A couple of weeks into Scorpius's term, Draco received an urgent owl from Headmistress McGonagall.

Mr. Malfoy,

It is my most sincere hope that you are available to meet with myself, young Mr. Malfoy's head of house, and the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor for a meeting tomorrow at 3:00. We must discuss certain of your son's behavior which is rather unseemly of late.

Please owl at your earliest convenience with your answer.

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

What the fuck? Scorpius was a good kid. A much better kid than he had been when he attended Hogwarts. What could he possibly have done that would require Draco to attend a…parent/teacher conference?

Please, Merlin, let this have nothing to do with that slaggy girl he's smitten with.

As Draco ascended the stairway to the Headmistress's office he felt like a first year boy once again, about to be slapped on the wrist for his bad behavior and given detention. What could Scorpius have done? He had a perfect record. He had never even had any house points removed from him. His grades were excellent. He was polite and well-spoken. Draco wasn't even certain how he'd winded up in Slytherin despite the fact that their family enjoyed a hefty legacy with the house. Honesty, that Potter-spawn he was always hanging around seemed a much more conventional Slytherin to him.

He approached the door and knocked.

Headmistress McGonagall opened the door to receive him. "Mr. Malfoy, so glad you could join us. Do come in."

She directed him to a chair opposite herself, Professor Slughorn (how the bloody hell was he still alive?), the now Head of Slytherin House, and…Granger? His eyes had to be playing tricks on him.

"You remember, Hermione Granger, don't you, Mr. Malfoy?"

"It's Professor Granger now, Minerva. I'd prefer if we kept up some sort of decorum at this meeting despite the somewhat uncomfortable reason for calling it."

Yep. It was definitely her. He bit back the quip he was dying to throw at her. Professor Granger. Glad to see you're still an insufferable swot. Although he had to admit…she looked good.

She was no longer that gangly, skinny little urchin he had teased throughout school. Her hair had tamed into smooth ringlets. Her skin was creamy and no longer possessed the pallor of one who never left the library. And she developed the sort of womanly curves that, had she possessed in school, Draco would have taken it upon himself to—

"We're here, Mr. Malfoy, because your son has appeared to have developed…inappropriate feelings for a member of our staff." Professor McGonagall brought the meeting to order.

Draco blinked. "You must be mistaken. My son fancies this girl who, while I don't completely approve—"

"Then how do you explain this?" Granger…he refused to refer to her as Professor Granger, handed him a folded piece of paper.

The note read:

Professor Granger,

I think about you all the time. I know many people will say that you're too old for me, but I've always been told that I'm very mature for my age.

I know that a woman like you has certain needs, and I want to assure you that I am more than ready to fulfill them. I can't wait to see you naked. Especially your breasts. I'll bet they're magnificent.

My Father assures me that what will happen between us is perfectly legal. We just need to be careful about curfew.

Affectionately yours,

Scorpius Malfoy

Draco felt like he was having a heart attack. He couldn't breathe. His son, his child propositioned Hermione "Who's a Swot" Granger for sex. He suddenly recalled flashes of their conversation about girls.

"It's a female, but she's…sort of…I mean she's different. She's a…woman."

"She's beautiful. And smart, smarter than anyone. And she's done so much and seen so much."

He was a prize fucking idiot. His son, his innocent little boy, basically spelled it out for him that he had a crush on a teacher, and there he was assuming that Scorpius had inherited his penchant for attracting slaggy girls. He felt nauseous as he recalled the (now horrifying) advice he gave his son.

"Of course it's legal so long as it's consensual. I mean, you might get busted for breaking curfew or something."

He was officially the world's worst father. He had inadvertently given his child his blessing to attempt to seduce Hermione Granger. He should be hauled off to Azkaban for this.

"Mr. Malfoy? Mr. Malfoy, are you quite well?" the Headmistress inquired.

Draco realized he had said nothing for the past several minutes. He looked up to find Granger glaring at him.

"What exactly did he mean when he said that his 'Father assured him it was perfectly legal'"? Granger demanded, using a tone of voice he suspected was remarkably effective with her students.

Draco shook his head vehemently. "I swear to Merlin I thought he was talking about a girl. He said there was someone he fancied and I had no idea he meant it was a teacher…let alone you. I tried to talk to him about girls and I realize now what a cock up that conversation was."

"Mr. Malfoy. Language."

"Sorry Professor. I mean…Headmistress." Draco wasn't sure he was ever this uncool in front of Hogwarts professors when he was actually a Hogwarts student.

Professor Slughorn, who had up until now been rather silent, handed Draco another piece of paper. "I also confiscated this from your boy yesterday in Potions. He was attempting to hand it to Albus Potter. Good boy, your son. Smart too. But lacks the art of subtlety so associated with our house."

