Chapter 2: The Feeling Of Anguish
"Could you please let go of my hand?" I looked behind me, to see Noore's questioning, and to be honest slightly aggravated look on her face. I spaced out for a second, before I noticed that I still held her wrist firmly in my hand. "Yeah, sure…" I replied and let go of her hand, to which her response was only a loosely visible frown on her face. I concentrated my look on her as she straightened out her arms and fixed her dress. Quickly deciding to get on with our journey I continued to walk down the corridor of the Arena, with the voice of the seemingly unpleasant crowd echoing behind us.
The only sound, aside from the crowd that was still present in the arena was the sound of my rugged boots and Noore's traditional sandals clapping on the stone floor. Noore was very quiet all the way down to her part of the arena complex. I could clearly sense that she was obviously not feeling well. It was like leading the way for a devastated human being who had nothing to live for. And honestly, that would be the best description for her in this situation. But I already had my mind set on changing that. I truly believed that she was different. Something inside me was telling me to try to help her, to maybe heal her broken inside or just provide a comforting friend's hand – wait, exactly when have I started to consider her being my friend…anyway this whole weird you could call it feeling that I had was really confusing and I knew for sure that I only had this feeling when I was thinking about Noore's cruel faith and about her as a matter of fact. I could feel her stiffen hardly when we walked by all the corpses of the soldiers that I had killed just minutes ago. As we neared the entrance to her part of the complex, or you can call it the area where she resided, she held her right hand in the air to clear to confusion on the faces of the topless ladies. "Don't ask, it's fine" she quickly commanded them. I was relieved that we didn't encounter any more guards, because I can't image her explaining to Pagan's soldiers, why exactly she was walking calmly behind the enemy no. 1 in the arena that belonged to her. When we neared the end of the corridor that was leading to her apartment I slowed down to give Noore a signal, that she should be the one to decide what's next. What she did next honestly didn't surprise me. She quickly flew by my side and pushed both parts of the heavy wooden door apart with force.
"Damn it! This was not supposed to happen!" She pulled down the golden tiara from her forehead and threw it at the opposite stone wall. It broke into several pieces. "And now this damn thing…screw this!" She angrily stomped her foot on the ground and smashed her hands with her palms open on the wooden table that stood near the place where the pieces of the once magnificent golden tiara were scattered. With her head lowered down she started cursing under her breath. "What's gonna happen if Pagan hears about this…FUCK!...and Paul is surely going to tell him that I already know that my family is dead and that Pagan has nothing on me to hold me here in this hell." "But that's positive, isn't it? As I already told you, with this you can finally get away from all this, you can be free!" I replied, trying to sound positive. "You should have let me kill myself there!...You can't understand what I feel, DAMN YOU!" She started punching me on my chest with both of her hands, pushing all her strength to unleash her emotions. "Why…why Ajay….tell me why would you save someone like me?" By now she started sobbing and her whole body has started to shaken heavily. "I see something different in you. Your eyes tell me that you were really desperate to see your family. You were not doing this just for fun. I don't believe that. Even when you threw me into the arena, you told me you have hidden my blade for me down there. Your eyes held something gentle in them. I just don't believe you're a bad person at all" I grabbed both of her arms feeling her body refusing to move, and pushed her on her wooden chair, that had some kind of a red velvet cover on it, so she could calm down. Tears streamed freely down her face as she tried to calm down, and her hiccups got only noisier when I put my hands on her shoulders. After letting her release her emotions for a while, I tried to talk to her softly. "It's gonna be fine, I promise…I'm gonna help you" She sobbed loudly turning her tear strained face to me. "No it's not gonna be fine!" She yelled angrily. "I don't have my family anymore, there's nothing on this world for me to live for! You can't ever know the pain that I have gone through…and now knowing that it was for nothing, that everything is lost for me. You can never know that!" She gritted the sentence through her teeth, her eyes displaying an angry fire in them. "I am nothing now…" Her tears dropped on the stone floor with her hair sticking to the sides of her face. "And by the way how exactly are you gonna help me?" She tried to sound ironic as much as she could, like her tongue was filled with some poison that was called hopelessness. "How? I am a damaged, old wreck of a woman that has lost everything" Her voice got quieter by saying this and her sobbing and hiccups stopped. She kept her head down. After hearing all this I knew that I would have to come up with something good to convince her that she still has things to live for. I decided to let her calm down a bit waiting for a few minutes, it felt like hours actually, thinking about the best answer possible for banishing all the demons that plagued her mind in that moment. "I do honestly think and feel that there are still things in life to live for. And I think this goes for your life too. I know that losing your dear ones, your closest family is probably the worst thing that can happen, but do you think they would be happy if you would have took your life just like that? If