Let Your Heart Hold Fast
Chapter One
Jesse sighed in relief as he pulled up to the Applebaums' large, suburban home. He was bone tired from driving nearly three days straight and wanted nothing more than to crash in a comfortable bed for at least that long.
It had taken about a month for Jesse to get his affairs in order in New York, even though he still wasn't sure if had was making the wisest move. All of his business connections were in New York, and he couldn't attest to the soundness of a decision made while completely inebriated, but his decision was validated when he ran into Cassandra and her boyfriend at what had used to be their favorite coffee place. He still didn't know what they were doing in Brooklyn; there were plenty of coffee shops in Manhattan, but either way, he at least knew he'd be able to maintain his sanity 2800 miles away.
Two days later, he flew to Cincinnati for an awkward visit with his parents and to pick up the 2013 Toyota 4runner that he had bought off of his brother, then he headed to Los Angeles via Tulsa and Albuquerque.
He tried not to stop only when necessary, especially after he was propositioned by a swinger couple at a Missouri rest stop. He couldn't wait to fall into a bed and sleep off the trip, and he hoped that Benji and his wife, Shoshanna, didn't want to play catch up all at once.
He had lost touch with most of the Treblemakers after college, but he had remained in contact with Benji, even though Jesse hadn't seen the Applebaums since their wedding; spending so much time with Shoshanna and Benji was going to be an adjustment. Together they could be a little... excitable. Shoshanna was anxious to begin with, but from what he had gathered over the past year or so, it had gotten a little worse since the birth of their son.
He grabbed his duffel bag from the passenger seat, deciding to get the rest of his things later, and stepped out of the 4runner. He took a moment to stretch his back and limber up before walking up the walkway with its perfectly spaced perennials on either side. He had barely knocked on the door when it flew open, and Shoshanna attacked him.
"Oh. Em. Gee. You. are. here!" she cried, pulling him into a tight hug. Jesse forced a grin and wondered if she was going to have an entire conversation enunciating every word like that.
"How are you?" she asked. He opened his mouth to speak, but she quickly twittered on, "Oh my gosh, you look great. I hate you, but you always look so good. Especially now, considering..."
He shrugged and followed her as she ushered him in. "Yeah, considering."
"Benji's upstairs with Noah," she explained. "We've been doing potty training boot camp, so we haven't been putting clothes on him."
Jesse raised his eyebrows in surprised confusion. "Wow... that sounds interesting."
"Jesse," she announced, turning back to him. "I cannot tell you how excited we are to have you. We've been looking forward to this ever since you called that night when you were really drunk, like, seriously. You were totally wasted, and there was no way we can ever turn away a friend in need."
He smiled half-heartedly. "Thanks, Shoshe."
"Is that him?" a voice called, and Jesse turned towards the source.
"Welcome, friend," Benji said, appearing in the hallway with a fully dressed (thankfully) toddler in his arms. He set the little boy down and pulled Jesse into a hearty hug. "It's good to see you."
"Thanks, buddy," Jesse managed to wheeze out, and he clapped Benji awkwardly on the back. When Benji finally released him, his son toddled over and looked curiously up at Jesse.
"Hey, little guy!" Jesse dropped down to the little boy's height and ruffled his curly hair affectionately, but he took a step back and stared up at Jesse blankly.
"What's your name?"
Shoshanna ran forward to scoop him up when it became obvious that her son wasn't going to answer. "Oh, he's a little shy," she explained. "Say hi, Noah!"
Noah just continued to stare.
Jesse cleared his throat uncomfortably and turned back to Benji. "Cute kid."
Benji nodded proudly. "How are you?" he asked, leading Jesse into the family room.
"I'm... well, you know, I'm good. I think I just needed to get out of New York."
"I understand completely. What Cassie did is unforgivable. She is dead to me. Shoshanna and I unfriended her on Facebook as soon as we heard."
"Thanks, Benji. I really appreciate that."
"Would you like something to drink?"
"A water would be great." He took a seat on the couch as Benji went into the kitchen.
"Oh, I know a great therapist if you need one!" Shoshanna said when Benji walked to the kitchen. "When my friend, Miranda, got her divorce, she went a little crazy and lit her ex's trash on fire, so the court forced her to meet with Dr. Lithgow twice a week, and now she's totally way better than how she was before. She's really in touch with her spiritual inner self, so she took a vacation to Tahiti, and she met this really great guy. They opened up this little puka bead shop on the beach, and she's really happy."
"Really?" Jesse asked skeptically, taking the bottled water Benji held out for him. It sounded to him like Shoshanna's friend was still in the middle of a mental breakdown.
