Hope we like? I know I did

Xoxox

AAAA

Double D hadn't been expecting today to be the day that Kevin came home. It wasn't that he had been paying too close attention, but his mind was good with numbers so, it had just been a little side hobby…that, and, he had always thought that Kevin was rather….attractive.

And seeing the tall extremely toned and muscled body step out of the beat up old Ford had made his heart stop beating for a moment. Kevin was no longer the lean 16 year old he had once been a stuttering mess around, no, now he was a tall, well defined and powerful looking man. And Double D hated how he felt a thrill of desire and fear ghost along his skin.

He dropped the bag of trash inside the garbage can, still in the shadows of his house before he pushed his back against the wall of his house, and took a few deep breaths. It's okay to be gay, it's okay to be gay, it's just another normal day. The mantra was something he had learned online, when he was looking into homosexuality. His parents had always been firm conservative people, and his personal deviation from their steadfast beliefs had been a crushing blow to them.

Double D had tried to fix himself. But it hadn't worked, and the damage was done. It was stuck in his mind that he was a freak, a beast, and a monster. Besides, it was like his Aunt said when she came to visit him, if he had to be a queer, why did he have to be so ugly. Edd felt his fingers itch and his eyes stung from tears.

He repeated his mantra for a solid 5 minutes before he felt well enough to move. He quickly darted back into his house and into the safe refuge of his kitchen. He went over to the fridge and pulled out the jug of lemonade inside and went through the motions of pouring himself a glass; all the while thinking of what to bake for Kevin's return.

He sat down in his customary chair of the small table before looking down at the notebook with his notes and chores, checking off the garbage. He was finished for today. Which wasn't too bad, Tuesday's were always the busiest days. Wednesdays through Fridays tended to be lazier days, so that was when Double D did most of his own personal recreational hobbies.

Soon enough he had placed the notebook back in its customary spot, the small side table by the front door, and he was back in the kitchen, humming Gershwin and smoothly floating around the room preparing a large chocolate and butter cake for Kevin and his parents as a welcome home present.

When he pulled the third layer of the cake out of the oven, just as he set it down onto the cooling rack, the doorbell rang. He quickly peeked over to look at the clock hanging above the sink and its windows. It was nearly 6…and it was a week day, which meant Eddy was coming over to ask for his help with his more difficult accounting work.

Double D quickly went to open the door and smiled gently at the sight of his best friend all dressed up in slacks and a button down shirt. "Hello Eddy."

"Hey Sockhead." Eddy quickly hugged his friend and walked past him into the kitchen. Setting his briefcase onto the top and sitting down, quickly slouching, unbuttoning the top three buttons of his shirt and kicking off his shoes.

Double D quickly picked up the shoes and put them by the front door before returning to his cake making while Eddy unwound from his day. He quickly shot his best friend a glance before returning focus to his frosting.

Eddy had grown in the past two years, now standing 5'11 to Double D's own 5'7. He had also retained a huge amount of muscle, his biceps and chest bulging from the shirt he wore, and Double D knew it had been done on purpose; Eddy loved his body and loved to be admired. His buzzed cut hair and clean shaven faced had filled out nicely, and Double D knew that Eddy was happy with himself.

He quickly picked up the small remote that sat next to him on the counter and turned the music down to an even lower level, as Eddy only tolerated classical music for him. He kept working in silence knowing Eddy needed these moments to relax before he went home to his own family. Not that his family wasn't amazing. They were just…abrasive.

Double D smiled as he thought this, the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He took a quick peek at his friend in the reflection of the window as the sun set and twilight took over the cul-de-sac. The young man looked exhausted and stressed and it pulled at Double D's heartstrings. He quickly went over to his fridge and pulled out a beer.

He personally never drank, never found it needed but he knew one beer wouldn't hurt someone with Eddy's fortitude and it would help him relax even a little bit. Granted he did this almost every night, it was either a beer or a small glass of brandy for Eddy, but it was never very much and he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty, knowing it was a comforting thing for his friend and one of the few gestures of love Eddy understood.

