Chapter two
Beca ripped off her headphones from her ears and casually tossed it over the mixer. She rubbed her ears for a moment, trying to get rid of the slightly numbed feeling before leaning over the keyboard of her Mac. A quick tap of a button and her latest mix, the one she had been tinkering with all morning, swelled out from the professional grade, state of the art speakers in her studio. She sank back into her chair, closing her tired eyes, letting the music swirled round her. She always used the headphones when she did all the fine mixing but listening it out loud like this was the best way to gauge the full effect.
Her fingers tapped in time and then Beca frowned.
No, she didn't like that bit. That bit had to go.
She scribbled furiously on her notepad, checking the timings before throwing her pen down and reaching for her mug. Beca grimaced after a quick look into her mug. Obviously Maria, her housekeeper, had been chatting too much with her mom. They both seemed to think that she should be healthier; already nagging her to to cut down on her cigarettes and coffee. And judging by the unappetising tepid green sludge clinging to the inside of her mug, they were trying to make her eat more healthily.
Ugh. She needed coffee.
Beca reached for her phone and switched it on, noting the various missed calls and texts.
"Sandra," she barked into the speaker phone next to her mixing console.
A low buzz came over the phone before Sandra's cheery voice crackled through. "Hey Beca, how's your morning?"
Beca looked the pile of notes on her desk and the double Mac screens in front of her, full with open windows. "Productive," she said in a clipped voice. "I need coffee."
"Sure. Do you want me to run out to Starbucks?"
"Starbucks? Why?" Beca said frowning. "Roberto knows how I like my coffee."
"You told me to fire him yesterday, Beca."
Beca frowned, remembering yesterday's cake debacle before saying churlishly, "I didn't..."
"Yes, you did." Sandra answered. All Sandra heard in reply was some low grumbling over the speakerphone. She smiled before continuing. "Don't worry, I didn't. I know you can't do without his coffee."
"Don't ever joke about that." Beca deadpanned, smiling a little. Sandra knew her too well. She knew when not to take her shit and Beca loved her for it.
"I'll send a pot up and some cake," Sandra replied. "Oh. Luke came looking for you."
Beca chewed her lower lip.
"I was busy."
"Yes, you switched off your phone. He just wanted to know whether you want to go to Hakkasan for dinner tonight. He's due to fly out to London first thing tomorrow."
Beca tapped her fingers again, thinking. Her eyes fell on that velvet jewellery box on the side of her console. The one that Luke had casually placed by her hand during lunch yesterday. She knew what was inside. A brilliant two carat princess cut diamond set in platinum. It was not the first time he had given it to her. And twice she had sent it back immediately. Why she had held on to it this time round was a mystery.
Beca sighed thinking about the ring.
He had not explicitly asked her to marry him. He knew her too well for that. She had never ask for anything else from their relationship other that what they had now. She was not in love with him. She knew that since they went out to LA seven years ago but over the years, they had developed some sort of comfortable, open relationship.
They worked well together. Beca knew Luke kept her straight. She could be her own worse enemy sometimes and Luke had always been there to smooth things over being his usual charming self. Yes, they had the usual hook ups; although it was getting less often nowadays and she never asked him to stay over. They did go out with other people in the last seven years. It was LA. There were plenty of chances to do so but they were the constant in each other's lives.
They respected each other, understood each other and sometimes the familiarity was very comforting. He was a true friend and she never wished for anything more. And Beca was puzzled why Luke was pressing this.
"What else do I have tonight?" Beca asked, rubbing her eyes. The screens were a strain on her eyes sometimes.
"5 o'clock meeting with Joe about the music video. And Clara left a message asking whether you'd like to pop down to the Spider Club tonight. She reserved you a table," Sandra replied.
"What else?" Beca asked.
She didn't feel like partying tonight. She should really work on her mixes.
"And this gallery opening tonight?" Sandra said. "You asked me to remind you?"
Beca stared at the ceiling for a moment, thinking. Yes, she remembered that stunt Aubrey pulled yesterday. It had been such a surprise to see her; even more so talking and catching up with Aubrey Posen. Beca remembered the thick white invite with the flowery calligraphy. She remembered how grateful Aubrey was and how keen she was for Beca to come. But most of all, Beca remembered what Aubrey said.
"Some of the old high school peeps will be there."
"Really?"
"Remember Mike? Bianca. Tom is coming. Jesse. Mark and Kate who are now married."
"Jesse? Jesse's gong to be there?"
"Hmm? Oh. Yeah, he's coming."
"I thought he's based in London. Is he flying in?"
Beca could still see Aubrey frowning as she stared at her.