"Oh yeah. But it wasn't a big fire or anything. It was only his recyclables."
"We're all very green in California," Benji added.
Jesse took a swig of his drink and nodded. "I've heard."
They lapsed into an awkward silence.
"Well, um, thanks for letting me crash here, Benji," he began. "You're really doing me a solid."
"Nonsense," Benji said, holding up a hand. "You got me into the Trebles, and I've never repaid you."
Jesse laughed, but immediately began coughing when he realized that Benji was serious. "Seriously, Benji, that was years ago, you don't have to –"
"But I do. You made my college dream come true, and now it's up to me to ensure that your dreams come true."
"Well, I already have a couple things set up, so I promise that as soon as I get something, I'll be out of your hair."
"Oh. My. GOD. Jesse, you can stay as long as you like!" Shoshanna blurted, and Jesse gritted his teeth. Was it absolutely necessary for her to speak that quickly all the time?
"Let me show you where you'll be staying, you're probably exhausted. Come with Daddy and Jesse, Noah."
Jesse stood, expecting Benji to take him upstairs. Instead, he walked to the back door and led Jesse and Noah to the pool house.
"We just had it redone," he said as he unlocked the door. "You should find that you have everything you need."
"Wow, man," Jesse said, turning in a circle to admire his new living quarters. He hadn't expected anything like the pool house. It was essentially a one-room apartment complete with a small kitchen and full bath. It was nicely decorated in shades of gray and blue with a great view of Benji's pool. "This is great... is that a casket in the corner?"
"Oh, those are my illusionary supplies. I still do the impromptu performance from time to time."
"Awesome." He scratched behind his ear in concern. "There's nothing living back there is there?"
"No, Shoshanna doesn't allow animals in the house."
"At least it's not your sex toys or anything like that," he joked.
"No, those are in the garage," Benji replied seriously.
Jesse choked back an uncomfortable laugh and turned to Noah.
"Hey buddy, what do you have there?" he asked, motioning to the lumpy stuffed toy the boy was holding. Noah said nothing and continued staring up at Jesse as he had been since his arrival.
"I get it, a man of few words."
"He won't stop talking once he gets used to you," Benji assured him.
"It's cool man. He's cute," Jesse said before grumbling to himself, "...in a Children of the Corn kind of way."
"You know, Jesse. I heard about your so–"
"It's not really a talking point," Jesse said quickly, his face going hard.
Benji threw him an assessing glance. "I was sorry to hear about it either way. I just thought you should know."
"Thanks," he allowed begrudgingly. He turned his back to Benji and started ruffling through his duffle bag in some semblance of unpacking. He was trying to start over, and there was no way he could do that if Benji kept dredging up old memories.
"Thanks again for letting me crash," he said in an attempt to change the subject. "I'll start looking for a place as soon as I get a job lined up."
"There's really no rush. Shoshanna and I have been looking forward to having you. Besides, she wants her mom to move in here sooner or later, so you've bought me a little time."
Jesse glanced over at him. "Oh, I hadn't realized something had happened to Shoshanna's dad."
Benji shook his head. "Her father is fine; in fact, he's as fit as a fiddle. It's just that Shoshe and her mom can be a little overzealous in their planning." Jesse chuckled appreciatively and Benji shoved his hands in his pockets and watched him quietly for a moment. "You're probably tired, so I'll leave you to get settled in."
"You don't have to rush off," Jesse insisted, even though that was all he wanted at the moment.
"Nah, I need to get Noah undressed before he decides to go in his diaper again." Jesse looked at him in confusion, and Benji shrugged. "One of Shoshe's friends told her about this one weekend potty training crash course miracle. This is our third weekend to try it. I just don't have the heart to let him run around nude. Anyway, she should be putting dinner on shortly, if you want to join us. I'll help you unload after we eat."
"Thanks, Benji. I appreciate it."
Benji nodded his farewell and scooped Noah up. Jesse watched through the window as they walked back into the house, his heart thudding heavily in his chest with a familiar ache. He suddenly felt very alone.
Jesse was finally where he thought he wanted to be, but it didn't do much to assuage the anxiety he felt. He could only hope that he'd find a job as quickly as possible before he wore out his welcome or he snapped completely, whichever came first.
Three weeks and several uneventful interviews later, Jesse was beginning to think he had made a huge mistake. Sure, he was miserable in New York, but at least he had a job.
In L.A., the job market was inundated with aspiring composers, music producers, and kids trying to get in with the movie studios, and while he did have four years of solid experience as a paper pusher under his belt, his portfolio wasn't as strong as it should have been to compete with the more experienced professionals on the market. He cursed himself for rubbing elbows and trying to be a hot shot instead of doing what he wanted to do; he'd definitely have more solid demos by this point if he had.
