Prologue

* Nicki *

I sit, staring at the casket in front of me and my dad.

People cry quietly, some just pretend they're heartless. It's completely weird and annoying how people who didn't even know her suddenly have a thousand memories with her in them.

A majority of these people didn't even know her.

They didn't deserve to know her. And they still don't deserve to be in her presence, despite the fact that she's dead.

I roll my jaw, my eyes falling on my father. He looks rough. He hasn't cried, but I can tell he's just trying to be strong for me. I wish he wouldn't do that. Act like everything's fine when it's clearly not.

I sigh, looking back to the casket.

It's not every day that you go to your moms funeral. Especially not when you're 16. But here I am. Watching as everyone and their brother touches her body, fixing her hair or pointing out that she "looks good". How the fuck does that even work? How does a corpse look good? Do they mean, "oh, hey, she should have maggots and everything else growing in her but she's caked with makeup and baby powder instead. And the sharp, cringe worthy lipstick they have her in makes her dead looking eye lids pop". Give me a fucking break.

I blow out a huff and my dad looks at me.

"You okay, kiddo?" He asks gently and I look at him.

"I'm at my mother's funeral, Dad. I'm as good as I can be." I assure him sarcastically.

"We'll be okay, Nicki." He promises me and I nod slowly.

"You sure about that?" I ask and he cocks his head.

"Nicki—" he tries talking to me when I stand up.

"I need some air." I cut him short.

Someone catches my arm on my way out and I look to see Leslie looking down at me, Pitying me.

"Nicki, are you alright?" She asks me, too, and I nod.

I get to the door and someone else stops me. Jim.

"Nicki, I'm so sorry—"

"—I'm okay!" I shout, fed up with everyone. Everybody looks at me and I look around, my eyes watering with embarrassment and anger. "Fuck sake." I push past him and rush out the door.