Thank you for sticking with me whilst I have reworked this chapter. It's heading in a very different direction now so I hope you enjoy it! I know that the use of an original character may not be to everyone's taste but there is a very good explanation for it further along in my planning for this fic. I guess I should say that if you don't like it, then don't read it.

I haven't had the time to pour all my effort into this chapter, but I didn't want to keep you waiting for to long. It's not great and may even be a little lacking in clarity but I hope you like it. Sorry in advance for anything that is not quite clear enough or any mistakes with grammar etc. Feel free to ask/message me with any questions or suggestions!

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I stood in the doorway of my apartment, another blank expression staring right back at me. We stood opposite one another, our bodies hostile and unrelenting. Rachel's eyes were sharp and pleading, a mixture of annoyance and desperation set deep within, and her body jittered with jerks of anger as she contemplated her next move.

A vicious and suffocating silence choked us as the air swirled thickly with anticipation. Neither of us moved, but gradually our bodies relaxed and our shoulders began to drop. I shifted defensively as Rachel attempted to speak, but her words were stifled.

She hesitated, staring at the ground. "I'm sorry I handled this so wrongly Quinn. I should have approached this in a friendlier manner." Rachel finally spoke, her words tense and strained.

I nodded in acceptance of her apology. "I wouldn't have said you were unfriendly – just openly hostile." I commented, playing with the edges of a lily that was beginning to perish in its vase.

I could see her lips tweak as if contemplating a smile, but she continued to keep her eyes firmly focused on the floor. "Well, I apologise for that too."

"It's okay, Rach –"

"No. No it's not." She shifted uncomfortably, folding her arms across her torso. " You keeping acting so naïve saying I'm not who you need, but what if I am Quinn? Would that change any of this?"

"You've got it the wrong way around, baby." I said softly, neither of us quite expecting the emotional break in my voice. Her massive shiny brown eyes pierced straight through me. We still stood at opposite sides of the apartment. "It's me that isn't what you need."

Rachel took a cautious step towards me, timidly taking both of my hands. When I refused to look her in the eye, she placed her tiny palms on either side of my face and gently forced me to look at her. I reached out and rested my hands on her hips. "I know you're not good for me." She stated matter-of-factly. "I'm not good for you either, but no matter what you say I know you need me like I need you."

I smiled weakly, fighting back tears. I slipped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me. "We've been here before, Rachel." I murmured into her ear, a tear gliding down my cheek. "We can't do it again."

She leaned into me, resting her head against my shoulder. "So what are you saying?" she asked meekly, allowing her hands to wander as they pressed against the small of my back.

"I'm saying I'm genuinely stuck Rachel. I don't know what's for the best." I felt her body stiffen in my arms and she turned away from me, detangling her body from my hold. I tried to hold her hand, but she moved out of reach. I looked to her, taking a deep breath. "I don't want to see you go…"

She walked away, keeping her back to me. "But equally, you don't want to have me stay." She said, her words hollow and detached. Suddenly, I was no longer looking at the same Rachel. Her words were mocking, but I did not dispute. She had guessed the outcome of my tangled mass of emotions.

"It isn't like that!" I walked towards her forcibly then stopped myself.

She turned to glare at me. "From where I'm standing it is. All you ever care about is what people will think!"

"That is not fair, Rachel!" I shouted, my anger suddenly welling up and surging towards the surface. I rushed forward, placing a hand on her shoulder and willing her to look at me. She turned around quickly, brushing my hand away. This gesture in particular stung me more than I'd expected. She showed no sign of calming down any time soon – neither did I.

My pulse raced and the air in my lungs burned, urging me to fight. I felt disorientated as anger gripped my muscles and clenched them tight. Rachel's eyes latched onto mine, holding us both in our places.

"We both know that this will never ever be an option!" she said, rage bubbling beneath the surface. Her lips trembled and her hands shook as despair coursed through her veins.

"I didn't want this to happen." I said defensively, softening my voice as best as I could under the circumstances. Irritation still gripped me tight and I fought hard to conceal it beneath my already messy exterior. "I just need time."

"But why, Quinn?" She asked, almost piteously now. "What can time fix that I can't? Surely, there's something you aren't telling me…" She looked to me. "Isn't there?"

I wanted to shake my head - to deny it and pretend there was nothing - but there was and Rachel's sixth-sense would have alerted her to that by now. There was no point in submerging the truth below layers of conspicuous deceptions. Nothing good would come of it. "I have to know." I said.

She stepped closer to me now, tilting her head slightly to the right. Her chestnut eyes searched the depths of my hazel orbs for some kind of answer, but she was greatly disappointed. My emotions were veiled behind thick concrete walls inside me that I had built around my vulnerability. I was designed to mask emotion. "You have to know what, Quinn? You know everything about me."

