The man and alien sat on opposite couches, both observing the other carefully.
"Where are you coming from exactly?"
The alien scratched his head as he pointed to the sky with a shrug.
"So fucking helpful," Sanji sighed. "Your name? You should atleast know how to say that, right?"
The green hair sighed as his eyes roamed across the room. Sharp black eyes stopped immediatly as they landed on a book. He picked the cooking book up and sat back next to Sanji, his fingers pointing somethings across the cover heatedly.
"Wha- What are you getting at?" Sanji yelled frusturated. Was the shitty alien making fun of his precious recipe book? Sanji had bought that from fucking France, the land of the best cakes and bake-
The alien hit Sanji's head with the book and snarled at him. He started motioning with the same pattern again, this time slower. Sanji followed his fingers, which were pointing at the same letters over and over again.
"O... R... O... Z... O... Orozo? Ozoro?" The alien face palmed and showed four fingers.
"Zoro?" Sanji finally said. "Is your name Zoro?" The green head nodded.
"It fits you," Sanji said approvingly. "You like showing me things then, eh? Come, lets see your planet." Even that sentence made Sanji choke a little.
Sanji opened his laptop and searched for the Milky Way. His hands were trembling, and he couldn't quite decide if it was from excitement or something else. He showed the planets to Zoro once, twice, three times. Zoro didn't seem to recognize any of them.
"C'mon, grass head, don't you know where you come from?" Zoro shook his head in reply. Did that mean he didn't know or that he didn't come from any of those planets? Was it even possible to travel such distance? In a meteor nonetheless? It didn't seem very possible to Sanji.
Zoro yawned and Sanji decided it was enough for that day. He tugged on the alien's arm and led him to the guest room. "Sleep," he simply stated. Zoro just blinked.
"This is a bed. You should know that. Didn't you have a bed back home?"
At the word home, Zoro winced. He started drawing a big circle with both his arms, poiting to the middle of it once he was sure Sanji understood.
"The meteor? How long have you been in it?" Zoro shrugged.
"You know what, whatever," Sanji ran a hand through his hair. "Just know this. This a bed. Humans sleep here. You will also sleep here. C'mon, don't make me tuck you in."
Sanji however, had to lift the covers prepare the bed as the man didn't move a bit. He pushed Zoro into the covers harshly, and covered him up.
"There we go. Sleep. Zzzz. Get it? Or do you need bedtime stories also?" Zoro blinked at Sanji before closing his eyes and turning to his side. Sanji watched him for a few seconds before turning the lights off and going to sleep himself.
Sanji's eyes shot open at the brawling next door. From the darkness surrounding him, it was obvious they were still in early morning hours. He groggily pulled himself up from his bed to check on the man, whom he was sure was making the noises.
Entering the room without a warning, he hardly detected the body struggling with a blanket on the floor. Sanji sighed as he turned on the lights.
"What now?"
Zoro obviously wanted to answer as his tugs on the blanket became harsher and he desparetly tried to break free of the fabric hell. The cook had to bite on his lip not to laugh. Sanji eventually joined in the stuggle, trying to pull the cloth off the man as he continued to wrap it around himself even more. The chef grunted as the alien pulled on his hair and lost his balance. Doing a wobbly dance midair, the gravity eventually won and Sanji fell down with a thud.
He landed atop of the alien, whos face was still covered but his eyes. Sanji opened his mouth to yell at the alien but seeing the enemy-ish(?) look he gave, Sanji shut up. The blonde quickly scrambled off, setting Zoro free of the blanket in process.
"Sorry," he mumbled. He didn't know why he was sorry, or why he was supposed to be sorry, it was an accident after all, but Zoro continued to stare at him like Sanji tried to bite his head off. The chef sent an unamused glare at the alien. If he wanted to cut him up he would have done it by now. He rubbed his shoulders. For someone who couldn't even talk, the guy surely got on his nerves.
Sanji turned on his heels and stopped at the door frame, "Was there a reason why you were doing... whatever that was, or just for fun?"
The alien blinked twice before his face twisted and he started jumping in place. "Seriously? What now?" groaned Sanji, seriously wondering why he hadn't left the guy to freeze after all.
Zoro continued to jump and moan while Sanji silently pitied himself. The alien was a huge pain in the ass, but Sanji couldn't trust his capability of taking care of himself. He eyed the man from head to toe and noticed the tightly fisted hands near his crotch. "Don't tell me you need to pee."
Zoro continiued to look puzzled and Sanji couldn't help but smirk. A baby's mind stuck in a grown man's body, thats what he was. He mentally noted that the man didn't even know what peeing actually meant, so he probably hadn't fully understood what Sanji said until now, but was able to choose out words he knew and made a meaning out of those. Sanji could try to speak with a simpler language.
