Sirius Black and Harold Potter were walking down the alleys of Diagon Alley. The sun was out, the air was cool, and the stores were open.
"So your saying the more the clothes cost, the better they look?" Harry Potter was trying to wrap his head around this fashion thing. As it turned out Harry was a great killer, but if he wanted to get laid like his old godfather was capable of back in the day, then he needed to learn to be a womanizer.
"Look, it's not just about the clothes Harry!" Sirius raised his fist into the air, "It's about the perfect attitude, acting like you don't care about anything, having that all knowing grin, and talking about sex like you're a fucking pro!"
"So pretty much just being an ass hole?"
"Exactly!"
"Done and done then!" Harry Potter put on his best 'I'm a douche bag, but I can make you call me daddy' grin. "So I need clothes!"
"Yes you do!"
The rest of the day was spent buying very nice clothes, some potions, and a new broom.
"So if I play quidditch all the girls will want me?"
"You need to win for all the girls to want you." The black haired man was grinning, "So go for being a Seeker, you catch the Snitch, you win the game, you get the girl, you get the shag!"
"This sounds way too easy Padfoot!"
"That's because it is my dear Prongs."
"It's all in the intent Harry!"
"CRUCIO!" Bellatrix Lestrange screamed in agony as the red beam of light struck her face. He held the curse for several seconds, cutting it off when she began to foam at the mouth. "I feel it now!" Harry smiled as he handed the guard a galleon. "So you just pretty much throw out some hate and rage and you get a tender Crucio! HA!"
"Indeed, now back to base, we got shit to do today!" Peg leg lead the way out of Azkaban.
The walk back to the dock was almost anti-climatic. Almost.
A swarm of Dementors flew to Harry with the intent of sucking the soul out of the boy. "MOTHER FUCKERS!" Harry whipped out his trusty wand, "MOTHER FUCKING EXPECTO PETRONUM"
"I think you said it wrong ladd'"
A white stag leapt out of his wand, baring deformed teeth at the Dementors. All in all the event was anti-climatic with the flying ghouls fleeing the scene.