"Oh, yeah? So, tell me about it." "What is there to talk about? The doctor assumed I was Cragen's daughter. I was caught off-guard." "So, why the hostility?" Finally, tearing her eyes away from her focal point over Dr. Lindstrom's right shoulder, Olivia turns her head slightly in order to make eye contact with the therapist. Holding the stare for a few seconds, Olivia leans forward and with utter frank states, "Go ahead and tell me what this is about." "Who did you think the doctor was calling about?" Olivia tears her gaze from Dr. Lindstrom and begins to pay particular attention to her cuticles. Sheepishly, she finally answers. "Who do you think?" "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you to tell me." Olivia releases a sigh and pauses, as if to ponder the worthiness of her answer. "Him." "Him?" "Yes, him." "Ah, I see. Do you want to tell me about it?" Without raising her bowed head, Olivia quickly answers. "No." "Olivia, this is a topic we have to discuss, especially after it came out in court last week." Closing her eyes, Olivia wants nothing more than to dart from the therapy office. This was a topic she never wanted to discuss. Lewis made her squirm and loved to watch her fidget in her seat when he asked her questions, intimate questions, about her former partner. Lewis used the one person, the one thing, she gained strength from during her captivity. Lewis tainted her thoughts and feelings for the man and he taunted her with those feelings. Not to mention, he revealed her admiration, love, and desperation for the man in open court, with her coworkers and boyfriend sitting in the gallery.
"I don't want to talk about him. If I do... It will make things real. I know. I know, this is something we have to discuss, we have to talk about, but I don't want to talk about it." Pausing, Olivia finally lifts her gaze and finds her therapist's eyes. "I've never talked about him before… I don't know how." Olivia adds with a sigh. "Okay, so, tell about how you felt when you got the call from the hospital. Start there. What was going through your mind?" "Initially?" Dr. Lindstrom confirmed her question with a nod. "I thought Dr. Charles was calling about…him. I didn't hear Cragen's name at first because I was listening for Elliot Stabler and it never came. Then she stated my father. It took me a moment, but then I realized she was referring to Cragen. I even asked her for confirmation. The next thing I knew I was running down my building steps and headed to my car." "And if she had been calling about this Elliot?" "I would have reacted the same way." "Even after being out of contact for, what, three years?" "No." "Excuse me?" Fidgeting in her seat, Olivia lowers her head once again and begins to pick at invisible lent on her dress pants. "It hasn't been three years." Sitting in his respective chair, Dr. Lindstrom takes in her deflated state and decides not to broach the subject any further. "So, tell me about when you got to the hospital." Lifting her head and once again meeting the therapist's gaze, Olivia gives a slight smile, an admission of thanks, and she begins to tell of that harrowing day.
Entering the emergency room bay doors, Olivia begins to frankly search for a familiar pair of eyes, not of anyone in particular, but just someone she knows. And then, she spots Fin. He has his back to her, he's on the phone, but she still rushes to him. Placing a hand on his shoulder, he quickly turns to her, and disconnects his call with Melinda. "Liv…" "Where's Captain? What happened?" She interrupts. "The doc didn't tell you?" "No! She just called wanting my verbal approval to proceed with surgery. What happened, Fin?" "Come on, let's go find a seat." Walking further into the hospital, Olivia is met by the Chief of Detectives and other members of Brass. The one thing she notices, though, she and Fin are the only two from Special Victims. That can't be right? Where is everyone else? Were they injured too? Are they working a case? She turns to Fin for answers and he has seemingly read her mind. "They're fine. They're at the scene." That wasn't a complete lie. Rollins was at the scene. Amaro was when Fin left to head to the hospital. Amaro's current whereabouts are unknown. But, Olivia doesn't need to find out. Not yet anyway. Noticing her discomfort, Fin wraps his right arm around her shoulder and steers her to continue walking through the uniform littered waiting area and out into the adjacent hallway. Finding the private, family waiting room, Fin opens the door and ushers his Sergeant in. Showing her to a seat and telling the candy striper whose family they are, Fin returns to Olivia's side.