He placed it right in front of Eddy, already uncapped, and placed his hands on the man's shoulders. "Drink," before he began to gently massage the knots out of Eddy's tense and muscular shoulder blades.

To anyone outside of themselves, and Ed, it might have looked romantic, husband and wife routine, but they knew they did it because they were closer than blood brothers, they had grown up together, fighting tooth and nail to stay sane together in this little toxic waste pit of a suburb.

"Feels nice…right there…." Eddy mumbled indistinctly into the bottle of his beer. They stayed like that a few more minutes until the ping of one of Double D's timers went off. Quickly Double D lifted his hands from Eddy's shoulders and scurried over to his oven. He slipped his mitts on and opened the door, pulling out a covered plate.

He set it in front of Eddy and pulled the cover off, steamed wafted upwards revealing a sautéed chicken breast and greens, "It's here if you want it. I've already eaten." He said, knowing Eddy would eat it. He placed a knife and fork in front of the teen whose eyes were closed, and his head nodding slightly to the side. Double D placed his hand on Eddy's shoulder, shaking it gently.

Eddy's head lolled up and his eyes blinked wearily open. He looked up at Double D and smiled sheepishly. Double D sighed and smiled, "I'm going to deliver a present to Kevin's family, and then I'm going to your house to tell your parents you're staying here for a few days. And you had better finish that food by the time I'm back mister." He poked Eddy's forehead as he lectured.

Eddy cracked a huge grin and started to eat the chicken, "whatever you say Sockhead," emerging from somewhere in between bites. Double D smiled and grabbed the cake plate for Kevin's family and pulled out two pre-done and wrapped box of homemade cookies and coco mix and assorted household items. He kept them stocked in order to pacify the parents of his best friends. Nothing worked better than sweets and his home made laundry detergent and fabric softener.

He waved Eddy off when he offered to help and went to the front door, setting down the packages and tying his shoes to his feet before he stood straight again and grabbed the packages, maneuvering them under one arm, and grasping the door.

A small shock of electricity shot through him, and he knew it had nothing to static shock, no this was different. This was all internal. Stop it Edward. The outside isn't going to kill you. Its night time, no sun, no people, no noises, just you and the stars. It'll take less than two minutes.

And while the feeling of pain and fear still pulsed through him, it was no longer the roar it once was. So he took a deep breath, closed his eyes and pulled the door open and stepped out into the warm June night. He didn't open his eyes when he stepped out into the night, or even when he shut the door behind him, he didn't open then as he made his way down the front walkway of his house.

It was only after the seventeen steps that he knew it took to take him from his little porch to the sidewalk did he open his eyes. And promptly shut them. "Calm down Double D, it's going to be okay, just walk quickly. Very, very quickly."

His eyes once again opened and darted left to zoom in on Eddy's porch. A few minutes, no more…I can do this. I can. I will.

AAA

Kevin woke up slowly. Not to the sound of a bell ringing, or to the sound of screaming, or drunken guard laughing, no, he gently woke up to his own room and his own sheets on his own bed…even if they were a little bit too small now. He had smelled his pillow and loved the scent of the detergent, it was new, but hell it was so much better than that shitty Walmart crap his mom had used before he had left.

He stood up and stretched. He felt around his darkened room for a pair of boxers and pants and pulled on his sweats that had been handed out in prison, standard grade, and walked out of his room. Once downstairs and in the kitchen he was surprised to find it empty.

"Mom? Dad?" He called out into the silence of his house and only got an echo in return. He wandered his way back into the kitchen and flipped the lights on, scratching his abs and thinking about where his parents had gone.

The small sticky on the fridge caught his attention and he walked over to it and pulled it off, recognizing his mothers quick cursive writing.

Kevin, we didn't want to wake you or try and force you to be too social these first few days so we went out to dinner with the Smiths, call my cell if you can think of anything you need. Love you lots honey. Xoxoxo Mom.

Kevin smiled a little, knowing his father had been the one to make this happen. Had his mother been in charge she would be showing him to the world and crowing about how nice it was to have him back. He crumpled the note up and tossed it in the small trash can next to the counter and walked over to one of the seats of the bar and sat down.

