As I slug home with Madison's phone conversation on my mind, one line in particular repeats and nearly brings tears to my eyes.
"I can't just unplug him now! It's too soon! I know bu- okay- okay! Six months?! I can't wait that long, baby."
Although I don't know if she was actually speaking to her other lover, but that definitely wasn't in Kyle's favor. It's obvious that by 'unplug' she meant take him off life support.
How dare she even mutter those words on the hospital grounds that her fiancé arrived at a mere two days ago?
While driving in a silent car, I try to shake the horrible words from head but it keeps reciting on a sempiternal loop in my mind- begging me to take action, but I have no clue what to do or who to tell.
Who's going to believe the young, inexperienced nurse who has no proof or even the slightest credible motive for Madison?
However, despite my logic insisting there's not much I can do aside from keeping a close eye on Kyle, my thoughts don't allow me to rest. So, instead of waisting time staring at the dark ceiling, I debate options of action.
Apparently, somewhere between almost calling the police and writing a letter of resignation, I fell asleep because the piercing chime of my alarm severs through my eardrums and causes me to jolt from my newly comfortable bed.
On my way to work I silently thank God that I picked none of the choices I planned. Instead of letting anyone know about my suspicions, that are proving to be very true, I decide to carefully snoop on Madison and gather as much evidence as possible to convict the bitch.
Being that I'm anxious to ensure Kyle's safety, I arrive to work a half an hour early to prepare myself. However, upon parking I concoct an idea that could give me substantial proof of the fictitious fiancée. So, when I sneak to the nurse's desk to retrieve Kyle's file, I scan it until I find the exact information that should be able to resolve my hunch.
While sitting in the sauna I call a car, I let the phone sit on my lap, on speaker phone, as I patiently wait for the woman, who can give me all the answers, to pick up.
Finally, after the eight ring, I hear muffled noises in the background.
"Hello, this is Zoe from Saint Michael's hospital. I'm looking for Laura Spencer."
I immediately recognize the voice of the sweet, but distant, sibling. "Ye-yes this is she. What's this about?"
Inhaling deeply, I brace myself for the awful new. "As you know, your brother Kyle Spencer was admitted here two days ago. I'm his personal nurse and feel I should let you know a few things- mainly about his fiancée. I'm not sure how well you know her but well, I overheard a shocking conversation yesterday. Um, I-"
Thoughts of how horribly this can go mixed with the heart shattering tone of Madison's voice begin to force me into choke of words.
"Zoe? You can tell me what's on your mind. Like I told you yesterday, I do not like Madison at all. I've always suspected her intentions weren't pure but I'm so far that Kyle wouldn't see how I know. Woman's intuition, right?"
The reassuring sound of Laura's voice calms me down and allows me to collect my thoughts.
"She was on the phone with someone and said how she wants to pull the plug, which I assume is referring to Kyle's life support. She also said, and I quote, I can't wait that long baby-"
"That bitch! I knew she was cheating on him. Oh God, no. Zoe do you think-" Laura's panicking on the line and I can tell she's about ready to send someone to kill Madison, but I have to get the rest out.
"She put him in the coma? Honestly, yes. I thought that from the beginning. I pleaded my case to our investigation team but they don't think there's sufficient evidence.I-I-I-"
The entire situation has me on edge, being that I could get in a lot of trouble for obtaining Kyle's file against company policy and using it for my own benefit. But I've never felt more alive than I have now- helping someone who's on the cusp of death.
"Zoe, I want to her ass in jail but more importantly I want Kyle safe. It's entirely too soon to even think of pulling the plug. Yes, I know the odds of him waking but I don't care. It's not time,"
She pauses, which gives me the thought that she's done so I begin to formulate a sentence of agreement but her next words cut me off and stop the process entirely.
"I'm going to ask you something personal, if you don't mind."
At first, I think it's going to be something crazy like, 'can you spy on Madison?' or, 'are you in love with my brother?', so I hesitate but a few seconds later I realize I'm being paranoid and that this woman is on my side so I let out a muffled yes.