"Are you going to tell me what happened now?" Releasing a heavy sigh, Fin leans forward and allows his elbows to rest on his knees. "He was shot." "Yeah, I know that much. Dr. Charles said the GSW punctured an artery. What happened? How did he get shot, Fin?" "You remember a few weeks ago when Nick went undercover in one of Amanda's groups without her knowing?" "Yeah, we wanted to know what her sponsor was about." "Well, Nick got more info than we were prepared for." "What? What do you mean?" "Well, let's just say Nick was invited into a gambling/prostitution ring?" Knitting her eyebrows together, Fin couldn't help but chuckle at her confusion. "That was my reaction too. Apparently, the ring consists of about 20 people and they bet on each other, especially the women. They place bets to see how many men she can…." "Stop!" Holding her hand up, commanding him to halt his statement, Olivia admits she wants to hear nothing further. "Get to the part where Cap was shot." "We had surveillance on the place. It was Nick's first night being involved in the ring. We were going to bust in before it started. Apparently, they were prepared for this sort of thing and when we burst through the doors down, the men started shooting. Not just inside, outside too." "And that's where Cragen was hit?" "Yes, but not exactly." "Nick was leading one guy out to a cruiser and Cragen was approaching him. A shot rang out and Nick turned to fire back. Cragen was caught in the crossfire." "So, there's a possibility…." "Yeah." "But, we don't know for sure. We don't know Nick was the one who actually shot Cragen, right?" Turning from her, Fin directs his attention to the television screen in front of the pair. "Fin. Fin, what is it?" "I think you should call Brian." Raising an eyebrow, Olivia doesn't understand Fin's meaning, but then it hits her. She hadn't seen one Internal Affairs officer in the waiting room. That only granted one conclusion, IAB was involved.
Pacing the private waiting room, Olivia was becoming more and more anxious by the second. "Liv, you're gonna have to stop or I'm gonna call Melinda and have her write you and I both prescriptions for some Valium." Immediately stopping at his words, Olivia turns towards her coworker and releases a simultaneous laugh and sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm just nervous." "I know you are, come here." Hesitating briefly, Olivia finally gives in and approaches her seat. "It's just… Brian's not answering his phone. If he can't answer, he'll always shoot me a quick text. Nick's not answering his either. And then don't get me started on waiting for that doctor. Fin... What's going on? Something's wrong and there's nothing I can do to fix this." "Hey. Hey, you don't have to fix this. I know you're stressed. I know you're worried. I know you want to talk to your boyfriend and you want to see Cragen pull through, but right now we have to wait. It sucks, it really does, but it's what we gotta do." "When did you become so in touch with your feelings?" Chuckling at her words, Fin takes no offense. "I've always been like this, just never really have chances to let it show." Lowering her eyes to him, Olivia shows Fin she doesn't believe one word that just flowed from his mouth. Raising his hands in mock surrender, Fin quickly adds, "Okay, Okay. Melinda has softened me." With a small smile, Olivia nods her head in agreement and begins to state something, but the door opening interrupts her. Hoping to see Brian walk through the door, Olivia's heart rate quickens upon taking in the blood-soaked scrubs of the petite doctor.