"You didn't know? Jesse's moved to LA now. He's been here for the past three months."
Beca rubbed her eyes at the thought.
Jesse Swanson.
Jesse Samuel Swanson.
He would be there at Aubrey's opening tonight and apparently he had been around in LA for three months without Beca knowing.
"Sandra, I get back to you."
Beca cut off the call before Sandra could answer. She stood up, checking her pockets for her phone and cigarettes before walking out of the studio into garden and the afternoon sun. She leant against a wall, lit up one and slowly inhale, feeling that addictive smoke filling up her lungs before exhaling out. Her nerves dulled a little with that nicotine hit.
She should quit. It was a disgusting habit. She didn't know why she started. Probably trying to look all hard and cool at the beginning but that stupid addiction stuck.
Jesse Swanson.
When was the last time she spoke to him?
Beca could not remember. And with that, guilt stabbed through her. She had been terrible with keeping up with her old friends lately. Maybe if she had, she would know Jesse had made the move to LA. Why did she lose touch with everyone?
Beca drew another pull from the cigarette.
She knew the answer to her own question.
It was just too hard.
A month after she left
"Hey!" The Skype photo was a bit shaky but Beca could not help but smile at the way Benji, Jesse and Chloe was jostling in front of the screen to say hi to her.
"LA Woman! How are you?" Chloe squealed.
"Nice song reference there, Chlo," Beca said, grinning into the screen. "How's Moving in Day?"
"Crazy." "The activity's fair pretty cool." "Your dad barged in on us, Becs."
Beca laughed at the chorus that came at her.
"Beca, listen to me. They were giving out rape whistles!" Chloe said, her eyes widening. "I'm not sure what kind of college this is. Why are they giving out rape whistles?"
"They gave you girls rape whistles?" Jesse said, frowning at Chloe on the screen now. Benji was nodding at that. "How come us guys didn't get one? Guys can get raped too, you know."
"No one wants to rape you, Jesse," Chloe said, rolling her eyes.
"Hey, Jesse's good-looking. There's a lot of man there," Benji said jokingly coming to Jesse's defence."The girls won't be able to keep their hands off him."
Jesse did clear his throat a little uncomfortably at that and Benji clapped his hand over his mouth. Beca was laughing her head off.
"Are you both roomies?" Beca said, changing the subject. "Show me your dorm."
"How's your classes?"
"Ughh, Beca," Jesse groaned. "So much work. Where is all this college party thing everyone's talking about?"
It was about a month in and Jesse was skyping her in the dead of the night. That hour seemed to work for them. He was lying on his front, staring into his laptop. Beca thought she could hear Benji snoring.
"Your dad's a tyrant, Becs. I think he had it in for me." Jesse complained, rubbing his eyes. He looked tired.
"Probably he suspects what you did to his daughter," Beca said knowingly. It teased a tired smile from him.
"I miss you." Jesse said, a wistful smile on his face, fingers stroking the screen.
"Miss you too."
They were silent for a moment before Beca frowned at him.
"Have you sign up for anything?" she asked. "Any clubs? Pledge any frat house? Donald and Bumper should be able to get you in theirs."
Jesse was propping his cheek in his palm.
"No. Not interested."
"Jesse! You should," Beca scolded. "College's fun. So says my dad. Join something. Make memories. Have fun."
"I dunno, Becs," he had mumbled sleepily. "I just want to get college over and done with... and move to LA."
He was yawning now.
"You should get some sleep. We'll skype next week."
"No. Keep talking."
"Don't you have an early class tomorrow?"
"Yeah. But it's OK. Benji's going to wake me up." Jesse said, yawning again. "I can't wait for Christmas break. It would be good to see you, baby."
"Yeah. Umm.. about that..." Beca was looking a little guilty.
All trace of sleepiness was gone from his face.
"You're not coming home for Christmas?" Jesse said. He looked so stricken over the screen that Beca could feel her heart twisting.
"We.. I just got here..." Beca said, stumbling over her words. She always tried not to bring up Luke. "I've got a bunch of things to do and could really save that airfare."
He was biting his lower lip and looked away for an instant, like he was trying to keep his emotions in check. It would be the first Christmas both of them had without the other. They had always had Christmas together since they were five. Christmas always meant carolling, making cookies, joke presents culminating with a huge dinner at the Swansons on Christmas day. Beca was going to miss all that. She already missed Thanksgiving.
"Yeah, that made sense," Jesse finally spoke. He gave her a ghost of a smile. "Will Luke be there for Christmas too? He's not going home?"
Beca took a deep breath. "Yeah, he's going to be here."
Jesse nodded slowly. "Ok. That's good. At least you're not alone for Christmas."
