How Do I Live Without You- Part 2

This is a continuation of ' How Do I Live Without You Part 1- It is from Owen's POV. Before you proceed to read this, let me tell you that this is one of the hardest pieces I ever had to write.. Mainly because I have to write it from a cheating husband's point of view. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

It was just a mistake, I keep on telling myself. It was just a one night stand. One moment of weakness whereby I caved in. I mean, we are all humans and we all make mistakes right?

It started off as a harmless exchange. Nurse Ginny had just been transferred to the ER from the Paeds department this month. According to Alex and Arizona, she was one of the most capable nurses in the Paeds floor and they were reluctant to let her go. However, she was transferred to this department for some unknown reason so now here she is , working in the ER.

She is great with children, I can tell you that. She has the ability to calm down every single wailing child who is being wheeled into the ER, sometimes April and I joke that she must have this magic wand which enables her to handle children.

Anyways, one slow day in the ER, I found myself standing behind the nurses counter and chatting for one whole hour with her. I don't know why- but she has this special aura and charisma about her, which makes you want to talk to her for hours. Towards the end of our chat session, we exchanged numbers. Since then, our chats and conversations at the nurses counter became more frequent, and we would confide in each other sometimes - she was the fourth person besides Riggs, Meredith and Amelia to know about Megan. When we lost a patient, especially a child, she never failed to cheer me up and encourage me to go on.

Gradually, it became coffee breaks as we would grab a cup of coffee together before or after our shifts and chat idly at the cafeteria. Looking back, it was a wonder really that Amelia never caught us. Perhaps it was because we were good at playing this game. Whenever Amelia was down in ER for a neuro consult, we would be attending to different patients. Also, whenever we grabbed a drink together after our shifts, I would just text Amelia to say that I would be going home a bit late as I needed to help April out with the sudden influx of patients.

All this while, I would make excuses for myself- telling myself that just grabbing a cup of coffee together was harmless.

Then came the texts. Initially, they started off as harmless texts, just asking each other about the day. Then gradually the texts got more and more flirty. Initially, I didn't reply her, but she was persistent. Finally, I started replying just for fun. I mean, it's all in good fun right? It's not like Amelia ever checked my phone, she wouldn't find out.

That fateful night, Ginny had invited me out for a drink at Joe's. We had just lost a patient, a young woman with blonde hair with a tinge of red, who reminded me so much of Megan, it hurt. I initially declined her invitation politely, saying that I needed to go home to my wife and daughter. But she insisted, saying that it was just for a quick drink. So I finally caved in, telling myself that it was just a quick drink after a hard day before going back home. If started off as casual conversation, and I started telling her about how the young lady we lost reminded me so much of my late sister, and she just listened attentively.

Before I knew it, one drink turned into two, and two became three.

My mind was becoming a bit fuzzy and my speech was becoming slurred. I can barely recall us getting into a cab to Ginny's apartment. I barely remember her tucking me into her bed and taking off my shirt. I don't remember her kissing me and me returning the kiss, and taking off her clothes in return.

What I do remember is that throughout the whole session that night in Ginny's apartment, I thought that she was Amelia.

Reality sank in the morning after. I opened my eyes to the bright light shining through the apartment windows. It took me a few moments to realize that I was not in my bedroom, but an unfamiliar apartment. I rubbed my eyes and took in my surroundings. It was a nice bedroom with pink walls.

All of a sudden, memories from the previous night came flooding back to me. The kiss, how soft and warm her body felt against mine. But I realized to my uttermost horror that it was not Amelia I was with the previous night, but Ginny.

My whole body froze in fear, as the realization hit me like a brick. I had just cheated on my wife. I had slept with another woman, I had betrayed my wife. My beautiful wife whom I love with all my heart. I had just violated our marriage vows , and now there was no going back. There was no undoing what I had done. I really didn't know I am going to face Amelia and Charlotte after this.

I looked around the room. Ginny was nowhere to be found. I finally spotted the note on her bedroom table…. '

Hey Owen…. I have already gone to the hospital… Early shift today. I have made some coffee and toast for you, it is in the kitchen downstairs. Love, Ginny.' Her handwriting was very neat, I've got to give her that.

I put on my clothes and walked out of the door instead. I just couldn't bring myself to eat the breakfast that Ginny prepared for me.

For the next few days, I ignored both Ginny and Amelia at work.
I felt it was easier that way. I just couldn't face Ginny after we slept with each other in a drunken state. I ignored her when she tried to talk to me multiple times at work. I ignored all her texts , which were apology texts about what happened that night. What happened that night happened, and there was nothing we could do to reverse it. So now, the only thing I could do was to ignore her to prevent history from repeating itself.