"Are you married? Or in a relationship?"
The randomness shocks me and even causes my expression to change drastically. Is she trying to hit on me? Or set me up?
"N-no, I'm not."
I feel wrinkles begin to form on my forehead from the deep furrow of my eyebrows. I cannot think of one possible reason why she could be asking me this right now.
"And do you have children?"
The tone of her voice is soft, soothing almost, but still firm. The question causes a choking fit from my end since I've never been asked such a question or even thought of about having a child.
"No," I murmur into the receiver, almost embarrassed at the fact that I'm a twenty-three year old single girl who has no future for a family and no friends.
"Well, I have a proposition for you. This may sound crazy, and it sort of is, but I want you to be Kyle's personal nurse. Twenty-four seven, three-sixty-five - until he wakes up. I want you to live with him. I would obviously pay you generously and provide a home near the hospital. I trust you dearly Zoe and have actually had a friend watch you, and his other nurses, while on duty. You don't have to give me an answer now but please keep a good eye on my brother."
The offer is a bombshell, to say the least, but it's also tempting. The pay combined with new experience and a rent-free home to live in is almost enough to force the word 'yes' out of my throat, but of course my conscious kicks in.
What if he wakes up soon- then I'll be jobless. Or if the sister goes broke, or if she decides they no longer need my services. So much can happen since it's unstable.
Yet something is compelling me to accept; perhaps it's the fact that I'll finally be away from the awful medical team who act more like a high school clique than professionals.
Before I can debate further I glance at the clock on my dashboard and then the words flow from my mouth. "I'll take the job."
Even Laura is surprised by my quick acceptance and even seems concerned, which only reassures me more that she's a good person and won't screw me over.
"Are you sure? You can take a few days, Zoe."
"I'm positive," I answer with the most confidence I have in a while.
Something tells me meeting Kyle was my destiny because ever since the moment I laid eyes on him he's really changed me in way words can't describe, and yet he doesn't know I exist.
"Great! I'll have my friend speak with you about all this. I'm so glad you found me, Zoe!" Her voice is cheerful although I hear the loud whining of toddler in the background.
Her words force a wide grin to my face since I haven't heard that in years and don't think anyone has actually be sincere with those words to me.
"Goodbye Laura," I practically squeal into the phone while hopping out of my car.
"Good morning, Kyle," I chime as I walk in his room.
Placing a mason jar of handpicked purple coneflowers from my garden on the table next to his bed, I chuckle at the memory of Madison explaining how she accidentally knocked over the vase of sunflowers yesterday, and also what her reaction will be today when she spots the new floral arrangement.
It's almost pathetic to note that most of the nurses don't seem to care for their patients once they clock out. It may only be a job for the RN but it's the patients life at stake. Hence why I take my job so seriously. The long hours do take a lot out of me, but when I'm doing what I love it doesn't feel like such a drag.
So after I hook up new fluid to his IV, I walk over to the bed and lean to Kyle's ear. "Kyle, it's Zoe. I have some good news but it has to wait. I can tell you that you'll have a change of scenery." One could definitely hear the smile on my face. I'll be getting the opportunity to possibly save his life and have the dream position, all while making Kyle as comfortable as possible.
"Today it's gloomy out, but I've always loved the dreary days because I can appreciate darkness. Without the bitter the sweet isn't as sweet."
Realizing how corny that was I giggle and while doing so I wish that Kyle would wake up and laugh with me, or speak to me, or even just lay his eyes on my body- something, anything, would be nice.
"Kyle, I want to read you something that I just wrote:
Little moments here and there
For you, everything I will share
Just promise to keep on staying
So collapse- crumble
This is not your destruction
but your rebirth."
Unsure of where I had the inspiration for this interesting piece I almost sob because of the confusing thoughts. Every second I spend caring for Kyle is a moment that thrusts me deeper into mixed, and unsettling, feelings for the man.