"No- it's not about you. I already know I love you. We both know that," I began, subtly allowing my conscious mind to recover from the shock of arguing with Rachel. It felt unnatural. "I just need to know that our past won't define us forever. I want to move on, but something is stopping me. Perhaps, I'll never get past what I did to you but it's better for me to know now, than find out later."

"So, you're scared you won't be able to make up for the past?"

"Yes-"I hesitated as my phone buzzed from its place on the coffee table – I could see Gia's name shining up at me. I ignored it, but Rachel didn't. I noticed her eyes flicker to Gia's name and then return to me, harsher and more intense than before. I swallowed hard. "Essentially, yes. But it's more complicated than that."

"And by more complicated you mean that you are actually confused over your relationship with Gia, right?" She asked, pointing towards my phone.

I sighed deeply, overwhelmed by the sheer mass of conflicting emotions that swelled around inside my head. "No. That isn't what I mean."

"It's clear that you once had feelings for her…" she said, treating it as a fact. "Do you still feel that way?"

I looked to Rachel and then looked away, diverting my gaze towards the open door that exposed Gia's bedroom. I answered as honestly as I could. "Yes, but it's a crush and it will go away." I admitted. "What I feel for you won't go away."

Rachel watched me carefully, searching for assurance. The corners of her mouth pulled upwards, hinting at a smile, but it never came. Instead she shifted her weight and leaned back against the window seal. "What about the past?" she asked. "I still don't understand that…"

"I'm cautious about the future because I don't know how, or if, we can move pass our past. I need to figure that out first." I explained vaguely, knowing there were gaps in my explanation. It wasn't very detailed but that was because I really didn't know what I was waiting for. "If I'm not a big enough person to confront what I did in high-school, then how can I look you in the eye and say 'I deserve you?"

She looked to me, her jaw dropped and eyes wide. "Don't you ever think like that, Quinn! If it's my Dads that you're worried about then that's irrelevant. But if you think we can't get past what happened in high-school then you're wrong. I mean, look at us now…This would never have been possible when we were sixteen."

She had a point. Over time our dynamic as friends had grown and absorbed the changes that life presented us with. We were much closer now and there was no risk of me ever converting back to my old ways. "I know you're right. I just have to get my emotions in check first. My head is all over the place and I don't want to dive into a relationship with you head first and then realise I over looked something, like your relationship with Shelby and my relationship with Beth."

"Okay," she nodded, beginning to understand. This relationship was much more complex than Rachel had originally thought. "I can deal with that, Quinn." She said, moving towards me with small, slow steps. "Though I think you're being too hard on yourself."

"I can't afford not to be." I sighed with a small smile. "If I get this wrong, then the people I could hurt go beyond just me and you. We have a history to consider and I have a daughter."

Rachel tilted her head to the right and inhaled deeply. "I guess you're right, Quinn. Beth is your priority right now." She sighed deeply, diverting her eyes away from me. "I don't want to admit this, but I can see why Gia might be the better option. Just take your time and do what's right for you and Beth, okay?"

"Are you sure?" I asked, feeling her hands against my arms. She was standing right in front of me, her lips parted and her eyes wide. She never stepped any closer, but I could sense that she wanted too. I wanted her too as well, but something was comforting about the distance between us. I felt reassured that she was not expecting more.

She nodded firmly. "Yes. I think we both have prior insecurities that we need to address. Time apart will do us good if we're ever going to consider a future with both of us in it."

Faced with the reality of Rachel actually walking away, time apart suddenly didn't seem so appealing. With one last squeeze of her hand, I let our fingers dangle together loosely. We both bowed our heads, afraid to look into each other's eyes for fear of changing our minds.

"I agree." I murmured.

She pressed her full lips against my cheek and pulled back slowly, dropping my hands. My eyes fell to the floor, an overwhelming flash of emotion overriding the desire to pull her back into me and kiss her until our lung ached for oxygen. I suddenly felt unsure, as if I'd just asked for time I did not want. My thought process turned into a blurred collision of images that meant nothing as I watched Rachel walk away from me towards the door.

"Rach, wait!" I called just as her hand reached for the latch. My eyes flitted back to a picture of me and Gia on the wall and a familiar burn settled in my bottom of my stomach. Just a picture on the wall reminded me that I was still surrounded by it all. Clearly I still did not know what, or who, I wanted.

"Yes?" she asked, turning around.

I bit my lip, stopping myself from blurting out the first thing that came to my mind. "I will call you…even if it's not right away. We will make this work."

"I know we will Quinn." She smiled, opening the door. "I trust you to make the right decision when the time is right."