Slumping over in his seat he closed his eyes and stretched his arms back, grunting with the pops of his aching muscles and joints.

He relaxed and stood up, restless. Going to the sliding glass doors that led to his back yard, he slid it open and stepped outside. Leaving the door open he walked across his little concrete patio and sat in the gliding swing and began to gently rock himself back and forth, looking up at the moon and stars, listening to the sounds of the darkened neighborhood and the distance city sounds as white noise.

This is home. Thank god for freedom.

AAA

Double D smiled and waved back as Eddy's mother, Amanda, called out to him, "You tell that boy to treat you right, you hear me? And thank you Edward for these gifts! Best smelling stuff in the world, I do so swear!" Her southern accent was strong and her smile was bright. He smiled back and called a quick, "anytime!" before quickly walking away towards Kevin's house.

Maneuvering the boxes in his hands to accommodate the addition of a large brown bag filled with spare clothing for Eddy plus all his usual toiletries, he quickly made his way over to Kevin's home. So far, so good, you're doing good Double D, don't think about it and it can't hurt you. So instead he tried to focus on other things besides his racing heart beat and the fear of all this open space the pressed down on him. Soon he found his mind wandering backwards, to Eddy's house.

He genuinely liked Eddy's mother, she was a good woman, born and raised in the south, a belle of the ball before her city slick husband stole her away from her family and moved her to the suburbs. From the stories Eddy told him, his parents were very….much still in love. Double D felt his cheeks heat, knowing how loud Amanda was, and her husband, Daniel was….they would make a very…noisy couple.

"Oh good Lord." Double D quickly pushed that mental picture far into the back of his head and continued to quickly walk towards Kevin's house. The lights above the small porch were dimmed but they were on and Double D could see the faint glow of the kitchen lights through the small glass plates of the front door.

He maneuvered the big box of treats and the cake platter on top of it so he could reach out and ring the doorbell. He heard the faint noise go off and stood there waiting for Mr. and/or Mrs. Foster to answer the door. After a few moments of waiting, he shifted; the hairs on the back of his neck standing up and his breath came a little quicker.

The moments ticked by and the largeness of the night sky started to press in on him. He started to tremble the seconds slowed down. Calm down for goodness sakes Edward, it's just a few seconds….so what if the darkness is behind you? So what if you can't hide from anything or anyone, and anything can come at you from any direction and….oh God.

He had the good sense of mind to set the boxes down on the front doorstep before he gently started to back away, each step slow as a glacier. He slowly turned around to face the neighborhood, focusing on his front door and keeping his eyes away from the vast emptiness of the sky above him.

He gently began the walk forward across the street, keeping his eyes set dead ahead of him. Looking at nothing but his own front door. He felt the fear crawl over his skin, felt it pulling at his inner organs and twisting them into nausea and pain. He began to walk a little faster, calculating the exact amount of step it's would take him to get into his home, then the exact amount of feet, then inches, the converting it into centimeters, the decimeters, then meters, and finally, he reached his front door and twisted the knob open.

Entering his house and gently shutting the door behind him he let his back rest against the wood, and he gulped in the taste of confined and perfectly manicured home. It was a comforting taste and it slowed his heart rate considerable.

He crept down the hallway into his kitchen where he saw Eddy, fast asleep in his chair, the plate of food completely gone, and the beer bottle still half full. Double D gave a small smile before quietly picking up the dish and placing it in the sink and emptying the bottle before placing it gently in the recycling bin. He slowly walked over to Eddy's side and shook him gently. When the taller man opened his eyes Double D smiled firmly and said, "Bed time."

Eddy just stood up and let Double D lead him upstairs to the guest room, with its tasteful gray adornments, and he gently pushed Eddy into the room, "go to bed Eddy, I'll finish the books yeah?" He raised his hand when Eddy drowsily protested, "bed, Eddy, and for goodness's sakes try to sleep until the morning."

His friend smiled at that and nodded, mumbling a "goodnight Double D" before he turned away from the door. Double D shut the door and went back down stairs. He sat down in the seat that Eddy had previously occupied once he had made himself a cup of hot water with a lemon slice in it, pulling the account books forward he gripped the pen delicately in his left hand and peered down to look at the digits written in Eddy's fast paced scrawl.

