Here is my star,
See how it shines
In the light of the day,
Never see her light;
Here is my star,
See how it shines
In a basket sky,
I keep her mine
She keeps making circles in my head
At lover's gates,
Here I stand
No one to hold,
To hold my hand
At lover's gates,
Here I stand
Here in the cold,
See my star land
She is the obsession in my life
So tell me now
Why do you have to be
Why do you have to be so cold
You didn't have to be
You didn't have to be so cold
I look much older now,
So they say
It feels much colder in this place
It seems so empty…
Without my star,
I feel no warmth
I raise my hand to meet the light
Stared at my star,
'til I was blind
Here is my star,
Is it mine?
So quit this perversion in my mind
Stared at my star
'til I was blind
Here is my star,
Is it mine?
How long has it been… 3? 4 years? Since they've drifted apart? Natsume was a junior now. He was no longer the kid blinded in darkness. Mikan had come into his life already, filling it up with searing light.
Maybe that was why he was completely destroyed when that light was taken away from him again a few years back. And once more, he was left in the desolate darkness, full of despair.
He had turned back into the miserable being that he was, but this time full of anguish and dejection. He regretted more than he should. And he was feeling more than he wanted.
It took him quite a long time before admitting to himself he couldn't bear seeing Mikan with another. And a longer time admitting it to Mikan. Truth be told, he wasn't finished with that part yet. He was even still in the process of telling anyone else that.
But before anything good can happen, everything had already crumbled into pieces. Fate, as twisted as it was, really tried to break them apart. It felt like it wanted to prove to Natsume that a creep like him doesn't deserve to be happy. And definitely does not deserve to live in the light.
It was just a year after Natsume first saw Mikan outside the school gates. Ever since their last year together, Mikan had been sticking to him like glue. Well, at least that's what he felt like. She was always around the places where he was. And worse, she wanted to know what he was doing. She was really acting clingy and all around annoying. So Natsume blew her off as often as he could. "Get away from me, polka dots." That was what he often said. And Mikan would turn into 5 expressions at once and start blabbering about too many details than needed.
Natsume tried to ditch her as often as he could.
Until one time.
He was once again in his favorite tree. He was with Ruka and Yoichi, so really, he wasn't lonely. He was reading his manga quietly when he realized that he didn't understand any detail of the story. His eyes kept taking in all the words but he really didn't know what was going on. His mind was drifting without him knowing. And he was actually paying more attention to the VERY FEW people who would be passing by. He realized then that he was waiting for something to happen. Something was amiss, he felt. And he suddenly knew what. Polka dots wasn't there. Where was she? Was she with another guy? Flirting again? That bitch. And then he realized what he was saying. He was acting like a green-eyed monster complete with a tail and horns. This was bad, he knew. How could he be acting this way?
Suddenly, Yoichi crawled to his lap. "What is it, Yoichi?" He said in a very low tone.
"Where's Mikan?" Yoichi's small mouth uttered the words that Natsume couldn't make himself say. I was just wondering the same thing, Natsume thought to himself. But of course, he couldn't say that. He wouldn't.
"I haven't seen her anywhere yet, too." Ruka replied with a small smile.
"I don't know. She's probably flirting with a new guy." Natsume gritted his teeth, but then winced when he heard how those words came out of his mouth. It sounded like coming from a jealous boyfriend.
"Hey." Something suddenly blocked the sun in front of Natsume. It was Hotaru. "Has Mikan been hanging around with you guys?"
"Hotaru? No. Mikan hasn't been with us today. I was thinking maybe she was with you. You guys are best friends and all." Ruka blatantly answered.
When Hotaru heard this, a crease formed in her perfectly arched eyebrows. "I haven't seen her all day. But she was at our classes. But then she'd disappear. And during classes, she was also very quiet. I thought you'd have to do something with it." Hotaru turned to Natsume.
"What would I have anything to do with it? Besides, I'm not her keeper you know. How would I know where she is?" Natsume looked away hoping Hotaru wouldn't catch that worried look he was feeling inside.
"Well, I guess she probably went off somewhere or something. I'll just forget it then." Hotaru stared at Natsume for a while then walked away quietly.
After she was gone, Ruka looked intently at Natsume for a while then was as if to ask him something. But Natsume got ahead of him.
"What?" He snapped.
"Nothing."
"You were going to say something."
"I'm not saying anything." Ruka tried to stifle a smile.
"Well, can you not say anything somewhere else?" Natsume then put Yoichi on Ruka's lap then walked away. He heard Yoichi ask Ruka where he was going. And Ruka had replied, 'probably to get some food.'
Natsume smirked. His friend really knew him well.
Now where is that baka.