A/N: sorry it took a while to update; I had to get permission here and there :-) I´ll try to update as regularly as I can, but unfortunately I can´t promise it to be really regularly. With no internet at home (yet), and work consuming a lot of time... But I´ll do my best!

By the time Hogan got back with the brand-new notebook he had coaxed out of Helga, the guys had made up a long list of authors they figured needed to be brought in line for abusing them. A very long list. And far too long according to Hogan.

"Hey guys, don´t exaggerate now. We only need to set an example. And besides, if we were to write a story with so many Mary Sues, no one will be able to keep them straight anymore. Least of all we. So let´s limit ourselves to the worst ones, shall we?"

He sat down, took their list and crossed out most of the names.

"But that one had Kinch killed!" Carter protested.

"And that one inflicted me with that horrible appendix problem!" LeBeau objected. "You can´t mean that was peanuts?!"

"No, the colonel is right." Kinch sighed. "Imagine if we´d have dozens of them walking around here!" LeBeau had an evil grin at the thought, but Kinch continued: "We have to make sure we keep the upper hand."

"There." Hogan put down his pencil. Among all the crossed out names, three names jumped out. Glaringly. Accusingly. The main culprits of their suffering.

"Yeah, those are about the worst," Newkirk admitted.

But at the bottom of the list, Hogan had added a name as well, Kinch noticed. He looked at the colonel with a silent question in his eyes.

Hogan sighed. "It´s not just us, you know. This Eva has been extravagantly cruel on Klink. I reckon she needs a lesson, too."

LeBeau´s jaw dropped. "You mean you want to punish her for torturing Klink? Sacré chat, why?"

"Well…" Hogan hesitated, feeling a bit awkward about it himself. "The Klink we know can´t even kill a mosquito. So there´s no call for her to nearly torture him to death, over and over again. He may not be the cleverest of men, but he´s not that bad, to deserve such mistreatment."

Well, no matter what their opinion on Klink was, they had to grant that Hogan had a point there.

"Don´t you think we should invite this Robin person, too, then?" Carter proposed. "After all, the way she´s been killing off Hochstetter…" His voice trailed off as he saw the glares of the others. "I mean, I know he can be nasty, but I´ve never seen Hochstetter kill a mosquito either."

Newkirk gave him an exasperated look, but Hogan´s mind was made up. "No. Four will do. And besides, somehow I don´t feel too good about defending Hochstetter. He can take care of himself, whereas Klink…" He didn´t finish the line, but everyone knew what he meant. Klink needed their protection. Hochstetter did not.

"Well, I´m glad that Snooky one is in," Carter remarked. "I´m sure going to give her a piece of my mind! Having me shot, and my tonsils taken out…!"

"She had all of us shot, you fool," LeBeau huffed.

"But the main reason I kept her in was what she did to us during those court sessions," Hogan explained. "I had never experienced anything like it: having us suffer of all the things ever inflicted on us. One after another, or even all at the same time!"

Kinch nodded. "That was plain inhuman."

"Creepy," Baker agreed. "Remember when the colonel had collapsed and they took him up to that space ship?"

"Well, they fixed me up nicely there, didn´t they?" Hogan grinned.

"After having you enter the courtroom as a human wreck," Kinch shuddered. "And to think that she was the one who nominated that Endurance story for the Papa Bear Awards."

"As the best story, of all things!" Newkirk added. "I say you´re right, sir: that calls for a proper reprisal."

"At least the author of that horrid story is going to be here," Kinch added. "That´s one I would like to give a piece of my mind! And a little more, too!"

"And the fourth one…" LeBeau frowned. "That´s the one using the colonel´s name, and has him suffer the most horrible injuries all the time. N´est-ce pas?"

Baker nodded. "That´s her allright. The cheek, using his name, and then…!"

"But how doe we get them here? I mean, they live in another era! In another dimension even!"

"Don´t worry, Carter." Hogan had a mischievous smile. "We´ll go back to our original job: traveller's aide society, remember? We can send them a nice engraved invitation, along the lines of: ´Congratulations! You have won a week´s stay at Stalag 13!´"

Newkirk looked doubtful. "And what if they refuse? After all, they seem to be well acquainted with life in a nazi prison camp. I wouldn´t go here out of my own free will; not for a million quid!"

Hogan´s grin broadened. "You forget my attraction. And your own. Those ladies will jump at the opportunity to get involved with us, I promise you!"

Carter pouted. "Why don´t they ever want me?"

Kinch tried to console him. "Who knows, perhaps one of them will prefer you. Newkirk and the colonel only have one pair of hands each."

"And anyway," Hogan added, "we don´t have to worry about them not wanting to come. Whether they like it or not, they can´t refuse. For we are writing the story!"