Title: F**kin' Perfect

Summary: Cid wants to find out what Vincent had gone through and make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Luckily, he has little shame and is willing to do whatever it takes to get the ex-Turk to trust him. Even if that means telling him some of his darkest secrets and revealing the skeletons in his own closet.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, gore, could be seen as yaoi or friendship (which is why I did not put Romance or Friendship as a genre - I have not yet decided on either one), use of tobacco, mention of drugs, etc. etc.

Disclaimer: The title (and inspiration) for this came from P!nk's "F**kin' Perfect," the characters from Final Fantasy VII. So, I own ...What is less than nothing? Nah, my twisted ideas are owned by me.

"Eh," Cid muttered before shrugging, "yer the goddamn leader. Ya go first an' we'll go 'round in a fuckin' circle."

"...Clockwise or counterclockwise?" Cloud asked as he continued to look at the other blonde.

"Fuckin' hell; do I got to decided everythin' 'round here!" Looking at the both of them, the non-mako-enhanced man rolled his eyes. "Clockwise."

Nodding, Cloud paused before thinking, "Uhh...have you ever done drugs?"

"...Ecstasy," Vincent muttered from his spot in the cave, arms crossed in front of his chest. "...Back when I first started in the Turks."

"Wow," the swordsman said as he nodded, "I never took drugs. ...What about you, Cid?"

"Heh, yer both pussies," the pilot muttered as he continued to rub his legs. "Meth, LSD, an' heroin."

"You're kidding!"

"Swear on Vampy's coffin!"

"But...but you were in the Space program!"

"Yeah, and he was in the fuckin' Turks! Ain't like I said I was sellin' it to children! Just...kids do crazy shit, ya know? Some kids swipe beer from their parent's fridge or liquor from the cabinet..."

"...Your parent's did drugs?" Cloud asked as he blinked. "...Wow. That's...wow..."

"Eh, shut up. Yer up, Val. What question do ya got on yer mind?" Cid asked as he flexed his cold, gloved fingers, shivering from the cold as he glared at the two pairs of glowing eyes that were staring at him. "What?"

"...Why are you so attached to Sephiroth, Cloud?" Vincent muttered before looking over at the other blonde.

Well, would you look at that, Cid thought as he grinned. The silent vampire finally grew a spine and asked what was on everyone's mind. He looked over to the leader of the mismatched group of rebels and took pleasure in the way the other blonde stammered and fidgeted.

"It's not...I don't-" the flustered blonde stuttered, trying to figure out what to say as he was put on the spotlight. "He was my hero..."

"Yer such a fag, Spike," Cid chuckled before breathing into his gloved hands. "That ain't hero-admiration. Ya act like ya want ta jump into his fuckin' pants."

"What, no!" Cloud said, face darkening slightly in the dark cave. "It's not like that!"

"...Denial," Vincent added, looking smug with himself as he watched the shortest of the blonde try to talk his way out of the loop the gunner knocked him into. Not that Cid was complaining. Hell, he enjoyed seeing the rare streaks of smug, dark humor from the brunette man. Usually it came in the form of a soft-spoken quip, not a full-blown assault of a question. "You know the rules, you have to answer the question truthfully, Cloud." Oh, he was toying with a little mouse that was caught by the sharp claws of a demonic cat. Yeah, Vincent sure was one mean fucker when he wanted to be.

"But I- You make it sound like I'm gay for him!" the blonde leader huffed in surprised annoyance.

"Well, are ya?" Cid asked with a grin.

"...You'll get your question in due time, Chief," the brunette commented while keeping his eyes on Cloud. "Go on..."

"I don't love Sephiroth! I hate him! He killed Aeris! We're on our way to kill him!"

"...Oh?"

"Yes!"

"...You're blushing, Cloud."

"Heh, kid wants to bang the freak."

"What? I do not!"

"Would you prefer if he topped you, Cloud?"

"May- What, no!"

Damn, Vincent sure was on fire with that line of questioning! The pilot watched in amusement as the gunner meticulously picked away all of Cloud's defenses and talking him in circles, eventually getting the little weirdo to admit that while he hated and wanted to kill Sephiroth, he still felt appreciation towards the silver-haired man and dreamt about the "past" that they shared. He could only hope that the gunner's next question was directed towards their leader once more instead of himself. Who knew what the diabolical man could think up?

"So, Val, are ya gay?"

"...No."

"Oh yeah? Then why the fuck is the Brat runnin' 'round cryin' 'bout ya pushin' her away all the goddamn time?"

"...I do believe you only get one question, Captain. Feel free to ask it during your next chance," the brunette commented flippantly. Fucker was twisting the rules he created against him! Son of a bitch was sneaky as fuck all!

"...When did you first become interested in flying, Cid?" the other blonde muttered.

"Jumped off my Ma's roof when I was twelve. Fuckin' best feelin' in the world to be soarin' through the sky. Ground hurt like a bitch, though; broke six bones on that landin'."

Nodding, the leader of Avalanche turned to look at Vincent.

"...Chief, would you care to explain your fascination with overcompensation?"

"Eh? The fuck are ya talking 'bout?"

"The large phallus-shaped rocket in your backyard, no pun intended, the color of your airplane, you fight with a large spear, and you have silhouettes of women plastered on your aircrafts..."

"SO?"

An eerie chill swept through the cave as the glowing red eyes looked to him and seemed to be shining with concealed mirth. Something was off with the vampiric man's question and damn if he could figure it out.

"So," the brunette said slowly as he continued to watch the shivering blonde. "Are you either gay and trying to cover it up or do you merely have a small penis?"

"WHAT?" two voices called out; one in amusement, the other in fury.

Review if you want more. ...Seemed like a good place to end...

Thanks for reviewing:

Aeriths-Rain: Aww, thanks.

fetherhd: Heh, it's a wash!

ABNORMAL2110: Why thank you! I'm trying (some days I only get one, some days none - thank you, FanFiction).

mizperceived: Ha! Very true! But Cloud gets to play too; making it fun for everyone.

Inuobsessed004: Heh, I don't find it creepy at all.

Katt: Here you go!