"Are you Olivia Benson?" Immediately rising from her chair, Olivia takes the offered hand of the doctor and shakes it. "Yes, I'm Olivia Benson." "I want to apologize for having to inform you of your father's state…." "He's my captain." "Excuse me?" "My captain. He's my captain. I'm a detective…" "Sergeant!" Fin pipes in from his seat. Rolling her eyes, Olivia finishes her statement, "in his unit." "My apologies, ma'am. Your captain has sustained intense trauma to his upper left ventricle. We were able to stop the bleeding and repair the punctured artery, but he'll have to have a separate surgery, possibly surgeries, to repair the damage sustained to his heart." "So, why didn't you complete the operation?" "His state is very weak. He has lost…" "Can I see him?" "Sergeant…." The doctor physically took a step back and observed Olivia's appearance. Deciding not to add to this woman's already standing heartbreak, the doctor agreed. Turning her back to Olivia, Dr. Charles called over her shoulder, "Follow me," and led Olivia to the critical care unit that currently housed Captain Cragen. "I'm going to need you to scrub your arms up to your elbows and then I'll help you put the scrubs and gloves on." Stepping into the blue smock pants and top, Olivia allowed the doctor to tie her smock top in the back and then the doctor helped her slip into the gloves. "Can you please tie your hair back and put this hat and mask on and then just slip these booties on overtop your shoes. They'll be a little slippery at first, just be careful. Sergeant…." "Call me, Olivia." "Olivia, your captain's immune system is virtually nonexistent at the moment. This is all for his protection. He is under heavy medication. If he wakes at all, he'll be groggy and will more than likely be incoherent." "I understand." "Normally, visits can only last ten minutes, but I'll tell the nurses to leave you be." "Thank you." Pushing the door open, Dr. Charles steps back to open the door fully, allowing Olivia to venture over the threshold. "He's behind curtain number three." Nodding to the doctor, Olivia left her side and journeyed further into the ICU and stopped at the foot of Cragen's bed, just observing the man. The man lying in the bed was not her Donald Cragen. This was not the man she had known for the last 15-16 years. Sighing, Olivia slipped between the curtain and his bed and gently sat in the uncomfortable hospital chair only after she placed a peaceful kiss to Cragen's forehead. Taking his left hand, Olivia leaned forward and began to call upon a God she knew, but barely talked to. He was a God she was introduced to by her former partner. If she had learned and witnessed anything regarding faith from her former partner is was, prayer works. At Donald Cragen's bedside, Olivia Benson began to pray.
Meanwhile, in the waiting room, Fin's attention was torn away from the mind numbing television program that currently held his attention. Reaching for his vibrating cellphone in his pocket, he answered without checking the ID, "Yeah?" "Wow. You could answer a little nicer." Abruptly sitting erect, Fin corrected his mistake. "Mel, I didn't look at the ID. I'm sorry. I just assumed you were someone from the squad?" "You haven't heard anything yet?" "No. Liv went back to Cragen's room about 30 minutes ago and I haven't seen her since. The way the doctor talked, he doesn't have much time." "Oh, Fin." "Yeah. I'm worried about Liv, though." "How so?" "Well, she was making me hella nervous in here earlier. I threatened to call you for us both a Valium prescription." "Fin!" "It worked! She stopped pacing and sat down and started talking! But, that's not all. She's been trying to call Brian all night and he hasn't answered." "You think he's with Amaro?" "Probably, but when has work stopped him from talking to Liv?" "Maybe he was told to not talk to her right now?" "When has that stopped him before?" "True. I'm just trying to think of possibilities. So, I'm guessing you haven't heard anything about the shooting?" "No. The Chief of Ds hasn't even walked back here to talk to us. This is worse than we think." "You don't think Liv will get in trouble for this, do you?" "Naw. She wasn't even on duty. This will be more stress for her, though. She just needs a break." "I know she does. Especially after last week." "Yeah." "You doing OK, Fin?" "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. How you doing?" Smiling into the phone, Melinda can't help but change the direction of the conversation. "I'm good. It's good to hear your voice." "You have no idea. Look, I'm gonna head to the cafeteria to grab some food for Liv to eat." "Good, because you know she won't eat. Fin, make sure she gets plenty of water in her. You don't want her being admitted for dehydration." "I will, Melinda." Briefly pausing, Fin quickly adds, "Hey?" "Yeah?" "I love you." "I love you too, Fin." Venturing down to the cafeteria to browse the hospital's pre-prepared foods, Fin selects a sandwich he deems Olivia-worthy and grabs a couple water bottles. Grabbing two cups of coffee, he prepares the pair for the long night ahead