He was walking out to his 4runner after a particularly disappointing interview with Paramount, loosening his tie in frustration, when he heard someone call his name. He turned and saw the short, balding man who had interviewed him hurrying after him.
"Hey! Hey, kid!" he shouted, holding up what appeared to be a business card in his right hand. Jesse almost rolled his eyes; he was pretty sure that once he turned 30, people would stop calling him kid. Maybe it was his boyish charm, he thought grimly.
"Yes, sir?" he asked politely to the man who had just told him that he really hadn't had time to sample any of Jesse's compositions, because he couldn't be bothered with such a limited variety.
"Look, I was an asshole back there. Your portfolio is weak, but there's something about you I like, so I'm going to give you a heads up. You ever hear of Harrison Baumgardner?"
"Um..."
"That's okay," Bald and Sweaty said, waving him off. "You will. He's the new big thing, and everyone wants him scoring their movies now. He's about your age, so I thought you two might hit it off."
"What's he looking for?"
"An assistant right now, but he's looking for someone to take under his wing. I'll send him your résumé." He handed Jesse the card he was holding, and Jesse looked at it curiously.
"Finite Records? This is for a record label," he announced.
Bald and Sweaty nodded. "Yes, it's one of Noble Entertainment's labels; Harrison's been affiliated with them for a few years. The CEO, Cameron Noble, has recently taken an interest in movies, so he's talked Harrison into heading up a film score company akin to Remote Control Productions. They'll use Finite Records to produce their soundtracks. It's a win-win situation for everyone involved as long as Harrison can build himself a good team."
Jesse nodded in understanding; a position Remote Control Productions would have been his dream job, but there was no way he could compete with the "younger talent" vying for a spot to work with the great Hans Zimmer. He'd sent his resume in, and, as expected, he didn't hear anything back.
"Well, thanks, Mr…"
"Don't worry about it. Just expect Harrison's call."
He honestly hadn't expected anything, which was why he was surprised when his phone rang as he was editing his resume for the umpteenth time that evening. He groaned; it was probably his mother making sure that he hadn't killed himself. She was the only one who called him after eight anyway. He moved aside his laptop, looking for his phone, and found it under a stack of papers from his lawyer, because if uprooting his life wasn't enough, he also had a divorce to settle.
"Hello?" he answered, silently cursing to himself as the stack toppled over and paperwork floated to the floor.
"Jesse Swanson?" a man asked.
"The one and only," he grumbled as he crawled under the table.
"This is Harrison Baumgarder. I'm sorry for calling so late."
Jesse sat up quickly, knocking his head violently against the bottom of the table. He bit back his yelp of pain and forced himself to answer normally, "Hello, Mr. Baumgardner. I wasn't expecting to hear from you… so soon."
"Oh, for fuck's sake, don't call me that."
Jesse froze. Had he already messed it up? "Um… I'm sorry?"
Harrison laughed good-naturedly. "Just call me Harrison. Never call me Harry, though. I hate that crap. Our co-chair calls me that to get on my nerves, and I swear I'm going to punch her in the face one of these days. Nothing but love, though."
Jesse quirked an eyebrow; so far Harrison Baumgardner was proving to be an interesting character. He had already dropped the f-bomb and casually referenced punching a woman in the face within two minutes to a complete stranger, so Jesse's interest was certainly piqued.
"I know exactly what you mean," he agreed cautiously.
"Anyway, back to the matter at hand. The head of Paramount's music department e-mailed me your resume and a few of your samples earlier today, and I just got through listening to them. A little rough around the edges, but you've got a sound I can work with."
Jesse's heart jumped into his throat. This guy seemed genuinely interested! "Thanks. I can send you a few more if you're interested."
"Nah, no worries, man. I've still got to run your stuff by Cameron, but I'm really interested in meeting you. Is tomorrow too short notice?"
Jesse scrambled out from under the table and grabbed his planner. Then he threw it back down and rolled his eyes; who was he kidding? He didn't have anything set up for the next day.
"Um, I have a couple of appointments," he lied, "but nothing I can't rearrange."
"Great, how does tomorrow at one sound?"
"I can be there."
"Perfect," Harrison said, and Jesse could hear him typing in the background. "Just a word of warning, Cameron Noble will probably want to sit in on the interview since this is his new baby. He can be a little abrasive, but if I can get Mitchell on our side, you're as good as in."
Great, Jesse thought to himself. Now he'd have to pump himself up to impress three people.
"But don't sweat it, you'll be just fine."
"Thanks," he said enthusiastically. "I'm really looking forward to discussing this opportunity with you."
