Chapter Two: In the Mind of Jillian

*Flashback to 1992*

A seven year-old me eagerly fidgeted in my seat as I impatiently waited for my older sister's first glee club performance to start. Nudging my dozing father in the seat next to me, I scolded him, "Daaaaaaddyyyyyy… the show is about to start! You can't fall asleep now!"

With one eye open, he leaned slightly to his side to reply, "Jillie… the show was about to start two hours ago when we brought Cadence here, and we went to the park to play before the show; the show was about to start an hour ago when they just opened the doors to the auditorium for the audience to begin seating, and we had to get a front row seat before anyone else got here; the show was about to start half an hour ago when the first of the audience began to trickle in; and the show was about to start every five minutes between then and now when you were going around to all the people that came in, telling them that your sister is starring in the show that is about to start… and yet, we still have fifteen minutes before the show is about to start. I think I have some time for a bit of a nap, sweetie." He smiled his Santa-like grin before closing his eye and settling back into the creaky seat.

A devious grin grew on my face when I playfully slapped him on his belly then settled in my seat with my hands in my lap. My father looked over at me with a quarked brow and a quizzical smirk. I innocently turned toward him and said, "It was a bug." He just nodded his head, acknowledging our special joke, smiled his smile again, then dozed off to sleep again. My fingers tapped continuously on the worn, wooden arm rests as I looked around my seat, eyeing the people that were sitting in the seats around me. I leaned over to a couple that sat beside me, tapped the woman on her knee, then whispered to them, "You know, my sister is starring in the show tonight."

"Jillie…" my father lightheartedly admonished.

I flinched a bit before sitting back in my seat, swinging my legs to the tune of a Sesame Street song that was playing in my head. Then I began bobbing my head to the beat as I started to hum the melody. After a few moments of that, I started singing the lyrics quietly to myself: "La dee da dee dum, la dee da dee dum, what's the name of that song? La dee da dee dum, la dee da dee dum, what's the name of that song?" I hummed it a bit more before I got to the same lyric again, and sang it a bit louder… loud enough to wake up my dozing dad.

He tapped me on the leg and said, "You can sing later, sweetie, but the people aren't here to listen to you. You can sing on the way home, okay?"

I nodded sadly and just went back to humming the song that I still didn't know all the lyrics too… it was strange that none of the people that were singing the song knew it either.

An eternity passed before the lights finally went down in the auditorium, and a few brief announcements were told over the speakers before the curtains opened and the music cued up. Just a few spot lights were shining on the stage and my sister, Cadence, was standing in one of the spots singing: "Tale as old as time… true as it can be…" My jaw dropped as I heard her singing the main song from my newest favorite Disney movie Beauty and the Beast. I clapped enthusiastically before my dad reached over, placing his hands around mine to silence them. I then sat on my hands to keep myself from clapping again too soon, but when I looked down, I heard a male's voice start singing: "Just a little change… small to say the least: both a little scared, neither one prepared…" Then together: "Beauty and the beast…"

There was magic at that moment. Even as a young child, I felt something. Everything else faded away except this teenager in the spotlight. His voice was something that I only heard from my first celebrity "crushes": Jack Haley, aka the Tin Man from The Wizard of OZ, Bob from "Sesame Street", and Tommy Sands, aka Tom from Babes in Toyland. (Hey, I was seven; that was my world!) His voice flowed into my ears and into my heart until all that I had was in tune with the music… the music coming from his throat.

The rest of the night, all I saw was him, and my eyes drunk in everything about him: his lips curled into a smile that could melt a snowman on the North Pole, his eyes sparkled like glitter on my homemade Christmas ornaments. At the end of the night, I was standing in my seat, whistling (as best as I could) and cheering… more for him than for my own sister. The students came off of the stage after their bows to see their friends and family that had come to see them perform.

I impatiently tugged on my dad's sleeve and begged, "Daddy, can we go see the guy that sang the beast?"

He chuckled then replied, "Yes, sweetie, but let's see your sister first and tell her what a good job she did." Not as good as he did, I thought before he added, "She may even get you a special introduction to that fella you want to meet so badly."

I perked up, smiled as widely as I could, and ran up to my sister, giving her the biggest hug I had ever given her in my entire life, and she grunted on impact. I wanted to meet this guy so very badly, and if I had to kiss up to her this much to do it, so be it! "You did very, very, very, VERY good tonight, Cady."

"Thanks, Jillie. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Uh huh… and you did really well with 'Beauty and the Beast'. Where is the beast, Cady?"

She looked at Dad quizzically before he explained, handing her a bouquet of roses, "What she means is the boy you sang that song with. She really would like to meet him, and if you could introduce them, I think it would make her night."

"Oh, yeah, sure." She turned to look over her shoulder. "Hey, Will, can you come over here for a sec?" I immediately released my sister from her bear hug and watched as he walked toward us. As much as I wanted to say all the things I had been thinking during the production that night, I froze, my eyes and mouth wide open as my sister said, "Will, this is my little sister, Jillie. Dad, Jillie, this is my friend, Will Schuester."

Unable to do anything else, I held up my hand, waved it slowly, and meekly said, "Hi, Will."

My eyes were glued onto him as he knelt down, that warm smile wide across his face, and he grasped my hand that was waving. "Well, Jillie, it's so nice to meet you. Cady tells me that you were the one that inspired her to suggest this song to perform tonight. It was a very good choice for tonight's performance for friends and family: especially younger family." Then he leaned in to kiss me lightly on the cheek before he stood back up to greet my dad.

The only thing that moved on me was my mouth as I chuckled, a permanent grin now plastered across my face. This was unreal for me. Seeing those characters on the television and movie screens were nothing like seeing the one that stirred such feelings inside me right in front of me. I could barely breathe, but all I needed was standing right in front of me. I didn't notice at all when he walked away. I felt like I floated out of the auditorium on the cloud of a dream… a promise to myself: I promised that I would do all that I could do to make my singing good enough so I could be in the glee club when I reached high school, show up my sister, and be good enough to sing with Will Schuester…

Little did I know that when I reached high school, that light, fluffy dream cloud morphed into a dark, dense reality cloud that overshadowed my wish and rained on any chance to ever accomplish that promise I made to myself. I knew then what it meant to "Dream the Impossible Dream".