they would have seen you doing that? I know that pain…I lost my mother, she was the only close person I had in my life and I had to overcome that. I know that in your case it is different, but I still believe that giving up is not an option. Never." I saw her stir, obviously listening to every single of my words, but I didn't give her any chance to retort as I used my dominance in this particular moment and continued on. "And about that damaged old wreck of a woman. You really think that? You are definitely not anything of what you mentioned. All the people that have visited the arena…do you think they only looked at you because of fear and some kind of obedience? No, they looked at you with desperation and admiration in their eyes. They sought your power, your charm and beauty, your ability to control so much in so little time." I hoped that all my words had at least some positive effect on her. "You really think that Ajay?" I could almost see the corners of her mouth twist into a small bittersweet smile as I crouched down to her level, her long hair covered her now pale face. Almost smelling the faint scent of her hair, I put my hand under her chin and raised her face to look at me to see the tear strained cheeks and puffy eyes. "I will do whatever it takes for you to feel better. Remember, Paul and Pagan and others may have taken many things from you, but they haven't managed to take your dignity and your real self that you had to hide for the safety of your family." "My family…" At the mention of this, the tears managed to find their way into her eyes again. "Hey, Noore, look at me…no more crying, OK?" ….. "Okay…I'll try." She replied softly. I studied her features for a while. Although her make – up and eye liner were spilled a bit due to her crying, she still had those delicate features. That kind of I would say unique delicacy – that was a part of her that caught my eye someway from the start.
"Ajay, please tell me…did the Golden Path…." she caught her breath supressing all of her sadness that accumulated inside her "did they sent you to kill me?" I sighed heavily, knowing the answer would not be a pleasant one. "Yes they did. But," I raised my voice when I saw her opening her mouth, "I was against the idea of killing you. I tried to convince Sabal and Amita, that everything what you did, you did because your family was being held captive." "But they still insisted on getting rid of me right?" "Yeah they did, but I have already made up my mind when I headed here how exactly I would solve this problem – that I would confront you and try to save you from all of this." I replied firmly. "I doesn't matter now, what matters is that you are here and alive, and that you are gonna get better, you can rely on me with that." Trying to raise someone's spirit was probably not my best feature at all, but here with Noore…I felt like I could give it a chance. And also there was this strong feeling that it's gonna work on her and that she's….worth it. "Thank you Ajay." For the first time I saw a very small, tiny sincere smile on her face as she said those words. In that moment I felt, that I'm gonna make Noore smile more, because she definitely deserves it, and it fits her more, than to be stressed and angry at everything. "That's better, see? No more arena bloodbaths, no more concerns about getting a new pair of aggressive rhinos for the upcoming match, no more drug trafficking, no more yelling at dumb Pagan soldiers." She smiled softly opening her full red lips a little and I immediately loved that sight. I honestly don't know why, but this woman and all her antiques seemed so unique and infatuating in some ways to me, that I just couldn't explain it why. As her rosy red lips formed that smile I could feel my heart melt. "But what are you going to tell to Amita and Sabal?" Now it was my turn to put a smirk on my face and look at her. "Leave that to me. They don't need to know that you are alive. They are easily convinced. But just for your own safety, don't venture too much out of your personal parts of the arena, people might see you and the word will get to the Golden Path that you are still alive. And you know what would happen in that scenario." I explained. "Yeah, I understand." "And another thing…." She fixed her eyes on mine. I notice that now somewhere deep in them, they held that gentle expression. "Let Pagan and Yuma think, that you are dead as well. They will believe that the Golden Path has taken over this place, and won't invest their time and power to take this place down, with you presumably lost." "I agree. I will try to stay hidden here as much as possible." She replied glancing her eyes down and put a few strands of her hair behind her ear.
I knew by now that my time was done, and that she probably needed some privacy for herself only. "I will leave you to yourself now okay? I'm gonna head out to meet Sabal and Amita and inform them about the results of my mission. So you follow everything that we said here and rest now, OK?" She shook her head and added "Thank you Ajay, thank you for everything that you have done for me today. I really appreciate your honesty and the fact that you have not given up on me like I did on everyone else, including me." She paused for a few moments exhaling quietly, forming her thoughts. "I guess I will see you again?" Again there was that very slight beautiful smile although I could still see the sadness and the bittersweet accent behind it. "Oh, you should be damn sure about it" I said enthusiastically. She laughed a bit again. "I'm glad. Take Care." "You too" I replied softly.
When I was almost at the door Noore call out to me one last time "And Ajay, I haven't forgotten about my promise from earlier. I will still get you to Yuma and Pagan." I half smiled. "Don't worry about that now. Have a rest." I waved my hand a bit and she replicated my gestures as I closed the door behind myself.