He swallowed a little before saying, "Tell me what's you've been up to. How was the gig last night?"
Beca talked for the next ten minutes while he nodded over the screen. The gig had been great. It had been better than great. The venue was tiny and their slot was late but the room was still rammed and Beca had been so excited to see so many famous faces in the room, nodding along to her music. That had been exhilarating.
"...and Bob, the manager, said we could do another slot next week..." Beca said excitedly. She then stopped talking. Jesse was fast asleep, head down on the keyboard. Beca smiled a little. He was going to wake up with a crick on his neck.
"Good night baby," Beca whispered and she pressed the button to end the call.
"We made it into the Treblemakers, Becs."
Beca was smiling at how excited Benji was. Jesse was grinning at the background and he pushed Benji aside so his face now loomed in the screen.
"And I got a job at the school radio station," Jesse said excitedly. "It's all stacking CDs now but who knows, Becs? The station manager might let me have a slot and play some music. I can play your mixes and everyone would know I know you before you got famous."
Beca was laughing.
"Yeah.. and the people at the station are all cool. I have shifts with Carly and she's cool," Jesse said enthusiastically. "She made it into the Barden Bellas together with Chloe."
"What in the world is a Barden Bella?" Beca said.
"Girls aca-pella group. Like the opposite of us Treblemakers," Jesse replied. "Sworn enemies. But not really. If half of the stories we heard were true..."
"Where's Chloe?"
"She's at practice," Jesse said. He looked at his watch, eyebrows knitting. "They are going to be done in about 15 minutes. I'm supposed to meet Carly after the Bella's practice. We are going to have lunch before our shift."
Beca nodded, tamping down that uneasy feeling she had. "Sounds cool. Make sure you'll get a big ass burrito."
"Nah. Carly doesn't like Mexican food. We are going for pizza."
"OK. You'd better go." Beca said, smiling on the screen.
Jesse was grinning. "I'll catch you later, Becs."
Benji waited until Jesse was out of the door before swinging back to Beca.
"You ok there?"
Beca looked at Benji's concerned face, amplified on the screen.
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" she answered. "Now tell me all about the Treblemakers."
"Hey, just wanna wish you guys luck for the finals."
"Thank you, Becs!" Chloe said, grinning into the Skype screen. That was Chloe; excitable and as bouncy as ever, She then jumped in her seat, squealing. "OMG Becaaaa! I heard your single on the radio! You are officially famous!"
"Did you? Oh my god! You did?" Beca looked gobsmacked.
"Yeah. It was awesome!" Benji said, his head now appearing next to Chloe. "Jesse and I were jumping up and down in our dorm when it came on."
Beca laughed at the mental image. She could so imagine both of them jumping like little kids. Hell, she was jumping about herself when she heard her mix on air.
"Where's Jesse?" Beca said, still grinning. Chloe and Benji were now looking at each other for a while before looking a little sheepish.
"Umm.. he's out," Benji said. "I think he didn't get your text saying we are going to Skype. That's why hes's not here..."
"Ok."
Beca looked at her screen at both of them conferring with each other in hushed voices before hearing Chloe saying quietly yet fiercely at Benji, "She has to know.."
"Guys, what is it?" Beca said. Benji was shaking his head looking unsure but Chloe looked determined.
"Umm... Beca, just so you know..." Chloe said. "Jesse's been spending a lot of time with Carly lately."
Beca nodded. She had seen the instagrams and the tweets.
"I think they are serious." Chloe said, chewing her lip. "He's out most nights studying with her."
Beca quirked an eyebrow.
"Is that what you college kids call it nowadays?" Beca said, her smile still fixed on her lips. Chloe turned to whisper something to Benji and shoved his shoulder. Benji looked exasperated before saying "Ok!" softly to Chloe.
"Umm.. Becs, I've gotta go," Benji was now saying. He smiled at the screen. "Congrats on that single. You are famous!"
Beca chuckled, waving at Benji from the screen. Once Benji was out of the room, Chloe turned back.
"You ok?" she asked worriedly.
Beca rolled her eyes.
"Yes, I am," she said. Chloe was still looking worried. "I'm fine, Chlo. Jesse needs to have fun. Get a girl. Go crazy in college. I can't ask him to wait for me."
"But are you really ok?" Chloe insisted.
Beca sighed. "If I'm not, I can't do anything about it." She paused for a moment before continuing. "How's Carly? Is she nice? Will she take care of him?"
"Yeah." Chloe nodded. "She's cool. She quit the Bellas and now a sorority chick but she's one of the nice ones. And hot. Umm... not as hot as you."