Across town, Detectives Cassidy and Amaro are entering into round three. It's been a tough match so far, the two entering the interview with already proclaimed bad blood. "I don't think you understand the seriousness of this, Detective Amaro?" Leaning forward in his seat, coming closer to Cassidy who's sitting directly across from him, Nick releases a quick chuckle and then counters, "Are you sure about that? Cause from where I'm sitting, I know the seriousness. I was there. I saw what happened and I've told you everything I know." Pausing, Nick watches Cassidy's facial features for any slight movement and then he has it. Cassidy's left cheek spazzes. Instead of repeating his statement surrounding the shooting, Nick decided to barrel straight into unchartered territory. "I think you should go call your girlfriend. I'm sure she's worried sick and would benefit from hearing from you." Unfortunately, Cassidy refuses the presumed bait. With a laugh, Cassidy refutes the man sitting across from him. "Liv's fine. Liv can take care of her own self." "I didn't say she couldn't. I was just suggesting you call her. I think she could benefit from that." "Oh, you think? You think that, huh?" "Yes," Amaro states flatly. He refuses to be affected by Cassidy's rising attitude. In this moment, Amaro fully sees Cassidy's ignorance and immaturity. Yes, he may be trying to turn the conversation away from him and the shooting that has left his commanding officer in critical condition, but Nick is genuinely worried for Olivia and wants nothing more than for her to be comforted at the current moment. Shaking his head in complete inability to understand Cassidy's motives, Nick sighs and leans back in his seat. "I told you, I fired two shots. The two shots that hit the perp." "Yeah, we'll see about that. So, you wanna talk about that prostitution ring you went to tonight?" "Why? You want info so you can join in? Is that still your thing?" Casting out the ultimate bait and hoping to receive a reaction from Cassidy, Amaro ruthlessly adds, "What? You can't control your urges anymore? Liv won't sleep with you? Your hand not good enough anymore? You need a hard, quick fuck to keep yourself under control around Liv?" Standing up so quickly, his chair falls back and crashes onto the tiled floor of the interrogation room, Cassidy is up and lunges over the table at Nick in an attempt to control his mouth. But, Nick was quicker than Cassidy. Nick was up and away from the table before Cassidy's chair hit the floor and Cassidy now lay awkwardly across the table. "At least I didn't get a pro pregnant!" Cassidy states as he peels away from the table and stands up. "Maybe, but I never planned to marry one. You were going to make a whore your wife!" "Don't you dare talk about her!" "Oh, this is fair game. You used my past against me and don't you dare think I won't use yours against you! You are dating Olivia Benson! Look at her man! You really think you're good enough for her?!" "No! I know I'm not! Do you not think I'm scared shitless she's going to realize she's settling with me and walk away? I'm terrified. I love her, but I know I'm not good enough for her!" Calming his demeanor, Nick smoothed his hands across his freshly changed shirt and states, "No, you're right. You're not. You're not good enough for her. If you really cared about her, you would've called her by now." Turning to look at the clock, Nick realizes it's been five hours since he was brought in. "If you really loved her, you would have called her the moment you knew about Cragen. You would have told her yourself instead of allowing her to find out from one of us or, God forbid, Cragen's surgeon. But, no, you've allowed her calls go to voicemail every time and left her in the dark. I'm leaving. I'll be at the hospital if you need me." A stunned Cassidy stood in the now free interrogation room. He has finally realized his mistake, his selfishness. He reached to grab his phone to call his girlfriend, to make this all right, but his Lieutenant interrupted him. "Cassidy, before you call Sergeant Benson, I need to talk to you in my office." "Yes, sir." Following Tucker to his office, Cassidy only takes a seat after Tucker motions towards one of the chairs. "I know you're living with Benson. I want to make one thing clear: you are to have absolutely no contact with her about this case…. Personal or professional." "Sir, if…" "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I know you were present for her testimony. I'm serious this time. You are working this case and she isn't. If you want to keep your shield, you'll listen to me." Swallowing the knot in his throat, Cassidy eventually adds, "Yes, sir. I understand." "Good. Dismissed." Deciding to forego the preplanned phone call, Cassidy heads for his desk and begins his paperwork on the shooting.
