Unwritten Rules of the SGC
Chapter 2
21. It is forbidden to play the 'Imperial March' when Kinsey visits.
21a. No matter how funny it is.
SG-2 were into their second week of Latrine Duty, coincidentally the Cafeteria were overstocked on curry for the second week running.
22. Just because SG-1 can pull Miracles out of their arses doesn't mean You can, don't take unnecessary risks. It's Not Cool!
Every SG team had to be rescued that week, except SG-1, who were on mandatory holiday, SG-7 and SG-13, who were on SAR that week.
22a. Exceptions do happen.
SG-1 was rescued twice in one day by SG-7 who were on a Search and Destroy mission in one of Apophis' shipyards.
23. Being posted to the Alpha Site, Truk or Rabaul doesn't mean the Fraternisation Regs don't apply.
Jack tried to us that excuse when he was caught at each site in a cupboard with Sam Carter.
24. Truk is a Deep Penetration Forward Naval Base, Do Not mention it in front of anyone who doesn't already know.
The Tok'ra hadn't been happy to learn they'd lost several Operatives on Goa'uld capital ships to SGC Stealth Frigates operating deep in Goa'uld Space.
They also weren't happy to learn the SGC had Stealth Frigates, initially at least.
Most had come to love the design, being bigger than their old Tel'taks, slightly faster, with decent weapons for its size, and an impressive Stealth System that hid the ship from everything but the MK1 eyeball.
Given the fact that with its lack of windows and dark grey paint scheme it looked like a hole in space even that wasn't much of a liability.
24. Don't mess around with the tech in Carter's, Emrys' or Daniel's labs/workstations.
24a. Anything from the first will probably be needed to save Our arses.
24b. Anything from the second was probably something Emrys hadn't completed before the Ancients made him take an Ice Nap so is probably more advanced than even the Asgard understand and likely to blow the mountain Into Orbit if broken.
24c. And anything from the last will likely needed to find some really important Ancient discovery or tech.
SG-1 looked very sheepish for several days after these three went up, SG-2 looked very singed.
25. Hathor may dress like a hooker but don't ask what her rates are.
SG-2 couldn't move for two days after getting captured and Feretti opened his mouth ,Hathor figured it out pretty fast considering she'd been out of the loop nearly six thousand years, SG-7 had to carry them back while SG-1 provided cover fire.
26. Everyone is encouraged to learn to perform an additional Non-combat role.
Krystal, Emrys' wife, when not learning Earth Culture and customs or teaching her husband about her peoples, was employed as an extra unarmed and staff combat instructor. With every new batch of recruits several Marines would wind up in the Infirmary, usually after someone either questioned her ability or asked if she could change into her tribal outfit.
Several of the science staff had taken up her example and started helping out the maintenance crews.
Even Jack and Feretti became Instructors on the Firing Range.
27. No one is to mention, discuss or read Wormhole Extreme Fanfiction in front of SG-1.
Daniel and Jack had gotten pissed out of their skulls after they overheard a discussion between recruits of certain romantic pairings.
28. Do not gamble off base with Allies.
SG-7 had won a Beliskiner-class cruiser from Thor, a Zero-G mining ship from Narim, ten gallons of Jaffa spirits from Bra'tac and a Particle Rifle prototype from Jacob/Selmak that had been swiped from Ba'al, All thanks to Krystal's telepathy.
29. This is NOT the 4077th, Gurney races aren't allowed, there's not enough room people!
The Medical Staff got bored and forced SG-1, SG-2 and SG-7 to watch the first, second and third series of MASH during a Lock Down.
This also led to the next rule.
30. Do Not put removed organs (appendices, tonsils, etc…) in anyone's boots.
30a. No Matter How Much They Deserve It!"
The Marines in SGs 12, 14 and 15 had spent the past three days insulting virtually everyone, four days after the gurney race they woke up with 'presents' in their boots.