Almost instantly the answers flowed through his brain, so effortlessly easy was this math to him. He could have done this math in his sleep, and it felt good to do this, to let his freakishly quick brain exercise itself, even if it was with these basic mathematic formulas.

Soon the answers were all neatly lined up on the bottom of the sheet of paper, along with several of his own personal notes to Eddy about things he should check up on and calculations he should redo, just to check his math. He looked up at the clock, it was only 9. He had only been working for 45 or so minutes...and here he had hoped he was getting slower at this math, not faster.

He stood and quickly packed Eddy's things together and put them all neatly back into his briefcase before setting it briefcase next to his shoes in the hallway before going up the stairs to the guest bedroom where Eddy was and opening the door. Seeing Eddy peacefully asleep on the bed did him some good, knowing Eddy sometimes couldn't sleep because he worried too much about his future. Looking around the room he sighed seeing all of Eddy's clothing strew across the room. He tactfully avoided looking at Eddy, knowing full well that he was nude underneath those sheets, how he sleeps nude, I'll never understand.

He picked up all of Eddy's clothing before going back downstairs into his laundry room, where he also kept the steam presser and the tools he used to make all of his laundry goods. Making detergent and fabric softener wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world, but Double D liked to think he was making the world a little better by using all natural and organic ingredients and keeping his neighborhood well stocked with all of his goods. He chuckled to himself as he thought of how much people actually seemed to like them, so much that Ed's mother had once suggested his open his own little store in the Peach Creek Mall.

He had blushed and smiled, accepting the over-exaggerated compliment before stating he would look into things, which he never did, as it wasn't something he could ever see himself doing. Nor would it be a practical investment, and he was, above everything, practical.

He put Eddy's laundry into the washing machine along with some other clothing and sheets and towels he had to wash before pouring in the soap then the softener and turning the machine on, its low rumble echoing slightly in the dark room. He put everything away and began to fold up clothing he had taken out of the dryer earlier and stacked it into neat piles.

Once done he loaded all the piles up into his arms and then proceeded upstairs, tiptoeing quietly as to not wake Eddy. He entered his parent's untouched bedroom and put their cloths away in all the proper places before going to his own room and putting all of his own clothes into their places. He brushed imaginary dirt off his hands and sat at his desk in his room, flicking the light switch on. The dull glow of his desktop lamp illuminated very little, only the top of the desk and the shadows of the edges.

He pulled open one of the side drawers and took out his own personal notebook, a diary really and began to write. Mostly he filled the diary with little things that had popped into his head that day, notes on recipes he was making, accounting notes for Eddy, he even had a count of the days since he had seen Ed. Speaking of the big lug, he was probably going to be coming over tomorrow or Thursday. It was a tradition for the three of them to have movie night, and normally it was at Double D's house, since he made the best snacks and had the nicest TV.

Ed always came over earlier than Eddy, since his boss was more lenient with his work hours. He loved talking to Ed since the big guy always was able to sit there and listen, even feed back now that his ADHD meds were in the correct dosage.

Double D kept jotting down notes for a while, until his hand began to cramp, before putting the little book back in its place and standing up. Stretching he yawned slightly, exhaustion pulling his body downwards. Even though he was so tired he knew he wouldn't sleep, he never could anymore. So instead he went back downstairs and poured some water into the kettle and set it on the stove. Then he turned his music back on putting his ear buds into his ears and slipping his iPod into his pocket, the gentle strings and piano keys seeping into his muscles and easing the stress and tension built into them.

Gliding back into the laundry room he opened the washing machine and pulled out the damp clothing before dropping them into the dryer and turning the dial to about one hour, plenty of time for everything to dry.

He quietly slipped out of the room and into his living room to grab his latest novel off the coffee table before returning to the kitchen. He poured his hot water into a cup and placed the book and water down in front of his chair before going over to his pantry and rummaging through it until he pulled out a container of bread. He cut himself a slice, then with efficiency only years of routine could accomplish, he slide the bread back into its box, back into the pantry, opened the fridge, pulled out eggs, lettuce, and butter.