It seems ludicrous to have a crush on a person who I've never spoke to or even seen move. He's only lies int he same position day after day while I washing his impressive body and attempt to keep his muscles active.
So once I gather myself and wipe the tears from my face, I plant a peck on his cold cheek and begin to undress him for the daily wash.
Admittedly, the first time seeing his naked body was uncomfortable, today is better because it's not my first time and I've realized it's normal to stare and even be a bit turned on by the sight... right?
As I run the soaking sponge down his bare, glistening chest, a knock on the door disturbs the smooth path of cleansing. However, before I can answer the entrance swings open causing me to jolt with fear that Madison will be begin to shout.
"Sorry to startle you ma'am but I'm a friend of Laura Spencer, Kyle's sister. You're Zoe, correct?"
A short, heavyset man walks towards me with a huge smile across his plump face. He appears to be in his mid-forties and has a slight receding hairline, but overall he looks kind and cheerful, which is reassuring since the last acquaintance of Kyle had been the total opposite.
"Yes I am. It's so nice to meet you!" I exclaim as I wipe my palm on a towel and then reach to shake his hand but am pulls into a tight hug.
"It's lovely to finally formally meet you! My name is Gabriel. I've been watching you care for Kyle for days and am more than astonished by your tender love. You are a marvelous woman! I've already told the hospital about how wonderful you are!"
The way he speaks indicates he's most likely homosexual, that and the fact that he has a pride flag attached to his keys.
However, his kind words spark something inside me and suddenly I feel myself suppressing tears that are edging over my eyes. I've never heard such sweet words.
"Thank you so much, Gabriel!" I squeal and try to hold back a smile but the moment
"Obviously, Laura spoke to you about her offer. I want you to know she will double the pay you're getting now"
My salary hasn't been an issue although doubling it would mean financial stability for years to come. But the thought of taking advantage of a man on the cusp of death and his distant sister brings a sting to my heart
"Wha-what. No! That's too much!" I protest, hoping this isn't some morality test.
"She insists and, honestly, you deserve it sweetie!"
I nod not wanting to seem stuck up or ungrateful and listen as he continues.
"She also would like you and I to find a home near the hospital, that she'll finance- obviously. Plus she has an unlimited credit card for supplies for Kyle as well as yourself. There's a contract being made, for legal reasons, but we trust you fully."
Being so surprised by the new affection I'm receive, I nearly let a tear spill over onto my cheeks. Is this what love is like?
"Thank you so much. I'm ecstatic to help Kyle out. I know he's something special!"
This time, I'm the one to pull Gabriel into a tight embrace. I can't believe that days ago I had nothing to truly live for but now my life has turned around entirely.
"Great! I'm free all this week. When is your day off?" he asks while acknowledging the flowers I brought.
"I-I don't really have one."
I know the moment that leaves my throat that Gabriel is going to have a fit, but I don't mind. Don't have much of a social life since most of my former friends gave up on me when I was in nursing school and I despise my parents.
"Oh sweetie, I suppose tomorrow will be your first."
Unable to argue with the man who informed me of the best news I've ever received, I nod and thank him for the tenth time.
However, I do ask him to leave so I can finish with Kyle, since he's such a distraction with his constant chatter about my life.
Once I'm sure the coast is clear, I sit next to Kyle's bed and run my fingers through his yellow platinum blonde waves and inch my mouth close to his ear, and just as I'm about to tell him about the news the doors slams open. "
"You bitch!" Madison shouts with her teeth gritted and fist clenched tightly at her sides. Unfortunately, the bitch fit has only just begun because she trots over with her expensive heels and purse that costs more than one of my paychecks and screams more.
"How dare you report me! You just want Kyle's money, you cunt! You can't do this to me!"
Ignoring her hurtful words, I inhale and exhale loudly before answering her.
"Madison, you are not allowed here anymore- by orders of Kyle's sister. I didn't report anything. I suppose she did."
I actually think I'm convincing until she spots the smug smirk on my face.