"Hey, do yourself a favor and don't be so formal. We're a laid back group, and you don't want anyone to think you're a stick in the mud."
"Um, yeah, sure. I'll work on that."
Jesse walked to his small closet as soon as he hung up the phone and looked helplessly inside. What the hell was he supposed to wear to an interview with a guy like Harrison Baumgardner?
Jesse sat in the waiting room of Noble Enterprise's building, which was the home to three different labels, one rock, pop, and indie, and soon to be the home base of Sirius Sound, a film scoring company (he'd spent a lot of time on Google the night before). He bounced his leg nervously as he waited for Harrison to meet with him, and hoped that he didn't look too much like Ted Mosby in his casual business attire.
He jumped every time someone got off of the elevators, until finally a hipster got off. He narrowed his eyes as he approached. "Jesse?"
"Yes, s– yeah. Harrison?"
"That would be me." He grinned, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Have you been watching a lot of How I Met Your Mother?"
Jesse nearly cursed out loud. "Erm…"
"Ah, I'm just fucking with you, man. It's probably better that you play it safe; one can never tell what mood Cameron Noble's going to be in. Come on up." He waved Jesse to the elevator and hit the button for the twelfth floor.
"So, I'm going to be honest with you," Harrison said as soon as the doors shut. "As far as I'm concerned, I'd offer you the job right now."
"Seriously?" Jesse squeaked. He cleared his throat and looked at Harrison questioningly. "But you don't even know me. You haven't even asked me any questions."
"Okay, then. If you were a fruit, what type would you be?"
"Uh… a kiwi?"
"Good, you think fast on your feet. And you're creative; you could have said apple or some lame shit like that. Next, you're favorite movie?"
That was easy. "The Breakfast Club."
"I can dig that. I'm more of a Ferris Bueller guy myself, but I have nothing but respect for John Hughes. So you're familiar with what I'm trying to establish here with Sirius Sound?"
Jesse grinned. He had a feeling that he and Harrison would get along just fine, and he was already getting excited to work with him. He just had to get by Cameron Noble first. "Yeah, you're trying to build a label that works exclusively with production companies to do their soundtracks and film scores. Do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Go for it."
"Where'd you get the name Sirius Sound?"
Harrison grinned as the elevator dinged open. "Well, Sirius like the star, since we're working with movies, and also, just between you and me, I'm a huge Harry Potter fan."
They laughed together as Jesse followed him down the hallway.
"Unfortunately, I have to subject you to Cameron right now. Like I said, if it were up to me, I'd hire you on, but Cameron wants the person who fills this position to basically be the second coming of Henry Mancini. He's kind of missing the point, so just let me do most of the talking and schmooze him when you can, and hopefully he'll let me hire you."
They walked up to a large receptionist's desk, and the woman behind it looked up at Harrison with a frown on her face. "He'll be with you in a few minutes, Harrison."
"Thanks, Al," Harrison said, motioning Jesse to a sofa. "Anyway, Mitchell would be our saving grace. She actually doesn't know anything about this kind of stuff, her thing is Finite Records, but Cam listens to her. Not that she doesn't carry plenty of weight on her own; her team will be producing most of our stuff, so she's not a bad person to have in your corner."
Jesse's mind slowed. A woman – a music producer at that – called "Mitchell." There was no way, though; she had dropped off the grid ages ago. He suddenly regretted not typing her name into Google the night before regardless. The odds of this Mitchell being Beca were slim to none.
"Cam will see you now."
"Here goes nothing," Harrison grumbled.
He followed Harrison into the office, trying to bite back his nervousness.
"Cam," Harrison greeted. "This is Jesse Swanson. Jesse, our CEO and fearless leader, Cameron Noble."
Cameron stood and held out his hand. Jesse wasn't sure what he was expecting of Cameron Noble, some old crusty exec maybe, not the good-looking Calvin Klein model in front of him. He was pretty much a cleaner cut version of his college nemesis, Luke.
"Pleased to meet you, Cameron."
Cameron raised an eyebrow. "Cameron?" he asked. "Rather colloquial, isn't he, Harrison? And why are you dressed like that?"
"Um..." Harrison looked at Jesse apologetically. "Jesse and I have just been cutting it up. We're already BFFs."
"That's frightening," Cameron commented, sitting back down. He stared at Jesse, before motioning to a chair in front if his desk. "Are you going to sit or are you going to stand there and stare me down during this entire interview?"