"Chloe.." Beca admonished. "You don't have to do that."
"Just so you know.." Chloe said conspiratorially. "He doesn't look at her like he looked at you."
"Chloe, stop!" Beca passed her hand over her eyes for a moment, trying to calm herself down. "I can deal with this, ok? I can deal with Jesse seeing other people and having another life. That is the price I have to pay for coming here. But you are not helping with all this."
"I'm sorry."
Chloe looked so sad that Beca felt a little bad for being so sharp with her. She was just trying to make Beca felt better; Beca knew that but seriously, it was not helping.
Beca smiled shakily at the camera, changing the topic. "Hey, have you heard what Stacie is up to lately?"
Two years later
"Oh my god, Beca! This is your apartment?" Stacie stood at the doorway, gawking at the interior. "Beca, you are rich!"
"Don't be silly," Beca said. She tossed her keys into a bowl and pulled Stacie's rolling cabin bag into the room. "This is modest compared to some."
Stacie was still speechless as she walked in and took in the furnishings, the golden records on the wall and the awards on the shelves.
"You are rich, successful AND famous!" Stacie said, disbelievingly. "God, girl! I am so proud of you!"
Stacie went over and gave Beca a hug. Beca just laughed.
"And I'm proud of you too, Stacie! Dean's List? You made the Dean's list at Berkeley two years running?" Beca said, hugging the taller brunette again. "That is just so awesome!"
They parted with tears in their eyes and Beca went into her kitchen with Stacie following behind.
"What do you want to drink?" Beca asked, opening her enormous fridge.
"Coke. Full sugar. Adele version please."
Beca got one and handed it over to her.
"So when's the rest coming?" Stacie said casually as she popped the can open. "It would be good to see everyone."
"Amy is just driving down," Beca said. "And Chloe and Benji will come tomorrow."
Stacie frowned.
"Only Chloe and Benji? When's Jesse's coming?"
"He's not."
"What do you mean he's not?" Stacie replied. "We've been planning this for months! Just the old group hanging out in your amazingly lavish pad in LA."
Beca chuckled at that before smiling a little grimly.
"No, he's going backpacking in Europe," Beca said. "At least that's what his facebook said."
"He didn't even tell you he's not coming?" Stacie said aghast. "After you've invited everyone and even offer to pay for the flights?"
"I think Europe wins over LA any day, babe," Beca said, trying to make light of it.
"Not when it's all of us. And you," Stacie said. "We haven't had a summer week together for like, three years!"
Beca shrugged.
"Who's he's backpacking with?" Stacie continued. "Carly? Was that her name? The girlfriend?"
"No, it's someone else now, I think. I didn't really keep up. Chloe or Benji would know."
Stacie's face clouded over at that comment.
"When was the last time you talk to Jesse?" Stacie said. Beca patted her pockets, looking for that crumpled pack of cigarettes, drew one out and lit it up. Stacie's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline. "When did you even start smoking?"
Beca seemed to realise that she was. It was an automatic habit now whenever she was nervous. She quickly stubbed the cigarette out. "I'm sorry. I should have asked whether you mind," Beca apologised, wafting the smoke away.
"It's your house," Stacie said simply. She was not to be sidetracked. "When was the last time you talk to Jesse?"
Beca rubbed her eyes.
"Maybe a few months back."
"How many is a few?"
"Three? Six?" Beca tried to think. "Six. I've not talk to him in six months."
"Six months?!"
Beca felt a little sick when she realised that.
"Beca, what is happening?" Stacie was standing in front of her now, forcing Beca to look up at her. "You guys were tight. He had plans to move out to LA as soon as he graduated. That was all he talked about when you left. And now you are not even talking? What the hell happened?"
Beca shrugged.
"Plans changed. People moved on," Beca replied. "It was just easier, Stacie. I had lots to do. I toured a lot. And he had this whole other life which was much better without me coming in."
"You are always a part of his life, Beca." Stacie insisted.
"Was. Was part of his life. It's healthier this way," Beca said. "Just drop it, Stacie. Let's just have a nice week together, ok? I don't really want to talk about this. There is nothing we can do about it now."
Beca remembered when was the last time she saw Jesse. It was at least three years ago at his graduation from Barden. She had to be there, of course. Not only for him. For Chloe and Benji too. She managed to get an invite, courtesy of her dad and Beca remembered how her voice was nearly hoarse with cheering when her old friends went up and took their degrees. She was just so proud of them.
He looked so happy.
And Mr. and Mrs. Swanson were surrounding him, hugging him tight, looking so proud and Beca had tears in her eyes. She turned, not wanting to intrude on that lovely family moment, disappearing into the crowd and quickly seeking out Chloe and Benji.