"Toilet. Follow. Me."
From the corner of his eye could see that Zoro had very well understood what he was doing and he could see the annoyed look he was giving. Sanji pushed him to the bathroom and instructed him to remove his pants, once he was out of the bathroom of course. He prayed Zoro could atleast aim, as cleaning alien pee five in the morning didn't make it to his top ten free time activities. He heard the faint shuffling of clothes and entered the room, this time to order Zoro around between towels and soap.
The alien left the room with a happy sigh and a smile, trailing behind Sanji who led him back to his room upstairs.
"Seriously... Its just resudiary water, you green bean. Stop smiling like an idiot."
Zoro lightly showed Sanji with his shoulder but let the man throw the covers on him again.
"Next time, hold it."
Zoro just grunted before turning to his side and Sanji huffed. He had a rough time ahead.
The next morning, Sanji woke up grumpy and tired. He actually wanted to blame it all on the alien's night antics, but something in the corner of his mind screamed at him that that was only one percent his fault. Truth to be told, Sanji had been tired for a long time. He loved cooking and the Baratie to his bones, he loved the happy expressions caused by his food and of course the best part, ladies, but even the best of the chefs could need a break sometimes. Sanji had been trying to ignore the ache of his body but now he also had one more problem, he couldn't leave Zoro alone in his house, as he would surely either die or burn down everything. It wouldn't be bad if he took a break also. He was sure he'd miss the kitchen, or even the shitty chefs terribly, but laying on the sofa with a hot chocolate didn't sound bad right now.
After fifteen minutes of constant yelling in the house, Zoro finally stirred and woke up. His brain panicked for a second before he remembered what had happened the earlier day. He had been out of the damn meteor, finally! Zoro didn't remember how long it had been, but it had been more than enough for him.
His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the human scream. The blonde was speaking much faster than Zoro could keep up with, but it was obvious the man was angry. He lazily pushed himself up and went inside to check on the other, as those screams were familiar.
Zoro peeked from the doorway and saw the human shouting into a little box in his hand, his hair was flailing around like crazy and Zoro wondered if he was crazy. Little boxes like those didn't usually get him angry.
Zoro managed to make out a few words like, "never", "working", "day", and "cooking", but that didn't give him any clue why the human was so angry. So, Zoro rested against the wall and waited soundlessly until the human finished his yelling about ten minutes later, a smile finally forming on his face. He turned around and yelped when he found Zoro staring at him. Trying to cover up the fact that he had just yelped like a little girl, Sanji hit Zoro's head and yelled, "The fuck are you doing, asshole? Don't sneak up on me like that!"
Zoro first hissed at him and Sanji thought maybe he took it seriously, then Zoro just shrugged and stared at Sanji's hands. Now that it was closer Zoro could see some symbols on the box, also a shining square. Sanji followed the mans gaze to his phone and raised his brow.
"Have you been listening?" Zoro didn't reply to that, and Sanji continiued to stare at him, annoyed. "I took vacation so you won't die when I'm gone," he explained and Zoro nodded curtly. "I'll teach you a few things so you can take care of yourself when I go back to work, I don't know how long you'll be around, so..."
Actually, the man could disappear right now, in front of his eyes with a beam and Sanji wouldn't even think it was that weird. None of what was happening made sense. Sanji wondered when the man would go back, or if he would. He didn't know shit about Zoro beside his name and the obvious. He had no idea what he had to do, as the man couldn't stay forever. Ah, why wasn't it a beautiful space lady that had fallen but this brute? Then Sanji could teach her how humans spoke, how they act, and even how they love... But no, instead he had to teach a green head how to not starve to death and ruin his home. It wasn't fair.
Sanji headed to the kitchen motioning Zoro to follow him. The earlier, the better, he thought, as the shitty old man had only given him ten days of rest. Sanji could probably raise that to two weeks but he wasn't sure if he wanted to.
He stopped in the middle of the kitchen and Zoro's chest bumped slightly at his back. "Watch your steps, shitty green head," he hissed. He wondered if Zoro would reply like him if he could.
"This is the kitchen. Its the place where you cook things to eat. I'm a chef. Chefs cook for people."
"Cook," Zoro quietly repeated.
"Yes yes, good. Now, watch here, this is a knife," Sanji held out a bread knife carefully, "its dangerous so remember this, don't fucking cut yourself with it. Understand? Don't play around with those. Don't even touch them unless completely necessary. I'll leave food for you anyway."
Zoro nodded dismissively and Sanji wanted to kick his brains out for not taking this seriously, but the green head could hurt his precious cooking utensils when he fell, which was something he would not have.