He placed all of the items next to his stove, before walking over, picking up his book and going over to a cabinet to pull out a small pan while still flipping through the pages of his book to find his page. He placed the pan on the burner, turning it on to medium heat, the book in one hand, his iPod in his ears, and humming along.

He expertly cut a thin slice of butter, placing into the pan and let it sear for only a second before dropping the slice of bread onto it. Letting the bread set in the pan, Double D placed his book down and pulled one egg out of the container and placed it on the counter, then, he pulled one leaf of lettuce off the head and placed it next to the egg. He gently flipped the piece of bread over, to the other side, the top side a perfect golden brown before taking the eggs, lettuce, and butter back to the fridge.

He swooped his drink off the table, while taking a sip he walked over to his medical cabinet and pulled out three bottles. Tapping a pill out of each one he put the pills into his mouth before swallowing them with a gulp of the warm water. Placing the pill bottles back into their place he went back to his stove. Setting the water next to the book, Double D opened a drawer and pulled out a small plastic spatula, he reached over his head and pulled a plate out of a cabinet and set it next to him, while scooping the bead up and placing it on the plate.

He cracked the egg open and let it hiss for a few moments, while he picked his book up and read a few paragraph and sipped his water. Placing the water down and picking up the spatula, without even stopping his reading he flipped the egg. He read on and took a few more sips of his drink before scooping the egg up placing it on the slice of bread, and Turing off the burner taking the lettuce leaf and set it on top of the egg, putting the pan next to the sink with the spatial next to it. He shook some salt onto the lettuce and a grind of pepper, placed the plate on the table getting his drink, and sitting down.

He put the book down and looked down at his plate. It was the same as it always was but he never got tired of the simple routine, that and it was really the only food he could stomach these days. He reached down and took a small bite of the little half sandwich and savored the rich flavors and creamy warmth of the butter and bread together, with the cool of lettuce and the sweet earthiness of the egg all blend together to make a symphony that matches the crescendo of the music that played off of his iPod.

It might be a boring and repetitive routine but it still gave him and his stomach the same amount of satisfaction that it had since he began the habit, and so he kept on doing it. Besides, why change what was already perfect?

Soon he finished his meal and had cleaned up his dishes. It was still too early for him to consider even trying to sleep, "darned insomnia of mine, never lets me get any rest." Double D muttered to himself as he folded clothing in the darkness of the laundry room. Then he chuckled a little; he never minded the fact that he rarely slept. It allowed him to do all the things that most people were never able to do because they all slept.

Soon the laundry was folded and placed in the hamper, he'd put it away in the morning, but for now he wanted to start mixing a new batch of fabric softener. He went into his garage, which he had transformed into more of a workspace since his parents never put the cars in. He pulled all the ingredients out of their labeled cabinets that lined the back wall and was soon measuring them into one of the large old washing mashing he had converted into a giant mixer.

Waltzing from one end of the room to another he took the measured amounts and letting them fall into the giant mixer, and soon he was satisfied with the amount of each ingredient. After a few more minutes of tinkering around and humming along to a more upbeat pop song he had heard on the radio by chance this morning he was almost finished. All he needed was the flowers from his garden. The petals gave it that natural and sweet scent that he absolutely adored.

He went towards the back door, casually flipping the switch on as he unlocked the door and stepped out into the hot summer's air. The dim lights illuminated the darkness with only the moon casting shadows. He walked over to the raised flower beds and picked a few of his favorites, hoping that this combination would be even better than the last batch…he wasn't able to get it quite right…but he would.

Soon he had all the flowers he wanted. Carrying the stems over to his work table he methodically stripped the leaves off and separated the stems and petals apart before collecting the stems and tossing them into the trash. The leaves were saved for when he wanted to make potpourri, the petals he then sorted into different jars that he had, some would be used for potpourri also, but most would go into the mixture; soon they did just that, and went into the mixture with all the organic chemicals he used to make the fabric softener.

