He was fast and he was strong. A second later and she would have fallen into the void.
He held her tight as she buried her face in his chest. They stood silently for what seamed like eternity, no words just deep breaths, a steady beat of their hearts and the wind caressing them gently. Her body trembled as he held her fast desperate not to let go. Her arms gripped his shoulders and her fingers dug into his flesh. He breathed in deeply of her scent. Champagne and flowers and something new, something exotic.
"I'm sorry…" A whisper so delicate he almost missed it. "I'm so sorry." Her tears soaked his shirt yet he did not care.
"Pacifica…" He was lost for words.
"I'm sorry I broke your heart." She looked up with red-rimmed eyes and wet cheeks. "I thought I knew what I wanted and I was so sure it wasn't you…" He began to tremble. She looked down and leaned her head against him. "… but I was wrong." He looked up to blink away the tears and with slow steady breaths eased his mind. The city lights sparkled in the distance as he steadied his thoughts. He wanted to set aside the loss and pain she caused him but...
He took a step back and with his hands on her shoulders, let his eyes roamed her face as his mind played with the possibilities.
"What are you saying?" The words almost died in his throat. She took a deep shaky breath and raised a hand to his cheek. A soft touch full of promise.
"Things have not turned out the way I thought they would, I need you back Dipper." A shiver ran down his spine.
"I never left, remember?" He wanted to scream, he wanted to accuse her, but he knew that would be wrong. "You caused me a lot of pain Pacifica, and I don't know…" Should he trust her again? "…if I can let you be that close to me again." She looked away but did not respond. "I loved you and I still do, but know this, I'm not your fall-back option." He let her go and walked away, lit another cigarette and looked out over the city. He needed a clean break from her, especially now. "You need to learn, Pacifica that people are not toys here for your amusement or pleasure. I had hopped you figured that out by now." His tone was necessarily harsh.
"I have." He looked at her. She stood with her head cast down and shoulders slumped. "I am afraid Dipper, I am afraid of…" her voice trailed off. He could see her struggle to put words to her thoughts and emotions. "When I opened the gate to let the town's people in, something changed in me. I knew in that moment that the chains came loose and something was freed." She looked up into his eyes, pleading. "All this time I have been trying to understand this new me and why it scares me. I don't know how to be that person." He took a long drag of the cigarette, his lungs filled with smoke and his mind clouded. When he let it out clarity returned, she had finally decided to let him in.
"There is nothing new about you." He came up to the roof ledge and sat down. "That part of you that stood up to your family's cruelty and did the right thing was always there. I believe you knew this even before you pulled that lever. That is why you were able to pull that lever in the first place." He mechanically recalled the horror of that night. "The control your father imposed on you with that a cursed bell is gone and the real you is finally free."
"If this is the real me, then why does it scare me so much?" He could see her lower lip tremble and the wild look in her eyes. She was terrified.
"Because for the first time in your life, Pacifica, you recognise the consequences your actions have on people." He softened his face with a smile and made sure she knew that, at least for now, he was here for her. "You stepped out from the cover of your family's money and have taken responsibility for what you do, and that's what scares you." He thought back to his own moment of not hiding anymore. It caused a lot of pain when he finally admitted to Mable that this was his last semester in the city. He was going away and leaving her behind. She did not take it well, again, but at least this time she was more understanding. "Growing up is never easy and it hurts when you have to leave the nest and … become a leader of our own life." She approached the ledge and sat down beside him.
They sat quietly for a long time. The wind blew around them gusting as it traveled through the tight spaces between buildings. Dipper said nothing more for fear of loosing her in the moment while the void called out to him from behind.
"Is that why you're leaving to become a 'leader of your own life'?" Pacifica broke the silence and looked up to at him. With a pained look in her eyes, her gaze lingered on him. He had to look away and fought back an urge to take her in his arms.
"Who told you?"
"Mable." He shook his head.
"She should learn to keep secrets better."
"She came to me because she's very worried about you and frankly so am I." He sighed. "Ford and Stan travel to places that are extremely dangerous, you know that! Why would you voluntarily go with him? I don't understand."
"Yeah, I know you wouldn't understand and, well, neither does Mable." He was dying inside. "But I have nothing here to look forward to, so I have to leave." The rush of adventure coupled with a life in peril called to him. The one and only thing he knew that would relieve him of his anxiety.
"What about us, isn't that something to look forward to?" She took his hand in both of hers and squeezed.
"I made this decision at the beginning of last semester." Her hands let go of his as she gaped at him.
"But we were still together then, were you going to leave me?" There was anger in her voice, but more than that, there was shock, her wide eyes glared at him. He sat silently working out his response. "Well…?"
"The simple answer is yes, I was going to leave you but then you left me first." Amongst the pain of that far off moment, there was also a sense of relief for him. He could leave without any attachments and with nothing holding him back.
She stomped away from him.
As he finished his cigarette, he curiously observed as she wander about the roof talking to herself. She picked her way around the pavers with the grace of a dancer. Her delicate feet barely touched a paver before she glided to the next one. He recalled them dancing deep in the forest of Gravity Falls, hidden from curious eyes and rumors. His iPhone played the music while Pacifica taught him the moves. They made a good dancing pair. She looked as beautiful then as she did now.
She came back to face him.
Stood in front of him and crossed her arms.
"I love you, I always will and I don't want you to leave." Her words rendered him speechless. "But if you must go, then take me with you." Her eyes shone with reignited determination.
"What about your school?"
"A business degree? You think that that's what I want to do with my life?" She let out a sigh. "I thought you knew me better than that." She had told him, in secrete, that her passion in life was literature. Ever since she was a little girl, the mansion's large library fascinated her; it was the perfect place to hide from her parents. That and horse ridding of course.
"Pacifica, I … I can't let you do this."
"You can't let me do this? Huh, this is my choice."
"No it isn't. You have a life here, you have a future here and I don't." He stood up. "You can always change your major and study something else, you have plenty of time. You have a boyfriend and even if you don't want to be with him, there will always be other guys who'd want to be with you. You're rich and can do what ever it is you want to do in your life, don't give that up for a fleeting emotional attachment to me." She slapped him and then kissed him. He assumed he deserved the first but the second surprised him.
"You really don't understand me do you?" She tilted her head and smiled at him.
"I guess I don't." He shrugged and straightened. "So enlighten me."