Sitting quietly in by Cragen's bed, Olivia allowed her mind to linger on that night that seemed so long ago. She has to admit she misses him. It would be a complete lie if she were to state otherwise. It's not about the job; instead it's about no longer sharing their lives. She always assumed they'd remain companions. She knew retirement or a transfer were evident, but she also assumed she would receive closure, they'd receive closure. And they did. One time. And until Lewis took her and flipped her world upside down, that one moment was enough. But, ever sense Lewis taunted her in the beach house bedroom about her partner doing her and leaving and then again in the courtroom, she's been unable to remove him from her mind. If she were to be asked pointblank, she would answer honestly. Yes, she misses him and wants him right now. Allowing her own self to remember the feeling of his embrace, something snaps her from the imagined warmth. It's Cragen. He's waking up. Immediately rises from her seat, Olivia begins to stroke at Cragen's forehead. "Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. You're okay." Opening his eyes completely and focusing on her face, Cragen gingerly reaches for her hand positioned on the bed. Squeezing gently, yet with all the strength his could muster, Cragen pulls a delicate smile across his face. "Liv." Resuming her ministrations on his forehead, she adds, "Yeah. It's me. Hey. Hey." "It's good to see you." "Captain, you don't have to talk." "Let me say this." "Okay, Okay." "I made you my emergency contact and next-of-kin for a reason." Smiling and feeling tears beginning to form in her eyes, Olivia doesn't trust her voice nor does she dare interrupt her captain once again. She nods. "Like I said about Elliot, you've been like a daughter to me." "Cap…" "I mean it." "I know." "Don't be mad at him. I had him called." Before she could ask whom exactly he was referring to, Olivia found herself on the outside of the ICU door peering through the small window. A crash cart now replaced her spot by Cragen's bedside. Reviving the only man she ever looked up to seemed like a far more challenging feat than she's witnessed in the past. Something within her soul spoke, telling her of the reality she was seconds away from facing. She knew. And witnessing Dr. Charles turn to the clock and call out the time, she knew Captain Donald Cragen had passed.
Taking large steps backing away from the ICU door, Olivia turned and began to quickly walk back towards the waiting room where not only she abandoned Fin, but also her cellphone, purse, and keys. She needed to leave. She needed a fresh breath of air. This large hospital was constricting. She was losing focus. Everything was being to tunnel into one circular unit. She needed out. She needed to run. Upon entering the waiting room, her world finally stopped. There between Fin and her current partner, her abandoned chair now sat occupied. Her tear-filled eyes were playing tricks on her. This couldn't be. Not now. Not after she just spent hours praying for him at Cragen's beside, he's here. In her seat. With her purse secured between his feet on the floor. Turning back to look out into the hallway, giving herself the option of fully fleeing, she decides to turn back and face the three men. But, he's not sitting in her chair anymore. Noting her stress, he gently touches his right hand to her left forearm. Oh, there he is. His presence doesn't make her flinch; instead it makes the tears she'd been desperate to remain in her eyes actually fall. And he notices. Of course he does. And at one word, she lets the three men know what had just occurred. "Liv." Dropping her head and bringing her hands to her face, she can't hold back the sobs. Taking a chance, Elliot grabs her forearms and pulls her to him. He cradles her. He holds her, offering up comforting murmurs and kisses to her hairline. Standing there in the hospital waiting room, the intimate embrace is witnessed by not only Nick and Fin, but also several other strangers. Taking in her state of being, Nick and Fin share a glance and know they have just lost their commanding officer.