He quickly took inventory on what he needed and wrote up the list. Stepping back into his house he closed the garage door from behind him and walked back up to his room where he kept all his lists of things. He pulled out his small notebook again and quickly jotted down the lists of seeds and chemicals he would have to order soon. After organizing everything to his satisfaction, Double D sat onto his bed and sighed. Pulling his socks off and stretched his bare toes out, letting air glide out of his lips, making a small noise.

It was that time again.

Two a.m.

From now until about five in the morning, he rarely had anything he could do, let alone anything he wanted to do. I could bake something…no, no that won't do…the homeless shelter doesn't take anything on a Wednesdays, and I'd hate for it to sit here, going untouched. Wait! I could give it to Eddy! He'll love it…but what to make…scones? No…nothing that plain would satisfy him, something sweeter…but still small…cupcakes it is.

He smiled at his own inner monologue. Standing up he stretched and walked over to his window, looking out into the darkness…but hold up, why was there light coming from…

"Oh goodness I left the back lights on!" Double D gasped at his own lack of attention. Rarely did he ever make a mistake this big. My mind must've been wondering…stupid, stupid mistake. He quickly turned away from the window and went downstairs as quietly as he could, making sure to creep past Eddy's door, lest he wake the slumbering man, and have to deal with that catastrophe.

Once downstairs he strode towards his garage, pausing for a moment when he heard a rustle coming from the open window in his living room, but after a moment, realizing it was probably nothing but the summer breeze, Double D moved on. He paused again outside in the garage, looking at the jacket that was on the hook…I don't even need to go outside to turn the lights off…yet for some reason he felt the need to go outside…something was pulling at him….telling him to go outside and check on his garden.

He reached up to grab a jacket but hesitated, I don't need a jacket, its summer for goodness sakes, its 2 am and it's still hot outside! So he shrugged instead and walked outside, looking around his garden walking, bare feet in the dry grass. He stepped towards his garden, feeling his heartbeat rise as he caught a glimpse of the open sky above.

He felt for the edge of his raised planter box and sat down on the wooden edge. Eyes unblinking he stared up at the open sky, it's so different from how it looks when the sun rises…it's so…"dark." He whispered.

Double D, continued to stare up at the sky, letting the wind crawl its way around him. This isn't so bad…actually, it's quite…okay. He heard the rustling noise again and his head snapped back to watch the bushes again. Never mind. This is why I hate this. Back inside. NOW.

He quickly stumbled over to the door, jiggling the handle, but it wouldn't budge…that's when he remembered that he had forgotten to unlock the second lock from the inside. "So stupid Double D, how did you manage to screw that one up too?"

With his heartbeat climbing, Double D pressed his back against the door and felt the creeping sensation crawl over his skin. Thoughts flew threw his mind, then it clicked. Underneath the welcome mat on his front porch was the spare key.

Quickly he moved against the walls of his house trying to keep his mind only a mere second ahead of his actual body. Flicking off the light switch, he was instantly bathed in only the icy glare of the moon that had moments ago seemed warm.

Moving across his side yard to the front yard, his breath haggard, Double D felt himself slip away under the crushing weight of his phobia. Breaths became short and his vision faded in and out.

The front door was insight, and soon his hand was on the key, his left hand gripping it tightly, his right hand gripping his left to stop the shaking. Soon he had the key in the lock and was twisting it towards the left. As soon as the click hit his ears, he was inside, gently closing the door behind him, dropping the key to the ground and sinking onto the floor with a quiet moan of gratitude.

"Never...again...ever." Double D huffed to himself before slumping even more and laying against the floor. He didn't care that it had been hours since he had cleaned it, he didn't care that it was the floor for God's sake. All that mattered was he was inside, and nothing could hurt him in here. No one could hurt him in here.

Slowly, and on unsteady legs, Double D stood up and made his way into up the stairs, gently tugging his shoes off and placing them neatly in their space. Up the stairs, a peak into Eddy's room to make sure he was asleep, and then down the hall to his own room. The door shut quietly behind him. He slowly walked around his pitch black room, knowing where everything was, changing and crawling into bed.

And it was, at 2:34 am, on this most bizarre Tuesday, that he, Edd, slept from 2:34 am, until 5:21 am. And he had never felt more refreshed and ready for the day.

AAAAA

xoxo