Jesse sat and struggled for a recovery while Harrison began going over some of Jesse's credentials. He knew he was a charming, charismatic guy, but Cameron Noble had him unusually nervous. He looked around the office for something to comment on. His eyes fell on a picture of a blonde woman on the credenza behind Cameron's desk, and he squinted at it, trying to think of something to say. He couldn't quite make out her features, but the longer he stared at it, the more familiar she looked, and he sat trying to place her face instead.
"Why are you staring at my wife?"
"Sorry, Mr. Noble," Jesse apologized immediately. "She looks... familiar..." He trailed off under Cameron's glare.
"So, we've listened to some of your demos and score samples, and we're really impressed with your work," Harrison cut in quickly. "How about we start there? Tell us a little bit about the pieces you selected."
Jesse grinned and tried to not let it get to his head. "Thanks, Harrison," he said humbly. "I really appreciate that. I tried to select tracks that showcase my style and versatility."
"Is that how you would put it?" Cameron interjected. Jesse looked at him in confusion and Harrison cleared his throat uncomfortably.
"It's good," Cameron elaborated, "but I don't know how versatile I would call it."
That caught Jesse off-guard, and he wracked his brain for a way to turn Cameron's comment into a positive.
"Well, every composer has a signature sound. John Williams has his neoromanticism, Hans Zimmer, his electronics, Danny Elfman, his quirky sound."
"That's the thing, though. I don't hear Jesse Swanson in any of this music."
"What he's trying to say is –" Harrison began.
"He knows what I'm trying to say."
"That was just a sample CD. I have some longer pieces if you're interested."
"How are we supposed to trust your ability to score an entire film when all we have to go off of are a few samples that are more fit for a 30 second trailer at best?"
"You see, Jesse," Harrison said slowly, casting a withering glance at Cameron, "your work is good... great even. But our label is known for its edginess. Since this is a new endeavor for us, we have to make sure that the person we hire fits into that mould. It's not that we don't think –" Cam grumbled something under his breath, and Harrison coughed awkwardly, "– I don't think that your sound can't be tweaked and developed, but it's too..."
"Traditional?" Jesse supplied.
"Safe," Cameron amended.
Jesse wanted to yell at the arrogant bastard. Sure, he knew he was rusty; he hadn't truly orchestrated something since college. But he was good; he knew he was. He had a knack for seeing a scene in a movie and hearing the perfect piece in his head that complemented the emotion onscreen, but didn't detract from the action. Harrison was definitely interested, but he was cowing down to Cameron, and Jesse wasn't going to get anywhere if Cameron wasn't willing to give him a chance. Silently he wondered where the third, elusive interviewer was. Maybe he'd have a better shot of impressing the mysterious Mitchell.
He was in luck. Cameron took the opportunity to pull up his office communicator and snapped at his assistant, "Where the hell is Mitchell?"
"She's just now walking by my desk, Cam."
"It's about time," Cameron groused, looking past Jesse to the door.
"Sorry," a feminine voice grumbled, and Jesse's insides froze. He knew that voice. She walked up to stand slightly behind his chair. "Recording session ran over."
"It's fine." Cam stood to introduce them. "Jesse, this is Finite Records' chair and –"
The rest was a rush in Jesse's ears. He knew exactly who it was; there had been just too many coincidences that day for it to be anyone else. He stood slowly and took a deep breath to calm his nerves, mentally trying to prepare himself to see a woman he hadn't seen in ten years.
He turned, his hand outstretched, and looked into the surprised, kohl-lined eyes of Beca Mitchell.
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Author's Note: Y'all knew it was her... there's no getting anything past you guys! ;-)
I apologize for the delay. I've actually had most of this chapter typed up for quite a while; I just got hung up on the details of planning and researching. I'm sorry that not a lot happens in this chapter, but I already have most of Chapter Two done, which really gets the story going, and I should hopefully have it posted soon. I typed most of this on an iPad and iPhone, so if you notice any grammatical or formatting issues, please let me know ASAP.
I always try to keep characters as in-character as possible, and since this story is entirely from Jesse's point of view, I get a little worried that Beca may seem OOC. She's very introverted, so her motives aren't as obvious, which is why I've already started a companion piece to this fic from her point of view (which is another reason why this chapter took so long for me to get out). It will only cover the main plot points, and contains spoilers for LYHHF, so I won't be posting it until after I am done with this fic.
Also, if anyone recognizes Shoshanna, the answer is yes, she is absolutely, 100% based off of Zosia Mamet's character in Girls. I totally love her, and I hope you do to! And think about it, wouldn't she and Benji make the cutest couple ever? That's if Jesse could keep his hands off her "hot rod little bod." That perv…
Disclaimer: Pitch Perfect is the property of Universal Studios. I'm just manipulating it for my own nefarious (and strictly nonprofit) purposes.