"You little twat! You did this. I knew you wanted him. Well, guess what lady: he's engaged and practically dead!" she yells as I notice her face has flushed to a deep scarlet and veins are bulging to tightly I actually believe they'll explode.
"I don't want to call security-"
Apparently my threat means nothing because before I can finish the sentence she shoves me to the ground and jumps on top of Kyle.
Being a bit frazzled from the hard fall and throbbing pain in my leg, I shuffle on the ground and try to find my hospital issues cell phone.
"You think you can take my man? Well, watch! He still wants me in a coma!"
Once I press the bottom for security I stand up and focus on her.
I watch in disgust as she grips his limp dick in her small hands and attempts to get him hard.
However, even when she puts it in her dirty mouth he doesn't react. His heart rate even remain the same.
"Madison, you will only hurt him- get off." I demands but she only flips me off as she gags from deep throating him.
A few seconds later, two large men walk in and grab her by the shoulders to remove her while she kicks and screams.
I watching, smirking, from the doorway as they whisk her down the hall, sobs piercing my ears, until she's out of sight.
"This is the one!" Gabriel cheers and grabs my hand as he leads me to the kitchen.
Touring the house one last time, I hear the realtor repeat that it has three bedroom each with an en suite, a huge kitchen, spacious living room, and a nice size dinning room.
Luckily, it's move-in ready so all the furniture and appliances will be set up by the time we arrive.
As we sign the contract I feel my hand shake. Not exactly the way I pictured owning my first home.
Finally, as the last initial is written, Gabriel squeals and then insists we go to lunch, including the realtor John, who has been eyeing Gabriel the whole time.
After the wild day I decide to visit Kyle in order to check on him.
When I walk in I'm not shocked to notice no nurse watching him; after all, most of them are lazy and old, so they don't care enough.
So, I take the liberty to check his vitals and even whisper a poem to him since he obviously hasn't been tended to in a while.
"Hi Kyle, it's Zoe. I had off today but wanted to visit. I-"
The sudden jump in his heart rate causes me to squeal and grab his hand. I can't and won't let anything to happen to him- not after all we've been through.
Thankfully his nurse rushes in at the noise and scopes the situation.
"Is everything alright? He's not supposed to have..."
I turn to her and smile so she doesn't kick me out.
"Oh Zoe. It's you."
I nod and stand up to speak with her about what's going on, but I realize the machine quieted down.
"You can watch him then?" she asks but it's more like a plea.
Of course, I oblige but not before rolling my eyes.
As soon as she trots out I lean to Kyle's ear and begin what I would've said yesterday.
"Kyle, I want to tell you good news. Your time in this hospital is coming to an end. In about two weeks you'll be in a lovely colonial home that's only five minutes from here. And... I'll be living with you- as your private nurse that is."
Suddenly I feel very uncomfortable because I just realized I'll be spending every second with him and becoming so familiar with his body and likes and life style, but I most likely won't ever actually know him- understand his thoughts, have debates, or even hear his voice.
So to take my mind off the stress, I read a expert from John Keats poem Ode on a Grecian Urn to him in hopes it'll stimulate his mind.
"Ah, happy, happy boughs!
that cannot shed your leaves,
nor ever bid the Spring aideu;
And, happy melodist, unwearied.
For ever piping songs for ever new;
More happy love! more happy, happy love!
For ever warm and still to be enjoy'd.
For ever panting, and for ever young."
However, I stop when I notice a tear stain the page.
A strange feeling of love and desire take over my body. How could I be falling for a man who's on the cusp of death. I know nothing about him but it feels like I'm apart of him and he I.
"Please stay, Kyle. Please stay." I beg and allow tears to fall from my eyes onto his clean skin.
With that I kiss his cheek again and leave.
On my way home I pass the house Laura purchased for Kyle and I and allow myself to imagine what it would be like to grow old together in that home but reality pulls me back when I dodge a car accident, reminding me that we very well could age together but Kyle will always be in the coma and I'll be single.
As tears stream down my face for the hundredth time this week, I take a deep breath and crank up the radio.
I won't feel sorry for myself again.