31. Nothing is Idiot Proof in the Military, Especially in the SGC.
Several of the new recruits, especially one Rodney Mckay, managed to bollocks up basic training. Emrys was still trying to figure out how Mckay overloaded a Mak'tok with a power cell so drained it shouldn't have been physically possible. Everyone else was just glad Walter had improvised a speed dial for the Stargate during the MASH Lockdown.
32. The Cerinian Cruisers are not 'Big Yellow Submarines'.
The Cerinians, Krystal's people, had decided to get more involved with the SGC after Hammond arranged diplomatic meetings with several of the SGC's other allies for them. They'd sent two Companies of Warriors, a Cruiser and four Long Endurance Scout Ships, it was discovered, upon the ships' arrival at the Rabaul Base in Alpha Centauri, that the Cerinians used armour made from a golden alloy which, combined with the resemblance of the design to WWII subs, lead to a number of airmen, led by Feretti, breaking into song. Luckily the Cerinian crews were amused once they understood.
33. Never Underestimate the Arrogance and Stupidity of the Goa'uld.
Even before Krystal had been accepted as an auxiliary member of SG-7, they'd gotten pretty good breaking into enemy strongholds, swiping everything they could carry (one time even taking a prototype Neutrino Ion Generator bolted to the floor), rescuing whoever had been captured (usually SGs 1, 2, 3, 5 and 9) and getting out without being seen. The above teams were now begging for tips on avoiding detection.
34. 'Prongs ate my report' is not an excuse!
This was immediately followed by…
35. Stop Feeding Prongs Your Reports! The Ink Gives Him The Runs!
Not only had the Stag/Wolf mammal been given a name (and collar) but Jack and Feretti had started feeding him their Mission Reports when something went wrong. A week later they alone were cleaning up the mess.
36. John Sheppard is no longer allowed in a Lynx without responsible adult supervision.
36a. Colonel O'Neill, Lou Feretti and Charles Kawalsky do not count as responsible adults.
Emrys, Carter and Jacob/Selmak had successfully built a prototype shuttle based on an Ancient design Emrys remembered to go through the Stargate, after testing the SGC put it into production and started pulling their best pilots from other bases, including one John Sheppard from McMurdo. Within a week he, Jack, Feretti and a recently resurrected Kawalsky had 'borrowed' a pair for an afternoon.
Neither Hammond nor the Maintenance crews were happy when they returned.
37. Be polite around animals, they can tell when you're being condescending and/or sarcastic.
Prongs had developed a habit of fetching needles for Janet when patients didn't speak to her with the utmost respect.
38. All New Recruits are to pay attention to the advice of the older personnel. No matter how much better you think you, They've been there and come back!
The older personnel were getting tired of cocky new recruits, especially Marines. Hammond was now very pissed it had reached the point where it took a Marine doing something stupid in their arrogance and getting killed for the rest to actually listen.
39. No, you are NOT allowed to build the USS Enterprise!
Jack sulked for a week after this went up; he'd spent the past month bugging the Science Department to ask.
39a. That Includes the NCC-1701, 1701 Refit, 1701-A, 1701-B, 1701-C, 1701-D, 1701-E or the NX-01.
Jack went home after seeing that go up.
39b. Or either Defiant, Voyager, Excelsior or any other Star Trek ship.
One third of the Scientists went on strike.
39c. WE ARE NOT BUILDING STAR DESTROYERS EITHER!
Another third went on strike.
39d. We are NOT accepting requests for Battlestar Galactica (TOS or RDM), Andromeda, Farscape (seriously, how the hell would we grow a Leviathan?), or Firefly starships.
Nearly all the rest joined them.
39e. Some Earthforce designs from Babylon 5 might be doable.
The remaining scientists hid from their colleagues.
40. Building Lightsabers is now Forbidden, and I don't care that Emrys built a working Plasma Dagger, He knows what he's doing.
The geek's two labs down from Emrys had been upset when he successfully created a miniature Energy Sword from Halo, so they tried to one up him. They failed spectacularly and were lucky they didn't wake up sitting on a cloud with a harp.