They were falling all over her, hugging her tight, not really believing she was actually there.
She did not tell them she was coming.
Beca was about to leave when she heard him calling out to her.
"Beca! Oh my god, Beca!"
It took her a moment to collect herself before turning back. He was running up to her, gown flapping, mortar board askew on his head. She had to laugh. He looked so funny. Now he was standing in front of her, trying to catch his breath and Beca looked at him fondly.
"You ok there?" Beca asked, half smile on her lips.
"You came," Jesse gasped out, still trying to catch his breath. "I didn't know you were here!"
"Yeah. Can't miss your graduation, college boy," Beca said lightly.
He had caught his breath now, smiling down at her.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me you are coming," Jesse said. He still looked a little shell-shocked.
"I had a gap in my schedule. I could come," Beca said casually. She didn't add that she told her PA at the pain of death or firing, whichever came sooner, to keep those dates free.
"Oh. Ok." Jesse said, almost uncomfortably. He glanced behind her, half expecting an entourage before staring at her again. "So. How long are you going to be around?"
"Couple of days. Had to spend some time with Dad and the stepmonster."
Jesse nodded and grimaced a little.
"I wish I knew you were coming," he said carefully. "We could hang out, you know."
Beca frowned at that.
"You won't be around the next couple of days?"
"No. I have to catch my flight." Jesse replied, looking almost miserable now.
This was new. Well, she had not been keeping tabs but this was definitely new.
"I've got a place in NYU Steinhardt for their Master's programme. I'm flying in early. Ma insisted I get settle in and all that." Jesse said, running his hand through his hair. "I think she just wants to go shopping."
So not LA then? No. Of course not. That was no longer his plan.
"Their Music Composition programme? " Beca asked. Jesse nodded in response. Beca smiled as brightly as she could, forcing down what she was truly feeling inside. "Way to go, Jess! That's a really good one."
They stood apart for a moment, trying to think of something to say.
"I've gotta go," Beca said finally breaking the silence. "Sheila's cooking dinner and I'm supposed to help."
"Ok."
"Ok." Beca said. "Good luck in New York."
"Thanks for that."
She started to turn away.
"Beca?"
She turned back at his call. He looked like he was not entirely sure he should say something. He then breathed out. "I'm glad you are here, Becs. It made my day..." Jesse paused, face frowning as he searched for the right word. He exhaled another deep breath. "..it made my day complete."
Beca kept that smile on her face. She nodded. She understood what she had to do.
She had to let him go now.
This part of his life was complete.
"I'll see you around," she said cheerily, taking a step back. "You're going to enjoy New York."
Another smile. Her cheeks were already hurting. He was standing still and Beca committed that memory of him in his flappy graduation gown, with that unsure, almost polite smile on his lips.
She could not read his face.
She did not know what he was thinking.
And it hit her how much distance had grown between them.
"Goodbye, Becs."
"Goodbye, Jesse."
She took another step back and turned around.
And then Beca Mitchell had walked slowly away.
The afternoon sun was burning her skin. Beca stepped further into the shade, lighting up another cigarette. All this reminiscing was making her head hurt.
That was the last time she saw him. Whatever other things she heard about him was some passing comment either via Stacie or Amy. He aced that Masters programme and went out to London about a year or two years back. Beca was not completely sure.
She lost touch.
Not only with him but with the rest too.
The calls dropped in frequency first as everyone go busier with their lives. And then the emails, followed by the casual notes on Facebook and Twitter, dropping down to likes and then none at all. She did run into Amy since Amy moved to LA for her acting career and spoke to Stacie once in a long while but that was all.
Beca took out her phone, scrolling through her Twitter and Facebook quickly. She had not looked at them for a long time. She had people to do all those tweets and grams now. It took her some time to find Chloe and Benji. Some of their entries did not even made sense. That was how long she had not been in touch.
Her fingers hovered over the phone.
She wanted them to type "Jesse Swanson" but she felt a little ill. It felt like she was again intruding into his life. Where she was not wanted.
Go on. Just a quick look.
Her fingers were still frozen. And then her phone rang loudly. The caller ID came up and she answered the call.
"Hey Luke."
"Hey babe," Luke's dulcet British tones came through the phone. "You've been busy today."
"Yeah. Yeah I have." Beca rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on. She threw the cigarette butt on the patio and went inside. The coolness of the airconditioning was soothing after all that sun. "I got that mix sorted. That one was annoying the hell out of me."
"Good girl," came Luke's reply. "I've been busy all morning too."