"The stoves are banned for you. Under no condition, you are going to touch them or I swear I'll shave your head at ni- WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"
Zoro sheepishly turned around with a knife between his teeth and two other in his hands. "Spit it out, idiot! Are you out of your mind?"
Zoro bat stronger on the knife as Sanji pulled on it lightly. "You stupid idiot! What happens if you do a wrong move and cut your mouth or something? Oi! This isn't a game! Let go, Zoro!"
The green haired man resisted even more and Sanji was staring to get angry, was his IQ that low? He always had thought aliens were smarter than his own kind but the one right there obviously hasn't got a single brain cell.
Sanji let go of the knives handle and carefully gripped on the metal. "Look Zoro, calm down, this is dangerous for you and I'm only going to-"
Sanji didn't even see the man move before his right hand began to sting and blood dripped on his marble flooring. He had cut him. The bastard had fucking cut him.
"You... HOW DARE YOU?" Zoro winced and jumped back as Sanji threw himself over him. "All my fucking life, all my fucking I avoided any kind of scars on my hands! Do you know how important hands are for a chef? They are our whole life, Zoro, but you can't know that because you can't even listen to me, can you? I've been trying to fucking to get you used to being but all you ever did was to push me away, and now this? You fucking know what? If you don't want to be here, then go fucking leave! I never told you to stay! Go! Leave!"
Sanji stormed off the kitchen to the bathroom to check on his wound and see if it would heal properly. By the amount of pain he felt he'd probably need stitches. He clumsily opened his first aid kit and found the antiseptic, the liquid burning the wound blindingly.
He somehow heard the floorboards creaking and a few seconds later he could see Zoro at the entrance. Was the bastard going to leave another mark before he left? Sanji snorted.
"Go away."
Instead, Zoro walked next to Sanji and grabbed his hand, inspecting it closely. Not even looking at the dumbfounded chef once, Zoro picked up Sanji's needle and thread. Sanji kept quiet during the whole process despite the pain felt and watched how good of a job Zoro did, then the man left with no other interaction.
Sanji wrapped a bandage around his hand for safety but had to start again several times as he couldn't concentrate. His mind was occupied with Zoro, and how nothing he did ever add up. It was obvious the cut wasn't a mistake, hell no, but then, why would anyone come back to heal the person they wanted to hurt in the first place? Sanji tightened his sloppy bandages with his teeth and exited the batroom, the mess not bothering him for the first time.
"Zoro!" he yelled. He knew the man couldn't answer, but hopefully he'd follow Sanji's voice.
"Come here!" The eerie silence made Sanji shiver. "Oi, Zoro, where are you?" The chef started checking the rooms and each empty one made him panic even more. His words played in his mind. Had the idiot seriously...?
Sanji ran downstairs and to the door hurriedly. The brain dead vegetable head hadn't even closed the door. Sanji started pacing in his porch. Should he go after the man? But wasn't getting rid of him better? Wasn't that what Sanji wanted? But could he live if Sanji didn't help him? He couldn't even speak!
Sanji didn't bother to put on his shoes before leaving the house. "Seriously a kid," he muttered as he took a turn. Going west would get him in the city, and east would be just woods. Which way would he choose if he were stupid?
Zoro kept his eyes fixed on the ground as he walked. He understood the human didn't want him anymore. It didn't bother him that much, but no matter how much he rubbed it, something in his stomach didn't stop feeling weighed down. He raised his eyes slightly to check for anything he could understand. There were a lot of houses which looked like the one he left, and Zoro briefly wondered if humans have no creativity.
He took a turn and realized the way had turned more rocky. The houses and lights had began to lessen and it relieved Zoro to no end. It had been very, very hard not to punch anyone while everybody kept bumping into him. Zoro entered a dirt road which had brief footsteps, following the path into a big field. Zoro could see green things on brown sticks reaching where the sky began and beyond. A voice in his mind whispered "Trees," and he whispered the word out loud. They looked so strong and graceful, Zoro found himself touching one of them's trunk. He walked deeper into the woods and eventually sat down under a shade. His eyes shut slowly and the alien let himself fall asleep.
Sanji returned from the city, biting his lip. He had been wrong after all, as he had tried everywhere, everywhere possible, but still hadn't found him. Asking for a green head wasn't possible either, well anymore, he had grown tired of the weird looks.
Defeated, Sanji decided to return home, hoping maybe he'd find Zoro there. He had taken responsibility for the man and now not even knowing where he was irritating. Sanji fidgeted as his eyes danced between the dirt road and his house. Groaning loudly, he let the alien steal one more hour from him, keen on giving up on him if still not found.
The blonde jogged to the woods, tired and panting. He was mad at himself for not seeing this coming, but also mad at him the alien. A person who just got fucking sliced and stitched shouldn't be chasing someone, and someone who was actually responsible for it. Truth to be told, Sanji wasn't sure why he was following the guy anyway. Maybe he pitied him, yeah, that was probably it.