I had been ignoring both Amelia and Charlotte too since that day, sad to say. It was simply due to the fact that I just couldn't face them after I had betrayed their trust. I just didn't feel like I was worthy enough to be the loving husband and father I once was. I cheated on them, and they deserved better than that. So I was doing the best thing I know how, which was avoiding them. I started coming back home late- preferring to drown myself over some wine at Joe's and only going back home at night when I knew Amelia and Charlotte were already asleep, and waking up to go to the hospital before they awake. Even in the hospital, I only have formal conversations with Amelia- centering on our patients and on Charlotte. Poor Amelia didn't suspect a thing at first, she must've thought I was too busy with work.

I have to admit, besides becoming a cheater, I had become a liar too. Whenever Amelia asked me where I was, and whether I was coming home for dinner, I would just tell her that I had to help April out with a sudden influx of patients coming into the ER. And she always accepted the lie. It was much easier that way.

Then Amelia found out from ' a reliable source' that I had been going out with Ginny. I highly suspect that it was nurse Debbie, because she has the biggest mouth in the whole hospital. Amelia somehow managed to check my handphone and discover Ginny's texts and my replies.
When she confronted me about it one morning, I didn't know what to say to her. I knew that I had hurt her and betrayed her trust, and that it was totally my fault, not hers, that I cheated on her. But my ego took hold of me, and I handled the situation the only way I knew how- with anger and retaliation.

Following the argument, I started avoiding Amelia and Charlotte even more. I barely even talked to them anymore, it was almost like I didn't live at home and I didn't exist for them anymore. It hurt so much, but I just couldn't face them. A couple of times, I tried to initiate some conversation with Amelia in the hospital. But I was too hardheaded to apologize to Amelia, and she was too hardheaded to accept my apology, so it always ended up in a heated argument.

Finally, I am ashamed to say that I gave up on us.

I packed my bags and moved back to my trailer, which thankfully I haven't sold off. I drove my trailer to a far remote place where no one could locate. I felt too ashamed of myself to face the society.

Today, I am standing at a coffee vending machine, getting my daily dose of coffee to keep me sane, when Ginny approaches me.

' Hey,' she says, smiling at me. I ignore her, staring at the vending machine, willing for the coffee to appear.

She didn't bulge from her spot beside me, taking out some coins from her purse.

' Coffee seems good to me too.' she says.

' You don't take hints, do you?' I think to myself.

' Look, I just want to say that I am sorry for what happened that night.' she says.

I turn to look at her , my face now red with anger.

' Are you?' I hiss, keeping my voice low so as not to draw attention to the two of us. 'If you're truly sorry, then just leave me the hell alone. As you know, I have a wife and a daughter to go home too. So just, please leave us alone!'

From the corner of my eye, as if on cue, I see Amelia walk through the ER doors towards a patient in bed 4.

Ginny seems rather taken aback.

' I know…' She stammers, ' I just want to apologize…'

' Do you know how you show that you're truly sorry? By leaving me and my family alone!' I hiss.

She finally gets the cue and backs away.

I sigh relieved. Finally, I get rid of her. Victory.

Suddenly, a commotion can be heard in the ER.

' Get her a bed!' I hear April screaming to the residents around her. ' Someone hook her to a IV line please!'

I rush over to where April and the group of residents were gathered, thinking that April would need my help.

And gasp when I see Amelia, as pale as a ghost now being dragged to one of the beds.

April sees me. ' She collapsed suddenly while consulting a patient.' she informs me.

' Do you know if she has been ill recently?' April asks. 'Vomiting, diarrhea, feeling weak or dehydrated, any of that?'

' No, not that I know of' I answer, regretting now for not being at home for one whole week. Now Amelia is ill and needs me and I am not there for her and Charlotte.

April turns to Amelia, and starts inserting the cannula into her.

' Are you feeling ill recently? Any vomiting?' April asks Amelia.

' Yes, throwing up every morning, for the past week and feeling abdominal cramps this morning' Amelia whispers just audible enough for me and April to hear.

' Abdominal cramps?' April asks, alarm bells now ringing in her head, and also in mine.

Amelia nods weakly in reply.

" Hunt- can you get me the ultrasound machine?' April instructs me. ' I just want to do a quick scan on her to make sure.'

Amelia suddenly grabs April's arm and whispers something to her ear. While she was doing so, April's eyes widen and she gasps in delight.

' Oh wow- congrats you guys!' April squeals excitedly.

' Hush- he doesn't know yet' I can hear Amelia mutter under her breath.

I was about to ask Amelia what she meant- when April suddenly says ' We need to page Arizona stat.'

My own eyes widen as I now realize what was going on.

Not only have I abandoned my wife and my daughter, I have abandoned our unborn child too.

Is there a way to make things right?

So there you go guys, part 2 of ' How Do I Live Without You' :). Again, comments and reviews are very much appreciated!