Beca hummed in response. She went into her studio and saw the silver platter with the coffee pot and china cup ready for her. Beca gratefully pounced on the coffee.
"Had a meeting with Nate Paterson this morning."
Beca groaned out loud. "I swear to you, Luke! I will NOT do a potato commercial!"
Luke was laughing at her vehemence.
"Don't worry about that, love. You know I won't let you sell potatoes."
"Ok. That's good." Beca said in relief.
"I got a few interesting projects lined up though." Luke said teasingly.
"What?" she asked warily.
"Mmm.. a few things," Luke said. "Sony is looking for a jingle. No, don't say anything yet, Beca. This is not one of those run of the mill commercials. It's going to be a sonic logo. Something like what Justin did for McDonalds. Or Eminem. It would be effortless for you."
Beca sighed. Yeah, she could do that. It would be easy money.
"What else?"
"Jason Moore is directing a new film. They were asking for a new song to tie in.."
"That sounds interesting. I love Avenue Q," Beca said, taking another gulp of coffee.
"It comes with a walk on part in the movie."
"What? No." She nearly spat out her coffee.
"Why not?" Luke sounded puzzled over the phone.
"No. Movies are not my thing." Beca said flatly, placing her cup of coffee down on the table.
"But doing a song is fine?" Luke said.
Beca sighed, rubbing her temples again. She did not answer.
"Babe, just think about it, ok?" Luke said softly. "At least I can tell Nate you are trying to get out there. He'll give you space to work on the music if you say yes."
"Ok."
"Ok to the walk on part?"
"No, ok to me thinking about it." Beca said testily.
Luke chuckled.
"You drive a hard bargain, Becs. I'll tell Nate you are considering it. Thank you for that." Luke said, sounding chipper. "Listen, I'm on an early flight tomorrow. Do you want to have dinner tonight?"
She loved Luke. In her own way, she did. He had been good to her all these years. But she could not face him right now. Not when there was that question hanging between them. Beca's eyes fell on that velvet jewellery box and then skidded over to the thick envelope with the calligraphic A.
"I've promised Aubrey I'll go to her opening. She took so much trouble to get me to come," Beca said. "Catch you when you come back?"
There was a beat of hesitance before Luke finally replied.
"Ok. I'll call you when I touch down."
"Yeah. Do that," she answered. "Hey, have a safe flight ok?"
"I will."
"BECA! Over here!" "BECA here! Here!"
The flashes were popping right in her face as the door to the limo opened. Paolo held Beca's hand steady as she stepped out of the car before closing the door and cutting a pathway for her through the hordes of paparazzi on the pavement.
"BECA here!" "Give us smile!" "One more here, Beca!"
Beca smiled automatically, still moving, keeping close to Paolo. Sandra was flanking her right.
"Miss Mitchell! Who are you seeing?" "Where's Luke?" "What's your favourite yogurt?"
A few tape recorders were thrust into her face and she instinctively turned her head away, continuing her brisk pace towards the entrance.
"Back off, please." Paolo groused.
It was not until she was safely on top of the stairs that Beca turned round, smiling brightly and posed for the cameras. The Versace green lace dress was perfect on her; the jewelled green colour set off her pale skin and the cut off at the back would show an expanse of her perfect back. The popping flashes were blinding.
"Beca, here!" "Beca, what's happening here?"
"I'm here to support my friend, Aubrey Posen. She's a very talented artist," Beca said loudly over the din. The papparazzi had been tipped that she was going to be here. She had asked Sandra to do it discreetly. It woud be good publicity for Aubrey and Beca did not mind doing that for her.
"What sort of artist?" "Have you posed for her?" "Beca, here!"
"She's an old friend," Beca laughed lightly. More flashes. "Get a catalogue, guys. Aubrey Posen. She's fantastic." Beca turned her head in several directions smiling and answering a few more questions before finally saying, "Thank you, guys."
"Beca! One more!" "Here!"
The sound of the paparazzi swelled up and they surged forward. Beca was already turning away, heading into the entrance while Paolo stepped forward to block the surge. Sandra had gone on ahead. The door to the gallery was already open and Beca was enveloped in a swirl of arms.
"Oh my god, Beca! You came!" Aubrey was shrieking in excitement. When Beca finally extracted herself out of her arms, she could see Aubrey was almost in tears. "Thank you, Beca! For the flowers and for all this."
Beca straightened her dress, smoothing the green lace down. Aubrey had been a little over-enthusiastic in hugging her. Not an experience Beca had before. She flicked her fringe back, smiling up at the blonde.
"I couldn't miss this, Aubrey," she answered sincerely.
The blonde woman was beaming down at her now as she led her into the gallery.