Sanji slowed his pace when the trees fully surrounded him. He took a second to just breathe in the familiar scent of pines he loved so much, one of the main reasons why he paid so much for the house that's both near the woods and the city. Sanji called out to the alien and wandered around the forest, trying to reach as far as possible. After a throat-splitting hour of shouting, he finally found the man.
As hard as it was to find Zoro between all the green and brown, Sanji still saw the dark red t-shirt and unmatching blue sweatpants he gave him. "Zoro! Come back here you shithead!"
The green head opened his eyes slowly and Sanji realized the man had been actually fucking sleeping while he was running around and shouting like a madman, and he got even more annoyed. "You piece of fucking shit, at least don't sleep when you're running away from someone!"
Zoro raised his head and started to look around frantically. "I'm right here, asshole!" Sanji yelled again but Zoro failed to find him again. "Just follow my voice!"
Zoro seemed to listen to Sanji and stood up, only to wander off to the wrong direction. "Are you fucking stupid? I'm here!" This time he waved his hands for effect but Zoro failed at seeing that too, and Sanji never wanted to facepalm harder in his life. "Fucking stop okay, I'm coming."
Jumping over branches and roots, Sanji started to pull the man back to his house. "I'm not mad," he said when he realized the alien refused to look at him, "Not anymore, at
least. Just... Be good and don't cause me trouble, alright? Alright."
Zoro scratched his cheek and nodded. Sanji sighed at the man's behaviour but he hoped Zoro would stop his wildness. He let the man into the house and locked the door, just in case. Zoro stumbled over to the kitchen and left it a second later, heading for the living room this time. "Weird," Sanji muttered but gave it no thought as he followed the man inside.
"So," Sanji started, "I'm gonna teach you how to speak. But because I can't focus on this entirely, you need to work on your own also. Now, try to tell me something. Anything."
Zoro furrowed his brows and didn't reply for a moment before his eyes lit up like a problem child who just got an idea.
"Shitty cook," Zoro stated and relaxed against couch with a sly smile, enjoying the gape the other was giving him.
"You- How do you- Stupid green headed bastard!" The rest had been a blur for Zoro as the nameless guy had began speaking in the speed of light, but then again, Zoro didn't need to hear a word to know what he was saying.
The blonde continiued to give Zoro unhappy glares and the alien was more than satisfied. How he wished he knew another insult to throw at him but he couldn't find anything, "shit cook" wasn't good enough. His eyes met the other playfully, taking in all the irritation he created.
Sanji eventually dropped the subject and turned on the TV. A shitty soap opera was on but it didn't matter. "Do you understand?" he asked, ignoring the wide-eyed gaze Zoro was showing. Two people had been confessing their love for about fifteen minutes when the sap began to be sickening even for Sanji, and he changed the channel in the middle of their make out. Zoro made a sound which sounded awfully like a protest, and Sanji prayed whichever god listening not to have birds and bees talk. "You don't need this shit now. Maybe later," Sanji clicked his tongue. Settling on a cartoon which probably would cause him less headache, Sanji left the ogling man alone in the room. He could be on break but he still had recipes he wanted to try. He could buy Zoro 3+ books later. "Try to learn something!" he yelled before disappearing into the kitchen.
Sanji remembered to check on the man about an hour and a half later. He hoped Zoro atleast could prounounce simple things like "please" or "thank you", but what be didn't expect was to find the said man sprawled on his couch, sound asleep.
"Oi!" Sanji yelled as his foot connected with the man's torso. Zoro made a funny "Auogh" sound and sat up instantly, rubbing his stomach and staring at Sanji with confusion written all over his face. "I didn't fucking tell you to sleep stupid grass head!"
Zoro just yawned, letting Sanji see every little inch of his throat and the blonde aimed for his head that time, but Zoro dodged. Surprised by the man's ability, Sanji tried again, this time aiming his chest and moving faster. Zoro stopped his foot with one hand and smirked at him. Cocky bastard.
"Don't get flattered, asshole. I can beat your shitty ass anytime."
Zoro gave him an disbelieveing gaze and Sanji would kick the expression out of his face if not for his food. Upon hearing the familiar beeping sound, he scattered to the kitchen and ignored the faint chuckles. Unbeknownst to Zoro, Sanji had already finished him. Zoro would wish he never came down to planet earth.
"Usopp," he said once he was out of the idiot's hearing range. "I need a favor. Grab Luffy, tell him I cooked meat or something. Yes. Don't freak out when he reach here, okay? Gotta go."
Sanji rubbed his hands together as he imagined what the salad would go through that night. Oh, he was going to have so much fun.