With trembling hands, Draco took the document. Heart pounding, he forced himself to look at it.

It was an extremely lewd drawing of Granger, stark naked, doing some very unprofessional things to his precious baby boy.

Draco was somewhat less surprised at this. The prurient thoughts of a thirteen-year-old boy were something he could at least relate to.

"Well?" Granger demanded.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "I have to say I'm shocked. I had no idea my son was such a talented artist."

Slughorn attempted to hide a chuckle while Granger seethed.

"You think this is some kind of joke Mister Malfoy?" He could have sworn her hair got bigger as she got angrier.

"Not. At. All. But you have to admit this is rather…Okay. I apologize profusely on behalf of my son. He's never done anything like this ever. But he's thirteen. And at his age, this," he pointed to the drawing "is all he can think about. I'll talk to him. Clear all this up. You won't have any trouble with him again, I swear Granger."

"Professor Granger."

"Professor Granger, then! I'll talk to him."

Granger looked pacified. "See that you do. And I promise you, so long as this sort of…behavior does not come up again, I will consider the matter forgotten. Scorpius is one my best students and I wouldn't want this incident to tarnish his reputation with his professors."

Draco was taken aback. "Thank you."

Draco left the office feeling punch drunk. This was certainly not what he had been expecting. He made his way to the dungeons to speak to Scorpius. This was going to be a very uncomfortable discussion. But he couldn't imagine that it would be less comfortable than the last half hour had been.

"Scorp. Have a moment?"

"Dad? What are you doing here? You can't be here. You're a parent!"

"Supposedly. Look Scorp, I got an owl from the Headmistress about something you did and I need to talk to you about it."

Scorpius flushed. "If it's about the letter I sent to Professor Granger, I only thought about what you said. She has expectations because she's a woman."

Draco rubbed his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "About that. I think there might have been a slight miscommunication there. I thought when you said that she was a woman…that she had 'done so much and seen so much' that you meant that she was more experienced than you."

"She is."

"Of course she bloody is, Scorp! She's a woman. She's my age, you do know that right? The point is, I didn't know you meant an actual woman. I thought that was just your way of building this girl up. I was obviously completely off base and I apologize for the mix up. But you can not be involved with a teacher. It's wrong and inappropriate…not to mention completely illegal. Do you understand?"

Scorpius blushed. "So…so then I just made a fool of myself with her?"

"Yeah Scorp, you kind of did. But that's alright. Professor Granger is willing to forget the whole thing ever happened so long as you refrain from any…ah, amorous pursuits in the future."

Scorpius nodded. "It's not just me, Dad. Everyone's got a crush on her. I mean she's so amazing—"

Draco scowled. "Ugh. Seriously Scorpius, I love you, but do not let me hear you ever call that woman 'amazing' again."

"What's wrong with her?"

Draco knew that he shouldn't speak ill of one of Scorpius's teachers in front of him. The boy had proven that he was an absolute sponge when it came to his advice, regardless of how daft it was. It would have made him proud of his exceptional parenting that his kid actually listened to him if not for the humiliating situation at hand. He should tread carefully.

"Nothing. I mean…I'm sure she's a great teacher. She always was rather…enthusiastic about education, even in school. Forget I said anything."

"You knew her in school? When she was my age?"

"We were in the same year. And I can assure you, she did not look like that back then."

Scorpius's eyes widened. "Were the two of you friends at all?"

"No. We despised each other actually. But don't let that influence you. You should respect your professors."

"I won't let that influence me. She's absolutely perfect."

"I'm certain you only think that because she's the youngest professor here and she's female."

"No, Dad. Really, she's incredible. You know that she and Albus's dad are best friends and they fought You-Know-Who together?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "No, really? I hadn't heard about that. This year. Look, Scorp, it's perfectly natural for students to crush on their teachers. Just recognize that that's all this is. I mean this place is crawling with girls your own age. That's what you should be focusing on. Well…I mean. You should focus on your schoolwork first, but…you know what I mean." Father of the Year, right here.

"What was she like back in school?"

"Exactly the same as she probably is now. Bossy, full of way too much information, and absolutely off limits. Do I make myself clear?"

Scorpius nodded.

"Good." Draco was satisfied there couldn't have been any way his son would have misconstrued what he said.

"You know…I feel I have to say…I had no idea you were such an artist?"

Scorpius groaned. "Did Sluggy show you the drawing?"

"Of course Sluggy showed me the drawing. I mean you'll find this out for yourself in a few years, but…women don't really bend that way."

Scorpius groaned again. "Dad, I love you. But could you please leave while I still have some semblance of dignity left?"