" I don't know how long you can stay," Aubrey said. "Let me guide you through the installation."
Beca nodded as she followed Aubrey deeper into the gallery. A catalogue and flute of champagne was handed to her and Beca sipped it slowly, listening to Aubrey. The space was white and immaculate. Each art piece was thoughtfully curated and installed, with lighting showing them at their best advantage. There were a mix of mediums, mostly oils with a few sculptures dotted around.
She was now animatedly talking through the exhibition, pointing at a few pieces. "A lot of my earlier work are very rough. I was trying to find my style and what I am most comfortable with. But I can't leave them out from this. They are all a part of my journey..."
Yes, Beca could understand that. She stood in awe, looking at the pieces before her. Who would have though Aubrey had it in her? She was half listening to Aubrey explaining her concept but there was no need for that. Even with her untrained eye, Beca could see the transition in Aubrey's work - from the earlier darker, amateurish, painfully withdrawn pieces to a more refined, freer style in her later work. It was almost like she was exorcising her demons.
"Then there was this amazing idea that I had..." Aubrey was still talking when she was interrupted by one of the gallery staff, who whispered to her. "Oh. Ok. Beca, I have to go. Are you ok by yourself for a few minutes?"
"I'm fine," Beca said, not used to this solicitous Aubrey. "I shouldn't monopolise you. It's your night."
Aubrey apologised again before hurrying off, leaving Beca with a fresh flute of champagne. Beca walked round the gallery slowly, looking at each piece again. She was half aware of the hushed whispers floating round her, the covert stares and the open ogling. She was used to all of that now.
She circled round the room again and came back to the one piece.
Beca stood in front of the large canvas, taking in the artwork. It was a study of cool blues, greys, whites and black. A close up of a woman's face was placed in a left hand corner of the canvas; so skilfully painted it almost look like a photograph. She had her eyes closed with the tiniest hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth. Beca wasn't sure whether she was sleeping, meditating or thinking. But what caught her attention was the exuberance of the woman's dark hair, spilling out to the rest of the canvas.
When Beca moved her head, the hair seemed to shimmer and dance. She leant forward, looking closer and shook her head in disbelief. The hair was made up with hundreds, perhaps thousands of tiny musical notes in a mixture of medium to make that river of hair alive. Beca nearly ran her fingers over the notes, wondering whether they sing out a song or whether they were just placed at random. She ran her eyes trying to follow the notes; thinking perhaps she recognise a tune but then it changed to another. Beca was fascinated. She could look at this painting for hours.
"Does that remind you of anyone?"
She knew this was coming. She knew this would happened.
But it still took her a moment to quell down that fluttering in her tummy.
Beca fixed a smile on her lips before turning round. He was standing just behind her, trademark smile on his face.
"Jesse."
He merely nodded, taking a step forward to stand beside her and looked at the canvas. They both stood in silence, looking at the canvas. Beca was a little glad about that. She could focus on the canvas instead of the man who was standing beside him. She was lost in that potrait again when he finally spoke up.
"How have you been, Beca?"
It came out like a polite murmur and Beca frowned
"Good," she murmured back equally polite. "How about you?"
"Good."
That silence between them was uncomfortable; almost excruciating. Beca took another sip of her champagne for something to do. Sandra came up to her left.
"Beca, call for you. It's Clara."
Beca nodded, taking the phone. She could excuse herself now. She could smile apologetically at him, motion to her phone and then walk away, perhaps slip away after the call and then that would be the end of it. It could be a graceful way to end this rather uncomfortable meeting. She could take the call, find Aubrey later to say congrats and she could be on her way. Coming tonight was a big mistake.
She was at the edge of doing that when Jesse took her champagne flute out of her hand, softly saying, "Here, let me hold that for you." His fingers brushed against hers for a moment.
Beca nodded dumbly, releasing the glass.
"Clara, yeah it's me." Beca spoke for a few minutes before ending the call. He was still standing there with both glasses in his hands, waiting. Beca managed a small smile, taking the drink from him and handing over her phone to Sandra who was hovering nearby.
He had a little smile of disbelief on his face.
"Wow, you've got people to man your phone?"
She was not sure whether that was said in jest or he was trying to be rude.
"Why? Don't you?" Beca answered back in a bored tone, tossing her fringe again.
He threw his head back and laughed. Beca was a little startled at the sound of his laugh. She had not heard it for a long time. And it felt like the warmest thing on the planet. Like warm hot chocolate. She stared at the sight of Jesse Swanson laughing, a little lost at how he looked. He looked great. A little tanned, hair a touch long but he was still the same. Ok, more mature in the face, of course. More grown up but he was still the same Jesse Swanson
He had stopped laughing now, his lips curving into a smile. His eyes were twinkling.
