The second part. I don't own Bleach, Tite Kubo-sensei does.
:::
Words cannot describe Nnoitra Jiruga.
I do not hate him, but I hold little enough affection for him. He is a childish man, not worthy of the term warrior that he so desperately seeks.
It is surprising to me that one could be given back their reason and sanity after living for so long as a beast and not cherish it. Nnoitra does not cherish his reason. He does not cherish his life. He does not cherish the lives of others, save for what battle they can give him.
There should be no way I could love someone like that. However, emotions such as that have no reason to them. Perhaps, then Nnoitra would understand it, as I do not.
Love is a strange thing for me. I know that I love Dondochakka and Pesche, and I feel loyalty towards my comrades. But this feeling I choose to call love for Nnoitra is different from the love I feel for Dondochakka and Pesche. It is a burning in my throat, chest, and stomach; a fear that I hide from everyone; a simple wish to pull him down to my level and find out whether men with reason and logic could also be beasts.
I will never understand it. It is a violent feeling most of the time, and I do not like it. But the times when I want to be the reason he smiles, when I want to catch him doing something that is embarrassing, when I want to run my fingers through his hair and just be content; those are the times when I think that perhaps love is not so bad.
There are no words to explain feelings, but perhaps there shouldn't be.
:::
I know that Neliel isn't as cold as Ulquiorra, but it always seemed to me that she put logic ahead of emotions. Thank you for reading.