And with that, Rachel was gone. There was no hug goodbye and the final look we shared was full of unfulfilled promises. There was something in Rachel's smile that told me this wasn't over, but that was another thing only time could tell.

I let the tears roll down my cheeks undisturbed. I had a right to cry and I had a right to feel confused. I left my apartment ten minutes later, after I was sure that Rachel would have left. Tears stained my cheeks and the adrenaline of the last half an hour still coursed through me, causing my body to shake every so often. I met Gia with a smile and climbed into her car as though nothing was any different, though I didn't utter a single word throughout the entire journey.

She took my hand without asking any questions and didn't let go once. Somehow, she read my mind and allowed me to stay locked away in a world far removed from reality as we swiftly weaved our way through New York and out again, to some distant and unknown location. I felt secure with her – we were both still nursing the viscous wounds of our pasts and we were both badly broken. She managed to keep our heads above the water whilst I looked for the answer deep beneath the surface. Our minds fought to keep one another content whilst our lives merged in the tangled maze of New York. We were both deep thinkers, but Gia was much more impulsive than me. She was the creative one, whilst I was deemed the academic one. Together, we were unbeatable in our industry as photographers and I did not know what to expect next from my life with her. I was comforted by the spontaneity. Together, we had achieved a perfectly blended balance of success and madness.

I looked across to Gia and watched her for a while as we drove through the wooded lanes. She glanced over to where I was sitting for a brief second, smiled, and then returned her eyes to the road. It made no sense when she looked at me like that – like I was the prize rather than the outrageously lucky winner. Without my emotions being clouded by fears and what ifs, I could see now where my curiosity for Gia's affections had arisen from. I had come to love Gia not because she was the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly…Only after I had lost everything, including Rachel, was I free to do anything…I could throw things out there and not be perfect and not have the answers to everything and then see if people still understood me.

I sighed. I was officially free.

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If I'd ever feared death before in the past, it was nothing compared to now. Gia streaked through the dark, thick underbrush of the forest like a bullet, turning and waiting for me to catch up every now and again. There was no sound apart from the odd trickling of water far in the distance and the light fall of our footsteps.

My body was still heavy, baring the scars of that afternoon and my conversation with Rachel. I felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders, but, at the same time, I felt more alone and uncertain of my future. I was free to address any emotions or regrets I had with no one to hold me back, but I didn't know where to start.

I felt as though we were the last people on the earth as we weaved in and out of the heavy forest. We'd travelled outwards to the edge of New York and were now lacing our way towards the highest point of Lake Minnewaska State Park.

Gia's breathing never changed or indicated any effort – she was used to hiking this distance.

"So, where exactly are we going?" I asked as Gia led me along a worn path through thick woods. "I mean, you aren't really some twisted ex-prisoner who's been planning my murderous death for months, are you?"

She stopped suddenly and turned to meet my eyes. "How'd you know?"

"Shut up." I ordered, playfully slapping the taller woman's arm. We both smiled instantly, appreciating the nature around us as we walked upwards towards the sun. The smile never left my face as Gia entwined our hands together and continued to guide me along the trail. I had no instincts when it came to directions so I trusted her to lead us further and further into the glittering trees. I followed swiftly, trying my best not to trip on any of the hidden undergrowth. "I'm just saying that we've been walking for fifteen minutes now. We're on a trail so that gives me hope that we're actually going somewhere, but the length of the mystery trail and it's less than casually travelled condition has left me rather curious as to what your intentions truly are."

"We're almost there. And just in time too." Gia promised, gradually slowing to match my stride.

"Just in time... yeah, that's not at all foreboding."

"Hey. Just be thankful that I left my gun in the car. All I can do now is have my way with you where there's no one around to hear you scream." She joked, causing me to smile. We had an unusual relationship that may have proven problematic if Rachel was the jealous type, or equally, if we were still together. I pushed the thought of Rachel to the back of my mind, intent on focusing on the forest around me instead.

The cool forest air whipped against my face and burned my eyes, but I felt free. I began to lose my train of thought listening to simple sounds of nature all around us. A glossy white butterfly landed on a wild flower in the distance, flitting from one flower to another, eventually settling on an abandoned log. Its life seemed simple alone in this forest.

After another hundred yards, I could definitely see a light in the trees ahead, a glow that was yellow instead of green. I picked up the pace, my eagerness growing with every step. Gia let me lead now, following closely.

When we reached the clearing, she stood motionless, waiting for me to say something. I tried, but my lips wouldn't respond. My arms and legs stayed locked in one place whilst my eyes grew wide at the sight in front of me.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Her voice was high, excited.

I didn't say anything. I just stared blankly at the abundance of life around me.

It was incredible.

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