"You cut your hair."
She consciously ran her hair through her short crop and tossed her long fringe. She forgot this look was new. She had gone through so many looks and Beca was sure she did not look the same as the last time Jesse saw her.
"Why didn't you tell me you moved to LA?"
Was her voice a little sharp? Beca did not care. It was a valid question. True, they lost touch and they had grown apart but they had grown up together, for goodness sake. She now realised she felt a little hurt that Jesse did not look her up, much less tell her before that he movrf to LA.
All trace of laughter was gone on his face. Beca watched as his expression drew in; closing off and again, that was unfamiliar. She had never seen that look before.
"I didn't plan to be in LA. It just happened," Jesse said slowly. He was looking away from her, almost like he was thinking his answer through.
Oh.
He had an almost pinched look on his face before continuing. "I did thought about calling, Becs but I didn't want to intrude."
Beca waved his excuses away.
"I can't believe you said that, Jess," Beca scolded him, frowning up at him. She had a scowl on her face now. "Of course you can call me anytime. You know that."
He shrugged.
"It was hard getting through to you," he replied, a trace reproachfully. "We all tried getting in touch, Becs. But we can't get you. Your phone number's changed. No one had your latest."
Beca thought that through.
"I'm sorry," Beca answered, sounding contrite. "I did changed my numbers a lot. All that phone hacking scandal, you know."
Jesse nodded, now turning back to gaze at the canvas.
"Do you like it?" he asked, gesturing to the art piece before them.
"It's beautiful," Beca answered, looking at the painting again. "So intricate. I didn't know Aubrey's so talented."
"It's great that you turn up tonight. You must have a million other stuff to do," Jesse said, eyes still on the painting. "It means a lot to Aubrey that you are here, you know."
"She caught me. I didn't even know all about this before yesterday," Beca said. I didn't even know about you, she wanted to add.
"Didn't you read the catalogue? She dedicated the whole exhibition to you."
Beca frowned as she flipped the catalogue over with one hand. Right in the inside cover was a brief dedication from Aubrey. It was true what Jesse said. Aubrey had gone as far as calling Beca her muse, her inspiration to chase her dreams, that she wouldn't be here without her.
"Wow. That is... that is something," Beca said, shaking her head, reading the dedication again. "I didn't do anything. I don't.. I don't deserve any of this..."
"Sometimes, you forgot, Becs," Jesse murmured softly. "You forgot how much you affect...us. Umm.. all of us."
She gulped a little, not daring to look at him. No, she couldn't look at him.
"So you've been in touch with Aubrey all this time?" Beca asked, taking another sip of her champagne.
"She got in touch last year," Jesse said. "Came out of the blue. She was curating an exhibition in London and we met up for coffee."
"That's nice," Beca answered blandly.
Another spell of silence as both of them gazed at the painting.
"So. Besides your phone nanny, who did you come with?" Jesse said. "Where's Luke?"
"That's Sandra, my PA. Luke's away," Beca answered, glancing at him. "How about you?"
"Jesse."
He was about to answer when they heard his name being called. Beca was about to turn towards the voice but then she stopped, gazing straight at Jesse. Because he was already looking at the direction of the voice, a beautiful smile stealing across his face. His eyes were softening in a way she had seen before. All those years ago.
But he was not looking at her with those eyes.
Beca froze.
A stunning woman, long dark honey hair in curls, in a pretty flowery dress was walking towards them. She slipped easily to his side and his arm fell automatically across her shoulder, pulling her closer. Both of them smiling, eyes only for each other, in a world of their own and for a moment, Beca felt like an intruder.
She instinctively took a step back and her slight movement seemed to shake both of them back into the room. The woman was looking at her, delight etched on her face. She looked like she was about to squeal.
"Beca. You are Beca Mitchell," The woman was now saying, a little excitedly.
English. Beca recognised the accent.
"Hello." Beca replied, fixing a smile on her face. "I'm afraid you have the better of me..."
Jesse seemed to rouse himself and a faint flush came to his cheeks.
"Oh. Umm...yes, sorry," Jesse said, sounding a little flustered. "Umm.. Emily, you know Beca. Beca..umm... this is my girlfriend, Emily."
AN : So hard. This chapter was so hard to write. Harder than my last chapter of Birthdays because the breakdown in their relationship is so sad. I am so sorry Beca sounded like a bitch in the last chapter. Without her friends to ground her, she had hardened somewhat over the years. She had changed. And so did Jesse. Do you think they can find each other again? Do you think Jesse can fall in love with this Beca?