and want to stop, but you know if you do, you'll be the one in that chair… or bench.. Or.." and he looks down without finishing his sentence.
He looks at the suitcases on the floor and asks me, "Do you know what it's in them?" I shrug and say, " I didn't think that we were allowed to open them." He chuckles and says, "That doesn't mean you didn't open it Katniss." He sighs and sits down on the bed. "It's for appearances Katniss.", he starts. "My guess is, he's gave those clothes to because we're going to go on social outings and we have to blend in. Then those we hang out with, we will later torture."
I shudder and say, "How do you know this?" He shrugs and says, "Just a guess." He walks up to me and gets super close to me. Actually too close to comfort and starts to scare me. He whispers, "Everywhere there's talk about overthrowing President Snow and ending the Games. Our job is to scare any rebellion to death." He pulls away from me slowly and walks away and out my house without a backwards glance. How does he know so much and I so little? Is he right or is this just speculation? I throw on my famous "everything-is-fine-but-I'm-actually-terrified" smile for my family and spend it with them. Not knowing if I'll be the same Katniss when I come back again.
A/N: So what did you think! Is it a good chapter to come back too? What did Henry do in the Capitol soooo scary? Please leave reviews, but if you're not that type of person, follows and favorites and PMs are awesome as well. See you next time! xo